CIO For Naptime

J...I just have time for a quick note...I am bf-ing a 10 month old too, and I know all about sleep problems...however, please read this:
www.askdrsears.com/html/10/handout2.asp
It changed my mind about the CIO method (keep in mind I am not loyal to the "attached parenting" school of thought, and believe my baby should sleep in a crib). I just think everyone should have all the facts so they can make an INFORMED choice about what method to choose for their baby.
Good luck, sweetie.

Letting her cry will work and it may take a week for her before she stops crying and starts sleeping. It is hard on us to let them go but sometimes it is a must. Try a port a crib for the nap and her crib for night time. You can even put it in her room and see how that works. Then maybe in time move her back to her crib.

L.

Ferber's book is a well-researched book, but it is by no means the be-all-end-all to sleep in children. It may be your little out just isn't responding to CIO, and there could be a whole host of reasons. There are gentler methods. (And they'll often take longer to see results, though not always.) I highly recommend The Baby Whisperer: How to Calm, Connect and Communicate with your Baby. We have never let our daughter cry it out because when we were ready to start some kind of sleep training, and we tried Ferber's method, our daughter could work herself up into a tizzy in a big way in a HURRY. And in less than 10 minutes, she would have cried so hard she vomited. So ... we sought alternative methods and went with the Baby Whisperer technique. It can be a lot of work. But it's important to know your baby and to recognize and respond to her personal sleep cues. Every baby is different, but most 10 month old babies still need quite a lot of sleep (as much as 12 hours overnight is not uncommon -- and as much as 3 to 4 hours during the day, spread out into 2 naps!). My daughter has ALWAYS been on the low end, though. She only sleeps about 10 hours overnight and maybe 2 hours during the day in one nap now (at 16 months old). That said - teething has always ALWAYS been incredibly disruptive to her sleep. And even the smallest illness will lead to shortened naps and interrupted overnight sleep.

I have to agree with Elizabeth a few posts back.

I nursed my babies to sleep for nap and then either went about my business or if I was tired, took a nap with them. They are only babies and toddlers for a short time and honestly does the time you are giving up now really matter in the long run?? Who cares if the house is dusty or the wash has to wait an hour? You will have plenty of time to clean when they are older and you will never be able to get that baby time back!

I hate the CIO method. I feel that all it teaches your kids is that you won't come when they cry. Crying is the only way they have to communicate when they are babies. How would you feel if someone put you in a crib that you couldn't get out of and then let you cry yourself sick for an hour? And you trusted this person to feed you and take care of you. And to top it all off, you couldn't tell them how you are feeling??

You need to do what you feel is best for your family and your daughter. But I really truly feel that all we are teaching them as babies with the CIO is that we won't come when they need us.

JMO. :o)

I would lie down with my children for naptime. Sometimes I fell asleep with them if I needed the extra sleep, sometimes they fell asleep before me and I got some work done or read a book. I never read a sleep book, I just tried different things until I found something that worked. I didn't want objects to replace the comfort I provided as their mother, so I nursed them then lied down with them until they fell asleep. I did use pacifiers, as all my babies wanted to suck for much longer than was comfortable (and I mean they would suck for HOURS for comfort if I had let them). I don't regret these decisions for a single minute, I have many precious memories of watching my babies/toddlers sleep, I giggle at how I would have to sneak out and half the time it took me the whole naptime to decide what to do! I do, however, regret the two times I tried CIO, it was torture for me AND them and I am so glad I didn't try to "stick it out until it worked".

These years don't last forever, you will only have them this little for a few short years. Enjoy them, snuggle them, love them. If you plan on having another child, the time you get lying down with them will prove to be precious and short-lived.

J.,

What is wrong with using you as a pacifier? To her, you represent comfort and security. That is very natural. I believe she is just wanting the closeness with you. Every human needs that, and especially little ones. I know people will advise against letting your children nurse themselves to sleep, but nursing is not just for nurishment. It is just as much for the physical closeness it allows. I know this may not go over well to others, but I feel very strongly about this and felt compelled to write it.

Blessings,
K.

If she resists napping in the crib, perhaps it's because she associates it with night sleeping. Have you tried taking her for a walk in the stroller and if she falls asleep, just letting her stay in the stroller to sleep? I used to do this sometimes. If you have a garage, you could pull the car in and let her stay asleep there too (with the door of the car open, and as long as the temperature is ok.) Also, you could try putting her down in a different room with a portacrib. Have you tried soft lullaby music. My kids always fell asleep to soft music, and it would help them relax. Good luck! Remember, these phases all eventually pass.

Well put Cathy S! The CIO method is cruel. The article Suzie left a link to is a good one, I would also try www.askdrsears.com and go to the section on sleep problems, there's lots of help in there. I find this website very helpful for almost any question I have. I really love what attachment parenting advocates. Even if you don't like all of it, you could follow only the things you like about it. GOod luck with your daughter!

When I did CIO at nap time, I only waited a half hour. Then I'd go get the baby and try nap time again in an hour or so. Making sure to give a snack, meal, sippy cup so that the baby was full and tired too. You may have to schedule a few days that all of your errands in the car are either done first thing in the day or that you don't have to take her with you. I agree with not giving in to whatever would cause her to fall asleep out of the crib. With my daughter it was the swing, she had gotten used to the swing as an infant and since I also had a toddler I just let her go but once she got a bit older she was only sleeping 20 minutes at a time in the swing because the toddler was waking her up. This was when I decided I needed to get her into her crib for a real nap time. Hope this helps a little.

Hi J.. Just a suggestion, why don't you try letting her take a nap someplace other than her crib? As untraditional as it sounds, I had the most success with letting my girls take their naps in a playpen in our livingroom, or on a big floor pillow as they got older. Their rooms/cribs were for bed time only. I left the tv on (usually PBS channel or Nick Jr back when it was full of good programing I would recommend noggin channel now)and would go about my chores (except for vacumeing LOL) and they were fine. I didn't close the draps or make it super quiet either, although I will confess to putting the phone on one ring durring nap times! There is no rule that says that babies/children have to nap in their bedrooms! Think outside of the box and see what happens! Good luck and best wishes!

I looking for help as well i hope someone has a great suggestion, just know you are not alone.

Hi J.!
I did a variation of CIO called the Sleepeasy Solution. They say to put the child down awake then do check-ins (we couldn't do check-ins either because she got very upset- so we also just let her "go to it"). Our child would cry for up to an 1 1/2 hours- but the key here is that you let them sleep for an hour from THE TIME THEY FALL ASLEEP. In other words, if you put her down at 9 am for nap, she cries until 10:15 then LET HER SLEEP for an hour until 11:15. That way she is getting her rest and still practicing sleeping on her own.
I highly recommend you check out the book The Sleepeasy Solution by Jennifer Waldburger. It is a simple read, gives you a definite plan, and is a variation of Ferber.(This book, even if you don't use the plan, will hopefully answer some questions for you- it is an excellent resource) I found it to be less intense for everyone involved and within a week my girl was sleeping 3-4 hours in naps and 12 hours/night. It's awesome. This book also deals with every immaginable sleep problem up to the age of 5 (so we moms can be better prepared for the next curve ball they toss at us lol).
I hope this helps.
Don't give up- just keep being consistent and you'll get there!!!
Best of Luck!
R.

let her cry. she will go to sleep after she wears herself out. do not check on her,let her cry. do you have baby monitors? I would use those. if she is tired after the hour and you did not take her out of the crib she would probably go to sleep. if you do this every day she will scream for less periods of time. another thing you could do is lay down with her on the bed or the floor and once she falls asleep,get up put some pillows around her and get up. may be she will sleep for a little while you get some things done. another idea which i have done is go in the bed and pretend i am sleeping and put him in the crib. most of the time he will only complain for about 2-5 minutes then fall asleep. i will get up and then do what i need to do or take a nap if i am tired. all of those books can say what they want but every child is different and you will figure out what works for your child.

I would vote for getting nap over no nap as that will just make the problem grow. So try changing the CIO method so that it works for you. Try staying in her room for a little while in a chair next to the crib. That way she knows you're there, but you aren't holding her. Plus, you can put your feet up and maybe nap or read a book! Or, nurse her to sleep and then put her in the crib. I thought 10 months was a hard time, so I did whatever I needed to to survive! Hang in there!

Personally, the CIO method never worked for us. We are on child number 3. With our first, she vomited everytime. Someone told me, "Oh, then you need to clean it up and do it again." That led to her vomiting several times in one night and a family that never did get to sleep for the night. She finally fell asleep around 5 in the morning while her dad held her while I was cleaning up the latest episode. After that we gave up on the CIO method. It made for unhappy kids and unhappy tired parents. My two older children now go to sleep on their own when we tell them it is bedtime.

My two younger children (both boys) did not experience the cry it out as they did not take to being put in their cribs for long when awake without fussing. Our youngest is 10 months now and refused to breastfeed so is bottlefed. His older brother was breastfed. What has worked for both of them, was to take them to my bed at naptime, give them a bottle or breastfeed, and then lay with them for a few minutes until they fall asleep. Then I can get some things done around the house. Of course, I put up a little barricade so that they can't roll out of bed but have a little room to move and I don't go out of hearing range.

This may not be the solution for you. However, my advice is to look for something that does works for you. Don't worry so much about what the experts say. Go with your gut. If she will go to sleep and let you put her on a blanket on the floor, then do that. Can she still use a baby swing? That was something a friend tried. I think once she got onto a nap schedule using the swing, she started to phase the swing out.

Anyhow, good luck and I hope this helps.

Wow, there are lots of different opinions on this topic, and its such an emotional topic for parents too... I think the main thing you need to ask yourself, in order to make your decision, is WHY do you need her to sleep in her crib for nap-time, and WHY do you need her to go to sleep on her own? The main reason we try to get our son to fall asleep on his own, is because he WILL NOT sleep through the night, and apparently that might be one major part of the puzzle - if he's falling asleep himself, he can learn to fall back asleep himself during the night. IF your daughter is already sleeping really well through the night, then surely the main objective is to get her to sleep during the day somehow, and it won't matter if she does it in your bed, on the floor, or wherever. It sounds to me like she's learned that you will leave her in her crib, and will not respond to her during the day, so she is panicked each time you put her there during the day. If I were her, I'd work myself up to a frenzy each time as well! If I were you, I'd seriously look at your reasons for this, and look at just adapting a bit to her. There are some battles you will really need to win, like getting her to sleep on her own at night or keeping her safe. But, why make something like this into a huge battle, when it doesn't seem to be working, and there are lots of other options which might be more pleasant for both of you, yet also can help to accomplish your goal of getting something done in the day while she sleeps!

If you are really hoping to get her into her crib, why not do it in stages? Firstly, get her into a loose routine, by getting her to fall asleep in her chosen methon - i.e. nursing in bed with you - for a week or so. THink about really making it a routine - tell her we're going upstairs for a story, a nurse and a sleep. Make it pleasant, lovely, relaxed, and nice if you can. Don't expect to get loads done at first, in case she doesn't sleep for very long straight away. Try to have faith that over time, the more relaxed she gets about this, and the more used to it she gets, the longer she will sleep at a stretch. Tell her all about how you are changing your mind about how you are approaching this, but that she really needs to have a little sleep during the day because you can see how tired she is etc., etc. You don't have to worry about her understanding all that you say - she will get the jist of the respect you have for her, and the fact that you don't want to make this traumatic. Then, when she's used to that sort of routine, you can vary it in order to move her towards sleeping in her crib. Do exactlly the same routine - story, and then nurse, but just do that a bit earlier than you usually would, so that she doesn't actually fall asleep on the breast - then, put her on the bed with you to fall asleep on her own. When she's happy doing that, just move it to the crib, and sit next to her in a chair or on the floor etc, and do exactly the same thing that you did on the bed. You'll still probably find that she grumbles a bit, but it will be a grumble, rather than hysteria, at least hopefully - if she's over her fear of the crib by then... which, is potentially another issue, and which you may need to address separately, by putting her in there a bit when she's not tired etc. The baby whisperer book has some good ideas about getting them over a fear of the crib...

CIO never worked just straight out for my son - but, what did work, was what I described above - getting him into a rhythm with falling asleep at regular times by letting him fall asleep his preferred way - i.e. nursing - and then getting him to go to sleep himself later. I put him to sleep on my bed, because he was comfortable there, and just nursed him to sleep. He would at least take nice naps, and got into a routine that way. Then, I transitioned him slowly.

I hope that helps, and good luck. Please do let us know what you decide to do in the end, and how it works. There's no right way, but you need to feel really comfortable with whatever you choose. Don't let the books dictate your method, let them inform it, but choose what deep down you feel is right in your heart, and then you will see the most results.

I feel for you!
A.

Keep it up with the Ferber technique. Do what he suggests, and get her back up after an hour if she doesn't go down. Try to push her naptime a little later, maybe by fifteen minutes each day to make her more sleepy at that time. Try a Baby Bach video before her nap to calm her. Keep up the routine and she WILL eventually get it. Also, keep in mind that around a year your baby will shift to one nap. This would be around noon or 1. If all else fails, try for the one nap. I say no on the pacifier. She doesn't need it at this point. She will learn to soothe herself. This is the best thing you will teach her, hang in there and stay strong.