Dinner Table Manners for 19Month Old Twins

Kids, even at this age, are soooo much smarter than we give them credit for. They are taking advantage of you. My advice is to take away their plates next time they do that and don't give them back. Get them down from the table, and if you usually give them a bedtime snack, give them the dinner they didn't eat at bed snacktime. They will NOT starve and they'll learn that you are serious. Good luck!

B., well first of all dont be embarrassed by your childrens actions, they are after all children, they will use that embarrassement against you later, so dont fret the embarrassment, well kids eat when they are hungry, give them each a small portion of something let them eat it then if they want more then give them more,i would think some playing would happen, and it is pretty funny when they have spaghetti all in their hair, especially if they are trying to feed themselves, but i would think with twins it would be twice as hard, so hang in there, and offer a little at a time, and your right when they start to play in it, its time to take it away , when they are hungry they will eat and not play, however growing up in a large family of 5 of us kids, dinner time was a good time, lots of memories there, and the monkey see thing, with twins, has got to be funny to the kids, however i can understand how frustrating it might be to an adult, just keep doing as you are doing and enjoy life, and dont fret over spills or good times, D. s

we had it so that if my daughter threw her food on the floor that she would have to help clean it up. and definitely take their food away if they are just playing with it. As the person before said they will not continously play with it if they are hungry. A little playing may happen, they are still very little and it's completely normal but it's time to teach them what is acceptable and not acceptable. Sounds like you are doing the right thing but it will take time. Just make them more responsible for the mess they create by making them clean their surroundings and themselves (the best they can). This will eventually make them learn that it's not fun to clean up the mess which will in turn after awhile teach them they dont want to make the mess.

I guess they throw food and make a mess at home becuase they CAN. You should ask your daycare provider what she does when they do misbehave at mealtime. You can try different things. I would threaten a "time out" if you do those. I have my son sit on the step until he's ready to behave again. I know kids don't care if they eat or not at that age, but they don't like time outs. Make sure they know that eating is a priveledge, not a punishment. They can always come back to the table to eat more.

I would have to say I agree with the other posts! Be firm in your decision and just take away the plates. Giving them the plate back when they whine is not really teaching them anything except to throw the food then whine to get it back. I understand about them being small and wanting them to eat, but they will eat when they are hungry. Children this age need to see that you mean business to fully grasp this sort of concept. I also like the cleaning up idea. I have used that with my own children and my daycare children I care for, they spill it, they clean it up. It just helps them learn to be responsible.

It shouldn't take more than a few nights of permanently losing their plates the first time they do it to make an impact. Just be consistent and stand your ground.

Hi B......ahhhh, I remember thoes days (with my now 5 & 3 year old) and look forward to the day my 4 month old starts! I say "look forward to" with tounge in cheek of course. I agree with a couple of the other moms, our boys had to "earn" the ability to be given a full plate of food once the playing started at the table. We gave one warning, then the plate went away, and they were done with dinner. We gave each of them a rag and a bowl, and they had to "help" clean up their mess (which sometimes made more of a mess, but we wanted them to get the idea that they were going to be involved cleaning it up.) At first they were fine with being done because the got down to play which is uaully where they wanted to be in the first place. After 2 or 3 meals (we had the throwing food at any meal sitting at the table) they started to ocmplain about having to clean up their mess, and then we would explain that if they kept their food on their plate or in there mouth they wouldn't have to clean up. If they complained about being hungry later, we gave them back their same plate of dinner food at the table. If the playing started again, they got one warning, then away the plate went again. It was exhausting, but we stuck with it for a about 5 days and the behavior stopped completely. We even started for a time making them sit at the table to eat their snacks, just to reinforce the sitting/eating behaviors. After all....who wants their snack to be taken away? Hang in there, this too shall pass as my mom always says! Thoes moms....they sure know alot! Good Luck

I'll bet they;re learning these wonderful habits at daycare, which means you're going to have a challenge on your hands establishing some rules of behavior. If they eat 2 of their three meals away from you, it's going to be pretty tough for you to get them to behave otherwise.

One thing you can do is ask your provider what he/she's doing at mealtime to encourage good eating habits, and put some burden on them to "teach" them to not throw food, use utincels etc. Ii even go as far as to say since the kids have been with them they've developed these bad habits, and you'd really like them to work on this with the kids.

Then at home, I'd do time outs if food starts flying. If treats or desserts are custom at home, I'd threaten taking that away from them.

Lastly, I'd reward good behavior at the table. Encourage them to actually change their clothes or tidy their clothes before meals, and teach them how to set the table properly. Find an etiquette book for young children and read it to them, and explain that meal time will now be special. It will now be as important as going to a tea party or grandmas...etc.

Enforce a good voice level, no talking with food in mouth, how to use a fork and knife (toddler versions do exist) and napkins on the lap too. If you make meal time a fun but special event every night, they will develop a reverence for it..and hopefully the food will stop flying.

Girls really go for this...but the guys will too if you get them in on helping with meal prep, serving and setting the table.

Make it a family affair...and remember, they're never too young to start learning good manners.

I have 20 m b/g twins as well. I guess I use the VERY stearn, at their eye level, near their face - NO!..While grasping their hand that held the food. Not sure it really works though!!! : ) I will say the last time we were out to eat, the kiddos were GREAT and everyone had a good time. They did not throw like they sometimes do at home. I think they just know they are in public and enjoy the new setting and activity around them.

I do KNOW my kids eat better when my husband and I are also sitting down and eating our own meal with them, instead of being in the kitchen, starting to clean up, or whatever.

Hi B.,

As a mom of twins who are now 2 1/2 years old, I have some experience with the whole "monkey see, monkey do" scenario. I also have a 4 year old so the three of them can just get obnoxious at the table. My twins are kind of past the throwing stage but when they did that, I would give them one warning and if they did it again they were down from the table and done with the meal. I honestly think it only took them two times to figure out that I was serious. Mine were preemies and are still not on the regular growth charts but missing part of a couple of meals is not going to make or break their weight gain. In fact, being clear with table manners will likely mean that more of their meals go smoothly and they'll eat more in the long run. Often times silliness or goofiness at the table is a sign that they are no longer hungry anyway.

Just my two cents. Good luck!! Raising twins sure is a challenge!!
-B.

Hi, B..
I have 17 month old twins and can totally relate to what you are saying, monkey see, monkey do, the food in the hair and throwing on the floor. I am a big believer in the concept that kids will eat when they are hungry & that their appetites fluctuate from day to day- even meal to meal! When my kids start putting it in their hair or throwing it on the floor, I know they are done. I take the tray away and time for clean up. Only a few times, one of the girls has grabbed the tray to let me know she still wanted to eat. So I left it and she continued to eat. This was probably an instance when she was copying her sister. I've also taught them to put the food they don't want into the spot on their tray where the cup would typically go. That works majority of the time. I also offer a snack between a meal, especially if I know they didn't eat very well the previous meal. Sometimes they want it, other times they don't. my girls are also small- hanging around 25th percentile and under.

I have taken the girls out to restaurants. I only put a few pieces of food in front of them at a time to help minimize the mess of dropping. Then I know they are done and not much to clean up.

One last suggestion I have is to have them not face each other when they eat.

good luck! R.

Toddlers, all the world over, are not know for their table manners! Your kids are 100%, utterly and completely normal. However, I understand you not wanting dinner to wind up on the floor.

First off, I would give them very, very small quantities of food at one time. The less they have on their plates, the less there is to throw. Of course, you will end up having to refill their plates throughout the meal, but is that really any more work than having to hose down your floor after each meal?

Also, I think you are doing the right thing by taking away their plates when they start to play with their food. However, I would give them one, and only one, warning before taking away their plates for good. You are NOT depriving them of food. Hungry kids do not play with their food, they eat it. Also, remember that your kids' stomaches are still tiny. What looks like a small amount of food to us is quite satisfying to them.