Disciplining a 1 Yr Old

I have a 2 yr old but when she was about 18 months she started doing the best thing throwing herself on the floor crying or pitching a fit we would put her in her crib and close the door. She would cry for about 10 min and when she would calm down I would go in and talk to her about what she did. Ask her if she was gonna be a good girl and then bring her out again. I did this about 3 or 4 times and now we don't have anymore tantrum problems. I hope this can help.
J.

It's difficult to teach a child not to hit or point fingers when you are hitting her and pointing fingers at her. Just remember, children do what they see...
We always have used time out. I have a 2 year old that we have been giving time out to since he was about 18mos old. This is how we did it:
1. Identify the unwanted behavior for the child
2. Let them know they are going in time out
3. I sit in a chair that has been deemed the "time out chair"
4. I sat my child in my lap - holding him so that he couldn't squirm out
5. sit for about 30 to 60 seconds.
6. Take away the audience - make sure no one is hanging around to watch - usually kids act out specifically to put on a show - go into a private area , just you and the child.
7. after the time out is over- explain again what the unwanted behavior was
8. Explain then how you would prefer them to behave in the same situation, blah blah.. you know...
9. give hugs and kisses and don't leave until the child has calmed down

Always remember to stay calm, yet assertive... don't ever discipline when your boiling mad... you're trying to teach a lesson - right from wrong... not scare your child...

good luck!
L.

I agree with the other responder that she seeks attention, and that it is frustrating to be preverbal not know how to communicate your needs. And I also agree that she mimics what she sees. I, however, warn against using the childs own room/crib to punish. She could, in turn, associate her own bed (a place to feel secure and safe) with punishment. This could make bedtime a real source of tension.
My best advise is just what you have been doing, ignoring. I began time outs at around 18mo-2yrs (which works beautifully). But at this age, walking out of the room will do wonders. Your daughter may even come looking for you (since there is no point to making a fuss all alone). Once she knows that you aren't responding, she'll lose interest. No amount of swatting/pointing will work against the fits of a toddler (they are stubborn), so walk away... and remember, they are smart, she'll get it.
One more thought.... utilizing sign language was really helpful for my toddlers. Communication breakdown is the cause of many tantrums. It is easy to learn and teach. There are some great online sources for babies. Worked for us!!

Hi B.,

My babies are 17 months old. Girl and a boy. I began swatting (spanking like you do) on the upper leg or the wrist area when they would not listen to me. Yes, they cried a bit (let them sit there without a hug for about 30 actual seconds) and sometimes would look at me like "what did you do that for?". Last, they both started swatting back and hitting. This did not last long though! I was consistent with saying "no" and following up after four ignored "no's" with a swat that was enough to get their attention and within a month or less both babies knew to stay away from things or to stop when I said no. Remember, they are learning too! It takes a little bit of time to learn to not do something...now, for the tempertantrums both babies have them in their own way. My little girl is amazing in how big a tear she can produce in a second's time. I ignore it - and it has gotten much better!! I don't leave her, but I do stay in the same room and talk to her or brother while it is going on as if it is NOT going on. My son is funny - he would find me and then have the tempertantrum. It was/is hard to walk away from him across the room or into the other room, but I do. He has gotten much better! Mine started with the tempertantrums at about 12-13 months and within two months they will grow out of it as long as you do not turn it into a battle of wills. One other thing my mom taught me to do is TAKE THEM OUT OF THE SITUATION. Your daughter sounds like she wants to please you and does love you (hugging!!!), so just remove her from the situation and start a new one and she will calm down. Sometimes it is just changing the moment that is important - not making your point. Hope this helps. my email is ____@____.com - please email if you want. You seem like a neat mom (and dad)!

I think Robyn has a nice idea, but please be careful in isolating. I have twins and my daughter would be devestated at isolation and my son would not care at all (but would lose trust in me if I left him alone on purpose).

just a comment on the hitting , he hitting is not a result of you spanking her. my daughter was first spanked at 9 months , she wanted down in an unsafe area I wouldnt let her down she bit me I spanked her leg just once she never bit me again, nor have we ever had a problem with hitting she is now 5 and is a well manered child. My son we had a little bit of hitting problems with him he got a very stern "no no that hurts" and show him we were disappointed.

HELLO: WHENEVER SHE STARTS WITH A TANTRUM TAKE HER TO A PLACE WHERE NOBODY CAN SEE HER -A SAFE PLACE WITH NO TOYS AROUND AND YOU CAN CLEARLY HEAR/SEE HER WITH OUT HER SEEING YOU - BECAUSE NOBODY CAN SEE WHAT IS SHE DOING SHE WILL STOP - IS NOT FUN IF NOBODY IS LOOKING AT YOU-. IF YOU ARE IN A STORE STOP WHAT YOUR DOING -IF YOU CAN- AND GO BACK TO THE CAR LET HER KNOW IS BECAUSE SHE'S CRYING/SCREAMING WHEN EVER SHE FEEL BETTER YOU BOTH CAN COME BACK TO THE STORE. BELIEVE ME SHE WILL UNDERSTAND SHE SEEMS LITTLE BUT THEY ARE VERY VERY INTELLIGENT. IT WILL TAKE SOME TIME BUT IT WILL WORK.

S. DE LEON

I'm not an expert or anything. In fact, I'm just the opposite. I'm a first time mother! My daughter is 12 months old and throws the worst tantrums. When she does, I just refuse to give her what she's asking for until she understand that she cannot have it or until her attention is directed to something else (short attention span at that age).

On another note... There is a big developmental difference in an 18 month old and a 13 month old. There are so many things that an 18 month old child can comprehend that a 13 month old child can't. I wouldn't try timeout just yet. And the crib isolation... not an option here.

Check out the advice that Karyn B recieved on what to do about her one year old throwing tantrums!

B.,
I have a 23 mo old daughter and she does the same thing! We tried the ignore it thing, but that didn't work. We swatted her leg the first few times. When she was about your daughter's age, I consulted a psychologist. He told me that the reason children throw tantrums with their parents is because they normally feel afraid to show these overwhelming emotions when by themselves and they feel safe with their parents and trust them. So it's actually kind of a compliment! There have been many times I had to remind myself of that.

I know it sounds mean, but isolation. The last thing a kid wants is to be ignored and if they are put in a room or crib and left a lone for a minute or so it is amazing how much easier they are to control. Yes, it is hard to listen to them have a fit, but they will get the concept that you are not going to put up with it and all you have to say is do we need to go to the room. We have even done this when we are at someones house. For some reason the behavior is in show off mode and it never fails with a break down. After we have put in a room for a minute or so and explain why he was there and if he does it again he will be put back, the behavior does get better. Just a thought....it has really helped with our son's behavior and I feel better about it than spanking, which now that he is 3 is another story, but we do not do it unless we really have to.