Ladies, I find myself in a hard situation getting a divorce. I 'm asking for any help or advice that can be provided. I just contacted one lawyer. He seems good but I need to make sure. My soon to be ex-husband is self employed so if there is any one out there that can provide any advice I would appreciate it. I'm having a hard time finally coming to the conclusion that it is over and find myself grieving unexpectantly. I don't have family around and I just have a couple of friends. I find myself alone having to take care of my 4 children yet I can bearly think. He's caused so much damage to my heart, to my life. I need to get through this and I don't know how. I think he is already talking to someone else and because of it he treats me like a nobody. I'm trying to handle all of this by myself and I have no clue on how to get over all of this. Please help with any advice.
You should research a collaborative divorce before hiring a lawyer. This process provides the emotional support that you need and keeps the needs of the children at the forefront. It is client-centered and settlement-focused.
A couple of useful websites:
http://collaborativepractice.com/
cppillinois.com
Best of luck to you.
Divorce is hard even if it is totally your choice and he's a bastard! Find yourself a support group I know in my area one of the churches hold one every thur night. If you can afford it find a therapist too! It is so nice to talk to someone who doesn't judge. Even though I moved out and I was so ready for divorce I still felt sad at the loss of what could have been and I also felt like a failure. Be strong for your kids they will need you, try not to be too vindictive against your soon to be ex because that negative energy will just bring you down. Find out who you are and love yourself, you are worth it! fell free to message me i have been there!
divorcecare.org
This program really helped me get back on my feet during my separation and divorce. I subscribed to the daily emails and went to the weekly support group. These groups meet at local churches. I did a search and found half a dozen within 20 miles of you. Some groups include classes for children to help them cope with the changes and trauma of divorce. They are excellent.
Don't try to handle this all by yourself. Reach out to friends, family and find a support group.
Ask around for references before choosing a lawyer. Make sure that he/she is someone who will really be for you.
I'm sorry that you have to go through this. It is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do but now that it is behind me, I can say it changed my life in a good way. There will be a time when you will be able to look back, too, and see that you survived, are stronger, and have a chance at a new life ahead of you.
You have gotten some great and supportive responses but I wanted to remind you that you are not alone. Mamasource is here to help and if you truly feel that this is the right step for you and that this is what you need to do, I would encourage you to keep the big picture in mind. It's going to suck but you are in a position of change and trying to change to get your life to a better/ healthier place...for you and your kids. Keep things respectful and ask that he maintains your kids' best interest at all times. From there, the issues are between him and you. Lean on your church, your friends, your family and support groups to help you get through this. Stay focused on what your overall goal is and do your best not to drag your kids through the process but it's okay to cry from time to time too. :) Good luck. I do wish you the best and am so sorry to hear that you are going through this.
I am divorced, as well as my sister. My sister had a bad situation with her now ex, and 3 children. You have lots of great advice here. I've heard from children where the parents could work together or not talk bad about the other parent to have much appreciated and benefited from that. In my sister's situation, it was only 1 sided (her doing that), which I'm sure was challenging.
I'd like to reiterate that if you and your spouse can do it, to share a lawyer. I was able to get a divorce for less than $500 in 1996. That was lawyer and court fees. I was able to meet with a lawyer, all assets and decisions had been made by me and my spouse prior to that meeting. I met with the lawyer, and she helped me create the forms, and told me what I needed to do at the court house, etc. Our situation was "easier" because we didn't have children.
I do recommend some sort of therapy or support groups to help you through. If you are employed outside the home, check with your employer about an Assistance Program for mental health. The first couple sessions are typically free, and then there is a co-pay once you are aligned with a more permanent therapist. Otherwise, look for a support group through a religious entity.
Finally, I wish I had good advice for you regarding your husband being self employed. My sister's situation is exactly that, and it's up to self-reporting and tax forms regarding his income. Being self employed allowed him flexibility of identifying how much, or how little, he would make.
Hopefully, regardless of the situation, you both can come to agreement to be focused on your 4 precious children, and to work hard to overcome the emotions you have for each other to raise the children well.
Best wishes.
Reach out to your girlfriends now more than ever! Call me if you need to I do have a lot of connections
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God Bless!
I've been divorced for a little over 2 years. Some suggestions include getting counseling for yourself and your kids. Remember that people who put you down, are doing it to make themselves feel better. Not only that, there is probably more wrong with them than you. Try your best to be impartial in front of your kids. they will love you more for building a relationship and at least attempting to peacefully negotiate with their father. Remember that you do not have to have typical divorce, if you are both willing to put your differences aside for your children, then your divorce will be cheaper and more peaceful for you. Also, my ex and I had a set schedule on the divorce decree but are able to negotiate on a week to week basis. (it does help that we live 15 minutes apart). Feel free to ask me questions privately.
Hi I.. I'm so sorry that you are going thru this. I have been there and have had the very same feelings at one point. What did help me was counseling. I had never put myself first in my family, and realized that in order to take care of my family, I had to begin with myself. Think about trying counseling to help you sort through your feelings and help you mentally deal with you &the kids feelings. Continue in prayer & listen to your attorney, but be sure of what you want before you make any final decisions. God bless you and your family. Divorce is hard, but your not alone. There is a wealth of info on websites & in libraries. I spend a lot of money in borders on self-help books. One last thin, file for child support immediately. Good luck.
Rita
suggest you talk to a lawyer...Kathleen Vaught is in Wheaton at ###-###-#### with web site of www.kvaughtlaw.com or ask about lawyers closer to where you live in Monee, IL
I'm sorry to hear that you are going through this. Just know, it gets better. Time and prayer heal all wounds. Children survive the divorce. When I was divorced, I had a child 8 mos old, and I felt like it was the end of the world. I wanted to die. But now, many years later, I am glad that it ended, and I have a much better life as a result. For years I was saying to myself after the divorce "Thank God, I'm no longer married to that man".
Find a church and/or support group that can help you with your feelings. Is there a priest of pastor you can talk to in your area? You can also listen to some really spiritual peaceful music on ancientfaithradio.com. It helps me when I'm getting really upset about something. Orthodox Christian music is calming, and peaceful.
I'm really sorry about your situation. I've never been divorced, but my parents were. I know they do have both single parent and divorce support groups. I don't know know where you live, but I'm sure they have some kind of support group close by. I think that having someone who you can just cry on their shoulder is important. Everyone needs someone! If you have family that you can call or a co-worker you can have a drink with when you need or someone that can just listen to you. I think you'll be surprised that if you just ask for help, you will be overwhelmed by the support. If I were you I would just let someone that you think could be a good listener know you need help. I know that if someone asked me I would help!! Good luck and I know you will overcome this, it's just a temporary setback and a whole new world is just on the other side, just remember that. Hope this helped!
I am in a similar situation!!
A couple of my friends attended "Divorce University" at The Lilac Tree in Evanston. Here is their website-they offer support groups, workshops etc. for women that are thinking about divorce or going through a divorce.
