Dead Libido???

It sounds like he is trying to guilt you. There are few women that would have a sex drive that soon post partum. Tell him to take care of things on his own !!

This is pretty normal for a lot of women. I was like that for a good three years after my last child was born. Since my hubby feels sex=love (like a lot men do) I went a head and still did it for him. It wasnt just about the release for him its how he feels loved by me even tho I show him in other ways. Once we got into it I was fine but it took many years for me to want to do it.

I remember going to my 6 week appt and the doctor asking me if there was any pain during intercourse and I looked at him like he had three heads b/c the idea of having sex hadn't even crossed my mind! He suggested that we give it a go b/c he had noticed that men feel "neglected" in many ways after a child is born and there was an "easy and quick" way to remind him that he's important too. Our attention (understandably so) is focused on the little baby, not the big one!

You may not be in the mood, but in this case you may just need to fake it 'til you make it! For men, sex is how they show affection. A kiss on the head is for your grandfather... I don't think he's guilting you. I think he's actually telling you how he feels, so acknowledge that by doing what he wants! Even if it's once a week, he'll feel important for those 15 minutes!! : )

Um... for one thing... ONE MONTH AGO.

Sheesh. What are you? A slot machine? Have you even quit bleeding yet? Have you even got your nerves back down there yet?

Give it some TIME. Like hands down at LEAST one more month for your body to heal and hormones to even out. Sounds like your hormones did a number on your sex drive while preggers this time ((or exhaustion; the number one cause of no sex drive is BIOLOGICAL and it's tied to not having enough sleep. If you're sleep deprived you brain withholds the va-va-voom response... out of self preservation. Being pregnant uses a lot of energy and the body is trying to protect itself. It's well documented, btw, that a surefire way to force a miscarriage is to keep a pregnant woman awake for several days in a row (it's a method of torture used on pregnant women in many countries)... the body CANNOT handle the energy expenditure of being pregnant and sleep deprived)).

As a new mom with your history of no sex drive during this pregnancy you're dealing with THREE issues that need to be resolved before you'll get the urge back:

1) Healing

2) Hormones (letting them get back to normal)

3) Sleep deprivation

Your hubby can't help you with the first 2, but he can DEFINITELY help you with the 3rd. So he knows... the average is 2-6 weeks for a sleep dep'd person's brain to even out chemically speaking. After you catch up on your reserves, even just 1 day a week where you can sleep yourself out can keep your brain from spazzing. Note: this is at no time talking about your MIND, but your brain. But if he wants you consistently awake/ alert/ willing & able rest needs to be part of your daily routine. Rest not in the "Dear GOD I need to sleep" trying to catch up on lost sleep sense, but in the healthy balance life sense; which most new moms (children under age 2) are just not able to get. OR he can hit you up when you ARE awake & aware. Which for most women with infants is during the baby's 2nd nap. Conveniently, for most, around lunch time. First nap = shower and dress and possibly a nap for herself. 2nd nap = one of the most high energy times during the day IF she's not sleep deprived to begin with.

Please. He needs to grow up. Most likely right now he has NO idea of the demands on you every day -- of three kids, meals, possibly working outside the home.....
You just had his third child. Do you really need to prove your love?
I'm sorry and this is not meant to be harsh but JEEEEZ....can a sista just chill, and heal and be left alone for a few weeks?

Som times it's not sex, it's affirmation and knowing he's appreciated and hearing that he's a great dad and hubby is what he needs. A big giant hug and slammin' kiss with an "I couldn't do this without you. You're the best" and explain "I'm not ready to get intimate yet, but I can't wait for the day I am." In a couple weeks, even if your libido is not there, drop kids off at moms for a couple hours and have dinner and wine just the two of you and make love. We never FEEL like it because motherhood is physical, the new baby is has all your physical attention and then hubs wants to feel you up. It's exhausting. But he is your man, he will need some attention eventually.

Um, did you hear the conversation I had with my hubby not too long ago? I literally said the same exact thing to him...right down to the Brad Pitt reference!!

For me, I have to just say, OK, I am going to show him how much I love him tonight. Not like "I have to have sex with him" - because I don't think you should have to do that. But I would put on something nice - either a nighty, or something other than my usual sweats LOL! Light some candles, get out the massage oil. And before I knew it, I was in the mood too. That isn't to say that you will be too...and that is OK. At least you are showing him that you DO care for him and that you DO want to make him feel special.

Good luck. And don't beat yourself up too much about this. Sooooo many women feel exactly the same way you do right now. While unfortunate, it is totally normal.

I ditto all the women here.

And my last child was born 4 years ago!
LOL

Just give him lots of compliments, show appreciation, tell him he looks good in that blue shirt, just do it and have sex. It can just be quick. Or do oral sex. That may lead to other things.

Don't feel pressured. That never works for women.

Men are like the extra "kid" in the house. They have simple needs... but it hovers over the atmosphere like 'stress'.
And sometimes, the Husband is the most NEEDIEST one in the house. Like in a childish way.

For me and most women, what helps us feel more demonstrative/intimate... is when the Husband HELPS IN THE HOUSE. DAILY.
Instead of being an extra square wheel in the house.

Tell him that.
Does he HELP you in the house, daily and with the kids?
You have THREE kids!
C'mon.... you are BUSY!
So HE has to help too. EVERY darn day.

Does he pamper you?
Right now, hopefully not forever, you are the BUSIEST one in the house.
He needs to pamper you too.

all the best,
Susan

Me too! After my son's birth I just haven't really been in the mood. Wait, that was 18 years ago!!! Sorry! I'm poking fun and I shouldn't. See if someone can keep the kids,and go on a date. If you aren't comfortable leaving the baby then have someone watch the older kids and order take out and set the stage of a romantic evening. If you don't want to have sex, you don't have to but being affectionate is a must. Hold hands, kiss, hug. You need to spend one on one time together. Remember it was the two of you in the beginning and will be the two of you in the end. Then go to sleep. If you are nursing, fix a bottle and have hubby feed the baby. Now, that is sexy!

Amen to everything Riley said!
I always want to laugh when people say that poor hubby feels neglected for not having sex since the baby was born. As if the woman who goes through labor, delivery, breastfeeding, sleeplessness, hormone changes has absolutely no excuse for not being in the mood! :)

Just give yourself a little more time. You could drink some red raspberry leaf tea (not just raspberry tea, it has to be the leaf). That helps so much with hormones after birth!

One added thing. He should know by now, how much you love him. Intimacy is a wonderful part of a marriage and shouldn't be ignored, but your hubby can realize, in other ways than sex, how much you love him. He needs to realize that it's not about him, it's about the huge changes that your body has been through in the very recent past!

Good luck to you both! :)

Oh Honey! Lol! A little over a month ago?!?!
Not to discourage you (but to give a reality check) my son is about to turn 10 months old and I am just now really getting my libido back.
Now I am probably not the norm-I've never had a raging libido...but one month post birth...DH knows me well enough that that would NOT happen. Lol.
Ask him how he'd feel if he had just squeezed a human out...
Maybe in the meantime you could leave him love notes/cards saying you can't wait till you feel back to normal again! :)

Some people recieve love in physical ways -- but that doesn't have to be limited to sex. It's been 1 month! ONE! If you tore at all then you aren't fully healed and sex would be painful. Have you even completely stopped bleeding/discharge?
Add to hormones and what all the other posters have written the fact that you have THREE kids who are touching you all of the time. One which is a baby who NEEDS YOU to touch him/her all the time and you're on sensory overload. Tell Daddy that you would love to help him "take care of himself" one night and that you are still recovering. Hopefully your libido will come back soon and you'll be wanting it too. You might also mention to him that men who do housework get it more often in the bedroom. (statistical fact)

Try not to stres about it. I went through the same thing after our 2nd child was born, and my husband had the same reaction. It does get better I promise. Just keep reasuring him that you love him as much as ever and make it a point to have time for just yourself. It's hard to get in the mood when you feel someone is constantly needing something from you. Then follow up the "you" time with dinner, wine, and some hubby time...

A MONTH ago? My daughter is 11, but I remember my doctor telling me I wasn't ALLOWED to have sex until after my 6 week appointment. With what your body's been through, I don't think you're being unreasonable. He's feeling neglected? How about you're feeling exhausted. Honey, if you love ME, you'd let me sleep until noon, look after all the kids, make dinner, clean up, do some laundry and maybe make an appointment for me at the nearest spa - THEN maybe I'll be in the mood.

Really, be honest and tell him you still love him but you're exhausted and just need some sleep. Are you breast feeding? I didn't have much interest until I stopped - although I only did it for about 6 weeks.

Good luck and take care of yourself.

I had the same thing after having my twins.... I didn't go to a doctor, but they do have stuff you can take that will help that.... I just forced myself to and eventually it all came back.

You JUST had a baby! Of course you have no libido! Give your body and your hormones time to readjust. I don't know if you are breastfeeding or not, but its also normal and common to not have much sex drive while breastfeeding. Try to have open communication with your husband and reassure him that you still love him and that things won't always be so intense. As women, we often feel completely satisfied in that department because we are "touched" out by our kids. We are getting love, snuggles, and kisses all day from the kids and it seems like work to extend all of that affection to our man. If, when things settle down- kids are older, not breastfeeding anymore and you still don't have any libido, look into natural ways to increase your testosterone. You can take DHEA (under someone's watch) and that will help all of your hormone levels. I think you need to be easier on yourself and explain to your husband what is going on for you. Let him talk candidly with you and get everything out in the open. Good luck!

I sooo agree with Krista P. and it's good you are not taking his communicating with you lightly or as if he is guilting you, I have noticed that is where problems begin GOOD FOR YOU! Think about doing something for yourself to get you in the mood. For me it's buying underwear and working out and then when i notice the slightest result. For you it maybe him giving you 2-3 hours of some alone time where he can spend that time with the precious one.

Practice, practice, practice!!

First off, I completely understand and have been exactly where you are. The sadness because you feel like you can't give your husband something he loves is rough. But I'm sure you both know that there are more ways of showing love than sex.
It's quite common for libido to disappear completely after a new baby arrives. As far as the sex goes, just give it time (both of you). Ease yourself back into it. It'll come back as you guys get settled into being a family of five instead of four. That takes more than a month:)
Remind your husband that your body has been through the mill and completely healing and return to normal hormonal levels will take some more time. Tell him you want to show him how much you love him, but for now that's going to be in every way but sex. If he doesn't put any pressure on that aspect of your marriage, he's more likely to get it sooner:) Find out your husband's second favorite way of being showed love and shower him with it (be that just spending one on one time with him, or telling him things you love about him, or touching him as you walk by and kissing more often, or making him little gifts, etc.)
Good luck!

If it's only been 5 or 6 weeks since your baby was born it could be completely normal!! Most women don't even think about it until that 6 weeks is up anyway! I would give it a little more time... then if no improvement make sure it's not b/c you're too tired or not spending enough time w/ hubby? No one wants to squeeze all that in at the end of a long day! Try some date nights or having the kids all spend the night at grandma's if it's at poosible?? If all else fails... don't be embarrassed to mention it to your doctor!

A month ago? You get 6 weeks after a baby STANDARD, no questions asked, doctor's orders no sex! Heck, I was usually still bleeding a month after a baby.

Tell him you just need a little more time, tell him you can't until your 6 week check up anyway, and try snuggling on the couch with him in the evening.