Depression Watching My 14Yr Old Son Grow Up

Are you kidding? I'm experiencing the same thing and my little guy is only 6! I think its part of the special mother/son bond. I'm just planning to hug him & play w/ him for as long as he'll let me and to let him know that I'll ALWAYS be there for him when he needs me.
Happy Holidays!

I feel like I'm reading something that I will write in my future! My son is only 1, and I'm already feeling like this...

This just means you're an awesome mom. If it gets overwhelming, talk to somebody. But seriously, you sound like the most wonderful mother. Your kids are lucky. As are you, to have such strong love in your life!

i think it's only natural. it also may not just be that he is your son, but that he is also your younger child.

I also have the same feelings. I keep on telling myself that being able to let go is the last very, very important 'job' we moms have to do. I have a husband whose mother was not able to let go and my husband and marriage suffered because of it. I feel like you do but I really try to stifle feelings and keep them to myself. I get choked up frequently thinking about how quickly it is all going. The fact that you are feeling this when he is 14 is simply part of the preparation for when he leaves. Try to reconnect with your hubby and lean on your friends. That is unfortunately all you can do. You can also go on antidepressants which could help if the depression gets bad. Whatever you do, do not try to hold him back or get too involved with his social life. Good Luck!

This might sound ridiculous, but you made me tear up. My son just turned 2 yesterday, and I am constantly thinking ahead to when he will leave. In fact, whenever he used to cry as a baby because he thought I had left him (when I had just left the room for a minute), I would always tell him, " I will never leave you. In fact, you're the one who's going to leave me someday." Of course I meant it as a joke, but it's true. The week after he was born, I started to cry, and when my husband asked why, I told him he should go home to his mother, because I "get it now." (My husband grew up in Ireland but came here for grad school and met me and stayed. His parents are still in Ireland.) I told him I felt so horrible that his mother had him so far away, and that I was to blame for that. All that to tell you that I think you're totally normal. People always told me there was something between mothers and sons, and I always thought that sounded crazy, til I had my own son, and now I get it!
P.S. Your relationship with him will change and grow, and be different. But you sound like a great mom, and so he'll have that relationship with you, and always that love and special relationship between you.

H.- thanks so much for going there. This is the reason I couldn't stand to stop breastfeeding!!! I felt this connection with both of my children, however my son, being the youngest, will likely seem worse. I think it's amazing, and healthy, that you're so aware of your emotions. It's the women who either don't realize they're overly attached or don't want to admit it that have problems and hurt their sons and the women in their sons life. By being aware and open to life's phases, you will no doubt have a healthy detachment at the appropriate time. I agree w. the other posts- you are an amazing mom!!

There is defnitely loss all along parenthood. Someone once said being a parent is like having your heart walk around outside of your body. Boy was I not prepared for that and every day there's another intense lesson. It's truly the hardest job in the world, but also the most mysterious.

thanks for sharing, it helps to know I'm not alone with these types of feelings!!

Hi,
I had that same feeling when my now 11 yr old son was in kindergarten, and on and off through the years. I miss the baby he was, and I miss all the stages---even though he is the same person. Kids change so much and in such a condensed period of time. Their awareness, their intellect, their bodies (is this really my little boy in size 14 pants and in the beginning stages of puberty?)...he sometimes seems unrecognizable.
We have a 1 year old girl now. Funny how she too is a love of my life, but because she is a female, i think it will be different since it already is.
Thanks for sharing. I too feel that sense of loss. I feel better that i'm not the only one.

Although I do not have a son and never felt this way...I tend to think that maybe you are suffering from EARLY empty nest syndrome.

Depression and sadness is not a healthy state of mind which you seem to be feeding into and don't think for one minute that your children aren't picking up on it and not noticing. So stop dwelling on the childrens independance as that was your aim all along as they were growing up..

In terms of the children start to focus on their accomplishments and guide them through the teen years into adulthood...see, you aren't done yet...know motherhood is never done...even in adulthood they will turn to you for many things...

In terms of you, go shopping and buy yourself a new exciting wardrobe and start getting out of the house and more involved with the out side world...start doing things you might enjoy doing to lift your spirits. Get out to lunch with your girlfriends...sign up for classes...join a gym....maybe get yourself a part time job or sign up to volunteer somewhere... You are a lucky lady in so many ways, so get creative and figure out what will lift your spirits and will work for you...
Life is short...BE HAPPY with all your accomplishments, just get out there and be good to yourself and keep us posted on how you are doing...

What you're feeling is so normal. He is your "baby" after all. My kids are younger (twin boys are 3 and daughter is 5). While I am always looking forward to my daughter doing new and independent things, I get sad whenever we have to give up a babyish thing for my boys. That's because the youngest ones are our babies. It's hard to see them grow up. Your post actually brought tears to my eyes. It all goes so fast and before you can blink, you have teenagers....

Oh sweetie! You are not alone at all!

My oldest will be 18 in April... he's so independent it's not funny. But, you know, I have come to realize what a great guy he is. I did a good job raising him. I was a single mom to him and my other son, for 4 years before I met my husband and he came into our lives.
My oldest and I have always been very close and to this day he walks up and hugs me...almost every day. He is polite and considerate. He holds doors open for others, he gives up his seat to ladies and elderly folks. He would do just about anything for anyone. However, he is a very big guy! He's about 6 foot tall and weighs around 285 lbs. He dresses in all black and wears a trench coat most of the time...so he can look scarey to other people sometimes. But when they see what kind of guy he is... they are shocked. I take a lot of pride in that.

My other son is 16 and now is expecting a baby in May with his girlfriend. While I am excited about another baby in the family, I am also worried for them. It's going to be tough on them having a baby so young, they want to go to college still and get married in a few years. Talk about growing up fast.
But, I also know he's going to be a great father. He has also been raised like my oldest... polite, holding doors for others, giving up his seat, etc. He and his girlfriend are talking about colleges and going to Kansas for one... I am feeling the loss right now...not only for him, but for her and the baby too. (She lives with us now, shares a room with my daughter because of issues with her family).
It kills me to know that one day they will move out on their own and that the baby will go with them. I'll lose 3 all at once.

What you are feeling is totally normal... but relax, You still have a few years with him at home...so enjoy it. there is plenty of time for you both to spend together and even though he's not a "child" anymore... he still needs his mom. He always will.... it's just not in the same way as before.
Be rpoud of the man he is becoming... after all, you helped make him that way. ;)

Dear H.,

I felt the same way when my daughter who was my youngest went to kindergarten. My children were my whole world and being a stay at home mom I guess to a degree I was out of the loop (socially as well as career). My daughter came everywhere with me and the first day of kindergarten I remember thinking oh wow I can shop in peace no one to bother me. Guess what I couldn't do it I came home crying and said to my husband I am lost I don't know what to do with myself. I was so used to caring for both of my children and when my son started school it was just her and I for a while. I took her everywhere with me and she would always give me her opinions when we shopped (sometimes too honest HA HA!!) but I missed her so much. I was in the dumps for a while and then it passed. This year was her second year of college and she lives away. When my husband and I dropped her off I cried all the way home (even though she is home every other weekend for food and to do laundry) I still felt the loss. My son is now 24 and lived home for college until his last year, however he is more of a homebody type so I have never experienced the same feelings with him because I had her to keep me occupied. When your youngest goes you really feel it. On the bright side I went back to school when my daughter went to high school and my son to college got my degree and opened my own daycare/preschool which I truly love doing. I think it is normal to feel what you are feeling just remember as one chapter of your life ends another begins and each one holds its own special memories. Try to get yourself involved in something you truly love doing now it is your turn to do for you and it will help the feelings of loss. Good luck and happy holidays!!

I know exactly how you feel. My son is 13 and all of a sudden he doesnt need his mommy as much as he used to. I miss my little boy.
D.

He is your baby, who can blame you? My little one is eight and is so independant, I miss her already. When Freud was working out his theory of mourning, he missed a big part of the human experience: The mourning of mothers for the babies and little children their sons and daughters once were. My husband is looking forward to when we have the house to ourselves. And I am dreading the day our little one loses that little girl sparkle of joy in her eyes and turns into a sullen teenager like her sister, who I also miss like crazy. But it is part of the pact we made when we first took them into our arms and, hard as it is, we have to hold up our end.

Hi H.
I can tell you it is perfectly normal, I can tell you that I went through it with our sons, but I can also tell you that my husband is going through it with the girls. That is hard to watch also. It is not so tough on me with the girls, but it was not as tough on him with the boys.
The boys are men now, they are still our children and we still hurt for them when things are not right, but mostly they are great men who really didn't leave, they just grew up and care about us too now.
I love their successes. I am here when times are tough. It is easier as you see them making right choices. With each right choice they make, you let go a little more.
God bless you and give you peace
God give you rest in a job well done.
K. SAHM married 38 years, adult children 37 coach, 32 lawyer married and son of their own, and twin girls 18 choosing college after years of homeschooling. One majoring in fine art, and the other in journalism. The break away years pass and you see them as adults.

Hi H., It is not unnatural to feel the way you do. You said your son had some learning difficulties, so you may be anxious about how he will get along as an adult. Continue to celebrate both of their successes and always keep open the lines of communication. When kids know you love them and you care they will try to remain close. Although mine are all grown , I can remember like yesterday, when they first needed deodorant, hair on their legs, and other signs of adulthood. Some day you will celebrate the fine adults they have become. Grandma Mary

Congrats to you on being such a great mom! As I read your post I came from a totally different perspective - I am a mom of two small girls and want to keep them young and innocent as long as possible! BUT I also am married to a wonderful, strong, caring, mature and responsible 35 year old man......whose mother still cries because she misses her little boy! After nearly 10 years of resenting her for putting the responsibility of her happiness on my husband, I have come to realize that she hangs on to him (literally) because she is insecure and selfish. Neither of which will ever change, so while my husband is the most wonderful father, and husband, when his mother is around, its super draining on all of us.

SO - I guess my advice is keep doing what you are doing, and keep your sadness to yourself. Celebrate the man he is becoming and the fact that you made him the man he is and will become! BUT figure out a way to channel that sadness into something positive for yourself (volunteer at a homeless shelter, or food kitchen, THAT will help you to put your sadness into perspective!!!)- because you sound like a great mom, and the last thing you want to do to your son (or daughter!) is make them feel responsible for your happiness/sadness for the rest of your life!! good luck, this IS the hardest job in the world!!