I was raised by a single father. My mother left when I was very young, and I never had much of a "mother" figure in my life. My closest female friends were a bit ...promiscuous is the nice way to say it I guess. They were the only ones I would have felt comfortable talking about such personal matters with, but I didn't want to take THEIR advice on this particular subject. (Don't get me wrong, they were awesome friends, and we were very close, we just had VERY different views when it came to sex and relationships...) Plus, I was sexually abused by a friend's father when I was 6 years old, and it took quite a while until I was able to view sex as a healthy, normal part of life. I never had sex until I was 21 years old, and even then we were already engaged. Now I don't really have many girl friends, unfortunately NONE that I am comfortable talking about this with... this site is awesome, because it's like having a ton of anonymous girl friends! lol. Anyhooz.... I just have a few sex questions...
First off, how can I let my DH know I want to be a little more "adventurous"? I don't want to get into anything weird, but I DO want to spice up the bedroom a little. I know he would be open to trying new things, but I have no clue what to try! lol. I am not very aggressive, and I still feel a little awkward about sex. He knows about what happened when I was younger, and is careful not to try anything that he thinks would take me out of my comfort zone... But my "comfort zone" is starting to get a little boring... lol.
Also, while the sex itself is a LOT better after having had my baby, (It seems like things got a little rearranged "down there" or something) my hips HURT! I feel like they are popping out of place when I am on top (TMI... I know...sorry...) This is getting old FAST. It has been going on for the last couple months. I was hoping that they were still having issues from having such a big baby (I am small framed, but my DD was 10 lbs 6 oz...) but she is 4 months old and it hasn't gotten any better. I was just wondering if this is normal, or if I should think about talking to my doctor.
The last (and pretty embarrassing) thing is... I am a lot "juicier" when I hit the big O... Like ridiculously so. There will literally be a puddle under us when we are done. My DH doesn't seem to be bothered (I think he's pretty proud of himself, actually. lol) but it really upsets me. It's also very distracting during a moment when I really don't want to be distracted! I feel like I am having to choose between my satisfaction or embarrassment. I don't know if that's normal either... or if there is a way to keep from "juicing" so much...
This is an old book and may not be available any more but I and a partner enjoyed the book named The Joy of Sex. It is illustrated with line drawings and shows some really different positions.
:)
I think a lot of women have hip issues in certain positions. See about putting your legs in a different place. Like if you usually put them so you're kneeling, try putting them knees up with your feet flat (like squatting sort of) or vise versa, or one leg up one down, whatever works. Sorry that might be tmi, but you asked for it :-P
The "juicy" thing is nothing to be embarrassed about. You want that! I'd be embarrassed if I couldn't get... er... juicy... not for making too much. Embrace it, and put a towel down before you dtd if you need to!
HTH
T.
Don't be embarrassed.
Put a big fat towel underneath both of you.
If you keep on having hip pain,
you probably should check with your doctor.
I have some additional suggestions
but will wait until I see other answers.
Gma S.
=================================
Y'know . . . . about the "talking dirty" stuff . . . .
if we are all agreed that making love with our partner
is good and right and (even) sanctified,
it seems to me that "talking dirty" could take the bloom off the rose.
What if, instead, we tell (or write a note) to our partner
detailing what we're looking forward to
or what we plan to do together
but not in "dirty" terms, in loving terms.
Squishy terms.
First of all, there is nothing to be embarrassed about! I think it is great that you are growing into your own sexuality. Own that proudly! It's a good thing for your marriage.
So my two cents on your questions:
1. Surprise him with a new toy. My husband didn't seem adventurous and never wanted to talk about sex. We are physically extremely compatible, but we have different ways of approaching sex. I was very open and wanted to get out of the routine, so I surprised him with some toys. I wasn't sure if he'd go for it, frankly, but now he's into it. I did that a few years ago and now I'm not so into them, but he is. After knowing him for nearly 20 years, it's still fun to get to know each other more through intamacy over the years. It's not about finding out how far or whatever we'll go, it's about sharing. Talk about it with him if you want, or just surprise him. Whe his engines are already going, he'll find anything interesting. :)
2. There are hormones that make your joints a little wobbly in the hips to facilitate the passage of the baby. It's only been 4 months, so you're still re-adjusting. Talk to your dr. if you want reassurance, but I'd wait a year before worrying. Until then, find a new position.
3. This is TOTALLY normal and a good thing. It is sooooo gratifiying for your husband to see that. There is nothing whatsoever to be embarrassed about. Just know that it really pleases him and forget about it.
1st: Adding some spice is pretty easy...just talk with your hubby and tell him what you told us, my only concern is that you say you are unsure what you want to try? You need to be open and honest with your feelings and about what you want, if you do not even know what you want your hubby will have a hard time figuring it out on his own. There is nothing to be embarrassed about, he is your husband...he is the one person in all the world that you need to be able to talk to about anything...and I bet you anything that your hubby will be excited to try anything that makes you excited. Haven't you guys ever had the "what are your fantasies" conversation? If you haven't, you should...this would be a good way to get the ball rolling, just ask him what is something he has always wanted to try? I bet he will have some of his own suggestions...might spark some thought into you and what you want.
The blindfold is a good suggestion, it is very exciting, IMO! One of the sexiest experiences my hubby and I have ever had was this one night I was out with some friends at a local bar, I looked up to see him walking in the door and he looked at me but then took a seat at the bar instead of coming over to me, we just started looking at each other, lil' glances here and there (mostly I was confused in the beginning and not sure what he was up to) eventually he sent over a drink for me, then finally he approached me and he instigated the conversation like he didn't know me...I played along, and I played hard to get and it was FANTASTIC! At the end of the evening since we had taken separate cars, he walked me to mine and said good night and how nice it was to meet me! I couldn't wait to get home and neither could he, he beat me home and was waiting in bed for me and then proceeded to ask me about my night...I then told him about it as if it wasn't him that had approached me but a stranger instead...oh, girl it was so hot...we both had so much fun! We have been together for 13 years and have tried LOTS of things...you never know what your gonna like till you try it...put all inhibitions aside and go for it...if he really loves you he wont judge you and you shouldn't judge him either. I know that some of this is easier said than done...I want nothing more than to talk dirty to my hubby but it is something that i have never been able to do, it feels so weird and I just can't bring my voice to actually work...but I'm still trying, maybe another 13 years and we will get there:)
2nd: As far as the wetness is concerned, don't even worry about it...he loves you and probably enjoys it...AND there is ALWAYS a wet spot...his, yours, both, it doesn't matter in the slightest!
3rd: I would tell the DR. about your hip pain next time you go.
Hi,
Thanks for being so honest. I think it can help when mommies share their experiences with each other. I was also sexually assaulted (in my early 20s, and it was my first sexual experience), and it took me a long time to relax into sex. I know how you feel about that.
In terms of your questions, I would ask your DH what his greatest sexual fantasies are... and figure out what you like, too. I mean, in terms of location, attire, etc. I find that getting "in the mood" for sex depends on location and what we are wearing, and what we say to each other... do you talk dirty to your husband? As silly as that sounds, it can be fun. Also, maybe just surprise him for sex sometimes. Pounce on him, and take him by the tie and have your way with him. Think about what you like, and tell your husband, in a dirty text, or when he comes home from work.
As to your second issue, I would maybe talk to your doctor about the hip issue, especially if it is bothering you and is painful. It might be that something is out of place after giving birth. I feel that way a lot, too.
And, finally, as other ladies have already said, I think the "juice" can be normal. Do talk to your Gynecologist anytime you have questions about this, though. And if you don't like it, try doing it in the shower sometimes. :)
Hi Tj H,
First of all, have you ever tried a blind fold? You can use a sleep mask, silk scarf and speaking of silk scarf you can also try tying him up (hands only). It is really neat what happens when one of your senses is gone how the others are enhanced.
Second, I havent had the hip issue so I really can't attest to that. My mom used to lovingly say that I have "the Portuguese breeding hips."
Lastly, you just have big Os and they are kind of a "badge of honor." I say if you are embarrassed just use a towel then no one gets the wet spot after.
Hope this helps! and have fun!
You need to go to your dr about the pain. Pain is not something to ever consider normal. You may have a pelvic floor issue which can be fixed by doing kegels or it may be something more serious.
As for the juiciness, it is totally normal. Don't let it distract you. Just enjoy the intimacy with your husband. Who cares if it gets a little messy... it's sex. Sex is not a clean sport. :-P
If you want to be a little more adventurous, tell your hubby. Maybe you start with some lubricants that stimulate or something as simple as different positions. Get a Kharma Sutra book and check it out.
Good luck and have fun! :)
So here's my answers regarding your questions =)
1. There are a million things you can do to ease into the converstaion. How about finding an adult card game with different adult questions. That way the game is asking your hubby not you. Other then that, my boyfriend and I enjoy all sorts of things to spice things up. Different lingerie, toys (going to the adult toy store can be fun, and can help you guys open up about the things you see), oils, kama sutra, etc.
2. My hips are the same way in the same position. I can only tolerate it for so long before it really hurts, which of course ruins the mood. I have noticed since I started stretching my legs it has gotten a lot better. I do have to stretch them a number of ways for my hips to feel great. Of course I dont do this right before sex, I do them every morning, and over time it adds up. I tend to start off in this position, and then change towards the end to give my hips a break. Plus, if you just had a baby give it time anyway. I also like Thea's suggestions on trying to place your legs in a different position, it helped me to do that as well.
3. Don't be upset about this, and I know I lot of women (me included) that are the same way. I also know a lot of men (my boyfriend included) that love it! All we do is have a matress protector under the sheet so the matress doesn't get messed up, but as far of the sheets, I just pull out my extra set and change the bed. You can also put a towel underneath you, or a lightweight blanket that can easily be thrown in the wash. This is just how your body is responding, which is great that it's responding, and you obviously like what's going on! No need to feel embarrassed.
Good Luck! =)
Sometimes if I have a yeast infection I have an ever so slightly heavier discharge throughout the day. I don't even necessarily get itchy or even thick. So I insert a culturele probiotic tablet every night for a week (with an applicator from a yeast suppository type medicine ) and i dry out. Maybe that can help, it is worth a try.
