My fiance has been up to some 'questionable' little things... I'm not freaking out until I hear his side of things. We have a couples counseling appointment at 4pm today... Should I bring it up to him beforehand so he's not blindsided? Or is it appropriate to mention it in the presence of our counselor? I kind of want to be in neutral territory, meaning at our appointment, but I'm not sure if that is the best course of action. I already asked our counselor if he would be comfortable with me asking my fiance some questions at our appointment, and he said yes with no questions asked.
So what should I do?
And don't worry ladies, everything is fine ;) I just don't want to go into it anymore until it's been discussed... not trying to make a mountain out of a molehill if it's not necessary ;)
I would wait until the appointment to bring it up at an appropriate time. I guess I wouldn't want my spouse being on the defensive before we start counseling.
hard to say with this little info. it's a bit of a red flag that there's this degree of discomfort in open communication with the wedding a month away.
hope it goes well.
khairete
S.
Not nearly enough to go on here, but I would suggest bringing it up during your session. If nothing else, it would be helpful for your therapist to see how you communicate when the topic is somewhat unexpected and potentially damaging.
Everything isn't fine R. D... (putting on my therapist hat here). It sounds like communication and feeling like you can be honest with eachother in a "safe and healthy" manner is a challenge. Of course the therapist would like you to ask questions... so he can see what your concerns are (without minimizing them) and how you present them to your fiance- and how he reacts to you!
wait and bring it up at the appointment
You know how your man would react.
If it were me, I'd be mad as he$$ if someone blindsided me in front of the counselor and that would be the start of a breakdown.
I believe in being honest and communicating feelings, good and bad. Confront is a harsh word. You say it could be nothing and if you blindside him it may very well become something. Neutral territory can easily be a walk in the park as well.
Wait until the appointment and the therapist says something like "R. are there any issues you wish to address?"
Best of luck!!!!
Wait til the appt. At some point the therapist will say 'R., are there things that you feel are causing problems?'
I think in front of your counselor would be fine, but you know your man best....do what you think is right!
This is tricky b/c if you mention if beforehand then you're probably going to get into a conversation about it right away. It would be really hard to say hey I'm going to bring up X in the meeting today, but let's not talk about it until then. Uh, if you said that to me, I'd freak and feel like I had to get it under control right then, but then again I'm an emotional female! ;) Part of me says that you should just wait until you're there and maybe preface it with a 'sorry I didn't mention this but I was trying to process' or something to that effect.
Confrontation is a strong word. Sounds like you are expecting a fight. If your fiance has been up to some "questionable" things. Your intuition may be warning you to gracefully bow out of this relationship. Can't tell from this post because it is so incredibly vague.
To answer your question on what to do. If you feel like you are threatened in having a conversation with your fiance then don't talk with him in private. If you are feeling threatened by him in any way perhaps marriage to someone else should be considered.
If you are in counseling to learn how to better communicate with the help of a referee, then also bringing up this topic would be helpful.
It is important when you marry to be able to have effective communication with you husband. That shouldn't begin after the I do's but should be one of the solid pillars that holds your relationship together. I hope this helps.
Everything is about accountability, so I think in counseling would be a logical place to discuss it. Good luck!
I agree with Tori, in the perfect scenario you could tell your boyfriend that you want to talk to him about xyz but rather wait to talk about it with your counselor so is a middle point or what ever.
But, if you were to tell me this, I would too push you to tell me right away and my mind would go wild.
Therefore, I guess is better to talk about it with your counselor, maybe a little cheating and say you wasn't sure you wanted to bring it on but once there you thought it is a good idea to cleat that path.
R.:
With your wedding coming up in less than 45 days - it's possible his sneaky things are things for the wedding.
I would bring it up in the couples counseling - therefore it's on NEUTRAL ground and in a "controlled" situation. DO NOT accuse him - just state "I've noticed x y and z and in my opinion - it's sneaky, etc...."
Also - with Rob's recent visit to the ER - you need to get to the bottom of that...to ensure there aren't any underlying health issues you need to get fixed. Or should I say HE needs to get fixed?
I hope it's all wedding stuff and you're stressing over that too!!!
Hhmmm I would think on "neutral territory" !!!! I'm sure if its Questionable - hes aware of what he's doing (to a point) and I'd rather have a mediator there..... Just Because...... does that make sense? GOOD LUCK
I would talk with him beforehand and then if you need to -- work it out in counseling.
Bring it up at your appt-then you'll have an impartial set of eyes and ears to see how your fiance reacts when confronted. It will give you an insight into the truth.
