Daughter Now a Teenager.

My daughter is 2 so I am not there just yet. I am not sure what freedom you allow her and what you don't. I would give her a cerfew at that age mine was 5 for dinner then dark if I went back out. I also had to have all my homework done. If I didn't I would get grounded for a week. :( I had to let my parents know where I was at and what I was doing. As long as I was where I said I was and home on time they really didn't care. I did have to prove to them where I was at and they knew my friends I would hang out with after school. That was one rule they had to know my friends or I couldn't go to their house and spend time till my parents had met. They didn't have to meet the parents but I had friends who that was a rule. I would just make sure you know your daughters friends and where she is at. Then unless she has given you reason other wise trust her. I am sure you have raised a good kid. A little trust will go a long way. I am also very protective of my daughter. I am sure she will hate it when she is a teen-ager but when she has kids of her own she will understand why.

I think freedom needs to be earned. At that age I was making sure my sister arrived safely from the bus stop, making dinner and cleaning house everyday before I could go run around. That was until my step father set me up with an afterschool job that kept me out until they picked me up after their night jobs. I still had to make sure my sister was fed and down at the sitters before I left.

I tend to believe that the hours between when she gets home from school and the time that you get home from work are the most dangerous of the day. I would limit her online time then by protecting the computer with a password. I would even limit her phone time. Talk to her about internet safety and you must meet all of her friends, you need to have their parents names and all the addresses and phone numbers of them and their parents. If she leaves the spot she was supposed to be in she should call you before she leaves and when she arrives at the new location.

Good luck, I didn't raise my oldest through this time but knowing what I did during that time, he wouldn't have gotten as much freedom or responsibility.

I am only a mom-to-be, but I was once a teenage daughter myself. The only thing I can tell you is trust her. You know your daughter better than anybody else. Has she given you reason to not trust her? Set reasonable expectations and limitations. I always had a curfew and my mom always knew where I was. Today we have the advantage of technology... does she have a cell phone that you can call her or she can call you on? You can't waste time worrying about what could possibly happen. Just believe that you have raised your daughter to be a responsible young woman and treat her as such. You might be surprised. And you don't have to do it all at once. Baby steps are key. Try letting her go to a boy/girl party or out on a "group date." But if she breaks the rules remember to enforce the consequences.
It sounds like I'm just stating the obvious, but I'm just telling you waht my mom did with me. I was the only 15 year old girl I knew who didn't have a curfew because by that age I had shown my mom that I was mature enough not to need one. If I had home work to do, I didn't go out. Of course, if we needed her to pick me or my friends up, there was a "too-late" clause.
Knowing who she's going out with and where will also help. My mom always knew my friends and where we were going. Of course we were creatures of habit so if it was Friday night we were at the ice rink or mall.
And listen to your gut!!!! Is it really a bad feeling? Or are you being overprotective? If it's the latter than make sure you have some fun with a friend of yours so you won't make yourself crazy what-if-ing.
Hope this helps some!
E. Y.
Manhattan, KS.

PS I dont' know if this matters or not, but I grew up in San Jose, CA. A much more urban, "dangerous" place than Kansaas.

Hi my name is S. I live in peculiar as well and have two girls of my own. My girls are however still very young but in a lot of ways so am I still. I am only 25 and I have a sister who is 16 so I still remember what it was like to be that age. My father raised me by himself and they way he did worked really well. I think the best advice is to make sure you two comunicate. I think comunication is the most important thing for that age becauise she is going through so many changes and she needs to know that she can come to you no matter what. You need to make sure that she is aware of all the good and bad stuff out there and that no matter what she can come to you to talk about it. Even the stuff that parents don't really want to have to deal with like sex, drinking, and drugs. If you let her know that you are there and she can talk to you about things...it might help. You still need to keep the fine line of mom and friend though. Let her feel like she has all the freedom she needs and at the same time make sure you are still in control. I am sure that it will not be easy I can't imagine what it will be like for me when I have two of them that age. My 16 year old sister is tough fo me to deal with and she isn't mine so I can only imagine. If you ever need to talk I would be happy to talk to you more. I look forward to it and bye for now!!!!!!!!

P.S. Set aside a day every once in awhile maybe once every couple of weeks, to go do something together her choice. It will give you a chance to catch up on what is going on in her life away from the daily setting. It might make it easier for her to open up.

I have a 14 year old son and I know that is different but we do have a few things that work for us. Communication is the key! We talk openly and very candidly. I have established a relationship where he tells me everything. I have always answered all of his questions about sex, drugs and alcohol honestly and without judgement from the time he started asking things. You need to establish a trust with her so that she trusts you enough to tell you what is going on in her life. If she knows she can come to you and tell you anything, she will. She needs to know that when she tells you things that you are not going to fly off the handle and ground her...which is hard not to do. I know I am lucky that I have a good kid...for now! I always play it as....if he tells me what happened and what went on, we discuss it like 2 adults and figure out what to do about the situation together. If I hear about it from someone else, which rarely happens, I treat him like a child that hid things from me...grounding and taking away privledges soon follows! We have discussed drinking, he has tried it, and no I don't condone that, but he knows he can call and get removed from the situation without worrying about the consequences. We talk about sex, I push abstinance, but gave him condoms...I know that it will ultimatley be his decision and if he chooses to go thru with a sex act, I want him protected. I was a teenage mother, I know what I did, so how can I expect him to not be human? She already has the values you have instilled in her, let her use them, but monitor her activities and ask lots of questions. Get involved...be the cool mom that drops them off at the mall and picks them up. Go with them a few times. Get to know her friends and make them feel like they can confide in you too, it helps, what she doesnt tell you, they will! Dont sweat the small stuff, but let her know what your limits are and that no matter what you will always be there for her looking out for her best interests. She will make mistakes along the way to being an adult...but those are the lessons that they remember! Just remember what it felt like to be a teenage girl and try to look at it from both views...I wish I could have had a mom that I could talk to the way my son and I talk, I would have probably done a lot of things differently had I been able to trust my parents with my secrets!
Take care and good luck!

I have a son that is almost 13. We are very close. You need to be able to talk to her like friends. My son and I can talk about anything. He has told me he is not having sex yet but I still give him condoms. I have explained to him that when he decides to do something that I want him to be safe. He keeps reassuring me that he will tell me before he decides to do somthing. I am so scared also that I will loose him someday to any of the evil out there but you just have to have faith. Like I said we talk about everything and I know that makes a big difference, he knows he can come to me and I will look at things fom all points of view.
Good luck and have faith, and trust!!

Hi P., I have three daughters. My oldest who is 16 is a good girl. I am a single mom too and I am very overprotective. I have given her freedom a little bit at a time and told her that once she looses my trust , she will maybe never get it back. So over the past few years we hve worked together and I have let the strings loose a little at a time. If I didn't she was going to rebel and resent me so we have and are still learning a lot.

If you have always taught her what is good acceptable behavior and what is not, then now is the time to show her that you trust her. If you don't let go a little then it could mean pushing her into the behavior that you are trying to get her to avoid. That doesn't mean you let her do everything she wants, but you decide how much you are letting her do, just lay the ground rules out for her first, and also let her know that along with some freedom comes responsability. If she breaks the rules, she loses the freedom.

All my well wishes to you, P.! I have a favorite little book called "Simplify Your Life with Kids" by Elaine St. James. It is a quick read with short chapters. She gives excellent examples on how to give your children age appropriate responsibility and how to handle disciplinary issues. I loaned it to my neighbor with a 13yo son and she had to buy her own copy because it was so helpful.

Every family is different, so I'm not suggesting this book is a miracle cure for all parents with teens, but it is worth a read.

I totally agree with Mary F. on her advice. My mother and I had a great relationship while I was growing up and she was the first person I told when I had sex for the first time. I have always been able to talk to my mother about anything, whether she got mad or I got grounded. The big thing about that relationship is setting boundaries also so that you are not walked all over for being too lenient or of her thinking you are such a 'cool' mom. My mother is easy to talk to but quick to remind us that she's not our friend, she's our mother. Have fun. I have 12 yrs before I'm on here asking the same questions. lol

Hello my name is J. and I am 29 years old I dont have a teen but I would like to share with you my teen years. My mom would not let go of the strings and I hated her so much for it. So I would go behind her back as much as possable and do everything that I was not suppose to do and new better then to do just to make her mad. I would disapper from home for hours on end and she would not know where I was or anything. Then when I turned sixteen I started having sex and I wound up preg at 17 1/2 years old. I do think that my son made me wake up and smell the coffie if you know what I mean but I feel that if my mom would just let go of the strings then I would not of done what I did. You raise your daughter and now is the time to trust in what you have taught her. Give her a little freedom and let her show you that she knows what to do and then slowly give her a little more at a time. Baby steps is what it takes. I hope I have helped.

FIRST OFF LET ME SAY CONGRATS ON HER TURNING 13.

I WOULD SAY SIT AND HAVE A TALK WITH HER AND TRUST SHE WILL DO THE RIGHT THINGS IN LIFE, BUT IF THEY DONT EXPERIENCE THINGS THEY WONT KNOW WHAT THE WORLD HAS TO OFFER. IF IT MEANS THEM GETTING OUT IN THE WORLD AND MAKING MISTAKES ALONG THE WAY, SO BE IT, LIVE AND LEARN RIGHT. I KNOW ITS TOUGH TO LET THEM GO, MY SON WILL BE 1YR OLD ON THE 27TH AND I THINK ABOUT HIS FIRST DAY OF SCHOOL, ITS ONE DAY I WILL BE DREADING. I AM A SAHM, I SPEND EVEY MOMENT I CAN WITH MY SON.

HOPE THAT HELPS A LITTLE.

G.