Dicipline - Sellersville,PA

Without a specific example it's hard to answer.

I have always discussed with my kids how I think they're better than their (undesirable) behavior suggests.

Why would you do this? You're better than that. You're a smart kid. You're a good kid. I thought you had more self-respect than that.

And miraculously or not, I've had very very few behavior problems with my kids.

After all, they KNOW they're BETTER than that (they've been hearing it all these years)!

Hope this helps!

:)

My son is almost four.

Positive discipline: being respectful that my son is his own person--just as I am-- has his own agenda (which may or may not complement mine), and is bright enough to figure out why I need his cooperation through my asking questions, rather than always giving orders. (Whenever possible)

When he looks like he's about to do something unsafe, dangerous, etc., I often ask him a question first. "What do you think will happen if....?" " Do you think it's safe/unsafe?" "Do you think so-and-so will like if you do such-and-such?" "If you do X, what will we need to do?" " What can you do instead?" "Wow, how do you think so-and-so feels because you did such-and-such? Let's look at their face/check in." (empathetic approaches always enlighten)

I like to take a joint problem-solving approach when I can. It's not always possible, and I like very logical consequences when I don't receive cooperation. One example: If my son is trying to play when it's time to go to preschool, I remind him "You have just one more minute to get your coat on, or we will have to hustle, because we can't be late for school." He *hates* hustling, and as we walk to school, this is a natural consequence. We must be on time, that doesn't change. What changes is *who* is inconvenienced.

I will suggest a book: "Taking Charge: Loving Discipline that Works at Home and at School" by Joanne Nordling. I love this book, as do many of my teacher and parent friends.

And yep, our kids can *always* be better behaved. It's a sign that they have their own mind, when they don't always behave. I'm learning, constantly, to choose what's really important and to try to say 'yes' whenever it's reasonable to do so. We can discipline to death (read: punishment) and not get a 'better' kid. I try to work with my son's abilities and have reasonable expectations while giving him room to be his own person and to grow. I want to honor his whole person, and try to look at his challenges with this 'whole picture' perspective and not just focus solely on behavior. It's all entwined.

I understand, too, that every child is different. This is just what works for us.

You said your kids are okay. But could be better.
So... keep in mind their ages and developmental processes per their age.
There is a BIG difference, between a 4 year old and a 6 year old for example.

'Expectations" of the parent... will also affect, outcomes.
And if they are viewed as okay kids, or good kids, or not good enough.

No kid will ever be perfect, but I feel they should be recognized for "trying their best".. and not expected to be "perfect." Because then, nothing they do will ever be good enough, and any kid or adult for that matter, will be just frustrated. Then give up, trying. Because, nothing is good enough.

If your kids are okay, they need to know that. Otherwise, they will wonder too, 'why' they are not viewed as okay. Only not good enough.

Here is a great article on how and how not to talk to kids:
http://nymag.com/news/features/27840/

depends onthe kid if they are ok they are well disciplined no kids an angel

It depends on the infraction, but here's some things that work for me:

Early bedtime (sometimes as early as 5pm - depends on what was done).
No computer, tv, phone or games for 24 hours or more.
Writing lines (I will not call my sister a dummy head. - 50 times!)
Writing letter of apology.
Jumping jacks (not kidding - this has helped)
Cleaning/sweeping the floors, putting away toys - especially their siblings' toys. Picking up a mess someone else made makes them more aware of what I do day to day.

for my two year old, she gets sent to her room to play away from everyone else, a timeout in the corner, getting spanked, toys taken away. it depends on what she has done wrong. and she can tell you what will happen for each thing she does wrong. overall she normally is well behaved... except for the day i write this, she was a terror today, lol. but she knows she will get punished if she does something wrong... and that is why she behaves so well.

Easier said than done, but setting clear expectations about what behavior is appropriate, and having consequences if they don't behave well. Sometimes those are time outs (in their rooms for us) - or the toy they are fighting over being taken away etc. AND above all (this is the hardest part - remaining calm and cool when the kids "lose it" you can't!

Make your expectations clear and let them know what the punishment will be if they don't listen (for example, if they fight or don't clean their rooms, then they will have a time-out for 5 minutes where they can't do anything fun--I make my kids lie down on their beds and I set a timer). I think the hardest thing (for me anyway) is being consistent with the discipline. If you let them get away with something, then they will always think that they can get away with it again. The more consistent you are, the more likely you will listen to you. For example, my own parents spoiled me and my brothers; they would threaten punishment but never follow through with it, so when they tried to discipline us, we never listened because we knew that they wouldn't follow through. So I always have to work on making sure I follow through with punishment; otherwise the kids don't believe me and will keep doing whatever it is I want them to stop doing.

Hope that helped! :-)

We've been extremely successful with discipline. We have 3, ages 19 months, 3 and 5. They all needed virtually no discipline by 3 thanks to firm early discipline. Our 3rd is ahead of the game, because she was way more fiery (violent tantrums and difficult behaviors starting at 9 months) so all her lessons started sooner and now shes more advanced than the other two were at her age. None of them throw tantrums. Ever.

The key is to be absolutely loving and supportive. Expect the best. Treat them like they are mature. Be clear and calm when they are making wrong choices. Enforce firmly when you need to CONSISTENTLY. The faster they see you mean what you say, the less you'll need to enforce. Effective discipline is hardly ever needed and I get accused of having easy kids by those who know us. I take them with me on every errand because my husband always travels. Bad days are few and far between and I totally trust them. They have tons of freedom and their activities aren't limited. I can focus on my almost 2 year old knowing the older two are confident and well behaved out with other kids.
You say you're pretty much happy with your kid's behavior already. Its like a diet: When the weight is creeping on, cut calories and increase exercise. When the kids are back sliding a bit (normal, your job is never done): Increase love and positivity, and firm up the discipline. They always improve when you do. Keep consequences brief and serious, don't use long drawn out power plays. You want to move on with a positive day, not use things that will allow the behavior to keep popping up all the time because your consequences provide drama. Never ignore. Keep the lectures to a minimum. Talking about good behavior should be blended naturally into every day life, not used instead of discipline.

At 6 and 4 you have it made because all of their understanding and self control is well established. It's getting late in the game to set standards, so good work assessing and being willing to work!
This book is great for positivity and firmness, my 3 and 5 year old are awesome-sort of past the need for diligence, my almost 2 year old is also doing super well-in accordance with her insane nature-and we used an almost identical system:
www.backtobasicsdiscipline.com

I have an almost 5 year old and a one year old, so I really only need discipline for the 5 year old so far. We use several things, one is a responsibility chart with magnets for different goals and actions. Most of those goals are behavior as well as basic daily responsibilities like brushing teeth, getting dressed, picking up toys, sharing, Be Nice, say please and thank you...he loves getting magnets and knows when he misbehaves he loses magnets. Magnets translate into something fun on the weekend or a special toy or treat. The consequence that impacts my son is taking away TV, he only gets to watch a couple shows a day so when he's disrepectful or shows any really unacceptable behavior TV is taken away for each infraction. So, once he lost TV for an entire week. Surprisingly, we had no meltdowns or anything he just kept asking which day he could watch and he knew that if he did anything else I would add a day. That seems to be the thing that he really doesn't want taken away. I also talk alot to my son about expectations sometimes before we go somewhere so he knows the consequence before he starts acting up. I do really think it depends on your kid, his temperment, what is important to them, etc. I don't think one thing fits everyone. But the one thing I find is very important is being consistent...it was very hard to go that entire week sticking to my guns, but I really noticed a change and like I said it wasn't as difficult as I thought. He even tried to tell the babysitter he was allowed to watch TV and when she asked if he was REALLY allowed, he said no, not until Friday. That actually got him TV one day early for being so honest. Rewarding for good behavior is also important.

Good luck!!

I don't remember exactly what I did when my older was 4 but my 2.5 year old gets the time out in a corner and The Eye" (got it from my mom, lol) and my 13 year old gets privileges take away, loooooooong conversations and of course "The Eye".
Oh and just 30 min. away I told her to pick up all her stuff from the whole house and put it away, she just kept playing around so I told her if you don't pick up your stuff I would throw it away. At the end I only found a pencil and her tooth brush, so I throw it like I said, well she is mad right now because now she has to buy a tooth brush with her money, but I was very clear about what I expected and what would happen.
I din't use "The Eye" this time, that is only for special times, lol.

My 5 year old is currently working to earn back some of his Lego (his current favorite toy). He lost nearly all of it for 1 day and has been getting some back every day or few days. He permanently damaged a car seat I had apart to clean and this is his consequence. He also got lectured about destructive behavior since it is a problem behavior for him (and is reminded every time he asks for Lego back). For smaller infractions he gets time outs, sent to his room or toys taken away.