Christmas with Out of State Grands

Why couldn't it work to have family arrive later on Christmas Day, or the day after? it's often cheaper to fly on Christmas anyway.

family is family.....without lines drawn.

Personally, we embrace as much family as we can get/fit into our home. It is a blessing to have everyone together.....& just think of the memories being made!

My sons totally agree with me.....& they're 14 & 23!

My son's 1st Christmas was the first one we woke up in our own beds after 10 years of marriage! Both sets of parents live out of state and 5 hours from each other as well. So we alternate Thanksgiving andChristmas day. We see both sets around Christmas but we wake up at the house whose "turn" it is on Christmas morning. A few years before my son was born we started doing "fake" Christmas with just my husband and I (now our son) before doing the Christmas road trip. We treat it like Christmas with the exception of Santa gifts. With a long trip we felt it was easier to not transport gifts that were just coming back with us. This may not be exactly ideal but it was the compromise we could live with the best.

Sorry - for me? Christmas is about family - all of it...not just my four...

growing up we lived in Taiwan, Hawaii and California and NEVER got to spend ANY holiday - other than the 4th of July- with ANY family - other than our own...

So for me?! i'd LOVE to share any holiday with family that I can....whether I flew to them or they came to me....

LOL I spend EVERY christmas flying my toddler across the country to be with my and my husbands family. You could make this year EXTRA special for your kids.

Hey guess guess what?!? We are going to have Christmas two days early, and then when grandma and grandpa get here, we get to have ANOTHER Christmas!" It will be a Christmas to remember for them. :)

My sisters and their families travel "home" for Christmas because they are the ones who moved away from our family's home base. They stay in hotels and do Christmas Eve at my house and then open gifts at my parents' house later in the morning on Christmas day. Their kids are pretty young though and don't really get it - I'm sure as they get older things will change - I can't imagine a kid waking up on Christmas morning in a hotel room so I imagine that they won't travel when the kids get older, but my parents won't travel to them either because the rest of the family is here.

If the grandparents are the ones who have moved away and want to come "home" for Christmas, or are willing to travel to you even if you're the ones who are away from the extended family, then be gracious. If they are staying with you, then welcome them in your Christmas morning. If they're at a hotel, suggest that they come later in the morning and do presents with your kids early in the morning. They won't be around or able to travel forever, and I can't imagine much else that would be LESS in the spirit of Christmas than excluding your guests from Christmas morning because you want it to just be all about your little nuclear family.

We have the extended family Christmas the weekend after or before when possible. It is a family holiday and I understand about wanting to have it private but I finally came to realize how selfish I was being. It is a family time and they all want a piece of you. You have to decide how you want it handled. It's not just your holiday, it's every member of you extended families holiday too. I decided it was not worth arguing or fighting over. It is just a day, like any other day. Offending people and causing hurt is not what the day is supposed to be about. We sometimes will have Santa morning alone but if others are visiting they are over shortly after. As for Christmas Eve, that's not the holiday for me.

Here's what we do. My mom lives close to us but my in-laws including sister in laws and families live five states away. We alternate every year. For instance this year we are doing x-mas here because we'll have a new baby and don't want to travel with him. So we'll do x-mas morning at our house with just us and then go to my mom's house in the afternoon or she might come here since she lives so close. Next year we'll go to my in-laws since everyone lives up there. Or instead of x-mas we might do thanksgiving instead. And we'll see the entire family. We've always done it this way since we can't be in two places at once. Yes it means being away from home at x-mas every other year but you never know what tomorrow will bring.

Why do you feel Xmas will not be special if grands are involved all the way? The best memories I have as a child is having my large family (grands from both parents and uncles/aunts, cousins etc..) during holiday gatherings, especially Xmas. For me, the more, the merrier, but if you feel otherwise (maybe there's history), I just think it would be too rude to isolate yourselves from them if you'll be guests in their house, so I guess you can choose to be patient/selfess this time and to not go next year. Grands are not going to be around forever, so you'll have plenty of "private" Xmases with your children in the years to come.

I have had my mom living with me for 16 years, we have her every Holiday and she love Christmas mornings most of all. Her face is just as lit up as the kids faces! I would never change a thing. If she were not here on Christmas morning.......we all would be so sad. We have wonderful memories of her and so do our children.

My parents live in FL (where I grew up) and we live in NY. We fly ourselves (and our toddler) across the country every year for Christmas b/c for us, Christmas is about spending time together with family celebrating a religious holiday. We don't spend the holiday with my husband's family b/c it's all about presents and a TON of whining and it upsets us both more than it's worth.

It sounds like you don't want to do Christmas "morning" with your in-laws or parents, so my suggestion would be to fly to wherever they are on Christmas evening (or have them fly in that evening) and spend the next week together.

My mom has Christmas the second weekend in December. This way she doesn't hamper on her kids other plans. Maybe you can have Christmas a week before Christmas, and then have your own private Christmas on Christmas day.

You don't have to have the same plan every year. Mix it up. We used to stay home one year, go to my parents one year and go to his parents one year. Now I'm near my parents but sometimes they leave town for the holidays! You may change your plan too as your child gets older.

I agree that I prefer to do an intimate celebration, if only for a few hours, with my kids. But....I have learned that in life you just have to suck it up and realize that not every year is going to go as planned. If you stress too much about what would be "perfect", you will only feel upset Christmas morning, instead of just letting go and enjoying what is. My parents live cross country, and we have started a tradition of them coming early-mid december instead of Christmas. They prefer it so they get more one on one with my kids...plus it is cheaper to fly. My in laws are often here, so that is where I just learn to be flexible. Don't stress it now. If the grandparents do come, you can't change it, so just enjoy. Oh, also, my husband and I have started a tradition where we wait to open our presents for each other..so that it doesn't get lost in the shuffle. Last year we did it on New Years eve night, after the kids were asleep, and it was awesome!!

Use Skpe. If flying is out of the question.

My daughter is 3 and this was a topic I addressed while preganant. I knew it was going to be an issue. (It was still an issue after she was born even, though I addressed it!)
Most importantly is hubby needs to offer the solution as though it's a FAMILY decision....not yours. My husband pulled the "well D. said...." and I think that caused my MIL to believe that we could be 'persuaded' to spend Christmas out of state.
As to the timing, first we tried visiting between Thanksgiving and Christmas. To be honest, I hated it. There is so much to do during that time that it ruined the Holiday spirit. As the mom, you're going to be the one put under the time crunch. Plus, we missed differrent gatherings with our friends because we were out of town.
What we do now? We fly to visit my MIL AFTER Christmas day. I find this solution very enjoyable. We get to enjoy the days leading up to to Christmas as well. My MIL even likes this solution! Since New Year's Eve isn't a big deal to us, espeically with a young child, it's even nice to spend this time with the in-laws.

Good luck and remember you can't make everyone happy all the time. You can only do your best. :) This time is for the kids!

Invite the grands. Let them babysit for one night while you and hubby can go out.
Take lots of photos. You and they will treasure the memories

i know some people are not in agreement with you, but i completely understand your feelings. last year we had my in-laws (including brother in law and his wife) stay with us. christmas morning with my little one was just such a mess. he freaked out because everyone was staring at him taking 100s of pictures. he was shy and just sat in my lap isntead of ripping open his presents. it just wasn't what i wanted for him. it was his first real year to "get it" also as far as santa and gifts, etc. anyway, this year its my familys turn with us for christmas. so i think we are staying home for christmas day, and traveling to see them the day after christmas. i want that alone time with my husband and kids. and yes, christmas is about family. all of the family. but that doesn't mean you can't celebrate it with them before or after...

I think that since they are un-encumbered so to speak, that they should travel to you on the 26th. That way, you can have your Christmas Eve and morning, they can arrive for Christmas dinner and stay through the New Year's Eve. On Christmas Eve at my house, my daughter and I bake cookies for Santa to leave on the special cookie plate that we made at a paint your own pottery place. For dinner, we always have a special dinner and eat sitting on the floor round the coffee table with only candles on the table and the lights on the tree and Christmas music. After dinner, I set up a gingerbread house buffet, and I've already constructed little cottages from Graham crackers, one for each of us on individual plates and we sit around munching on m&ms and decorating our little houses....at the coffee table near the tree of course. In the morning we get up and have Christmas morning at home, get dressed and then race off to my inlaw's or dad's, we never get there early enough to satisfy anyone and there is tension for a bit when we get there. It's really BS! Last year my MIL wanted us to come for 3-4 days starting on the 23rd. I talked to my husband about it and our little Christmas Eve tradition...he wanted to try and do it at his mom's house which I thought would be a disaster since there were going to be so many people there. We decided to leave it up to our daughter and she wanted to stay home and keep everything the same on the 24th (down to the menu) and go over on the 25th. Well, of course we didn't get there early enough for them and got balled out on the phone on our way (2 hour drive), my husband just wanted to turn around and go home, my daughter was crying because it all happened on speaker phone so she heard it all. We got there and he told his mother in the driveway that she owed us an apology and she needed to be more understanding. Didn't happen...they yelled at me and told me that our "daughter is their granddaughter and it is their right to spend Christmas with her"! I told them that at 6 it was HER right to spend Christmas how she pleased, and if that meant at home decorating gingerbread cottages and eating on the coffee table and sleeping until she was ready to get up in her own bed and opening presents at home that - that's what we would be doing. Interestingly enough.....they live two hours away, one is retired and the other works part time, they see us on my daughter's birthday, some times Thanksgiving and always on Christmas day. We work full time and travel a lot on weekends for my husband's business. They won't even meet us 1/2 way for breakfast at a restaurant on Easter morning! My BIL, lives in NC, and they fly to see him several times a year, and now that he has a baby...even more. His family came for Christmas day too, but of course he was given a pass and was able to go straight to their hotel on the 26th, and then arrived the next day about 1 in the afternoon when our hotel was only 5 minutes from the house...of course dear mommy made him a special breakfast since he missed breakfast with the other 8 people that were able to make it to the table by 9. It truly was the straw that broke the camel's back for my husband...he declared that they will have to come to our house after lunchtime on the 25th from now on if they want to spend Christmas with their granddaughter. Now that the BIL is expecting #2 in January, I am sure they won't travel to FL for Christmas like I traveled to NC for Christmas when we were expecting AND caring for my husband's great Aunt who is 87+ with advanced Alzheimer's.....not a fun trip to say the least! You do what feels right with the people under your roof, the rest will just have to get over it!

I hate it. My parents are in Ohio and we are in FL. So they miss a lot of holidays. I would love for us to move to Ohio and spend holidays with them. My kids usually have gifts sent down from my parents and other family members. None of them get to share the happiness when they open their gifts. I treasure the days when we are together on a holiday and can enjoy the company and food (the gifts too for the kids). I would mix it up like Kelli said from Lutz, FL.

This is how we've handled it in the past.
1. Had Christmas in our home, then Christmas afternoon/evening, hopped in the car and drove 8h to the relatives. We were there by 9p.

2. Host Christmas at your house. Have the big hoopla dinner for Christmas Eve. Then Christmas morning, its about you and your kids getting up first and opening stockings while the others wake up. Do a late brunch and then a dinner of sandwiches and leftovers.

I come from a family of divorce - my dad has kids that are 20 years older than I am. We did Christmas on the day with "our" family - they did THEIR family Christmas on the day. Then we ALL did our celebration together a few days later. It's the Christmas SEASON, so you can spread it out. You don't HAVE to do everyone ON the day. Start your traditions with your Hubby and kids. Start a new tradition with them. They'll get used to it. Good luck!