My husband and I have been married for seven years and for 5 years we have celebrated Christmas Day with his family. I have not made a big deal of it because DH family is not that large. So, I sort of felt bad by not allowing him to spend the day with them. But now that I have my own children who are 2 years and 3 months I would like to stay home for christams. Or I would at least be able to spend some time with my own family for a change. I asked DH if we could not drive to SIL this year but spend christmas at home and he said "I don't know" which I know the answer is NO. He is afraid of offending or doing anything diffrent because they expect him to be there. I'm really starting to dread christmas because I always end up with his family. I don't know why he thinks its okay for me not to spend christmas day with my dad, mom, and sister. Any Advice on how I can change this situation without coming of as the witch with the inlaws?
I need them and DH to respect that I have a family of my own and to stop taking that for granted.
I come from a divorced family and my siblings and I always grew up having two christmas's because we would go to one house on christmas eve and the other on christmas day. Maybe he would be willing to do something like that?
We go threw the same stuff every year but we are to where hubby wants to stay home iwant to go visit family...so i fyou come up with any good ideas let me know
I agree with the others. Definately speak bluntly to your husband and ask him what makes it okay to never spend Christmas with your family and always spend it with his? Its not fair and he needs to understand.
I know how families can be selfish in your time, but they just have to get over it. Its not up to them to decide when you will celebrate what. They need to just be grateful for the time they do get to spend with you.
Good luck in figuring this out!
Jenn
LMBO!!!! deja vue, bottom line, Honey we have are own family, and it's time that we start to make our own traditions, it's ok to still go over there, But we shouldn't feel obligated.He also needs to not be scare to voice that to his family, nothing wrong with a little change.
B.,
That stinks! Yes, compromising during the holidays can be hard. And, No, it's not fair to always have to do things one way if you don't both agree. If you haven't expressed before you would like to balance out family time, then you need to do so. (He might not know there's an issue.) You could rotate every year... one year his family, then next yours. This may or may not work. One of the other ladies suggested having Christmas at your house. I've done this before for Thanksgiving to be able to have both my family and my husbands at one house - no driving, one meal. This works well as long as you can manage the prep work. Ask everyone to bring a dish to help with the load, if you like.
Good luck!
We have always compromised. One year we spend Thanksgiving with my family and Christmas with his and the next year we switch. We have always spent Christmas Eve and Christmas morning on our own. Also you could have both families at your house. Maybe your in laws would appreciate someone else taking care of the details for a change.
You are absolutely not wrong. My DH and I have had a pretty good solution to this problem for the past 6 years. One year we go to his family for Christmas Eve and Christmas Day then to my folks for the following weekend. The next year, we go to my family for Christmas and his folks the next weekend. The nice thing is my brother and sister-in-law have worked out the same rotation, so my family is always together, whether it's actually Christmas or not. His brothers are both single, so we haven't had any problems with scheduling there yet either. It may get more difficult if and when they get married. I have terrific in-laws, but it's just not the same as spending Christmas with your family. Good luck!
U need to compromise. thats what marriage is all about. My hubby & I celebrate on Christmas eve. We go to church w/ my mom, then go back to her house open gifts celebrate for a few hrs then we go to his parents. yes its about 830-9pm by then & we stay there till like midnight. Christmas day we spend at home w/ our kids. its nice cause then we can be lazy that day afte getting up early, opening gifts, putting them together. We do usually take a nap that day. LOL. but its all worth it. I dont know how far u live from everyone but maybe u can do one in the am & one in the pm or spend Christmas eve w/ one & Christmas day w/ another. your kids deserve to spend holidays w/ both sides of the family. If u live even further away then maybe spend thanksgiving w/ one side & Christmas w/ the other then the next yr switch. every other holdiay switch. well i hope it all works out for u. good luck.
This year for Christmas I would throw a huge party at my house! That way you dont offend the in-laws by not going. Tell them that you want to have the whole family together...your family and his. Then next year say wow that was a lot of work last year, why dont we have two seperate parties this year and have them drive to you, so you can still spend some time at your home with your husband and kids.
good luck
I had kind of the same problem, but we always went to my family because my family is large and my parents are divorced so we had lots of running around. Anyway, we now rotate the hoildays like Thanksgiving at one then Christmas at the other and sometimes we do Christmas Eve at his parents then wake up at our house with the kids so they can see what Santa brought then we will drive to my parents later that day or the next. Just as long as you celebrate Christmas who cares what day it is on. Good luck!
Hi B. -
I would talk with your hubs just as openly as you have posed your question here. Point out that you've been with his family for the past X number of years, and that you would like to share the holidays with your family this Christmas. Perhaps you can spend Thanksgiving with his family. Or New Years. or not. Is his family close enough to visit for a short while and then go see your parents?
I may even speak with my In Laws after hubby breaks the news to them. Tell them you will miss seeing them this year, but you're homesick for your family, and you'll see them soon. You may even do a little "ego stroking" and mention one or two of their traditions you'll especially miss. That way they know your decision isn't based in anger.
Good luck, B.. And it's a good idea for you to plan ahead on this one!
What about spending Christmas Eve with his family and then Christmas day with yours? Or vice versa. B/c my DH's parents are divorced, we have to spend time with my family, his mom, and his dad. Thankfully though, our families are pretty open to spending time together, sometimes we even celebrate Christmas the weekend before or on New Years Eve. I don't think its wrong of you to want to spend time with your family for once though!
I do not think that you are wrong at all. Why don't you try telling your husband that your two year old is at the age that she is starting to "get" Christmas, things like Santa Clause coming to her house etc and tell him that you think it is important for her to be home to celebrate Christmas this year, so that you can start your own family traditions.
I don't know if it would be possible, but you could let both of your families know that it is too much for your kids to be dragged all over the place on Christmas, but if they would like to bring a dish to pass and join you at your house they are more than welcome.
That's just my two cents.
-C.
B.,
I have had a similar situation. We lived in columbus for a long time and all of our family is here in Mi. I found that being honest with you inlaws is really the best way to handle it. I told my mother in law that I wanted to reserve Christmas day for my imediate family (DH, 2 DS's and 2 DD's) and celebrate the holiday with extended family another day. That way my kids got 2 holidays, santa could visit, and they got to see all of their family. AM at my folks, PM at his. Start talking and scedualing NOW to avoid calendar conflicts later.
Hope this helps.
B.
By the way, I noticed you used the DH (Dear Husband) Are you familiar with Fly Lady?
I know that the holidays are hard. My husband and I have been married for 6 years and it is still tense around the holidays when we get to deciding where we are going and for what holiday.
I think that you should be able to say that you and the kids are going to your family's he is more than welcome to join BUT you are an adult and you have made up your mind. Also remind him that the holiday's is a time for family and you all should be together.
Also, is it possible that you do something at your house with both family's. We have done that before with my parents and sisters and his mom and sibling's.
Hope everything works out.
~~~E.
What me, and my Husband do is rotate holidays with families. Like for Christmas we'll have Christmas Eve with my side, wake up Christmas morning, and have "Our Family Christmas" then in the afternoon on Christmas day go to his side of the fam. Or you could rotate the same holidays with the different families every other year. Like Thanksgiving with your fam. this year, and Thanksgiving with his fam. next year.
Compromise...talk about it. See what he says.
I understand about the difficulty, and driving around! My fam. lives about an hour southwest of us, and his fam. lives about 40 min. northeast of us. For family out of state (in our case Chicago)...we usually plan something for the week after the holiday's to get together.
The "Day" that you celebrate isn't what's important. It's that you celebrate it with family, and friends. You can celebrate it on anyday you want, and make it special.
I don't know how far apart you families live from each other, but my husband and I usually spend Christmas Eve with one set of parents and Christmas Day with the other...we usually have to sit through mass twice but other than that it really works out well. Or you could try spending alternate holidays with each family...for example this year you can do thanksgiving with his and christmas with yours and switch it up next year~
good luck, I hope it works out~
Hello B.,
I know how tricky it can be when you have extended family and need to make it all work out. When my children were younger we would split holidays like this. Christmas eve with one side and part of Christmas day with another. Sometimes we would do both on Christmas ever and stay home on Christmas day. We would try to rotate some holidays. Thanksgiving we would do one side and the next side the next year. Talk to your husband about it and how it makes you feel when you can't spend time with your family and how important you try to fit them in to. Also how you have children now and maybe you can have the get together at your home with both sides. We do that every Christmas eve. I am remarried so my extended family is big. So we invite everyone to our home for Christmas eve and we stay home Christmas day. Sometimes with my husbands Father we go the weekend before. Compromise is the key to all of this and open communication. But your family is just as important as your husbands no matter how large or small it is.
when I was married what we did was spend Christmas eve with one family and Christmas day with the other and then switched it up the next year.... and on Christmas day we didn't go anywhere until around 2/3ish - gave us time with the kids, to linger about and enjoy our own little family.
No you are absolutely not wrong! You have your own family and should start your own traditions. If the in laws do not understand that is their problem. I hope that your husband will come to see it your way. Having been in a marriage where the in laws expect us to do all the driving has given me a different perspective on life for several years now. Good luck.
