Disiplining 15 Mth Old Boy???

I read a book "Drawing the Line". Can't remember the author, but his ideas changed the way I dicipline forever. A must read for you.

You might want to see if his diet has an affect on his behavior. My brother and I both had allergies to foods, especially artificial flavorings and dyes. Whenever my mother sees children acting out, she wonders if what they are eating is causing the behavior.

He sounds pretty normal! The best way to discipline a toddler is by redirection and distraction. Make a few rooms totally safe -- remove breakable objects, put up baby gates, secure bookshelves to the walls, no floor lamps to topple, etc. You want to minimize the number of times you say "no" during the day. Save the "no's" for the Important stuff like "no running in the street". If you say it more than a half dozen times throughout the day, he'll just tune you out.

Toddlers are hardwired to be curious - they can't control themselves. Doing a timeout is completely pointless - he's too young to 'get it' and he has yet to develop impulse control. Give him plenty of safe opportunities to explore. If he's climbing the furniture, give him a Kangaroo Climber or other small climbing toy that fits in the family room. Then you can say "climb this, not shelves". Or a small trampoline (Lillian Vernon has a great one) so you can say "bounce here, not on bed" -- be sure to pick him up and move him to the approved spot as you're talking. Soon he'll learn where it's appropriate to climb and jump. Toddlers have tons of energy so he'll need to be actively running and climbing 4-5 hours each day.

As for diaper changes... learn to do them lightening fast or standing up. It's really not that hard to change the wet diapers while he's standing. He'll be more likely to lay still for the poopy ones since he'll just do that once or twice a day. Also have a special toy he can only hold during diaper changes.

Think of food throwing/dropping as a science experiement. YOU know it will fall everytime becuase of gravity - he does not! With our kids, it was a short-lived phase... after a week of dropping food they figured out it would do it everytime and didn't do it as much. So that's when we started to just say "you're done" when they threw/dropped food. After a few meals ending early they 'got it' and stopped.

Screaming is a common one.... just think of all the undivided attention you give him when he does it! You fuss over him, shh'ing him, covering his mouth, etc. Just walk away from him (this is where the safe rooms to explore come in handy) because you know he can't hurt himself. If he follows, walk away some more. No eye contact until he's done. The first few times he'll really push it but after a few times, when he learns you aren't giving him attention during his tantrum, he'll stop doing it. Be sure to give him lots of attention after he quiets down. Also try to figure out what triggers it (too tired, hungry, transitions, etc) and be prepared to stop it before it starts.

My suggestion is completely take the TV out of his life and get him outside as much as possible.

Hugs... my hubby was in A-stan in 03. I agree not to be afraid to go ahead with an actual spanking... after explaining clearly the rules and consequences, AND if it is rare. If you begin relying on it several times a day it will have no effect any longer. This should be for bigger offenses, and leave an impact.

What I would rely on more is coming up CLOSE to his face, speaking in a low but FIRM tone, and not repeating too much. At least, I have read this works. :-) Then if he does not mind, there is some consequence. Sitting in the corner (have you ever watched SuperNanny?).... force him physically to sit in a corner or in an uncomfortable spot with no toys to realize maybe it's more fun to listen. Then give him choices/privileges and LOTS OF PRAISE when he is behaving well.

Who has him while you're working? They need to be on board too, and make sure you are on the same page, and that he's not picking up habits from some other kid in daycare. Also, make sure he's getting plenty of quality sleep and that he's not tired (or hungry) during these outbursts.

Hang in there, honey... it is a tough age and I know being alone with him constantly isn't easy. Good luck! And WATCH SUPERNANNY!! :-)

You are doing a very tough job, taking care of a 15 month old all by yourself.
You've gotten some great advice; I especially second Jhenifer J. and Deb T. At 15 months, distraction and controlled activity are your best friends. Kids really do like to know their boundaries, even though they are always trying to stretch them.
To add my two cents:
-Always stay calm; when you lose your cool, he will too.
-Try to head off tantrums by letting your son know that you understand what he wants, but he can't have it right now; then immediately give him something he CAN have.
-Completely ignore bad (not dangerous) behavior, and reward good with hugs and attention.
-Routine is very important, so your son always knows what to expect.
-Physical restraint when you must. When my boys would struggle at diaper changes, I started changing them on the floor. Then I could throw one of my legs over their upper body when they got squirmy, which pretty well contained their squirms.
-Don't forget about you. A life for yourself is also important for your sanity. I hope you have a support system in place since your family is not close. If you can, find a mommy group or play group. Besides seeing other kids in action (they will be just as busy as yours!) and a chance to let your hair down with people who truly understand, you might be able to trade off babysitting and get some time by yourself to unwind. It's important to be able to just be yourself once in a while, not mommy.

I know you've probably heard it a lot, but you will miss these days. Find a way to enjoy the spontanaity and joy of your son's childhood. Kids grow up so quickly, which is both a blessing and a curse!
Hang in there, you're doing great!

You have to be extremely firm. I know it isn't easy but eventually you will win. He kicks when you change his diaper, swat his butt harder and tell him "no" very firmly. Then tell him if he kicks you again you will kick him back. If he kicks again then kick him back hard enough to have an effect. He wants to throw his food? Tell him "no" firmly and if he does it again he is done with his meal. The food is taken away from him and put up until the next meal time. He will not starve and he will get the message. It make take a few times. When he wants something you have to instill the please and thank you words. As for climbing, good luck. Children are children and they will climb. Remember you can't always keep them safe no matter how hard you try. Remember too that if he isn't listening to you now he will get worse. You have to convince him now that you are the boss or you won't survive the pre-teen and teenage years.

Super Nanny on Friday nights on tv always has good ideas (and gives you reassurances that your kids aren't all that bad!) :)
Time out, two minutes without tears (yes that could mean the first few times it's an hour or so long ;( ), always in the same spot. Use the same punishment over and over, and he will catch on. Make rules simple, straight forward and never give in.
Pick what he can climb on and allow him to know, the couch is ok, the table is not.
Stick to it, he'll cactch on and start behaving again!!

Spanking works, but he has to be able to feel it. "Tapping" his butt or mouth or hand is defeating the purpose.

omg... its like I was reading my own story! my son is also 15 months old and is doing EXACTLY the same thing! I keep telling myself that this, too, is just a phase that will pass and that I will miss these days when he is grown and gone.

IDK what to tell you to do and I am very interested to see what the other mommas have to say cause I surely could use the advice too!

just know that you are not the only one dealing with this behavior!
good luck!

T.,

First of all, you need some support from family. Your son's behavior is typical of a toddler as he is testing his limits with you. Both of my girls tried this with me. But I let them know when the behavior started that it wasn't acceptable. I started with correcting my kids when they were started crawling. My kids, as well as other kids are very smart and act out to get what they want. With my first daughter, she would throw tantrums. And if she threw them in public, I would silently pick her up and leave the store with all of our groceries in the cart.. If we were at home, I would put her in a crib or play area and shut the door until the tantrum was over. I didn't feed the attention at all by talking to her or reacting to her. Eventually she figured it out. My second daughter is more sensitive and I just have to use a certain tone of voice or a look and she quits.

Also I started very young using manners with my kids. Even before they began talking. If I was cleaning and it was time to eat, I would take a toy from one of them, I would say "thank you." Or if I would change their clothes or diaper I would say "may I change your clothes or diaper."

If he is kicking you when you change him, I would suggest standing him up to take off pee diapers, and/or try sitting him on a potty. Not as a punishment, but to change the behavior of him kicking you. You can also try to turn him sideways (horizontally) and you can be at his side to change him, so he cannot kick you.

As for the other behaviors, start taking his favorite toys away or television...whatever he enjoys the most for about 15 minutes at a stretch or until the behavior passes...and let him know that when he quits throwing food, climbing onto furniture, or screaming..that he can have that item back.

In my house, if they are old enough to misbehave or test the waters, there are consequences just like everyone else has. We must follow rules and so shall the kids. He might resist a bit, but stick to your guns and I promise you that he will get better with time.

Good Luck,

M. F.

Hi, I have some of the same troubles with my 15mth old.
I noticed that he gets into more trouble if he is bored. I try to find some more things to do with him and then I don't have to discipline him as much because he is occupied with something. I am not always able to find something for him because I have things I want to get done also, but I have to make time to do something everyday directly with him when I am paying attention to only him and doing something he likes. Most of the time it is going outside and running around the house.
Hope things work out for you.

Spanking merely teaches your child that hitting is ok because YOu are his role model. Why is is ok for you and not him?

Inflicting fear in your children is destructive and sad.

Sounds like a very energetic boy.

I haven't raised boys - I have 2 girls, and they've done the same sorts of things. Our youngest is the daredevil who likes to climb on everything. We try to make it so there's nothing she can climb on really. We had to back the chairs away from the table, etc. so she wouldn't climb on the table or the island in the kitchen.

When she kicks while changing her, we just laugh and say, "KICK THOSE FEET!! Kick 'em!!" BUT when they do stuff like screaming through the house, we say, "No screaming". We attach an action to what we're telling them not to do, so they know what it is they aren't supposed to do.

It's all a game to him, and he's trying to get attention.

We used to take our daughters over to the food court at Castleton Mall - there's a "play area" where the kids can run around in. That was GREAT for letting them run around in and get some of that energy out of their system. We'd also get Chik-fil-A for dinner. They LOVED it, and the play area is contained so you don't have to run all over the food court. It's pretty easy to sit in one spot and be able to see your child wherever he/she is in the play area.
We used to do that every Tuesday night, and sometimes, we'd pick another night to go do that too.

Time outs can be effective too...although some would say that at 15 months, they're too young. BUT it has to be done effectively - like Supernanny - for it to work.

You'll also need to develop an "air of presence"....or what my mother calls her "teacher voice" so they know when you're serious. I've encountered many kids (I used to babysit a LOT) who would act up until I used my "teacher voice" and would tell them, "You don't need to be doing that" and would give them a look. And what do you know, they'd quit. Of course, I don't know what I would have done if that hadn't worked, but fortunately, it did. And that's the other part - finding something that works.

SOrry for the ramblings....for what it's worth....and good luck!

Dear T.,

How frustrating for you! My son was a wild child too, and it was absolute torture some days. He's grown now, with a son of his own, and I can tell youth at they do improve. ;-)

Does your son eat much sugar and starch? You should try eliminating sugar and starchy foods form his diet to see how he does. Breads, potatoes, sugary cereals, and other sugary foods can have a huge effect on behavior. You can use honey in place of sugar in recipes since it doesn't have the same effect that cane sugar does. You might want to find out if there is a good integrative M.D. in your area who can help you with a diet and nutrition plan that will help your son. It really makes a tremendous difference. It can't feel good to him to be so out of control, either.

It's also important for your son to have a routine. Bedtime, meals, etc. should be the same time every day so he knows there is stability in his life.

Call your local physician referral service to find out if there is an integrative M.D. in your area. Integrative Medicine is a blending of traditional medical practices with a more natural approach. I've seen this kind of approach work in my own life, and I know it can help you too.

A big thanks to your husband for his service to our country, and to you for supporting him.

I myself am a single mother to an 8 and half year old and a 15 month old both boys. the key is to be consistent and stick to your rules. when my 15 month old starts to tantrum i just walk away. i give him plenty of outside and inside playtime. we dont watch tv and we have strict bedtimes. i never hit!! but a firm NO!! will make a child understand. my 8 yr old was a limit pusher and no he is extremely obedient.

M.

I laughed at "hulks out" because I know EXACTLY what you mean. My son is 16 months old and is such a hard-head! A friend told me that even though a stubborn kid is horrible at this age, it will be wonderful when they become a teenager. Your son is a lot less likely to give in to peer pressure from his friends.

For now, just keep trying different things. Timeouts or distraction never worked for my son, but sometimes bribes will stop him in his tracks. For example, if I want to dress him and he's running around throwing his clothes all over the room, I tell him that if he holds still and lets me do it, he'll get a lemon drop. Suddenly he's a perfect angel!

If it goes to a full-blown tantrum, try ignoring him. If he's mad that you took something away from him or told him no, he just needs to vent his frustration. When my son gets really worked up he'll try to hit or kick us, and we just walk away.

Also make sure whoever is watching him while you're at work is being consistent with what you are doing. My son usually behaves worse after staying with Grandma, since she never tells him no.

Good luck! And just keep repeating to yourself "this won't last forever."

I read this and was thinking, is this my son?? I also have a 15 month old who acts the same way. My oldest was an angel compaired to him. I am thinking it is a phase. I am trying to ignore the yelling, thinking that if I don't draw any attention to it he will stop.

I have taken away food when he throws it. I take it as a sign he is done eating and down from the table he goes. I also try to keep the chairs pushed into our kitchen table so he can't climb on it. And I always take him down when he does climb on it.

I can't wait to see what the other moms have said. Good luck, be tough & patient.

Its not always easy to Descipline a 15 month old but if you can be consistant in your discipline, it will go a long way. It is hard to say the kind of descipline that works. I guess you will have to see what works and go with that. I noticed a lot of good advice from the other ladies that you can try. what ever you try just remember to be very consistant no matter how badly he may react to it at first It will get better.

barb A.

Saying "NO" doesn't always work. Wouldn't it be nice if it did? sigh....We're starting the terrible two's with my little girl. I feel like I'm at the end of my rope most days. Dad works long hours and doesn't think that discipline is necessary, so I'm ALWAYS the bad guy!

Time outs are effective, if used correctly. I think someone suggested SuperNanny and I highly agree. When used correctly, her techniques really work. It won't be an end all cure all, but it WILL help. A few of the things we use are 1) Don't start the time out timer until he has stopped crying. 2) Don't use the crib, use a naughty spot. 3) Make sure the naughty spot is free of toys and distractions. AT 15 months it's REALLY hard to make time out work, at least it was for us! Another thing we try is to ignore the bad behavior and praise the good. If my dd starts having a temper tantrum, I just let her go. It normally stops with in minutes and she's fine again.

Throwing food is a game. It's funny to throw something, hear no, watch Mommy pick it up, and throw it again! At least for the toddler! Ignore the behavior, or say NO, Next time you throw you get a time out, and then follow through.

Kicking is also normal at this age, at least it was for us. Hold his legs down if you have to. After you get the diaper on, put him in time out!

Kids climb. It's just a natural thing. Teach him that there is a time and place for climbing. Like, dinner time is not for climbing, play time is. And let him climb! Take the couch cushions off and let him climb from the floor, to the cushion, to the couch and back again. If he falls, he's not going to get seriously hurt and it may put some fear into him. If you have a yard, let him go outside and run off some steam, if not..go to the park! Let him climb and slide and swing till he's tired.

As a first time Mom I think we're all petrified that we're going to do something wrong. We don't want to make our precious children upset cause we hate to see them cry. But, we don't quite understand why they just don't LISTEN! :) I know I'm petrified that my daughter is going to get hurt. I've slowly had to let go of that fear and realize what is and acceptable risk (so to speak) and what is totally unacceptable. I think I found that if I let my daughter have a little more slack, she tends to behave better.

Thank you to you and your husband for the wonderful service you are providing for our country and family. Hang in there! :)