Development Issue?

I also have a 2 1/2 year old boy and a 9 month old baby at home. I am a SAHM too and my son has never been to daycare/preschool. He is the same way and has gotten a little worse since the baby has been born. Not only does he not want to play with other kids at the park, but he screams if they try to take his toys (or whatever he's playing with at the park). His little brother is crawling and standing now, so he's really good at taking the 2 year old's toys. He has become very BAD at sharing and it shows in social situations. But remember they're only 2 and they're going through a lot with a new baby taking mommy's attention. Maybe he could start preschool in the fall, just 2 days/week??? That's what I'm going to do to try to introduce more socialization and a little time away from mommy. Good luck...I think this is normal for a little guy his age with a new baby.

He is too young to actually "play" with another child , that's comes later. They play alongside other kids at this age , and then have the odd scream/tantrum over a toy with them , but that's about it. Keep going to the playgroups , it's important for all of you to get out of the house , and relax a little and let him go off and play and see what happens , yes he may come back to you with a toy , my 2 yr old does , but if you tell him that mommy is talking and can't play right now he will learn and go off and play again.

At that age, kids mostly do "parallel play." They play side by side but independently, each doing their own thing. Sometimes it helps if mom is not right there, as an option....can you have a child dropped off at your house for an hour? Drop your child off for an hour at a friend's?

Welcome to life with 2 kids!! 1+1 does not equal two. As the baby gets older he will start to play more, but I think he needs one on one time with you, since he is now competing with the baby. One thing I found really helpful was making sure my oldest felt like he was not last all the time. When she would start fussing, and it wasn't emergent, I would say loud enough for him to hear "now, now you had your turn with Mommy, it's your brother's turn now. He has been so patient (even if he wasn't) while I fed and changed you, now I am going to read him a book. Our toddlers often need us more than the baby (on the emotional side), and they are feeling so abandoned once this little competitor shows up. You know it's working when he says, "it OK Mommy, you can help her first, I OK now" :) HTH, good luck.

I have an autistic son so my advice is a bit different than the others. BTW I told my pediatrician that my son is autistic after asking questions at every well visit - and he is severe. I also quit vaccinating. I'm not saying your child has anything wrong but I am saying please be very aware of any issue he has. When 1 in very 110 kids is autistic (4 times as many boys) all moms should be on heightened alert if their child is not meeting milestones. Language and social issues are the biggest issues in autism, social issues for asperger's. Continue to watch your child, take others advice and if you need more information you can call ECI for an evaluation.

He is probably just fine. He is used to playing with you and is happy with that. This fall, maybe think about taking him to nursery school to help with his social development. I don't think there is necessarily anything to worry about at this point.

Kids go through all sorts of phases.

I would keep going to the play group. Have you tried sitting with the other adults and just direct him to play when he comes to you?

You are not going to harm him by trying to get him to play with the kids or by himself. He is only 2 1/2. My daughter prefered to play by herself the entire 1st year of preschool and there is nothing wrong with her. She finally came out of her shell and now is the "center" of the class room.

If you are seriously concerned, talk to his pediatrician. I wouldn't get overly concerned at this point.

I really think he may be too young to actually play with others his age. When they are this young they play next to each other, not with each other. My son is almost 2 and I have a few friends with 2 1/2 year olds and whenever we get them together they don't actually play together. Sometimes they do a little bit, but most of the time they barely even acknowledge each other. Every parent I have talked to has pretty much said the same thing so I wouldn't really worry about it at this age.

It's very possible it's a phase - the best person to seek advice from is your pediatrician who's more acutely trained on all the possible developmental symptoms, but I don't think that's the problem just by reading your message.

My next comment isn't going to be popular, but it's my personal opinion.
I am not a SAHM - it was never an option for me to return to work after both kids, and even when I was laid off last year for 3 months, we chose to keep our kids in day care (at 1 and 3) 3 days/week for the social aspect as well as allowing me the time to job hunt/interview.

I don't necessarily recommend day care in your situation, but it sounds like he needs some time away from Mom so he can interact in social situations without having you there as his crutch. I applaud you for being so engaged socially and doing things to help him get acquainted with other kids - it just sounds like he's so attached and dependent on you, he's not enjoying exploring his world with other kids his age, and not giving you a chance to bond with your younger child.

Most of the SAHM's I know take their kids to 1-2 day/week preschool. Most of those programs are 2-3 hours, enough time for the kids to start understanding social structures and interaction, having a different authority figure (teacher) vs. Mom/Dad, and exposure to some learning.

Good luck!

At this stage of development, toddlers seldom play with other children. They may play next to or near them, and this is called parallel play. At about three years of age, a child will play with others. Still, even then, children hoard their toys and refuse to share. They cooperate and play together for only short periods.
Because adults don’t want their children to be hurt physically or emotionally, adults sometimes interfere with normal toddler play. They become involved in squabbles. Toddlers learn more when parents “let
them go” to work some situations through for themselves. This is one way they learn about other people’s behavior and feelings. This is one way they learn to get along in the world.
I know it can be overwhelm and you probaly are feeling you are about to lose your self (it happens to me) just try to let him playing by himself or do things alone he will get involve when he will be ready. The other thing is that probably he is trying to get your attention because the baby.... You are his mom just trust on your instincts...

Sounds totally normal to me. My daughter is 2 yrs and 9 months and doesn't really "play" with other kids and certainly wouldn't just leave Mom to go do so in a group. I am not a stay at home Mom but she is not in daycare so she has no real socialization experience. My nanny does take her to the library for story hour (you might try that - it's free and filled with other kids) as well as the playground etc.

She will be starting preschool two mornings a week in September but honestly, I don' t think she's abnormal, nor does yours sound abnormal. Quite the contrary.

best of luck!

My daughter is almost 5 and is just starting to be comfortable playing with children without me by her side...and these are kids she's known since birth! She has numerous opportunities to interact with this particular playgroup and kids in other situations like dance class, Music Together, library...My daughter is a watcher and needs lots of time to warm up. As much as I wanted playgroup to be a time for me to socialize, only recently have I really been able to do that. It's been my job to help her be comfortable.
My advice is to keep providing opportunities for socialization, knowing that it is for him, not you. He is still young to be playing "with" kids his age. Perhaps you can situate youself so that you are supporting him near other moms so you can still be a part of the group too. With time, this too shall pass. :-)
Good luck,
J.

My son is 2 1/2 also, and very verbally advanced for his age, and because of that he tends to be more social than a lot of the kids in his play group. I am a stay at home mom too, and we do play group things maybe once a week. He is only now starting to interact more with the other kids. He still does the parallel play thing mostly, and the other kids who are less verbal than he is, do it even more. I think because you missed those months of playgroup activities you didn't get to see the gradual development. Lots of younger kids are more outgoing than 2 1/2 yr olds, because they are thinking of the other kids as play toys. At least that is what I noticed in my group. Once they really start to play with toys and not each other, they just play along side each other.

Also, I think a bigger part of this situation is that you have a new baby. He is probably feeling insecure and like he is being pushed away from you. When you go to playgroup and the other kids are all playing side by side happily, yours is wanting to stay close to you because the new baby is close to you. But he still wants to play, he just wants it to be with you. Even if he isn't as clingy at home, I think it could be the new baby thing. I don't think your efforts are for nothing, I just think it is going to take a little bit of time for him to readjust to be off playing without you.

Some people are going to respond that he needs to see a professional and be evaluated, and some people are going to respond that that is ridiculous. (I'm guessing, just based on past posts like this that I have seen.) I don't think there is anything ridiculous about being concerned about your son's development and getting him any help he might need. So if you think there is something to look into based on his milestones and development, by all means talk to your doctor.

But based just on what you wrote, it sounds like it is just a phase. Just keep trying what you are doing. I don't think you should force a shy child to play with other kids, but unless he seems seriously upset at being around the other kids, I don't think encouraging him to play is bad. My son used to be much more tentative than he is now around other kids (he had a couple bad experiences with agressive kids) but by exposing him to other kids regularly without forcing him to play one on one with them, he is much more social now. Give him lots of encouragement and as much attention as you can, don't hole up in your house, and just keep an eye on how he is progressing socially. Good luck!

S.,
I would do a couple of things before I speak to his pediatrician. I would try and see if I could invite a friend over to the house and see how he works with that, also you can take him to a friend's house and see how he acts there. I would also try, just for the sake of it take him to Ikea, and leave him in the babysitting area, you don't have to stay long and since that would probably be his first time, try just half an hour, walk around with your baby and them come back to pick him up. (I hope you have an Ikeay close by)
If you go to church and they have a children's ministry, try leaving him there for a little while, again, you don't have to leave him there for a long time, just a little at a time to see how he does. Maybe 30 minutes the first time, and then 45 minutes the second, and so on. If nothing works after a month of trying, then maybe you can mention it to the pediatrician and see what he/she says.
They can test him and let you know if there is a problem or not. Then you can proceed to your next step, by either getting him professional help or just helping him yourself by giving him more time with friends.
Blessings

I started taking my daughter out more when she turned 2 because I became a stay at home mom. I noticed she often would play by herself around the other kids. She did this at the library, the park, etc. Eventually she started playing with the other kids more, when she became more comfortable in the environment. I've talked to other moms who noticed the same thing, around 2 a lot of kids play by themselves. They become more independent, but more aware of other people too. They are also concerned that someone is going to take their toys, because oh boy they do not know how to share at this age. My daughter used to walk around the playroom with two dolls under each arm and if another kid just walked by her she would scream "NO!" at them as if they wanted to take it. I wouldn't worry about it too much, just keep taking him to the playdates and eventually he will learn how to play with other kids.

My 2.5 year old daughter is quite similar so thank you for posting. I found the suggestions very helpful. Congratulations on being a SAHM! I think that is wonderful. It sounds like you have been getting him out amongst his peers as much as you have been physically able and you understand the importance of doing so. My daughter behaves in a very similar way and actually goes to daycare/preschool 4 times a week in addition to a playgroup 2x/month. At her daycare things are very structured and because she attends so frequently she plays very well with the 3 other children there. But it is outside of this controlled environment, at either the playgroup or park situations where she seems very averse to other children getting close to her (definitely a toy possession issue) but also it seems to be a personal space issue or complete lack of desire to interact with kids her age. She is very independent and knows what she likes to do. She has no trouble being assertive and if she does not want to do something she just doesn't do it. She'd rather play with my husband or I or on her own. I believe it is a phase and hope she will eventually see the joy in sharing play with another child and being excited to see other kids and make friends. But for now she has no desire. I am the worrier and my husband keeps saying 'She's just two' and I suppose he has a point. They will be who they want to be. It's our job to expose them to a variety of things but ultimately we can't force them or do something that goes against their grain. I think the suggestions you got to have him attend a preschool type environment a couple days a week is a good one. And also the point about having a new baby is also quite valid as well. Your efforts are not for nothing. Keep doing it. Just like anything, they can change in an instant! And if you don't give him the opportunity he won't have the chance to rise to the occasion. I considered not going to the playgroup because up until 6 months ago my daughter would actually whine and cry at the drop of a hat she hated it so much (there was also an aggressive child there) but I enjoyed the company of the other moms and decided to just keep going. She is doing much better now especially now that she can verbally stand up for herself. Good luck. Let us know how things go.