I'm 20 years old my boyfriend and I had been together for 3 years I'm 8 months pregnant when I told him si was pregnant he told me he didn't want the baby and to get an abortion he didn't want his family to know I was pregnant or to have anything to do with the baby I broke up with him and I didn't talk to him for a couple of days then one day when I got home he was there with his parents I guess he had told them after all I had already decided to raise the baby by myself but he said he wanted to help and he wanted me to move in so I moved in but he was never home I was always with his parents brother sisters and grandma he was cheating on me the whole time and he would leave me in our room by myself for hours and he would go hang out with the other girl or his friends he had money to spend on them but not ne he went 3 weeks without buying groceries I ate thanks to his parents he would pay rent but that's it I can't work because I had brain surgery and I get seizures he would disrespect me and talk about ne and call me names he would lock himself in the restroom for hrs to talk on the phone with the other girl then he would txt her in front of me and call her in front of me we were engaged and I called it off if he ever spent money on me I had to pay hin back but whenever wewent. To the mall he would buy the other girl stuff he screamed at ne whenever I cried he said I wasweakthat I was allowing myself to be hurt that I was stupid and annoying he hit me several times during my pregnancy so I left his house and I moved back with my parents he doesn't. seem interested in being a part of the babies lige since I moved out he has only visited twice he has just given me $20 and has just bought one toy for the baby he doesn't call or text he has missed doctors appointments I have gone to the emergency room several times and he just says good luck but doesn't show up he said he forgets to call andthat he doesnt have time or money to visit ir money to give ne but he called me saying that he is engaged and planning a wedding and he bought a ring and he gangs out with this girl everyday he has time for that but not his kid she calls ne and messages me to insult ne all the time and he cheated in her was ignoring her and she went to cry for him he skipped school 30 tines to go to motels and parks with her to have sex they have been planning to have a bzby he can't even handle this one I went to visit his little sister and he threw me against the netdl bar of the bed I hit my stomach and I ran he then tried hugging ne and apologizing to ne. He keeps telling me that he is going to take me to court to fight custody I don't want him having my baby he diesnt care about him I know as a dad he has rights but still he's not a good dad he says he loves him one day and the next he says he hopes I misscarry I decided not to gave him in the delivery room or on the birth certificate or put his last bane I will be filing for child support he called me and said let me know when he's here talk to u later I don't know what to do my family and his family fully support me I'm undecided on wether to put his oasy last name or to tell him when I'm in labor I don't know what to do
Ok maybe I wasn't very clear about this yes I'm 20 no I do not live off my parents yes I'm not suppose to be working because I haven't been cleared by the doctors but I am working to support myself and my baby therefore I wouldn't be homeless and I pay rent for two rooms at my parents house I buy my own food I do have Wic I cannot apply for food stamps because here if you have Wic you can't get food stamps and I am about to graduate as dental assistant in 3 months so he can not say that I am disabled or unfit I have a nursery ready for my baby I bought everything I am over him but here he has rights as a dad I do understand that completely and I am not denying him from his child I have told him that a million times he doesn't have to have his last name for child support here or to be on the birth certificate the only reason why I don't want him to have his last name or be on the birth certificate is because I feel like that is something you have to earn not something I have to give to him because he is the dad I do have an attorney I am working with on all this I was just saying idk what to do because if I cut him off.I would also be cutting off his family and they have been so supportive it wouldn't be fair he has nothing prepares for the baby he is living off his parents and I get threatened every single day I take care of myself ans my baby now if paying for my food rent myself ans my kid and our stuff and about to graduate college isn't being mature idk wat is and no adoption is not an option for me I chose to be an adult I take care of my responsibilities why would I give my baby up when I'm his mim I'm doing everything to make sure he is healthy and to be able to give him a good life his dad is the one who doesn't want him nit ne and I can do all those things actually here in Omaha I can I've talked about it with my lawyer.plenty of times and how is this the most ridiculous thing you have heard like I Saud I'm very mature and taking care of my responsibilities I get he has rights as a dad but in order for those rights to go into action he has to take me to court and the judge will decide when he gets him for how ling all that I know that once again I'm not taking his kid away I am perfectly capable of raising him by myself the only reason why I'm filing for child support is because I.think that if he was man enough to have sex he should be man enough to take care of his responsibilities which is his kid yes I have made mistakes but I don't think that means I am a bad mom or that I'm bot interested in raising my baby because I am he is the most important thing to me so I will not be giving him up for adoption and. I am on birth control I got pregnant being on the shot and no I don't do drugs drink or smoke I never have and I don't intend to start now and I am not depending on this guy for anything but like I said it takes two to make a baby and since he has rights to visitations here in Omaha the keast he can do is pay child support I have talked to my parents to his parents to a bunch of different attorneys I am trying to do what is best for my baby I can and will raise him by myself so please stop suggesting adoption because that is not an option for me and no I don't go out and party or sleep around with guys I don't like parties and I made a mistake by having sex but it happened I had been with him for three years and he is the only guy I have ever been with so I do not sleep around I don't see a reason for why I should give my baby up in doing the best I can to provide for us everyone makes mistakes I love,my baby very much and I do take care of myself I don't depend on anyone I don't know if he's bipolar he acts like it one minute he's happy the next I'm getting hit and I do stay away from him I honestly don't know what him and his girlfriend want they wanted me out of the way to be together I left him to focus on myself and my baby but I just learned yesterday that she stalks me on facebook and they know where I go what time I go its creepy I don't know why they can't just leave ne alone he called ne yesterday begging me to let hin be in the delivery room so he could cut the umbilical cord and to let hin have his last bane he says he loves the baby I told him to please stop calling wishing your kid was dead isn't loving him and si ce he said he's so broke supposedly he was begging me not to file for child support he said he would start giving me money once the baby is born but he can't right now or who couldn't during the whole pregnancy I am thinking about getti g a restraining order against both of then and once my baby is born we have to go to court to see when he can visit my attorney said I have to tell the judge everything and he will probably have supervised visits never alone for only an hr once a week because he's dangerous and yes if he ever puts his hands on ne again I will be calling the cops the tines he hit ne he broke my phones I had and he locked me in the room he knows he is not allowed to be in the delivery room but he says he's getting in one way or another he doesn't care if he has problems he Os going to try to fight ne for custody and his girlfriend thinks she's the mom of my baby she bought him clothes shoes and she's saying I love my baby boy so much she even scheduled a tour of labor and delivery they both have issues a restraining order is the best way to go
Are you insane? This is the most ridiculous thing I've seen all day. You're 20 years old, time to start acting like it.
Adoption is a great option.
Um, what? None of those things you can do, well you can do some of them but all of them would negate some of them.
Talk to your parents.
Please put the baby up for adoption. You are not in the position to raise this child. He doesn't care one wit about raising the baby either.
You have made every mistake in the book here. This baby needs a loving home with parents who are mature and able to take care of it. You need to learn how to take care of yourself and not depend on men like THIS guy who is abusive, a total jerk and a hosebag.
Please talk to an adoption agency. They have attorneys who can guide you. Figure your life out and STOP settling for douchebags and don't get pregnant.
Dawn
You need to start right now growing up. Not saying you haven't had it hard, obviously you have. BUT you now have a child coming into this world that you are going to be responsible for.
Here's what I would tell you to do if you were right here in the room with me.
You need to file, first thing in the morning call and get the paper work going to start getting disability since you cannot work and that's it is permanent.
You need to go to every low income apartment complex in your town tomorrow and fill out paperwork to get on their waiting list. Actually, call them first so you'll know which ones are taking applications for their waiting list. They often take over a year to get to the top of the list. Some do move faster than others but that sort of tells me that no one wants to live in them and then I wonder why, are they horrible landlords? Do they treat people badly? Are they scary? In a bad neighborhood? Or do people who live there do so well they get a hand up so they can actually start making a better living and can move out.
I would also tell you that you need to be receiving WIC, as a pregnant woman you can get WIC right now. You can get cheese, milk, and some other stuff. When the baby is born, if you breast feed, you will continue to receive some foods for yourself and your baby will get stuff when they get a little older. If you use bottles you'll get some food for a couple of months and the baby will get about 90% of their formula paid for.
Then you also need to go apply for food stamps so that you can buy your own groceries. You should be able to cook and take care of this baby independent of your parents even though you are living in their home. Plus getting some assistance for food will help you so they don't have to pay so much each month for food.
You then need to make an appointment with a therapist that understands how your brain works and start talking to them. When you go to talk to the SSDI people you need the therapist to write a letter stating that you cannot work nor will you ever be able to do so, that you are able to make it through daily living skills just fine and are quite capable of taking care of yourself and your child.
If he goes on record saying this in court it will help you immensely when you go to court over this baby. You will have a credible witness that can say "yes, she is fully capable of caring for herself and her child, even if she does it without the support of her parents or any other person's assistance".
Your ex can say "She's disabled, she can't make it on her own because she can't work, she has no income, she lives off her parents and without them she would be on the streets, please give me my child because I am not disabled and can do a much better job". He would be saying the truth because you are disabled, you are living off your parents, they are your total support, without them you would be living on the streets or just staying here or there without having a real home.
There is a lot he can say and it be true or even sort of true. So beware. Even if you don't put his name on the birth certificate he can and will most likely go after full custody of this child. If you are not making progress to living on your own and being able to support this child then he will likely get full custody then you'll have to pay child support.
I have been through this with so many people, even I went through a divorce.
The best advice my attorney told me was to stay under the radar. To not go out with my friends, not to date, to stay at home and show I was taking care of our child. I got caught by my attorney the one time I went out...I went to a club with my friends that I had never gone to before and there he was with a couple of other attorneys. He chewed me out too. I told him that I had never been to this club and that my ex was out with his girlfriend at a concert. He said it didn't matter, all someone had to do was testify they saw me out and that I was partying. It would show that I was not a good parent. So stay under the radar.
This is like a model story that is on teen mom right now on Mtv. That being said. You need to forget about him and put all your energy into taking care of this baby. This baby is not at fault. Get yourself into a routine. Talk to a counseler bout going back to school. Lots of grants right now for free. Go to the park or track and walk every day for excercise. Take the baby and get him some fresh air. The sooner you can just say ok bye and let the father go the better.
It doesn't matter if you put his name on the birth certificate. When you apply for public assistance the state will order a paternity test and will require him to pay child support. It will be easier to get the child support if his name is on the certificate and he admits paternity. I would apply now for state assistance and talk with them about the best way to do this. You are eligible for, at the least, food stamps and WIC which provides milk and cheese. You may be eligible for more depending on your state.
You are right to cut off most contact with him. Do not let him in the delivery room. Don't visit with him at all. Make a clean break. After the baby is born you may have to decide about parenting time (visitation). Spend the time now learning how you can manage that. Make an appointment with an attorney or talk with the State Court of Domestic Relations. Talking with an attorney would be the best thing to do.
But start with state aid. Their workers have lots of experience with women in your situation. They can help you with the child support issue and perhaps recommend an attorney that you can afford.
If you are sure you want to keep your baby, I would suggest you give him your last name. It's nice to have the same last name as your child, and it makes sense because you are the actual parent taking care of him. It totally doesn't matter as far as child support collection.
You need to stay away from this abusive person!
Wow. Too bad you chose him to be the father of your baby.
He doesn't have to be interested in you or the baby. He doesn't have to give you money, either ... not until there's a court order, and that won't be until the baby is born.
If you know he's the father & don't put his name on the birth certificate, that's fraud, but in some places, since you aren't married, you both may be required to sign an affaidavit of paternity.
If you ex boyfriend wants, he can file for visitation and he'll probably get it. So you better start coming to terms with that.
And you have the right to file for child support ... you'll need to, if you plan to use government assistance to support yourself and your child.
Great first question. Two words... BIRTH CONTROL.
Best of luck.
My son and his g/f soon to be wife couldn't put his name on the birth certificate until he signed a paper claiming paterinity at the hospital, so you may not be able to put his name on the birth certificate unless he signs the paper. By the sounds of it, you should be documenting anything he does and says to you. He sounds bi polar and it will not be easy on your child to have unsupervised visits. If he touches you again, call the police to have it on his record. Where he is already wishing the baby dead, I wouldn't let him alone with the baby at all. Good luck and I pray that all turns out well.
