Can My Baby Stay with My Sister While I Go to School

If it were me I would transfer to a school by my sister and share housing with her. If she offered to help babysit while I was at school, that would be awesome. I would also expect to pay for child care as well. Then I could be with my daughter. I would not move out of state and leave my newborn. If you HAVE to go to that out of state school and cannot transfer, then I would take her with you and take out loans for child care. But this would be very hard and very very expensive.

You are a student at NYU school of medicine and you can't figure this out? Sorry, I don't believe you.

Did you write this on your cell phone? You write like a high school student instead of a student of medicine. I admit that it's hard to take you seriously here because you don't sound like you have as many years of study under your belt as you should sound writing here, if you were really at NYU School of Medicine.

If you are what you say you are, then you will get a family attorney involved and ASK him or her to help you protect your legal rights as a mother. You will NOT just hand your child over to your sister without having done that. You are paying a lot of money to go to school. Would you ask a MEDICAL question on a forum of non-medical people? No. So why would you ask a LEGAL question on a forum of people who don't have law degrees? Just because it's free to ask on a forum doesn't mean that you can trust the answer.

Go get legal advice before you find out that you "abandoned" your child and your sister doesn't have to give her back...

i don't buy for a second that any med student would write like this.
khairete
S.

Not a good option. You will come to resent your sister for being the mom you should have been. Your sister will resent the fact that you "took" her child even though it is yours away from her. Your child will resent both of you for what you both did to her.

Now, it is time to think of someone other than you. Having children changes many people's plans in life but they do make it. Plan out how you are going to care for the child (food/shelter/clothing/health ins/day care provider) and then make it work. It may take you six or seven years instead of four. I would look for the best qualified school in my home state and go from there. Schools do provide facilities to families and housing so you could do that. There is also child care available. Get the dad involved in the financial care of his child. Be gracious and polite even if you two can't stand each other you have a child to care for.

Now, if you feel you have to "give your child away" for a certain amount of time, how about adoption? That way the child will not be a hindrance to any of your plans. Yes, I am coming off cold and to the point but this is real life and this is a human being we are talking about with immediate needs. A lawyer and the court system must be involved so that everything is above board and legal. There will then be no argument about how things went down and why. No messiness to wade through for the truth.

So now the ball is in your court. Please check back with us with your decision.

the other S.

PS I am sorry about the baby's father. But you still have things to work out. There is a wealth of knowledge on this site and many times we get bashed because we come up with suggestions that sound hard and cruel to get you to think through what needs to be done as many have -- been there, done that, and have the clothes to prove it.

You'll need a lawyer.

Why not go to school close by so you can be a parent AND better yourself? Or go online? There are many options to do what we need to do as parents, but still be parents. I'd go that route first.

My gut agrees with Mamazita. Also, what do you mean by "last year?" Where are you doing your residency? Will you have your baby with you for that, or will it be another year (or several, depending on specialty) before you decide to parent?
This sound like a Lifetime movie.
However, some people have lives that sound like Lifetime movies.

So here is my answer, playing along, just in case.

I had my baby while I was in law school. I was pregnant for two semsters plus a summer, so I had plenty of time to work things out with my school. I had a place to pump, I got the school to install a diaper changing station, I had special arrangements made for the exams that happened a week after I gave birth. I found child care for my baby and arranged my schedule so I could go to school 4 days a week and have time to see him the rest of the week. I chaired two commitees, was on journal, and graduated ranked, taking no time off. It is absolutely possible.

But here is the deal- you have to re-evaluate your life plan. I was all lined up to go big firm, big salary, 70 hours a week. I spent a lot of time talking to lawyers who have children and thinking about my options. Ultimately, I decided on a career path that allows me to work 40-50 hours a week with the occasional 60 hour week instead of 60 hour weeks with the occasional 40 hour week. I have vacation time and sick time and I use them. I am able to attend my sons' school parties and volunteer in the classroom 1-2 times a year. But I made a very deliberate choice.

You are deciding right now what your priorities will be. You need to finish school, but you need to do it in a way that will not destroy your family. Can your sister come to NY and live with you for a year?
You need to look at your career path and factor in a child. You may not want to work 32 hour shifts in an ER, you may want to look very deliberately at an office practice that will let you have a set, predictable schedule.

You will learn that you have to sacrifice somewhere. Anyone who says otherwise is full of BS. You cannot be the super-Dr. House-doctor and a devoted, 24-7 mom. I chose something in between, as most of us do. It is really, really hard to acknowledge that you have to choose, but looking at the reality will help you create a realistic plan.

If I were in this situation, I would either have my sister come to NY and live with me or look at hiring an au pair who would live with me. Student loan offices would help pay for it, as awful as that student debt load would be. I would cut back on any extra curricular activities that I could and keep the class load to only what it absolutely had to be for me to graduate. Then I would work very hard to find a residency near my sister's home and an angle at a long term job in a nearby office.

Can you do this? Sure, you could but I would talk with an attorney first and find out what you need to do.

Now, would I do this? NO. I don't understand why you can't move back to your home state and go to school there and be your daughter's mom.

How long do you plan to not be in her everyday life? You can't just put a child on the shelf and say "okay, when I'm ready I will be your mom but not right now". It doesn't work that way. Your sister will be her mom and bond with her. When you get out of school do you honesty want to be the one to rip that apart?

I think it is wonderful that you want to continue your education but it seems you are thinking about what you want and not what is in the best interest of your daughter. You could transfer to a school in your state AND be a mom. Women do it every day.

Just wondering, where is the father in all of this?

Why not go to school in your own state? Many mothers get an education while raising their children.

Talk to a lawyer about it.
I'd imagine this will have to be an agreement drawn up between you, your sister and your child's father.
I'd have a hard time being away from my child - I couldn't do it.

Yes, you can do this. Is doing so good for your baby? I think not. Babies bond with their caretaker. She will hurt a lot and be confused when you take her away. I suggest you discuss doing this with a child psychologist before you make a plan.

I ami in The minority. You are in your last yessir. Your circumstances are extenuating. Father passed away. It is not ideal, but you do whT you have to do to better yourself and provide a good life for her. Check out so
E options thru school. If nothing is available, you do what you need to do.
Good luck.

Yes you certainly can make arrangements for your sister to be guardian of your newborn in another state while you finish your education. Contact an attorney to make sure you have all needed paperwork drawn up correctly because you don't want to worry about delay of care if something happens.

Best of luck as you finish your education. Its a hard thing to decide but you are looking to the future and doing the best thing you can do.

Talk to someone at your college about options. Many larger schools have inexpensive childcare available to students. Or perhaps they can advise you about how to add childcare expenses into your student loans. Please talk to them so they can help you figure out a way that you can finish your degree.
You don't mention how far away your sister lives and how often you would get to see your child. If you do give your sister temporary guardianship, I would talk to a someone about what legally needs to be done so your sister is able to take care of her medical needs, etc. Your pediatrican could probably point you in the right direction of a lawyer or someone else to help with this.

Good luck to you. Hope you are able to finish your degree and provide for your daughter.

You can do anything you want but you risk losing custody of your child.

How is your relationship with your sister? Any problems? Any rivalry? Will you pay her anything?

Those questions are key.