Choosing Between Spouse or Mother

Depends on who is being the a-hole. My mother is a lovely woman so if my spouse had an issue with her, that would be HIS issue. I wouldn't have a relationship with someone who is a jerk to my mother for no reason. If my mother was a nightmare or was disrespectful towards my spouse, I would side with my spouse.

Spouse. Always.

That is who I chose to live my LIFE with and make my FAMILY with. My mother is great, but I don't live with her, raise kids with her, or otherwise experience and grow daily with her.

Because of who my parents are, I don't believe I will ever have to make this choice.

Because of who my MIL is, my husband may have to make this choice some day. As we stand now, he would choose me. I would have to do something SERIOUSLY messed up for him to choose his mom.

My husband married me. Has kids with me. Has sex with me. Raises a family with me.
I didn't watch the Big Bang Theory last night, but I can say that my husband better pick me every time or else he will be living with his mama.
L.

Spouse wins this every time for me.
Unless your mother lives with you, and helps you make life decisions and supports you financially....

To me, this question wreaks of mothers without boundaries.

I'm in the middle of this issue right now. I chose my husband.

I married the love of my life and thus far, per my mother, I haven't done anything right. According to her, we were engaged too soon, married too soon, bought a house too soon...

The problem is that she wants to be let in on every detail of my life. I feel like I am entitled to some privacy. I don't have to share everything with her. She's not my sister or BFF. So to punish me, she nitpicks and speaks negatively about everything that has to do with me and my family. That is, when she's not going on and on about the terrible and awful life she has to live...working as a school bus driver, not making enough money to support herself. Sob!

She also resents being a grandmother. You'd think she would have grown into it after 11 years, but she simply CAN'T act like a grandmother ought to. She's NOT warm, sweet or loving. She doesn't give notice when she visits (she'll call 15 minutes prior to arrival). She expects others to cater to her whims. She has snide comments for every time she feels like her feelings have been hurt. She blames everyone else for every bad thing in her life...including me.

Egads...as I'm writing this, I'm wondering if she's got borderline personality disorder!

So yeah, I've basically cut my mom out. I put up emotional fences. It's so weird to love someone, but not like them or their abusive behavior at the same time.

We hopefully never have to make this choice, but once you ate married, your spouse comes first.

All moms should understand this...

My thoughts are that it is just sad. Sad for everyone involved. Sad for parents that can't see they are hurting the marriages of their children. Sad for spouses who don't see that their spouse should be their priority, and or blinders to how their parents are. Sad for what the grandkids see/learn when the adults in their lives are like that.

that's any easy one: I will always pick hubby!

I figure I can always get another husband; I can't get another mother!!

Seriously tho, it depends on the situation - but it would have to be something pretty bad for me to have to make that choice.

Depends on the merits of both spouse and mother. Something must be SERIOUSLY wrong with one or the other if it ever comes down to having to choose between them--major dysfunction in the family.

I wouldn't want a relationship with someone who demands a choice like this. That's not love, but control.

When I married my husband (and also when I had children) I made the CHOICE to put my family before all others. If my mother tried to make me choose, it would be my spouse every time. My mom was not the best, and I don't actually need her in my life. It's nice that she's there, but she never gave me the love, life, security, acceptance, stability, and joy that my husband has. My husband would do anything for me, and my mom would do what she could, if it were convenient.

Husband. Every single time.

IMO you make that choice when you get married. If you would choose you mom over your spouse you probably shouldn't get married.

you choose to marry your spouse and did not choose who your mother would be. In your vows you probably promised to put your no other person over your spouse or similar and most likely never did the same for your mother. The vows are technically a legally binding contract. In a way I just got thinking that I wonder if the mother was chosen over the spouse if said spouse could end up suing the other. I bet if they divorced it would be considered in negotiations. legalities aside my husband and I need to be a united front and find a way for us both to agree on something.

I had to make this choice. My husband joined the army and my mom did not want me to move with him. Me and my mom had a good relationship until I chose to move with my husband now she doesn't talk to me any more maybe once a month. I still send her pictures and try to talk to her but it is her choice not to talk to me. Up side I am really close to my in-laws now they are great!!!!!

mama and daddy would win.

Unless the spouse is abusive, Spouse. Parents are "1st tier" family until you get married. Then your spouse/children become the "1st tier" and parents move to 2nd. Which is as it should be, and parents that give guilt for this need to realize their kids are grown up. They are not loved any less, they just have new responsibilities.

Thankfully I never had to choose, but I would have chosen my spouce.

I would hope my children would choose their spouce over me or my wife..

Good luck to you and yours.

All depends on the situation. If the spouse is abusive and the mom wants you to get and or will help you get out the mom. But other than that you spouse. I do have a very over baring mother but I love her very much but I think if I had to choose it would be my husband. But thankfully that's not a choice I have to make.

The fact that someone's spouse would put them in a position to choose between the spouse or the mother makes me really question the integrity of the spouse. On the flip side, a mother who puts the child in this position is, in my opinion, probably selfish in some way and trying to hang onto their child rather than let them become a self-sufficient adult.

Right now, my parents, sister and I have a very rocky relationship with my brother and presume that it is largely because of his wife. Long story, but the way they are treating us makes us feel absolutely awful. It's been keeping me up at night and it's making me HATE his wife.

In general, I think it's ridiculous that anyone should ever have to choose between a spouse and a mother. Shouldn't both love the person enough to make it work for everyone? A little give and take from both goes a long way.

biologically, you cannot choose your parent. and if you want to be married, you have to choose a spouse.

as my DH says "I chose my wife. I was stuck with my mother." LOL!

I think most sane parents would not want their children to feel they had to choose. Even if the spouse was abusive or something a mother would want to keep the relationship with their child in the hopes she would come to realize she needed to divorce and would feel she had a supportive mom to help her. So most likely if you have to choose, there is not a healthy relationship there and the child needs to move on (like Howard!)

I am currently in this situation. It is horrendous. My hope is to create healthy open communication in the family I am nurturing so we don't deal with this sort of thing ourselves in the distant future.....

I vote you choose for yourself C..

The impact of my husband's and mother's beliefs in my life is and used to be there, stronger when I was younger and a newly wed. But quite minimal now.

And even if you make a 'choice' today, it could change by what you read tomorrow. I don't think it needs to be so black and white. Go read some and watch more. Educate yourself and be comfortable with what you choose.

9 out of 10 times, you pick the spouse. However, when my husband's father was sick, I understood when he chose his parents over me. But in everyday life, I tell my husband there is only room from one Mrs. T in this relationship, and he's got to pick which one, me or his mother. My father always told me that your priorities in life should be 1. Spouse, 2. Kids, 3. Parents. That is what I try to live by. But like most of us, our kids seem to always trump the spouse, so my husband and I always try to make time together to focus on each other.