Divorce Questions

Everything that you have shared, split them up (names-wise). Those should be in your OR his name *only*. If you keep them as a shared account, he can and will screw up your credit and leave you hanging. File for child support. Do everything you need to do, including getting your own bank account and transferring your money in there because he will clean you out. Do all this *as if* he will screw you over royally as much as he can.

As for the children, just tell them that even though Daddy isn't there in the house anymore, you both still love the kids, and that this is not in any way their fault. Mommy and Daddy just can't be in the same house anymore.

Good for you! My advice - Dave Ramsey (financial guru). Follow his plan, and you'll have an easier time being a single mom. Good luck! *HUGS*

rule #1 CHILD SUPPORT
rule#2 Alimony if your state supports it
rule#3 get the kids in therapy (hypno worked for us when my parents split i was 6)
rule#4 Open YOUR OWN bank Acct he has no access to and place a percentage of your pay in each month
rule#5 Get the best lawyer you can affoard and let them deal with the rest.
I am sorry you are going thru this, however you need to CYO.
In helping your children cope here are a few things my mother said that helped ... 1. my father was/is the best father he CAN be 2. never spoke negatively of him in front of me 3. when I was older (15 or so) IF she needed to share a story of her past that involved him for my life education she said "my first husband" not YOUR FATHER... these did help to keep the man I knew and loved seperate from the man she married and divorced.

OH and watch what you post ONLINE good divorce laywers will USE THAT against you ... Once it is online it always is online.

R.--

I'm sorry you're marriage is falling apart, but I'm glad you at least seem to have a level head about you concerning the whole thing. I've been through it, and its not pretty, no matter how amicable it seems to be. Please watch your back and once the papers are filed, trust no one but your close family and friends, and your lawyer (providing you have a good and trustworthy one).

Where the kids are concerned, you really will just have to be as honest with them as their intellegance level will allow. Unless he is abusive or neglectful with them, do not prevent a relationship between them and him. If he chooses to not have a relationship with them, just be there for them when they need you and make sure they know that this is not their fault in any way. If the latter happens, he will dig his own grave, and as sad as it is, the day will come when your children realize exactly what happened. Not for a very long time unfortunately, but it will happen.

As for the financials of it all...you absolutely must separate everything. It is really better to do it before you even file the papers. Once you file those papers, you are putting your life (and your childrens' lives) in the hands of the court. File for child support with your initial divorce complaint. Do not wait on this. Even if you can survive without it, do it anyway. Even if you don't think he'll ever pay, file anyway. Get the order in place. If you receive payments, but don't "need" the money, stick it in a savings account and leave it be. Don't ever get to where you depend on it for income though, because if he stops paying for whatever reason, you'll be in a really tough spot. All of your accounts need to be separate. You can not count on him paying anything monthly to you or anyone else. You don't need to find out after you've been in a car accident that your insurance lapsed because he didn't pay his half, know what I mean. My divorce lasted 2.5 years, so I feel like I have a pretty good understanding of what should and shouldn't be done. Feel free to message me if you have any other quesitons. Good luck to you.

Divorce is really hard to deal with!! I have had to work with it and it is definitely one of those things that gets a lot worse before it gets better. I have been divorced for almost 3 years and I have got to tell you that I have learned so much about myself and taught my children wonderful things about life. I am not doing good at all financially but I love myself! My daughter is in college and doing great on her own and I feel that a lot of that has to do with the things she has dealt with throughout her young life and the strong example I have set because I did what needed to be done. I am glad that you are getting out because your boys need to learn more respect for women then their father is teaching them.

Right now get new credit cards in your name only! Use them but pay them off every month. You Have to have credit in YOUR name. Get a bank account in you r name only. IF he notices and asks why because if he dies you will need a few hundred to tide you over until his stuff is all settled (this is true) Start hiding a little bit of money every week (Like at your mom's house or in a drawer at your PT job if that's safe. When it actually happens talk to the kids A LOT. Read books with them about divorce and talk to their school counselor. I hope he wil lstay in their lives, nothing screws up kids more than a parent who cant be bothered with his/her own children.