Divorce - Elgin, IL

Look into the YMCA's childcare options. I know they provide discounted care for people as long as they have a job. That might be one option.

Are the courts keeping you in the state? If not, then your only option is to leave the state to be near relatives that can help you. If your hubby protests, then tell him he's not holding up to his financial responsibility and you have to go where you can get help. If he wants to be a bachelor, then he will be a bachelor...but you are a mother and have a responsibility to your children to provide for them since he isn't.

You have teenage children? I don't know if you have had a heart-to-heart with them, but if you haven't, you need to. You will need to explain that they don't have the luxury of a care free life anymore. You need their assistance and cooperation more now than ever and they need to show some maturity and character by stepping up to help. Explain that things are going to have to be run more efficiently. Assign tasks for each child like cooking easy meals, cleaning different rooms once or twice a week, each doing laundry once week, and maybe even babysitting so you can work more hours.

Explain that this is the time to prove themselves. I wouldn't get into their father is worthless or any of that. Don't lay blame or bash dad because they will figure that out for themselves. You don't want to be the bitter mom wallowing in a pity party. If they see that, then it gives them the same right and they won't be any help to you if they are busy crying in their soup and complaining about how unfair life is. You really will need to set the example and try to put up a facade of strength that they can use as an example.

I would also seriously start to google on the internet to try to find help. Try phrases like "public assistance for single moms in Illinois", "programs for autistic children in Illinois", "how to apply for welfare in Illinois", "advocates for single moms in Illinois"

And if there is even the slightest chance that your husband might decide to come to his senses...I would get the book by James Dobson about marriage...I think it's called "Love Must Be Tough" I've read the book and I referred my brother to the book since he's having a hard time with his wife. I think it is a wonderful reference for those going through a divorce or the possibility of divorce.

You have to be going through Hell I'm sure. I have no way of knowing since I've never experienced anything even remotely close. But I do know that you really have to pray for the strength you need to hold it together for you kids. And they need a good example to follow when trying to deal with their own emotions. No one says you aren't supposed to be upset or stressed, but you will need to handle things in a way that your kids can look up to you.

I will pray for you. I will pray the Lord with give you strength and courage. That He will give you wisdom to do the right things. I will also pray that your husband will come to his senses and stop being so self-centered. If faith is not your bag, please don't be offended by my efforts to help through prayer. I hope it does help you. You are going to need all the help and strength you can get in this time.

Hi D., I'm very sorry to hear about your divorce. It makes me angry when fathers or mothers think they can just walk off and leave the remaining spouse with all the care of a special needs child. That being said I have some resources for you. It is going to take some phone calling and digging but it should be worth it. Here is the first link.
http://www.dhs.state.il.us/page.aspx?item=29720. DHS has programs that will assist with child care and programs for children with developmental delay which is what Autism comes under.
Go to your local DHS office ASAP. Your office should be on State and Lake Street right across from the DMV. 600 State street. Prepare for a wait. Get on food stamps, All Kids Insurance and see if you qualify for TANF. They will help you out with this. You will need birth certificates for you and your kids, proof of mortgage and a boat load of other things but they will give you a little time to gather everything.
You need to get on the PUNS list and obtain a children's waiver. There is a liason for every part of IL. I live in Schaumburg Township so my liason is Community Alternatives Unlimited. Call them. They are terrific. They won't be your liason but they will know who is and should have that phone number for you. A children's waiver will get you services paid by the state including respite. ###-###-####.
Call Countryside Association for people with disabilities. http://www.countrysideassn.org/programs_main.php. They do respite for people in your area or will know who does. It is all territorial.
Other groups to connect with - Clearbrook, Little City and Easter Seals. Easter Seals is in Elgin off of Lake St. Little City is in Palatine as well as Clearbrook. Clearbrook has a Take A Break program that gives parents some respite on one Saturday and one Thursday per month. The cost is $10 but they take the child for about 4 hours. It is well worth it. You want to talk with Tina Yurick. She is in charge of the program and her good nature and compassion is boundless. http://www.clearbrook.org/about_us/contact_us.html
http://www.littlecity.org/
http://www.easterseals.com/site/PageServer?pagename=ntl_s...
One other thing, get involved with Autism Society of IL. They have chapter meetings every month. My chapter in Schaumburg has child care available. They are a fabulous resource. http://autismillinois.org/chapterinfo.aspx
Legal Resource - Prairie State Legal Services gives legal help on a sliding scale. If your lawyer is messing with you call Prairie State. They may even be able to do something about your lawyer taking your money and not providing services. http://www.pslegal.org/
Something else you may want to consider. My daughter said that she has a hairdresser at Springhill Mall that has a child with Autism and that I should take my two grandkids there to have her do their hair because she knows how to work with Autistic kids. I've been thinking about it. You may want to start your own at home business cutting hair for special needs kids. Maybe do home visits. There is a demand for it.
Hang in there! I've been through something like this when my Aspie son got divorced and I got guardianship of my two ASD grandchildren the same year my husband became physically disabled. God saw me through and I have survived. You will make it!

D.,
I have been through similar situations, just not that my kid needs special care, but the daycare cost for two toddlers are almost impossible to come up with as a single parent.
For one relax about the health care situation. There are options out tehre for you, you just need to find them.
Take a look here. Very affordable insurance that you might qualify for since you have children and low income:
http://www.allkids.com/

If you do not get any further with your lawyer, call Aminister Justice and ask for help.
They are non for profit, excellent people, skilled and they DO CARE.... they will help you to do the right thing on the legal matter.... they were the only ones that were there for me when I was in a dead end.
http://www.administerjustice.org/

Good luck to you.... see this change as something for the better which turn out great fro you and it will.

First of all - am so sorry to hear about your situation! It is a shame that your husband is not stepping up to the plate as a father to at least help out however he can.

You may want to try to find an Autism foundation - I have a chronic illness and they have an incredible amount of support programs and grants, financial assistance, etc. They may have a program set-up for discount child care. These foundations are incredible resources for those people who are effected. It's definitely worth a try to find one and contact them about your situation - they may even have a program to help with legal fees.

Good luck!

D.,

First - I'm so sorry for your situation. You're dealing with alot.

Just because your husband is out of the house - does not excuse him from parental duty. Why can't you do hair at night & have him watch the kids? I have a girlfriend that is a hairdresser & they have had that schedule for years (to save on childcare). Most salon's are open late -

He has to help. He can not just leave you out there to suffer with HIS children. As the divorce speeds up - the judge will order him to help (financially or childcare or more).

You will more than likely have to sleep less than you'd like to for the next little while until you get a new routine established... but you've got to do what you've got to do for your family.

Have your teenagers helps more. Give them added responsibilities around the house. It will be good for them & take a bit of burden off of you.

What about a school for your 9 year old son? Is there not a school type program you could enroll him in during the day? (allowing you a few more hours to work then too?).

Hang in there. Life offers up all sorts of twists & turns - It is when our strength is truly challenged.

In addition to checking out the school and respite options you could check out the local Autism chapters, Illinois has an Autism Society as well as McHenry where they could help direct you to possible options. Good luck
T.

I am a sub. teacher in St. Charles and quite often sub in classes for the severe autistic children through midvalley. I would think that your 8 year old should be in school to free up your time during the day. The kids thru midvalley are the most severe autistic. I would think U-46 would have the same sort of program. I know it is exhausting but could your teenagers help out after school with your 8 year old until you come home from work? Have you spoken with the village of Elgin who may refer you to free services your son maybe elligible through the city of elgin or the state. Where I live it is called WAYS. Since you are experienced with autistic children I know school districts are always looking for teacher assistants in special ed classes. These jobs offer complete healthcare benefits among other benefits. I hope a few of these ideas can help you if you have not tried them already. I also know that you can obtain attorneys that can work with you to pay at the end of a divorce settlement instead of taking money upfront. Your husband needs to be taken to court to demand child support which should be easily done by an attorney and court summons. Ask the city of elgin where you can obtain the services of such attorneys.

I will be praying for you that something moves forward and that you get some relief.

hi D., look @the info &if you are interested, we also help by showing how u can work pt from home & be able to be w/ you wonderful where you belong. hope i can help in any way.

This is the first time I've heard of another mom w/a son who has apraxia. My 5 year old has severe apraxia and attends a preschool here in the u46 school district.
Anyways, regarding the health insurance go online and look up Illinois All Kids Health.
Because you have such a limited income you should be able to apply and be accepted for the state health. Plus then they cover a lot for your son too.
As far as the lawyer is concerned, I have a girlfriend who works for her lawyer brother and she's always telling me that unless you keep paying some money, your case will fiind it's way to the bottom of the pile. money talks unfortunately.
Good luck. and I hope there are better days ahead.
C.

Your son is getting services at school right? Can you talk to them to see if he qualifies for respite care? Respite care is basically babysitting for children with special needs by qualified people. That's all I know about it. I don't know anything about costs or how you get it, but I guess someone in special services at your child's school would be helpful.

I am not divorced and have no clue about it, but I would make sure that your child's special needs are in the divorce documents outlining costs involved and child care, especially for shared custody. You want to make sure that if your husband isn't planning to watch him when he has custody, like going out with his girlfriend, that he gets someone qualified to watch your son.

Call your son's school and make an appointment. See how they can help.

M.

You should qualify for respite care. Contact Countryside Association. Also, if you call Clearbrook they may be able to give you some ideas on where to go for help. Also, I know it's not ideal but your son should qualify for SSI I would think. Have you tried applying for him? Good luck to you and I hope things work out for you. Hugs.

Have you tried asking for money from the state because of your child's needs?
Don't forget that when your husband SHOULD be paying child support - if you're not yet, file for a legal seperation so that the state knows he needs to start paying immediately, not after the divorce. The state of IL is VERY strict about it too, and they go after back pay...which a lot of states don't.
You'll be able to get that money from him since you have 3 kids...hopefully that will help enough to get a sitter so you can work.
Sorry I don't know a lot, my mom went through a divorce recently w/2 younger kids (15 & 12) at home and he isn't paying child support because he isn't working, but the state of IL sent him a letter stating they're going to freeze his assets if he doesn't pay soon.