Depressed????

My husband is going through the same type of thing... kinda. We've been TTC for a while and I was just diagnosed with PCOS and the doctor put me on meds that should help us conceive within a few months. As soon as I went on the meds, my husband suddenly said he didn't want a baby right now.

Instead of depression, he is letting nerves take over his life. And just like your husband, mine refuses to talk to a doctor about it. I finally got him to agree to a counselor because I told him he was making me miserable. I didn't say it harshly or angrily... I broke down and started crying one night because of the way he's been acting. The sudden "stage fright" to conceive has left him crabby, rude, and stressed out. And he takes it all out on me.

Maybe suggest going to a counselor? Sit down with him, one-on-one, and be calm and quiet. Don't yell or scream, be real with him. When he sees how upset he is making you, he should be more apt to agree to at least talk about it.

Just like my husband saying that he "doesn't want a baby right now", even though we've been TTC for a year and I know he wants a baby, he used that as a shield for what's really bothering him - he's nervous he's not going to be a good daddy. Same thing with your husband. My guess is, something else is eating at him.

I hate saying "give him space" or "give him time" because I hate the way I felt when my husband was acting this way, but just try backing off and stop offering ways to "help" - because he is a man, and men don't think there's something "wrong" and that they don't need "help", when everyone else can clearly see he does.

Good luck to you.

I think for him to get help, he would have to admitt that he is having a problem and want help. What you might try doing is explain the situation to a dr or counslor and see what advice they may have for you. With your responsibilities already being overloaded this could cause you to also start feeling depressed so I would talk to a professional about it soon. Alot of times through your family health insurance you can call a LPC and talk with them for free.

It isn't easy, that is true. It took a lot for my husband to admit there was a problem. I had to explain that it was affecting the whole family (and we have 4 kids) and I needed him there, physically and mentally, to help me raise our children. He didn't get it at first and I was almost to the point of an intervention with him when he finally agreed to see the family dr. about it.

I guess what I am saying is make sure he knows what his state is doing to those around him. It is hard and sometimes you almost have to nag to get it through.

I still have days that I have to pull him out of bed and make him do things. But I have also had days that I tell him that if he is choosing to "take a day off" to stay out of my way because I have 4 children to raise and I can't babysit him too. That sometimes opens his eyes.

In todays world needing a little help isn't the worst that can happen. Checking out of you life isn't an option.

I am in the Dayton area if you need to talk. Just send me a message.

Best of luck and I will be praying for you.

Get brochures, articles, books, print out stuff from the internet, etc. Anything you can think of & lay it all around the house, tape it to the fridge, read out loud. I your kids are old enough can they write him a letter? Does he have someone he is close to so you can ask them to talk to him. Call a support group or you go to counseling to see how you can deal with this.

Sounds like a mid life crisis. My husband went through one in his 30's and is still going through it but he manages it by finding other things to fill some of his time. He also does not enjoy his job since he had hopes of something else and it did not pan out. My husband ended up buying himself an inexpensive sports car. It has helped him and he has gotten my teenagers into cars because of it. I realize that is a big purchase but is there something else he has always liked that he can get into. Also doing things with your kids will benefit the whole family. My mother always told me when we are depressed it is because we are spending too much time being selfish thinking about ourselves and when you feel bad do something to help someone else and it will make you feel good. If that doesn't work, a good male friend to talk to.

He's a man.
He is in denial.
Men often feel that being "depressed" is not a "manly" thing.
Thus they shoo away help.
He needs to go to the Doctor.
Or maybe join a support group.
Offer help and understanding, as you are.

Watch for symptoms, if it gets worse. Negative self-talk, hating life, wishing he wasn't alive etc.
Call a hot-line.... to speak to someone.
Speak to your own Doctor about him
Call support groups for yourself and/or him...
get all the information you can...

You cannot 'make' a depressed person not depressed... and even more so if it is a chemical imbalance.

One thing is, you don't want him to think that you are 'against' him... or he may get more depressed.
But, maybe... does he have hobbies? Maybe he can do something to feel functional?

But he does need to see a Doctor...

And if he is not depressed... then he needs to be diagnosed, to see what they problem is.
Does he express any problems/stresses/issues to you?

all the best,
Susan

Lots of good input here from other moms.

One thing I would say, though, is: be hones with your kids. If you think that somehow the kids don't know something is wrong, you're probably mistaken. If you think your DH is suffering from depression, a mental illness, you need to be up front about it and talk to them. You don't have to go into in detail or anything; just something like "You guys might have noticed that Dad seems unhappy and has seemed like that for a while. That's because he is sick with something called depression" and just explain in basic terms what it is. Most importantly, let them know if they want to talk to you about it or if they have questions, you will listen..... And also that it's really important for them to talk about their feelings and feel that it is safe to do so and their family will listen and not judge.....

I grew up with a mother that has a history of serious (clinical) depression, and I can tell you that not being able to talk about it, because a) at first I didn't know what was going on, though I knew something was wrong, and b) because it was somewhat taboo to talk about it, was a huge burden and worry for me for years and years. So, please talk to them, and be open.

I will keep you and your family in my thoughts and prayers.