Depression - Bay City,TX

NORMAL!!!!! I am convinced my husband and children would rather live in a barn. And I have had to ask for help from my man for 13 years now....its like they never figure out this is THEIR house too and THIER responsibility as much as it is ours.

Did you know you can suffer from post pardum depression at any point from birth to FIVE YEARS OLD! What a shocker!

Also, womens lib screwed us all up. We are all trying to be superwomen now. Its not possible. You only have so may hours in a day. The reason women did not work before had nothing to do with weather or not they had the right to, it was because having a family and a home is a HUGE job in and of itself. Ever hear.."it takes a village"..there's a reason for that. Don't fool yourself into thinking you need to be June Cleaver and Condalezza Rice all in one. Find a happy medium. You would be shocked at how cheap it really is to have a maid come in once a week. You might also be shocked to discover your spouse loves to cook or some such thing. We did a chores chart when I went back to work. Turns out my son thinks cleaning toilets is fun, my husband loves to mop, and my daughter will clean anything if it involves using some cool devise like the swifter. I also buy every gadget out there like the shower cleanser thing. Anything to make things easier for me. And then we take 15 minutes after dinner at least twice a week and speed clean. Everyone has to do something but only for 15 minutes...when the timer goes off you stop, no ifs ands or butts. You would be surprised how well this works.

No one likes to clean but you have to pick your battles and then attack them with knoweldge of the enemy. If my kids think its a game they'll do anything....and if I put a time limit on it like the 15 minutes then everyone can plan around it and can anticipate it being done and not taking all day to do.

That is so familiar. After I had my daughter I was the stay at home mom while he worked. When my daughter was born last July we found out that she had a broken clavicle and that she had colic. Oh! My God! Let me tell you, It was so hard being a first time mom not knowing how to deal with it. I had post partum depression too but I was put on zoloft after the cymbalta and lexapro gave me headaches. I was always trying to cdalm her down or make her stop crying but nothing worked. I would put her in the crib and walk away and let her cry because I felt like a bad mom not knowing what to do. Well when she was 8 weeks old I got A job. My husband got fired because at 6 weeks old she was in the hospital for 4 days with a gastrointestinal infection and he refused to work. His boss said that it was okay but when he went back he fired him.I was always cleaning the house and taking care of the baby. He started staying at home while I worked and I still had to clean the house because he " didn't have time". Well now I work 60 hours a week, he now works 30. I still have to clean up. I love him but I am getting really stressed and tired. I know how it feels. And now My daughter will nhot go to sleep for me, sshe waits until her daddy gets off. I don't know what to do. I still feel like an irresponsible mom.

Sigh, unfortunately I think that is a part of life today that can really get to us! And as women/moms, we tend to focus so much on everything OUTSIDE of us that we forget ourselves! It is so difficult, I know, but whether one works outside of the home or "just" in the home, you have got to take time for yourself on a regular basis!

I think that most guys act helpless because they were raised that way. Sometimes I sarcastically tell my hubby that I am going to have to call his mom and tell her THANKS for what a good job she did.... ;) He sometimes acts like because his job is more physically demanding than mine that he should not have to do ANYTHING housework-wise. IMO, we're both gone from the house all day, so that doesn't make any sense that he can just not pick up after himself or care about the house!

I'd start getting involved in something, maybe a couple of times a month to "break him in", then maybe make it a weekly thing. How often does he get to do the things HE likes to do?? If it is anything like my husband, it is DEFINITELY doing something weekly, and if it is hunting season, watch out! I don't feel that there is room for double standards these days. Even if you were a SAHM, you still would need time for yourself.

Just remember (and remind him): If mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy!!!! :D

ha ha ha """Well anyway my husband cleaned the house top to bottom and within 1 day it was back to the way it was. it was so funny he finally figured it out..""""" i don't think i'm going to laugh as hard any other time today as i did reading that sentence. My husband does not seem to understand that cleaning is an everday battle, to top it all off he is a collector of some of the most useless things known to man. I empathize with you greatly. Once i go back to work I will have to hire a maid if I in any way expect a decent looking home. sorry i know this isn't advice, but sometimes i find it helpful to take a walk by myself and breathe in fresh air. A mother doesn't have too many other choices.

Oh, wow! Are you sure I didn't write this??? After battling PPD (post-partum depression), I am still on a low dose of Serafem for depression and PMDD (pre-menstral dysphoric disorder). I too get so stressed over the every day chaos of juggling a full-time job, a marriage, and two kids. My hubby accused me of being lazy and doing nothing all day when I was a SAHM for 3 months. Even after I went back to work full time with 12-hour shifts, I still felt as though it was all on my shoulders to keep things in order.

First off, know that you aren't alone and there are tons of people to talk to about it. I have been doing much better, but it hasn't been easy. The first thing I did was make up my mind that I wanted to do better. I don't let the small things get to me and now I only do what is most important and leave the rest until I have time (or hubby gets mad and does it himself). The second thing I did was start taking time for myself. I set aside 30 minutes a day (on my days off) to exercise to an exercise video, and I put on my makeup before starting the rest of my day. It helps me feel better about myself and helps tremendously with my depression.

Good luck to you!!!!!

I can certainly relate, as I know many other mothers can. I have struggled with depression since my bout with horrible post-partum depression after the birth of my daughter (now three years old). I have a 7-month-old baby now, as well, and I feel completely overwhelmed a lot of the time. I can't imagine how tough it must be to work all day and then come home to work some more as a wife and mommy.

Exercise (walking on the treadmill 2 or 3 times a week for 30 min.)has really helped my mood and my energy levels. I've also found that humor (watching a little bit of a funny video or reading the jokes in Reader's Digest, etc.) helps a lot.

Hang in there, and try to take a few minutes to do something for yourself each day. Good luck!

Marriage is a partnership and so is the housework. At my house, if the dishes don't get done right away or dinner isn't on time, etc. because I am helping the kids with homework, etc. it is not a crime and it is not only my responsibility. Have a heart to heart with your husband, divide up the chores (he makes dirty dishes and clothes too), engage the kids in chores - but most of all take time for YOU. Look at it this way, nobody should expect perfection, but you should expect that you did your best and if it was just picking up a few of the toys because you were busy making sure the kids were safe in the bath tub - so be it. Your priority is the kids and their safety not the shine on the kitchen counter. Keep your priorities straight and everything else will work itself out.

I have battled depression all of my life. I am not sure if it is genetic in my family but I am really struggled. I have also had many trials in my life that contributed to it too. I went through an even worse bout when I left my daughters' father almost 2 years ago. At the time I thought it was because I loved him and couldn't be without him, but now I realize I wasn't in love with him, just in love with being in love and having a family for my daughter. I did and still do feel like I failed my daughter because she doesn't have her mother and father together like she deserves. I felt like such a failure. I finally went to my doctor and asked to be switched to a different medication. I think I was on Zoloft at the time as well as Zyprexa. I now take Effexor only and I am doing okay. Many people think that drugs are miracle workers. If they take them they will being instantly cured. That may work with some conditions but depression not so much. Although the medicine helps push in the right direction, you have to have a wonderful support system and you have to do a lot of work inside of you to help yourself. It does involve a lot of work and being a new, working mom it will be tough but we have to survive. Look at my current situation, I lost my job at the first of the year and have been looking ever since for another one. I am a single mom of a 2 year old. I have no savings so I have been struggling to get the bills paid with what little child support I get. Through all of this, I am still happy. I know everything will be okay. Remember, if God will bring you to it, He will bring you through it. As for your home life, very few men understand the difficulty of being a new mom. That's one of the main reasons I left my ex. He thought I should have no problem taking total care of the new baby, working a full-time job, cooking him a good meal everynight, keeping laundry done, etc. I was supposed to be able to do all of this and still be ready for more at the end of the day. It took everything I had to make him understand and he still didn't. You know what? His loss. He lost the best thing he ever could have had with me as a wife and mother to his only child. Anyway, I hoped this help you in some way. Let me know if you need any help!

Be careful of depression meds you are given. So many meds lead to other problems. Could it be you are adrenal fatigued? I'm certainly not an expert on this, but I too am tired and fatigued from stresses in our life and I cannot keep up with the household. It's been three weeks and I am in the process of getting better, it's a slow process, but I'm determined to get to full recovery. I refuse to get on meds from doctors. I try not to worry so much about certain things in the house, only what needs to be done, such as eat and laundry. Later I can play catch up when I have the energy. For the time being, there is no need to burn energy I don't have. I am learning how to make some lifestyle changes and the first thing we are making adjustments on is our eating habits (out with the sugar and junk). If our bodies are not sufficiently fueled, there will be no get-up-and-go power. This is where I am in the matter. I'm doing alot of research and I am seeking nutritional couseling as well. I hope the best for you. Take care of YOU first!!! Deborah

I too was on Cymbalta back in '04 (before becoming a mom), but haven't been on any meds since. I think it was stress from work & moving from out of town & having to look for a new place while being cramped up in an apartment. Not to mention getting adjusted to my hubbie's quirks after only a year of marriage.

After what we went through with the baby (she had emergency heart-cath surgery a few hours after being born & open-heart surgery at 5 days old in Boston), I wonder if I did or still have some post partum depression. Emily is 8 months old now, and my problem is sometimes I lay in bed at night and I re-live the scenes from her traumatic birth, our trip to Boston, and the 2 week stay in the hospital in Boston. It still sometimes keeps me awake at night. I usually just get up, cry some, do something online to take my mind off it, then try to go back to sleep.

Also, my husband sounds like yours. I'm a stay at home mom, and he'll say "you need to pick up her toys", "what's for dinner", "you need to go through this pile of stuff on the table", etc... I also tell him how tired I am, but when the baby goes down for her 45min-1hour nap, I usually do chores. He says "When she goes down for a nap, you take a nap", but then he wonders why things don't get done "Since you're home all day long". I think the only men that can relate to us are stay-at-home-dads. :) Maybe I should "put him to the test" like you did.

I have had a very bad year with depression. I was put in patient in Sep. and Oct. 2006. Ugh. I am a mom of 4. When I found out that my 15 yr old was preg. in Aug. 2006 I took a turn for the worst. I still have to manage one day at a time, but I am on Cilixor (Spelling wrong) and feel pretty good most days. I just moved to Houston from PA and the change is what I needed. By the way, the baby is due in 2 weeks. Ugh and goodie all at the same time.

Please keep in touch

K.,

I agree with one of your other replies...be careful with those depression med's. The best thing you can do is take time to workout...even if its just for a 30 minute walk to gather your thoughts. This will help you unwind, have time for yourself and have a breather and will help with the stress. Communication with your husband to pick up the slack and to have him talk to the kids about their behavior when your around is imperative or they will always think they can run over you when you walk in the door.

I hope this helps.