Changing Schools? - Wilmington,NC

Hopefully they set him/her up with another student to shadow for a day or two. Sit with the band kids at lunch. They are always nice!

I'm a middle school counselor and it really depends on your kid's personality, likes, dislikes etc, but here are my general observations/advice.

I will say that girls get sucked right in, especially if they look at least somewhat friendly and open. Girls love to be on the lookout to scoop up a new kid and show her around, invite her to eat lunch. Unless there is something majorly off-putting about her demeanor.

Boys are different. They are clueless and don't think to go out of their way to ask a new kid to join them. If a new boy is particularly good-looking, the girls may befriend him first, and that can be hard because it can hinder him connecting with the other boys in his grade, if he is always surrounded by girls.

Either way, new students in middle school need to be patient. It takes time to really find who you connect with and who has the same interests. At first, he/she should be open to meeting new people and hanging out with whoever is willing at first. But not necessarily cling to the first people they meet, be aware that he/she might try out a few people/groups before settling down with the ones that are most similar.

Discuss a back-up plan for break and lunch on the first day- if absolute no one offers to sit with him/her, figure out how he/she will handle that (is he/she comfortable approaching a group or other solo student? Comfortable sitting alone and breaking out a book/kindle/phone to play on? More likely to hide out in the library or act busy at the locker?). You might feel better if you know what your child plans to do in that situation, and your child may feel better thinking about it beforehand.

And really those are the only two times that an 8th grader would be forced to socialize. Otherwise it's classes and everyone does what they have to do.

Don't worry mom, it will be fine. People always reach out and new kids find their way. At this point in the year a new student is novelty and excitement for middle schoolers so it's actually more beneficial to start mid-semester. Sometimes it can even be a little competitive as to which group will win over the new kid first.

Lastly, Jr Highers are extremely superficial. Do a little re-con first on what kids look like in the school, and make sure he/she shows up dressed similarly and neatly, hair washed etc. I shouldn't have to say this and I feel like it makes ME sound superficial, but it's the truth. The more "typical" and "normal" your child looks in their eyes, the easier it will be.

Have your child reach out to others and get involved in the school through various clubs and activities. Allow your child to be who they are and listen to any of their concerns/questions once school is started.

Been there and done that...as a kid myself and also as a parent! Thankfully, my daughters lucked out and fell into some very good hands as far as friends in the new school. I have two very outgoing daughters and then two quieter and more introverted ones. The quiet ones took a bit longer to get into the swing of things and I would always remind them that it takes effort to put yourself out there and show yourself to the world! To be a friend, you have to make a friend! Getting the girls involved in sports and activities with their new school was the key to it all. As soon as they started doing those things, the friends started piling up. One of my kids even spent three days evaluating which group of friends she really wanted to fit in with and funny as it is, she would make a point of waving or smiling at someone in the group or sitting near them at lunch. One day she made sure she walked behind them in the hallway to class and one girl in the group just turned around and said..."Are you new here because I noticed you waived at me yesterday but I haven't seen you here at school before." There was the ice breaker and my daughter walked right into this group of friends and has been a part of it now for six years! Turns out that two of the girls she met were new to the school two years prior so they could identify with the angst and nervousness she felt. Before long, all my kids were making friends and fitting in quite well. Now, I look back on all of it and the move we made and change of schools was the right thing to do. Just be supportive and encouraging about your child joining activities and not being a wallflower. Kids are very resilient and sometimes new schools, new scenes, and new friends are a blessing from above!

Think of it as a fresh start. Many kids bring tons of "baggage" from prior years of elementary and middle school with them into the higher grades. I agree with joining clubs, sports, music, etc. This will help bring on new friendships. We are thinking about going to a middle school that is outside the area of our elementary school mainly for academics, but it will also be nice to get a way from some of the nasty kids that have been a thorn in my dd's side for years!

Call ahead to the school counselor. Get his/her ideas on how to make the transition easier. See if he/she knows any other new(er) students that they can connect you/your child with. Ask if they have support groups for newer students? If you know any neighbors, see if they have any children or know of any kids the same age as your child. Try to get together before then if possible. And stay positive! If you are overly-nervous, your child will pick up on it. Good luck!
ETA: I like Julie's idea too. See if he/she can shadow another student for a day or two, so there is at least one person to talk to.

If possible this week, scope out the school in terms of how the kids dress, what they look like. Go at drop off or pick up and observe from the parking lot. Not to be totally superficial or say that he needs to be a cookie cutter of everyone else, but first impressions count and if he looks like he fits in walking through the door, it will be easier. Ask the guidance/adjustment person what their plan is for him. Most schools will find another nice student with a similar schedule who will buddy up with a new student for the first few days to help them fine their way around and have someone to sit with at lunch. Do you know any parents with kids in this school? Does your son know anyone already?

My step-daughter moved in with us in the middle of 7th grade. My oldest son and she are in the same grade but they were on different "teams" and had no classes together. She already knew a few girls through my son so she sat with them at lunch at first and then eventually she found her footing with her own group of friends. She joined some clubs and activities too. Although she only lived 45 minutes away before, the way girls dressed in her old school was somewhat different from here so we went through her closet and I helped her set aside clothes that would have stuck out here. She didn't adopt the NorthFace/skinny jeans/Uggs uniform that most girls wore, but didn't wear things that would have been looked down on.

If he plays a sport or an instrument, try to talk to the band director or coach this week and have him connect, particularly if it's a winter sport. Continuing an activity can be a great way to establish some normalcy and find a group of friends quickly. Good luck to him (and you) - he'll be fine!

In the words of the late, great "Bear" Bryant, "Do something great today"!