Court

Yes money makes a huge difference but not always. The courts don't care who has the most money. The judge/court interest is what is best in the interest of the child so don't let that scare you. Good luck I can't imagine how old is your daughter because that would affect how much information you can give her. Best thing as always is to be upfront and honest but also remember that sometimes it is best to keep the children out of adult situations though but if you feel your husband and current other will involve her then it might be best to pre-warn her. It's a shame because they really shouldn't do so but you can't control what others do or say......

you don't say how old your daughter is, but it sounds like elementary age. I would recommend a couple of things. First, you should consider finding her a good therapist experienced with children with divorce and conflict issues. Look for your community mental heath center or call your local University Psychology dept for referrals.
Depending on her age, there are some great books to help explain conflict between parents. Ask at your local library or bookstore.
Be sure your court order includes a prohibition against saying negative things about the other parent. Though it won't necessarily stop them, if you document their behavior and statements, you can show they have violated a court order and that may help you in the future.
You can tell your daughter a couple of things. First, say you are just trying to make sure that the two of you will have plenty of time together. Explain that you and her dad have different ways of doing things, not right or wrong, just different. If she repeats negative things her dad says, just listen and don't comment. Just keep saying that he does things one way in his house and you do things differently in your house, like not saying upsetting things about other people. Be as neutral as you can while making it clear that that kind of behavior is not acceptable in your home.
btw, I'm a child and family psychologist and these are the kind of things I tell my own clients.
good luck.

I would sit her down and talk openly and frankly to her, without deamonizing her other parents. She's old enough to really get it. Don't leave her wondering, because not knowing is a lot scarier than understanding.

Ask her how she feels about the current custody arrangemet and tell her what your plans are. Reassure her that daddy loves her so much and tell her that a judge will help figure out what is best in this situation. I would personally stay away from telling her you're trying to rescue her from a bad situation, because what if you don't win? How horrible would that feel to her to NOT be rescued? Then ask her how she feels about what you have said. It is hard, but please be careful to not ask her how she feels about all the fighting and if it makes her feel bad. She'll know what you want to hear and even if it's just the simple truth, expressing her unhappiness to you is asking her to betray her father's love and risk making him really mad at you (she'll want to protect you) and at her, making more fights happen in the house.

I want to add that I came from a family that fought a lot. There was a lot of tension in the house and my mom was very manipultive, controlling and loud when she expressed her unhappiness. My parents didn't like each other much and I prayed for them to divorce to end the unhappiness they caused each other. My brother was a troubled young man, too, and that caused more tension. It was embarrassing at times when people would hear the yelling over the phone. Sometimes the neighbors even commented on it.

I'm OK, though. Through all of it, I have not one ounce of doubt in their love for me and how much they sacrificed for me. It turns out that that's all that really mattered in the end. I hated the fighting and I never ever yell at my kids. I now have a very peaceful house which other people often comment on, but I came from a tension-filled home that was also love filled. Sometimes I didn't verbalize noticing the love when I was young, but I am SO aware of it now and I thank God every single day for giving me my mother and father, and for them being (still!) together. At some point I realized that the unhappiness they caused each other was not my problem -- and that they weren't always unhappy. They loved each other, too. It took me longer than 8 years on earth to figure that out. Yes, I would have wanted to leave when I was small but what a loss that would have been. If you take her away, she'll get less active love from them, won't she? I'm nearly 40 now and I still can't imagine the pain that I will know when I can no longer visit them all the time.

I wish you all the best.

Sorry you're going through this. I'm going through something similar and it's just rough. How old is your daughter? I think it's very important to talk to her and explain what's happening at an age-appropriate level. I'm sure you already know but don't say anything bad to her about her dad/stepmom and just reassure her that she can always talk to either of you about anything. I'm not sure what your situation is right now as far as custody is concerned but I'd let her know that you love her and want what's best for her. Unfortunately we can't control what the other parent says or does but if you keep it positive, she will learn quickly enough who the responsible parent is and who is the one really concerned about her well-being. If she's older, you might want to offer her the option of speaking to a neutral party (therapist, family counselor) if she's having a hard time talking to either of you. Not only would I let the attorney know what he is doing, but I would (and I am currently doing this) keep a journal of everything! Write down dates, times, places of incidents you know of, especially if he's cursing at you in front of her. That's a huge issue and the courts will weigh that heavily against him.You may want to bring a tape recorder with you anytime you interact with him. Leave it in your pocket turned on. Stay strong and just know you are doing the right thing for your daughter. Good luck with everything!

Having a great attorney is priceless even if his mom and dad have money. A great attorney makes the differernce. Tell you attorney everything that impacts your child. Your child has the right to not be used as a pawn or be exposed to an unhealthy relationship.

Be honest and upfront with your daughter without being negative against her father and step mother. Let her know how much you love her and that you want the best for her.

I've not been in your situation, but have found that in most cases, being honest--but at their level--works well for kids.
She can know what "child support" is and that you don't like her dad and step mom fighting in front of you and you're trying to change that.