Daughter Bullyed

Gosh, the preschool my kids went to, they wanted the parents in the room to help out. If the teacher isn't willing to do anything, meet with the preschool director and ask that they observe the classroom and what is going on. Unfortunately, most parents don't believe their child is doing anything wrong (like the child I saw in the store the other day with their grubby hands in the bulk food and the mom watching and not saying anything). Some parents have the philosophy that kids should work out these problems themselves, but at this age they definately need guidance. I would definately go through the program director. Good luck!

Go to the director. She needs to know and she needs to help the teacher help the kids.
And my child was bullied by a 4 year old girl intentionally and cruelly.

I am not saying this situation is ok and it definitely needs to be further discussed with the teachers, but please don't call it bullying. The other toddler has no intent to hurt your child or "pick on" her. I only say this because I think too many situations get labeled "bullying" when they are not. This child is a toddler.

As a preschool teacher and mom I can tell you that a 2 or 3 year old cannot be malicious. Please don't blame a very young child for doing things they have simply not yet learned not to do. It is an issue with the staff and other parents, and sometimes these take time to resolve. A baby (yes a 2 or 3 year old is a baby) cannot be a bully, that is a much more grown-up term) I just have three things to say
#1 work with your daughter on her independence, verbal and self-help skills. Don't raise a victim. Teacher your daughter to stand up for herself (by saying no or telling a teacher NOT RETALIATION). Keep in mind that toy stealing or dumping of toys is a normal stage of development that maybe your daughter has passed through while this child hasn't - so be proud of your daughter and understanding of those who haven't quite caught up to her yet. Don't forget that your child isn't perfect either- is she hasn't already she is going to develop some bad habit sometime. Don't you want others to be understanding and patient with her?
#2 legally your preschool cannot tell you anything about the other child and if they are I would really worry. It is a privacy issue and which child is doing what and why are concerns of the staff and that child's parents... not you. What are they telling the other parents about your child I wonder????
#3 In all state preschools are regulated by either the state or NAEYC and while each state is different it is a pretty safe bet to say they are NOT ALLOWED TO USE TIME OUTS!

speak to the parents if you know them. There maybe something more going on. If she has any type of behavior problem or disability the school cannot tell you so yes perhaps her hands are tied and she cannot do much of anything except for try to prevent it from happening. And at 2/3 yrs old I don't think they are really bullies they are just starting to learn social skills. If you cannot attend with her is this what the teacher is telling you is going on, are you watching through a window or is your daughter telling you this?
edited: yes there are policies but 1. a school is not obligated to tell you how they disciplined the other child and 2. if the child has any special needs they typically have a plan in action to deal with the behaviors that are disciplined and approached differently then with other students and the school can't tell you this either.
When my son was in first grade another student bit him breaking the skin I had to pick him up early he was upset because the girl that bit him did not have to miss recess but he did because he had to go to the doctor for it. I later found out on a field trip (the mom went on it too) that her daughter fell on the autism scale and that she had an IEP that gave specific instructions for behaviors and outbursts

ive never heard of a 2-4 yr old class..If you can not observe the class how do you know she takes her toys?How old is the other girl?Maybe the child is still learning how to be social with other children and maybe doesnt know how to ask your daughter to play..They are still very young and honestly how many times are people gonna use the bully card ,dont raise a victim ..If anything id be looking into putting her into a new daycare with the same age children..And how ignorant of you trying to be a bully to the child if her parents dont.What you gonna hit ,scream and yell at the child really.

I understand it's hard to watch your child struggle with interactions with different personality types, but 2-4 year old children CAN NOT be bullies. Bullying implies as intentional act to intimidate or hurt. Children this age are completely self centered and haven't learned to think about/understand the impact of their actions on others. I think you can handle this in a positive manner if you approach it from the perspective that the other child is not bad but just a child that is still learning appropriate behavior. I don't think approaching the other mom is a good idea at all b/c, if as you say, parents aren't allowed in the class what is she suppose to do to correct this behavior. The other parent probably already knows their child is aggressive and certainly isn't teaching her to be mean and aggressive at home. The teacher needs to be the one to step in and redirect this child when she exhibits inappropriate aggressive behavior. Your discussion needs to be with the teacher about preventing your daughter from being harmed. The answer is not that their hands are tied! They should know how to handle this, from what described, completely normal behavior for the age group. You can also work with your daughter and have her speak up for herself to the other child and the teacher. I know is hard to handle, but this is just part of the journey. Also, please don't ever tell your young child to hit back. That's just ignorant and completely counterproductive. Good Luck.

My son is, very rambuncious, and there are days were he simply cannot control his energy. some kids cant handle his intense hyperness. He simply does not understand that they think he is being mean. he is pulled to the side of class and talked to about his behavior, and sometimes has to be iscolated or put into an older kids class. Some parents are not aware that their child is acting like that. i wasnt aware until i got a "write- up" with his behaivior. i told the teacher she has NEVER mentioned any kind of disruptive or bad bahavior(which i thought odd, bc his last teacher told me about everything). in all honesty, the childs behavior doesnt sound like a bully. she has probably not been taught how to play with children and the whole "mine" phase sounds like its boiling up. she probably hasnt been given any positive reinforcement, and that would also explain some of her attitude problems. And how would u exactly "handle it for her"? some children do not respond the same to discipline. Example- my niece is misbehaving all i have to do is get stern with her and thats enough to make her cry. my son doesnt understand the sterness, you have to get on his level and tell him whats going on and why its naughty and all the fun stuff. Anyway your daughters teacher needs to be held more accountable because she isnt doing her job. if this other girl has the time to pick on your daughter that much she isnt being watched very closely. i would go to the director of the school and tell them whats going on and tell them that you would like to sit in and observe a day in your daughters class.

2-4 is a wide range of age in a preschool class. If your daughter's teacher doesn't help you, speak with the director or principal - they should have a disciplinary policy and it is up to the school to discuss with a parent when their child is misbehaving, being aggressive, etc. There should be a policy on how this is handled. Things that happen in school should not need to be handled by parents outside of school

Ditto AC below.

Okay...no the Teacher CAN do something about it.
The school/Director... SHOULD have rules and policies about bullying.

My daughter was bullied in Preschool (when she was 3 years old) ... I told the Teacher. The Teacher said this child has caused trouble before to others. The Parents were called in and met with. They were told, that if it continues... their child will be asked to leave the school. Other parents, in addition to me, had complained about this child. The Teacher ALSO talked to this child.... the Teacher also talked to the ENTIRE class as well (without using the child as an example), and talked to about Bullying/proper behavior/what is unacceptable/how to tell a Teacher is someone if being picked on etc.

So yes, the Teacher CAN do something about it.

Yes, a child can be picked on/bullied...at this age. I saw it firsthand... with my daughter and the child that would pick on her. ON purpose. I saw it. My Daughter, was NOT in any way, an instigator. In fact, my daughter always steered clear of this child, because she knew she was a troublemaker. The Teacher even saw, this child pick on others.

I suggest, you DOCUMENT everything and write a letter, to the school.... expecting something be done about it.

You said your daughter was "hurt." This is UNacceptable....
It cannot continue...

You are the parent, you MUST advocate for your daughter... and EXPECT it be handled, properly by the Teacher and the school/Director.

all the best,
Susan

Why is your child in a preschool class that you are not "allowed" to go to and observe what is going on with your own child?

Talking to the other child's parents should be the teacher's responsibility! Maybe the threat of losing other children from her class would be enough to make the teacher sit up and take notice. See if other parents feel as you do, and then tell the teacher that you will take your child elsewhere if she cannot handle this child. Also tell the teacher that this child's parents should be given a warning, and then expelled if she can't control her behavior. If the teacher is unwilling to go to the child's parents about the problem, then go elsewhere!

"The apple doesn't fall far from the tree". I don't know that approaching the parent will help because kids are usually a result of how they are raised. If you check the rules/philosophy of the school handbook, it probably says something to the affect that"each child has the right to feel safe." Obviously your daughter does not feel safe, so I would approach the teacher once more and tell her this is a big concern and how it is affecting your child. Ask her what she is going to do about it. If that doesn't help, go to the person in charge, a Principal and talk to them about their school rules and that this other student is not allowing others to feel safe and ask what they are going to do. If a person of authority approaches the other parent, it may make a difference. With children that are acting out like that, there has to be support from the school where they work together to help the child realize what the rules are and that there are consequences. If noone helps the situation, I would put her in a new school or in a new classroom, if your daughter cannot tolerate that behaviour. It sounds like the teacher is not equipped to handle a child like that either. There are kids like that in every grade in every school and eventually kids like yours have to deal with that, but if it is an unsafe situation you should seek help from school personnel.

My thoughts are much the same: does the parent of this little girl know what her daughter is doing and how she is treating others in the classroom? You could ask for a meeting with the teacher and this other parent. Then you can address the situation directly and know the response. If I were the teacher and nothing had worked with the child, I would ask the parent to stay with the child in the room and help modify her behavior. Do other parents also see the problem?

I am going through the same situation with my son, which just turned 3 in September. I am a very Hot headed person especially for my child and i refuse to watch him come home upset meanwhile i paid my money for him to be in this "SAFE,CHILDREN FRIENDLY ENVIROMENT" so much for that. I have spoke to the parent of the troubled child and i got the same ignorance from the parent as my son from there child. Sometimes you have to teach your kids to defend themselves because "M." can't always be there, and if that little girl continues to hit your daughter have your daughter hit her back, theres but so many time you can tell someone stop but if they keep going she has the right to defend herself, but if you do it then it creates a bigger problem. Trust ME!!! GooD LuCk!!

Hi. I have couple opinions on your post. As someone else said I have never head of a 2-4yr old class. I am a daycare teacher it is kind of hard for us to keep the child that is being me away from the other child, but we do try but it not always possible. It is also hard for us to talk to the parent when their child is being mean, but we try to address it sometimes to the parents of that child, but there are parents that dont belive that their child is doing this. I'd make a suggestion is maybe having a conference with the director, asst director, and teacher, I have done this myself before for a child that kept getting hurt, because me and the other teacher i work with have tried everything to make this other child try to be nice and the child did not stop being mean. It is our main responsiblity to keep the children safe yes, and we try our best. I would really suggest having a conference to see what is going on, and maybe the director or asst director can talk to the other parent, or talk to the teachers to see what is going on in the classroom.

First of all, the teacher is NOT doing her job!! My son is 4 and goes to preschool. That kind of behavior is not what his teacher would ever allow. Go to the principal about it. An intervention is what is needed. And I have never heard of a school that doesn't allow you into the classroom.