So when I was in college I was the typical girl who was jealous and would freak out whenever my boyfriend (now my husband) would talk to any other girl. Its funny because to some degree, now that we are married, the roles are reversed. He isn't crazy about it, but he wouldn't appreciate it if I was hanging out with some guy on an evening after work or something.
I work with a lot of guys because of the type of field that I am in and we (some guys and girls) at work were all talking about whether guys and girls can be friends without it turning into something more or just crossing the line eventually.
My thoughts were that under most circumstances, you pick your friends and your significant other for the same reasons: you have a lot in common and you enjoy each others company. Often times this type of attraction can build relationships (how many people do you know that say they were friends forever first?). So many times this friendship will eventually cross the line.
Also, many times, people who are looking for friendships with people of other genders (NOT including friending people as a couple) that they are in search of something that they aren't getting from home. Maybe this guy likes to complement you and your husband doesn't. Or maybe he is into sports and your husband isn't etc...
What do you think? Can men and women friends (majority of the time- not those crazy individual examples that only happen every once in a while!)
Not really. I think there are exceptions to the rule, but they are truly exceptions. In an ideal world, nothing would ever happen. We are in a far from ideal world.
in my experience, no you can't just be friends. There is always 1 person who will want more at some time
YES, women and men can be friends.
I had tons of guy pals growing up.
And even now.
No problem.
My Husband has no problem with that either.
Most of my friends are guys. I just understand them better. Doesn't bother Troy one bit, wouldn't bother me if he had women friends but he just doesn't know any.
I can, but I think it depends on the people involved. For some there seems to be an underlying sexual component to everything. I have several male friends who are not gay (and some who are), but one of my best friends is a straight guy who I've been great friends with for 20 years! It's just not "there" for us. We never even tried anything. We've dated each other's friends, and we've been camping together and drunk and single together more times than I can count, but not so much as a kiss! I've had other male friends in my life the same way. My husband also has some female friends like this. It's definitely possible!
Everyone I know has male and female friends. For years, and for decades, including myself.
For myself, I've been attracted to MANY of my friends, and vice versa. I don't sleep with them, & I don't cross boundaries. It's called self control / a bene of not living in a harem. You promise to be faithful, and to put your spouse above all others, not be dead. :) But the vast majority of my friends I'm in no way attracted to. So it's easy. The rest, I treat like art. I can go to the museum as often as I wish (AS LONG AS going to the museum isn't causing problems in the rest of my life), but I DON'T try and take the art home with me!!!
Self control.
Yes, I do. My husband has a good female friend he's had since before he knew me. They have lunch together periodically and have attended some concerts, etc. Now she's my friend too. I know there would NEVER be more than friendship between these two. My closest male friends are gay, but I think the main reason I don't have more straight male friends is just lack of opportunity. The ones I am friendly with are dads of kids in activities. I probably wouldn't have lunch with any of them, but we chat and exchange information on a regular basis.
Of course men and women can be friends without becoming sex partners. Just because someone has dangly bits and I enjoy his company doesn't mean that I want to bed him.
Yes, I think men and women can be friends. As long as there is no sexual tension between them. And, yes, that is possible. I have several male friends, I would never even dream of sleeping with them, they are my buds.
Of course men and women can be friends. My husband chose me. I chose him. If we had wanted to choose differently, we would have done so. This doesn't change our ability to be friends with people.
Relationships don't magically "cross the line". People make choices. If you are concerned about the choices you or your husband might make, that's a problem that needs to be discussed and solved. Trying to isolate from any potentially attractive people is not a good long-term solution.
If you are impulsive and concerned that your impulses might lead you to do something that you would regret, that's another story. In that case, stay out of situations where you could do something impulsively stupid. :) But that's true for all areas of life, not just romantic relationships.
Only if they aren't attracted to each other.
In my own experience no, I don't think men and women MOST times can be just friends. I have ONE guy friend and even he hit on my once a loooonnnggg time ago. Other than that, no guy has ever just wanted to be friends. I know some people say yes, but for me, it's never happened.
No they cannot. In my experience anyway. Every male friend I have ever had, I thought was strictly platonic, they always ended up ruining it by telling me that they had feelings for me. I never felt the same and had to end the friendship--with the exception of one. The last male friendship I had, I was married to my ex-husband. I was trying to set my friend up with my other friend at work. Well, he wasn't interested, but we continued to bond over work gossip (we were all co-workers). Well, my husband and I split and I was still friends with my male co-worker. We went out for drinks one night and it came out--he'd always had a crush on me. He's now my husband...
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No they cannot. In my experience anyway. Every male friend I have ever had, I thought was strictly platonic, they always ended up ruining it by telling me that they had feelings for me. I never felt the same and had to end the friendship--with the exception of one. The last male friendship I had, I was married to my ex-husband. I was trying to set my friend up with my other friend at work. Well, he wasn't interested, but we continued to bond over work gossip (we were all co-workers). Well, my husband and I split and I was still friends with my male co-worker. We went out for drinks one night and it came out--he'd always had a crush on me. He's now my husband...
Definitions of friends would need to be established. I am friends with a guy at work. He is going through a lot right now, wife with cancer and they have young children. (and to top it off lots of drama in his life.) So we instant messenge each other, or chat about what is going on. Our children went to the same preschool, and now elementary. We share school issues, programs, and invited him to church. They came for a while, but life drama has pulled the family away. I have invited the children to go with me. Then there are times he will text me to take kiddos to church. I am more friends with him then I am his wife. She and I started talking more, until the cancer came back. I have told him that I wish him happiness like I would my little brother. We can fight and make up like siblings. Yet he is there is no effection for each other at all on either side. He is 5 yrs younger, and we are not at all interested in the same things in life. Yet we can call on each other and be there for each other. If I want to borrow the dvd for car, or me bring his family dinner. We are friends that is it. As matter a fact today he snapped at me about something, and later came back to say sorry. I know something is bothering him, but I didn't ask. I just walked away from him.
Now if he was a flirt, constantly calling me or texting I would so feel uncomfortable. He loves his wife and he shows it. My heart actually breaks for him and his family for what he is going through.
I think as adults, yes mostly they can, but as teenagers and even college kids, not so much. I think that in most of those younger guy/girl "plutonic" relationships one of the parties is usually interested in the other as more than a friend but can't/shouldn't/doesn't act on it and "settles" for being friends. I think that when we become adults and work jobs, then sometimes a truly benign friendship can occur between men and women and it's pretty normal/healthy. I think it's in human nature to be somewhat jealous and/or skeptical of those relationships but I do think that the majority of a person's friends should be their same gender. To me it sort of sends a red flag about that person if a girl ONLY has guy friends and vice versa.
Yes, but the wives and girlfriends won't agree.
I think so, but I think the other person in the relationship should be welcome to be part of the friendship or at least be "fully informed." I have a male friend where I work and he has, thankfully, become a really good friend to my husband as well as myself, but I'm still the one who sees him at work. I honestly feel more like he's part of our family. I also have a few male friends from college I was accused of mothering or sistering, but I adored them and still do. The only boyfriend I ever had is now my husband, so I think people can definitely have healthy relationships with the other gender. If someone recognizes that they are going to that person when the appropriate person to go to is the spouse, then there is a warning sign, or when one is spending too much alone time with the other person, that would be a concern for me, too.
I think men and women can be friends, sure. However, in many (maybe all? unless they're gay) cases the guy will probably be into you...but, well, guys are like that. It may not necessarily mean they really think you're all that special. It may simply mean they want to know what it feels like be with you, you know, in that way. That may simply be a function of testosterone.
As long as you can control yourselves, it's fine.
I do.
Truth be told, all of my closest friends (more like family to me) are women. I think I have an easier time trusting women. ((Not saying that's the way it should be, just the way it is for me at this point and time.))
Still, I have gay, strait, and trans male friends. And I'm grateful for them.
I think guys and girls can be friends easily. All my friends were guys growing up... until I got married actually. Yes, there will be attraction issues on one side or the other occasionally, but you just need to have the awareness to put a stop to anything beyond what you are willing to give. I do not believe that things "just happen" between two people. There is always a point where that person made the decision to go to far.
