Divorce HELP

Hi A.,

I am going through the whole divorce thing right now also. There is no waiting period for seperation, you can file for divorce even if you are living together. Once you file there is a 90 day waiting period before the courts will act on it. I am interested in talking with you further, I have a five year old with Autism and a one year old who so far is developing typically. Are you in the west hartford, ct area?

Bi-state custody is a big pain. And it's hard on the kids for a parent to be so far away. If you are still on amicable terms, see if you can reason him out of it. You should get a lawyer or see if the court can tell you where to get free legal advise - for both of you if you're working together on this. If you really agree on everything, you could share a lawyer and split the cost of having him/her draw up the documents to get it done.

In my experience, a judge won't let small children be separate from their primary caregiver for a long period of time for visitation (especially if you're breast-feeding), but once they get older, they might be able to do weeks or months at a time with the second parent. If you take a stand on it, you might not have to do any extra driving to accomodate him, but you can offer to drive them to see him. The way I see it, he is making a choice to move away from his kids, and he should take the time out of his schedule to travel to see them. I think in most places (if not everywhere) you must live separately for 6 months to get a divorce or you must agree in writing to waive the 6 month waiting period.

If you are in the state of NY you have to be seperated for a year and no sex for a long time too...but with a baby on the way that is untrue also.

when I was divorced last year, we where only separated a few months, so I think there's no bearing on how long separated is. As far as, having parents work out visitation between states, I think there has to be an aggrement set up between both parties. In my case, dh and I didn't go to different states or long distances apart, just different towns. but I remember when we where discussing it at the court building, that if we lived long distances apart, we had to share traveling time to go drop off and pick up.

I divorced in TX recently and moved back here to NY we agreed on custody when our son was young and then again when he turned 10... the courts decreed the non-custodial parent (him) was responsible for travelling fees, etc and it was up to him to tak advantage of the time. (Which he doesn't) But it works the same and anywhere except while they are young it's more phone calls and less weekend overnights.

I know in TX it was only 3 months sep. to divorce...

Also.. if you dont' want him to move.. then you can set restictions for living till the kids turn 18 and he has ot stay within so many miles or counties... but a judge has to sign it and so does he eventually.

You sound like you're really going to have your hands full. Have you considered either selling your home and buying another one where the ex will be or having the court order him to stick around? With your children with delays and issues, that doesn't seem unreasonable. MUST your husband move, or does he just want to?

A.,

In new York State you have to be legally separated for one year in order to get a divorce.

I don't know what you worked out regarding custody, but if he moves a certain distance away without you agreeing to it, he forfeits custody. My ex wouldn't even let me move to Rochester, where my family is; I would have been forced to give up custody. Mostly, it depends on what kind of schedule you can agree to and where they will be going to school.

Hope this helps.

-Jen

I wasn't married but we just finished the custody stuff this past month... MN is different then NY but we were having issues with custody and child support so we went and saw a mediator and that was GREAT! We didn't have to go to court the paperwork was done once we agreed on everything and it was submitted to the judge. Our visitation was 6 weeks in the summer and since Natalie (4 years) is still young and NEVER has been away from me for more than 2 weeks at a time it's set up so that she's in MN with him for two weeks in June, two in July and two in Aug. Next year it will be 2 three week visits. We plan to meet in Rockford Ill which is a half way point for us or the Mediator said to split the cost of flying. Plus he gets every other holiday and over her winter break (which isn't to bad since i will be in MN for x-mas)
It's not easy but MN passed a law in 2007 that stated you have to have the permission of the parent to be able to leave the state with them and you need to fit in 14 factors to beable to leave. So I was one step ahead anyway I fit all 14.
Two things I learned were, traveling is not in the best interest of any child especially if it's a LONG drive so most judges will take that into consideration while the kids are still young. Second, If the other parent doesn't see the children a lot that will affect your child support(well in mn it did -sorry we just moved and I don't know NY family laws)
My daughter has done ok with the idea of Dad being far away but I also have a fiance' that she has known since she was 1 years old so she has a father figure. I just made sure that she isn't in the car to long and that she has pictures of him and his family all around her room and that she talks to him once a week (when he calls but if she wants to call him we do)
Any thing else pls let me know I was a child who had to drive back and forth from mom and Dad too so I know how the other side feels too. I hope this helps