Divorce questions...what You Should Have Asked but Didn't...??

I could tell you what I missed, or how I should have prepared but like anything you can't be prepared. It is just the nature of divorce.

One thing I did right is I didn't demand unreasonable things. One of the things that floors me reading some questions is there are women that expect their life to stay the same sans husband. That just isn't reasonable and if you fixate and fight for that you will get less than if you were reasonable.

My ex is not poor and I could have got spousal support until my youngest, who was five, graduated college. It would have been an amount that I could live on but not the life we were used to. So I was reasonable, I asked for spousal support enough to sustain the lifestyle I was already living in return for capping it at four years, just enough to earn my degree, and I did.

I still lead the lifestyle I did before my divorce, well I am not a stay at home anymore, but that is the the thing, you have to have skin in the game. If you are unwilling to negotiate things will turn out badly. About the only people who will win are the attorneys.

If she is recently separated but hasn't worked in years, she should be currently seeking employment so she can provide for her children. She should also be seeking child support and spousal support to help take care of the household and children.

If the time comes for divorce, those are the things that should still be foremost on her mind...her children and how to provide for them. When deciding custody/visitation, plan ahead for educational, health, and religious decisions. Right now they are trying to fix the marriage so hopefully they are cooperative, but the person you divorce is NEVER the person you married and once lawyers and/or new significant others, there is no telling what "ugly" can/will come out. If she can get something in the divorce decree that can put him on the hook to at least help w/ college for her or the kids, even better. I know a few that did, wished I had thought of that way back when.

Tell her that if she gets a divorce, she will lose a lot of control of what her kids will be exposed to. Is it worth it? The statistics show that the ex will find a new girlfriend and will bring another "parent" into the picture. If there are new babies that come as a result, her kids will be the 2nd class citizens in that home - just visitors vs. full-time children. The parenting and discipline in the 2nd home are out of her hands. She is connected to this guy for the life of the kids. Why not throw the option of divorce out the window? Encourage her to accept whatever she has to in order to protect her children.

Have her read, "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" by Dr. Laura Schlessinger to learn how to turn her husband's behavior around (unless she picked a loser). Of course, she will have to stop thinking about herself and start treating her husband like the man she first fell in love with... Some selfish people can't do that...

She shouldn't under-estimate the value of the work she did put in, and get half the pension/.retirement saving, house equity etc.

What about getting independent legal advice and considering a mediated divorce?