Daughter Having Difficult Time with Mom Dating

My daughter is 5 and is naughty or very very jealous and will do anything for attention when she meets anyone new. She really wants a daddy, and for me to be married so she can have a baby brother or sister so she likes when I date but she is also very use to being my one and only special person so I just try and give her alot of attention or do something special with her and include her. I thought about if it's horrible for her to meet my boyfriend(s) get attached and then me break up with them and my daughter's ecfe teacher told me last year that it is actually good to get used to it in life. My daughter is going to constantly meet new people and constantly never see people again it will happen in life, at school wherever. As long as she has stability like MOM and others they're fine this is according to some advise I had gotten. I was in a serious relationship for 5 months this last summer and my daughter really liked the guy for awhile but I'm glad I included my daughter I figured out this wasn't the one by how he interracted with my daughter and my daughter was fine when I broke it off she could care less which told me she really didn't like him. As far has bringing every Harry Dick and Tom home and having many different guys spend the night I am against that. My daughter meets differnt guys and they are no different than her meeting some girlfriends, they don't spend the night and they don't make out with me or anything in front of her. I don't have family or friends to watch my daughter so this is just how I do it. I am 26 and still young I want to get married and have more children and not dating til my daughter is out of the house is impossible I need a life and some adult time myself. My daughter knows she is #1 in my life and will always be. I would NEVER put any guy before my daughter.

I think she is worried about Mom's attention being taken away from her. Same sex children are often closer to the same sex parent, so I have heard. She might accept her father's moving on alot better than her FAVORITE (lol) parent.
I would try to go on dates and spend time with your new man when she is not home. Bring daughter to sitters or family/friends when you want to spend time with him. Give her some time to adjust to the brk off of her parents and having Mommy all to her self. I think she really needs your extra attention right now.

i don't have experience on this but i have some friends who are in the same situation. and what they have been doing with their children is including them as much as possible in the relationship. so maybe when you talk to the boyfriend on the phone let you daughter talk to him too. and maybe suggest to the boyfriend to maybe send her a card either thru email or mail just for her!!

Sounds like she feels as if her time with you has to be shared...which she is not used to. She is probably already used to her dad being with another woman, since it has been like that since you split, so she has always had to share her time with him.

Talk with her about her feelings, she's old enough to be able to tell them in her own way. Let her ask questions and answer them as best as possible, and ask her questions in return. Set aside time for just you and her to do funs things together and explain to her your going to be spending time with this other man.

Let her know that she comes first to you.

I was in the same situation in 1994-1995. My advice is to not let her know you are "dating", until you meet "the one".

Never introduce her to someone that wouldn't be a long term fixture in her life and never date anyone that wouldn't love her as his own. I also strongly advise running a background check on any serious boyfriend material. We can never be too careful with our kids. Many men will prey on a single mom and her kids. We must protect our kids at all costs against preditors.

Don't mean to be a downer, but kids need stability and people they can count on in their lives. If you're casually dating someone, there is no need for your little sweetie to know them.

what ever you do don't stop dating,just To make her happy. when i was 4 my mother dated and i would get a babysitter and cry for her not to go. she only dated for alittle while and she hasn't gone a date in 30 yrs. and i feel bad now because she is alone. i am also the only child and my mother doesn't drive so she relize on me to take her places. i don't have any advice just don't give in or you could whind up alone. good luck

If I were you, I wouldn't even let her know that you are seeing anyone else. She doesn't need to know anything about the guy unless you plan on getting married to him. It's okay to go out and have a good time. Just don't let her know anything about it. Keep her little world simple, it will make things a little easier for you and her.

First of all you should let her know that she is still # 1 in your life. SHe needs to be reassured of that- also do something special with her (a mom & daughter thing) she can accepts dad having the girlfriend because she is not with him all the time like she is with you. She is probably thinking that you will not have much time for her anymore, she is wanting you complete attention. This is normal. If bad behaviors persist, check with a child therapist. She may just need a little help adjusting to someone new in your life. Good luck

This isn't easy for the parent or the child. I was in the same place as you are. My ex husband was dating his new wife before I was even moved out of the house. My kids were fine with him and her dating but when I started to date almost 6 months after we had been split up they were not ok with me doing it. They would act up and get mad if I even said another guys name. So I started to never tell my kids when I was dating someone unless I was with them for a good length of time. The one guy I was dating we were together for 6 months before I even mentioned the guys name. When I did I tell them that I was seeing this guy and told them his name and told them that I really like spending time with him and would like the kids to meet him. The kids only met him one time and shortly after that we went our own ways. When the kids asked about him I told them that he wasn't good enough to be with such wonderful kids (even though it had nothing to do with them) and it was a long time since I brought another man around my kids. This last time I brought someone home I had dinner with him and my kids and I stepped back and let him and the kids play together and then we all curled up on the couch and watched a movie together (me and him we at oppisite ends of the couch with the kids between us). If the kids asked if they could talk to him, I would call him and if they wanted to see him, he would come over. Otherwise all of our time spent together was when the kids were not at home. He would stop in for like 5-10 mins here and there just to say hi to the kids and bring them little things he would find in the woods (my boys are very outdoors kids) then he would go. Bearly saying more than two words to me, makeing sure they knew it was all about them. When I sat down to let the kids know we were wanting to get married they were so excieted... my youngest had to call him and have him come over. I think they hugged him more than me! But to me I think its great. Even with the wedding it was our best friends as the maid of honor and the best man other wise we had my neice and his neice walk down with my two youngest and my oldest walked me down the isile. My husband said vows to them also, we made sure to have them be just as big as a part in the wedding as it was me and him. To this day he is very active with the kids and many times they will go to him for questions.. cause its boys stuff and moms just don't understand (so they think, lol).

Don't get me wrong it wasn't pure smooth sailing, they would each act up sometimes when we would talk about him or a few times when he came over my youngest (6) would latch on to me. But over time they saw that he wasn't taking any of my time away from them and that I still loved them and that wasn't going to change just because I was dating someone. (that was my oldest fear.. that I wouldn't love him as much if I loved someone else). It takes time for them to realize that.

This way worked out for us, hopefully you can get some helpful ideas out of this and it will help you also. Good luck!

I'm not fond of the idea of parents dating while raising their kids but maybe it's just too much for her to handle at this time. It's so much change. I can't explain why she'd be okay with your x dating. Have you talked to your daughter to make sure she truly is okay with that? Maybe you can date without her knowing. My Mom started dating my Dad's new wifes Dad and I was upset. I think it was a lot of change to take in at one time. I was 10 so quite a bit older than your child but maybe the feeling is the same I'm not sure. I wanted my Moms attention and it was being taken away from me and that was my deal. My Dad was the one who dated a new women first and it was a slow thing. They were friends and he started to bring her around more and more and then she moved in with us. I was also not as close to my Dad as I was to my Mom. Maybe your daughter wants more attention from you. Maybe it's best if you don't bring your date or dates home. Wait until you are commited to introduce them or something. If you don't want ot date in secret then maybe seek counseling for you and your daughter.