Christian Encouragement

Updated on February 04, 2011
A.P. asks from Portland, OR
33 answers

Hi ladies I'm just looking for some encouragement and hope. I'm a Christian so I need a biblical perspective. My husband and I have been married 7 months and before we were married we separated because I had such severe postpardom depression that it made me push him away and just shut down. Finally we broke up and it made me really snap out of it and aside from the postpardom , change habits that were negative and effected our marriage. Anyways we got married , thank god for that. But recently I had anxiety for the first time in my life and its making me shut down push him away and lose hope. My husband has been very understanding and loving through all of this but it still affects our marriage. We get to a long where we get in arguments and I realize my faults and bad habits and mindset I get into that cause problems and it breaks my heart makes me cry and apologize and know that I need to snap out of it, change things and trust in the lord and ACTUALLY have the will to change. But I just feel like I'm in a rut. My husband always forgives and loves but he has heard me say the same things over and over to where he doesn't say it, but I know he doesn't really believe it anymore because he has heard it all before.

Now I'm not looking for people bashing on my husband, he has his faults and I know that he knows that, and I'm not focusing on him in the post I'm just focusing on me. I'm asking for words of encouragement to help snap me out of this, and to trust, abd follow the lord and keep a cross centered marriage and life. Thank you and god bless.

What can I do next?

  • Add yourAnswer own comment
  • Ask your own question Add Question
  • Join the Mamapedia community Mamapedia
  • as inappropriate
  • this with your friends

Featured Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.P.

answers from Eugene on

Just a question--what kind of birth control are you on? Is it possible that the anxiety is tied to birth control? I didn't realize that my depression/anxiety were birth control related until I went off it to have my kids! One kind made me depressed (I was on it for 5 years) and didn't put it together because while I was VERY depressed when I first went on it it seemed to get better, switched to another kind and starting having anxiety attacks--still didn't put it together--when I went off it it was like a cloud lifted!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

It sounds like you need to see a counselor to determine why you are doing this and how to stop. And perhaps start on an antidepressant. Religion is great but don't let it stand in the way of you getting help. It sounds like a lot is riding on this so it is very much worth it to try.

1 mom found this helpful

More Answers

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.S.

answers from Chicago on

I am going to suggest that although you are Christian, God creates amazing people who carry on and accept their missions in life and that you might want to get some medication to help with the depression.You could have some hormone imbalance. I told that to my son who is trying to handle everything through prayer and bible verses and quotes and he is in very clear need of medication. You are not violating God's laws if you medicate yourself. He created people and he gave people gifts to set broken legs and help wonderful minds.You might just need some to carry through. It also sounds like husband has convinced you enough that it is your fault all the time and that he is not 'hearing' you and therefore you are frustrated and letting it out. What exactly is wrong with that? There is nothing more difficult than to continue butting your head against the wall with a person who is perhaps kind, but not emotionally available. I would suggest you find female friends who are good listeners, continue to read our bible and look at God's word with optimism while you also tend to some earthly needs and God really will take care of you spiritually.

6 moms found this helpful

C.B.

answers from Kansas City on

it is wonderful to have your faith but i think even your pastor or preacher would tell you that some things call for professional help. it sounds to me like you need to see at least your family doctor, and maybe even a counselor of some kind. god helps those who help themselves. he gave us free will and self awareness for a reason.

4 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.W.

answers from Gainesville on

I think there are 4 things that you could do to help yourself.

First, see your medical doctor for a complete check-up. Have blood work done to rule out anything physical going on. And see about a possible recommendation for medication. Medications to help say, depression, dont' always have to be taken long-term. When my mother passed away I was so sad and scattered that I just had a very difficult time turning off the upset in my brain so i could function. I took the meds for 6 months and didn't seek to get the script refilled because I had been able to get on a much more even keel during that 6 months where the upset was not turned off but turned down.

Second, get your doctor to give you a referral to a therapist for an evaluation of your emotional health. And the therapist can give you positive way to move thru this time in your life and skills to navigate thru things in a more constructive way.

Third-seek out your spiritual advisor and see if there are marriage classes or counseling within your church. This will help you and your husband learn to better communicate as a couple and work thru issues together and in a more constructive way.

Fourth-Try adding exercise and things like yoga to your day. They are both empowering and mood boosters. Yoga is incredible to help regain focus, feel strong and confident. Yoga is for everyone. You don't have to be super flexible or anything crazy. THat's the beauty of yoga-it's only about you and the practice. You do what you can the way you can. There is no competition. I find when I exercise I walk a little straighter, my head is a little clearer, I feel strong and confident like I can take on the world.

Best to you.

3 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.L.

answers from Minneapolis on

.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.C.

answers from Bellingham on

Hi, I used to have a minor problem with depression. I always was so against taking anti-depressants. I have a wonderful husband and we have been together for a long time, but my mood swings and anxiety from the depression started really wearing on him. A bad preganancy really made me go into a deep depression forcing me to go to counseling and get on anti-depressants. Now, I am on them and have been happier than I have ever been in my whole life. My husband is happier too. I would go to a couseler like the other ladies suggested and get checked out. You can get this straightened out. God bless!!

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

G.B.

answers from Oklahoma City on

Please consider talking to your pastor and perhaps seeking the help of a Psychiatrist for some antidepressants and maybe some antianxiety meds. they can be short term unless there is a chemical inbalance, like a chenical imbalance in the brain that would make them a life long need. Like a idabetic has to alwasy watch their diet and take meds. It's a life long illness they ahve to live with, sometimes depression can be a chemical imbalance and need meds to correct it. You can feel better and anxiety is one of the most debilitating things to happen to a person.

It takes your confidence, it shuts you down because it is always there waving it's ugly hand in your face go "ha ha, I control you now"..., it gets better, I have not had an anxiety attack in years. It took lots of therapy and medications but I have been med free for many years and even though I don't think I'll ever be as confident as I was before I still function pretty normally.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.F.

answers from Buffalo on

i don't know why anyone would bash on your husband, he seems like a wonderful man, you're very lucky to have a husband who seems to have been so understanding and supportive during a difficult time, even if its wearing on him, it sounds like he's trying. Men are not wired to be as good at compassion and listening as women though, so finding some good support with female friends is a great thing.

I agree with the post that suggested going to your doctor first for bloodwork - i had thyroid disease i didn't know about, and although there were many other factors at that time making me feel down (infertility, being diagnosed with cancer, etc), the thyroid disease wasn't helping, made me feel even more lethargic and depressed. Getting that under control definitely helped. A friend of mine had severe vitamin D deficiency and it was amazing the clarity and happiness she found once she started taking supplements for it.

But if they determine there is nothing medically wrong, there is nothing wrong with getting outside help! Finding a good CHRISTIAN counselor is never something to be ashamed of (and that's important if you're a Christian because they can help in a God-based way that you can relate to). I have friends who have used counseling with wonderful results, they help you focus and get to the root of the problem... and you can't really turn yourself around, or "snap out of it" as you put it, if you don't understand why you're where you are. And if it takes some temporary medication to get through it too, so be it. Like another response said, God has given people wonderful skills to create medicine to fix a number of problems... and although i think depression meds are waaay overprescribed, there are definitely legitimate needs for them sometimes.

I'm so sorry you're having a rough time. Life is full of ups and downs (i've had some major doozies too), but there is always an "up" around the corner somewhere. Trust in Him.

2 moms found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.P.

answers from Pittsburgh on

I think that you could really benefit from talking to a doctor about your postpartum depression and anxiety. Find a Christian counselor in your area.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

K.B.

answers from Tulsa on

Willpower and Faith alone are a great start, but you probally need to get a doctor and be on antidepressants. That does not show a lack of faith anymore than a cancer sufferer taking chemo would. Of course you would encourage someone to get treatment for cancer or a broken bone.. Depression is the same.
Also, you have to FORCE yourself to eat better and get more rest-even if that means letting things go undone. You would greatly benefit by having at least one friend to do things with, not just vent to. You can get through this and it will get better.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.D.

answers from Portland on

I just wanted to let you know that you, unfortunately, can't "snap" out of depression and anxiety symptoms. You will, however, be able to lessen or eliminate the symptoms if you seek treatment such as counseling or medication. Family, friend, and religious support is also very important, but these symptoms will not go away no matter how much you "will" them to. You need to figure out why these symptoms have appeared and counseling will help with that. I too have suffered with these symptoms and have found counseling and medication very helpful. Best Wishes!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.S.

answers from Los Angeles on

Hi, I just want to remind you that psychological issues such as depression and anxiety are medical issues. If you had cancer, it would not be non-christian to seek a doctor's help and medication to treat it. God wants us to be happy and productive and loving in our marriages. If you have true anxiety, you should see a therapist and if needed, take meds to treat your condition b/c as true medical conditions are, you can't just "snap out of it" if you have clinical depression/anxiety. Best of luck to you. Keep praying for strength and insight but don't replace medical treatment with prayers.

1 mom found this helpful

S.L.

answers from New York on

I really dont have advice just what I'm thinking for me: I'm reading the book Eat, Pray, L. and so far I've read "prayer is talking to God, meditation is LISTENING to God" "the original purpose of Yoga is to prepare the body for meditation" "meditation will help you listen to God no matter what religion you are" And I'm really going to TRY more prayer and meditation in my life. it cant hurt!

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.K.

answers from Dallas on

You have gotten some excellent advice here! What lovely ladies Mamapedia has!
I just want to add:
Go to a doctor, yes, I firmly believe most of this is medical related, but then:

contact Metroplex Counseling--I highly recommend Steve Clay as a Biblical Counselor--changed my life by God's grace,

Get involved with other women! Join a group from your church or a mom's group or an exercise group like Zumba or something! Women need women to talk to and do things with.

Also, look up Anthem of Hope.com and download their free encouragement cd's.

Finally, are you plugged into a good church? Are you in the Word daily? Are you praying without ceasing? If yes to all of those, add on some sort of ministry/community work. It helps to raise our eyes off ourselves when we serve others.

I've been where you are! God sees you and loves you! With a little help, you'll be better than ever in a little while! :)

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

I.L.

answers from Alexandria on

I am so sorry you are struggling so greatly right now. You have gotten some wonderful encouragement and advice so far. So I won't repeat what others have said.

There is a book I think you should read. It is little and very easy to read. It is called "The five L. languages," by Gary Chapman. It is a Christian book about making marriage work and learning to L. each other in the way each of you needs to be loved. I promise, as a therapist who uses the tools in it and as a wife who uses the tools in it, if you follow some easy suggestions things will only get better.

As long as you have faith, you have hope.
This too shall pass.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

A.P.

answers from Los Angeles on

While I could offer christian encouragment, I can completely, I mean 100% relate to what you are going through...sounds hormonal and beyond post partum. I think you should talk with your dr about your concern and may need something to take the edge off. I struggled with the denial of needing anything to help but I really believed I had some sort of depression ( and while I wasnt feeling sad/down or walking around in some sort of gloomy way) my inside feelings were affecting my daily routine and relationship. They can give you something in a low dose form that can take the edge off.

1 mom found this helpful

L.G.

answers from Eugene on

Take your husband to a marriage enrichment class. Many churches sponsor them. You'll learn many things that will help you to communicate better with each other. Also you will realize what it takes to keep a marriage on level ground supporting one another.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B..

answers from Dallas on

I strongly encourage you to see a counselor. Start out with individual counseling and when you have your footing under you, branch out to couples counseling. I hope you know, that there is nothing un-Biblical about taking medication, to get past times of anxiety, or depression. I'm not saying you do think it's un-Biblical, but many people think that. God blesses pastors to lead us, doctors to help heal us, and medication to help guide us to better mental health. There is NOTHING wrong with being aided by medication during a very hard time. There is nothing wrong with needing it ALL the time. I have a family member with a chemical imbalance, that has to be fixed by medication. She will take medication, for the rest of her life.
I believe if it were needed God could go in and fix that imbalance. However, God blessed us humans with the wisdom and knowledge to develop medicine for that. His hands were in creating that medicine, just like they would be if he directly fixed her imbalance. You do not need to rely on willpower alone to get through this. In fact many people never get better, because they think will power should be enough. Sometimes, all the willpower in the world has nothing to do with it. You can't will yourself out of things all the time, and I suspect this could be one of those times.

1 mom found this helpful
Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

J.S.

answers from Seattle on

God is faithful. He wants us to be faithful to Him and to our spouse. God has blessed marriage and wants it to be permanent. Not that it is easy. We all have trying times whether it is depression (medical treatment can be good) or lack of time or spouse gone for work. God can provide what you need for your circumstances if you ask. God supports us in difficulties (Psalm 27)
Thank God for your husband who seems to be very forgiving.
Have you participated in any couples Bible studies? You may get some needed encouragement there.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.S.

answers from Houston on

it must be in the air I am doing the same thing. and dont know why or how to stop it. I will be reading your answers.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

S.G.

answers from Portland on

Dear Alice,

I have three ideas for you. The first is remember who you are. You are a child of God. Hold on to God's hand and no matter what happens, you will be okay. That is the point of religion/spirituality; to help you go boldly into the world and L. unconditionally.

The second idea it this. Every night before you go to sleep either in your mind or with your husband, think of three good things that happened to you. After you have named the three good things, ask yourself how those things came about. You then started looking at the good that is going on in your life rather then the negative. If you do it alone, that is fine because you begin to change yourself. If you do it with your husband, you both start adding positive energy into your relationship, and the more you talk about the good things, the easier it is to talk about the difficult things.

Finally, if those things don't work, perhaps a little marriage counseling is in order. I'm an Imago Couples Therapist and I don't really negotiate around the problems but teach skills of communication so you can be the best person possible for your husband. Add a little fun and romance into your relationship and focus on all the blessings in your life. I would seriously recommend an Imago Therapist to help your relationship as opposed to other forms of therapy. You can find a list of therapist in your area at www.gettingtheloveyouwant.com.

I can tell in your note that you have at least one child. Your child is raised in the midst of your relationship with your husband. Now is a good time to get that relationship solid because teenagers are hard on marriages. Good for you for noticing now so you can have a great marriage and be witness to the miracle of L..

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

I.S.

answers from Seattle on

I don't mean to offend any other lady on her of course, but I suggest you speak to your doctor first before just blindly seeking medication.
I developed depressiong after my twins were born, and I do take medication still for my depression, but that might not be what works for you.
I suggest you speak to your doctor, and see what the two of you can come up with to develop a plan to treat your emotional difficulties. But know this, no one has to live in world of sadness, anxiety or stress and there are a variety of ways to handle it.
I think seeing a counselor is a good idea, because they may be able to help you find the root of your feelings. I pray that you are able to come through this and find healing. It isn't always easy, even with a supporting family network and medication I still have off days, but deciding to do what you can to help the situation is a huge step in itself. Good job for seeing that things are downsliding again, and for having the courage to admit it.
Good luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

D.E.

answers from Seattle on

Christ knows you and has felt all that your going through all ready on the cross. He will bear this for you. All you have to do is ask so sincerely, so open mind and broken hearted. You will get through this because he will help you. Your prayers all day long and fasting for your marriage, your life with your baby, your family and your health will be answered.
If the lord's answer is that you need some post partum medicine for a little while, it is available and don't worry, you won't need it forever. The body really does act weird and is unbalanced after a baby. You are not crazy but your hormones can make you feel that way. You are Loved by your Heavenly Father so much. I know he will bless you and your family for your efforts.
I felt weird and never let myself take the medicine( zoloft?) but looking back I wasn't myself. so it probably would have helped. But prayer and L. in your heart for your true desire to please the lord and work out your issues might be all you need. Then there is homeopathics like chamomile, you can take to calm you, and the baby too. think about some natural meds too ( go to health food store and ask or call naturopath. I use Serene for anxiety and all of it. ellizabeth essentials on line. plus surrender to massage my family to help relax us. plus I take tons of b vitamins for stress and other nutritional support like spirulina smoothie mix. I also ended up being allergic to wheat after my 1st baby. There is a lot of challenges and changes on your body right now. I always pray for my husband to deal with things better too. Go to church, recieve the spirit in your home and heart. He is there. God Bless.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

R.G.

answers from Albany on

I think most women go through this, we tend to take it out on those closest to us.
its good that you admit you have a problem, its the first step towards getting help.
Prayer is good, keep the faith.
When you feel as if you want to react to a situation in a negative way, stop yourself, take a walk, shut yourself in a room, think about it, calm down. We often say things in anger, and dont mean them. Everything doesnt seem so bad in the morning, all thats left is guilt and regret- so try not t react, rather pro act.
I think talking your pastor and a councellor will definitely help you aswell, because sometimes, as much as we want to get through somethings, we cant do it alone.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.G.

answers from Little Rock on

have you talked to your pastor? I'm a christian myself, and PERFER the counseling of a pastor that already knows me and knows my trouble's i'm going through....but of course that doesn't always happen

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

H.L.

answers from Portland on

Without more background it's challenging to give advice, but I will say that focusing on your reactions to the challenges is a good start. You mentioned that you want to work on yourself and sometimes the simplest thing to do is stop for a moment when you reach a tough situation and breathe before you react. Listen to the voice in your head, find some quiet time to soul search. Happiness comes from within and you can find that. Forgive your husband and try to move forward with a fresh slate. Be gentle, loving and give to yourself enough to be able to do that.

D.R.

answers from Los Angeles on

Does your church have marriage groups? You clearly sound as if you have other issues going on that may not have to do with postpartum or may very well still be a part of that and have not been addressed fully but I am not sure why you fear we would bash your husband, he sounds like a blessing. You sound very overwhelmed and I want to assure you that everyone has issues in their marriage. No one has a 100% perfect marriage so give yourself a break. I am going to a class right now with my husband and there are people in their twenties to seventies in there and they all have "stuff" so don't beat yourself up. The dvds we are watching I have attached below. They are funny. And easy to watch whether your church gets them or you just get them for yourself... they are worth getting me to go every Wednesday night.
God Bless you and your new little family! Hang in there and please keep in touch!

http://shopping.laughyourway.com/laugh-your-way-seminar-d...

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

E.C.

answers from San Francisco on

Have you read Beth Moore's book "Believing God"? It helped me tremendously to bridge the gap between what my brain knows is true about my relationship to God and how I feel emotionally - y'know, the "I know God says that I'm loved/redeemed/forgiven but I don't really *feel* that way" kinda thing? The book helped me realize that it's okay for me to tell God "I know You say that I'm *this* (beloved, redeemed, etc.) but I still *feel* like a 'that' (whatever rut we're stuck in)" and understand that it's a starting point for working and praying your way out of the rut. She's been through a lot of stuff herself - depression, being abused as a child, etc., and her messages are full of Scripture and examples of how those scriptures ministered to her in her struggles. You can hear some of her messages online here: http://www.lproof.org/Media/BethMoore/HearBeth.htm

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

H.G.

answers from Portland on

Counseling for you alone & later maybe together with your husband. Meditation for 20 in the morning & before bed.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

N.W.

answers from Eugene on

Even Paul had this problem and he was pretty spiritual!

Romans 7:15 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do.

It's really frustrating to want to change and not be able to. Check this website out:
http://www.genesisprocess.org/

The process is biblically based but not a Bible Study. It examines how to heal and change self-destructive behavior. You can find a counselor who understands the process, or a group that meets to go through the steps. This was one of those life-changing experiences for me. It helped me get un-stuck and relate to people in a better way. I hope you can find something that works for you, too.

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

B.K.

answers from New York on

You need to get on antidepressants. My son died, I got really depressed, and denied for about 9 months that I needed an antidepressant. Then, I finally gave in after praying about it, and after about a month, I was getting better. Depression is a chemical imbalance in your brain and cannot correct itself. Also, I don't know if you've heard of vitamin D3, but if you are not taking it, you really need to. You should be taking 5,000 IUs a day. It is a natural antidepressant too. But, don't take 5,000 everyday during the summer months if you are in the sun regularly. If you want to check it out, research it. Great resources are Dr. Mercola, and Dr. Tenpenny. Good luck!

Smallavatar-fefd015f3e6a23a79637b7ec8e9ddaa6

M.H.

answers from Dallas on

Why do you think people would bash on your husband??? He seems wonderful. Best wishes.

For Updates and Special Promotions
Follow Us

Related Questions