Can I Have Both?

Updated on February 02, 2008
D.W. asks from San Francisco, CA
13 answers

I want to have more children I already have a 5 year old girl, and she is the whole world to me. I have two fears: Is it possible to love another child the same or is it unethical to have another baby when my duaghter already takes up every inch of space in my heart and soul. If the answer is yes then is is possible to love both without dropped the amount of love for the 1 I already have? and my second question is I love school, I was out of college for the last four years due to a battle with cancer, and I just got back into it, I know some classmates who have infants and seem to pulloff books and breastfeeding successfully, but can I really have both?

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K.S.

answers from Seattle on

Sure you can have both! I was in college when my kids were little, 3 and newborn and managed to do it. I ended up taking a break for about 10 years and all of my credits were still good. I got my BA in 2001 and am now in grad school. My kids are now 23, 20 and 17. It has been a great example to them for college and my two oldest are in school and my youngest will head off to college in the fall.

Go for it! You can do anything you put your mind to. Just take it slow so you can find the balance between school and family.

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S.R.

answers from Seattle on

There is no reason why you can't have all that you want. I have 2 kids ages 6 and 2 and I am work 32 hours a week and I take 4 classes at a time and I will have my bachelors degree by July. I just take all my classes online which makes it alot easier but its definitely possible to have everything you want. As long as you want it you can make it happen :).

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T.R.

answers from Stockton on

Hello. I am a mother of a 15 yr old daughter and a 10 yr old son. they both were birth control babies so to be completly honest, neither were wanted at the time. with that being said, when megan came, I couldnt believe how much love I had for her. Then when brandon came, the same thing. and it took nothing away from my love for megan. me and megan do our things that make our bond strong, as do me and brandon. you always think that the one child is so much a part of your heart that sharing it with another child wouldnt be fair but there is no limit to what your heart can do. and i would bet your daughter would love to have a sibling. its hard making time for both but you find the way. as for the cancer, i cant tell you how sorry i am you had to go through that. my 2 best friends died of cancer so i hope yours is in full remission. if having 2 kids and going to school mean alot to you, then you will be able to do it. my friends 17 yr old son died last sat. in a car accident and his sister who is 15 1/2 would give anything to have him back. i think if you can handle some stress, then get to having another baby. your 5 year old would have a blast with the new one. hope that helps and stay healthy.

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K.O.

answers from Portland on

Oh my gosh YES!!!!! I have 6 children. I wondered the same thing when I had my 2nd and then quickly realized how special EACH ONE OF THEM are!!! You have an opportunity to help your child/children have a family that will experience a lot together...good and bad. You will give them knowledge of how to act in social ways and to trust others with their feelings. You will give them something to belong to...a family! I am an advocate for those that can and are willing to take care of a child to YES...have them. You don't have to have 6 like me!!!!!! Not at all, but I do believe that it is very, very possible to love more than one!

AS far as school and breastfeeding...yes it is possible too. You just have to be organized, preplan having breastmilk on hand, just in case and have special time with each of your children separately as well.

Good luck and I hope the best for you!!! Parenting is awesome!

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J.A.

answers from Spokane on

You sure can have both or all three if you wanted. I worked full time and went to school full time and somehow, someway I was able to balance school, work and my daughter all while being a single parent. (I now have and AA in accounting) I know it can be done. My mother went back to school after I was already grown but she still had three other children at home. She has now earned her high school diploma, an AS and is about to graduate with her BS, going on to grad school for her Master's in Biology (We're all so proud). It's not possible to love one child more than the other. Each child is different with their own personalities. That's what makes it so easy to love a child

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M.J.

answers from Los Angeles on

I'm not sure about the school but I do believe that when you have one child, God pours the love you need for that child in your heart. When you have a second child, he pours more love. You don't have to divide your love. I wouldn't worry about that. I may only be able to my my one and only although I want more. I say go for it if it's what you want. Women are incredible strong and can accomplish more than we think. I bet you can have it all especially if it's something you want and enjoy.

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P.R.

answers from San Francisco on

I am mother of two boys and love both of my boys the same! They are both very special in their own ways. So to answer you question, yes it is possible to love to children the same. I couldn't imagine my life w/o my two boys, they are our world!

I went to school when my youngest child was an infant....night school. I became a Medical Assistant and was able to be a mother and go to school with no problems. My husband was very supportive and took care of our kids at night while I was attending class. If you really want to do it, it can be done!

Good luck to you!

P.

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E.W.

answers from San Francisco on

It is absolutely possible and probable to love your children with the same depth whether you have 1 or 50!! I have three and I love them all with every ounce of life I have!

I struggled with the decision to go back to school after my divorce. In the end I made the choice to go because 1) it meant my kids were more likely to go and 2) I would be able to do more for them. I took it slow to get through my GEs and then found a very flexible acredited college to do my uypper division work. It all worked out in the end and my children never knew the difference!

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M.A.

answers from San Diego on

I can't personally answer your question about school and kids, as I am not in school BUT I know several moms of infants and kids of different ages who have pulled off school and raising children. In fact some of them are single moms and have done great juggling both school and kids. It's just a LOT of hard work and I think you have to be very focused, motivated and goal oriented to do it. And you have to love school which you said you do so i think you can do it! As far as love for 2 or more kids...there's always room in a heart and soul for more love!! I thought I loved my daughter with every inch of me, then when I found out I was pregnant with my son, I found my heart had no boundries when it came to love. And there's no dropped amount of love for your first. When you first bring your new baby home, it may be tough to spread the attention to both....but just include your 5 year old in as much as possible with you and baby, ask her for help with stuff and you'll find that works wonders. The best thing for me when it comes to having 2 kids is seeing the love they have for eachother. They're still little (1&3) but they have so much love for eachother already and make eachother laugh and smile all the time. It makes my heart melt!

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K.M.

answers from Honolulu on

It seems you have your answer from other mothers, but I agree. My son AND daughter are my world now, canot imagine it without them.

As for school, I got my BA with 2 kids, first born 1 year into school when I was 19, second at 24 (with 2 surrogate pregnancies in between). My husband was supportive because he knew what it would mean for our family for me to have the degree. It isn't bad, just latch them on and open a text book. Of course it is more involved than that, but we are women- we are made to multitask!

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C.M.

answers from Los Angeles on

I believe you can have both. I have two kids. My daughter is 12 and my son is 8. There is always room for love in a mother's heart. Of course there are adjustments to be made but in the end it's all worth it. Children are a blessing both to parents and to each other.

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G.S.

answers from Anchorage on

I say go for it....I have a 16 year old and a 10 mo old and I too was worried. My daughter and I were together alone for 12 years and just the thought of another baby was overwhelming. Well, I remarried and had a honeymoon baby "Boy". I tell you , there is nothing like it....1st of all, I am way laid back compared to 16 years ago. (I am 40) 2nd a boys love is so....different. 3rd to see the love she has for her lil brother is wonderful. If anything happens to me I feel good knowing that they have each other. We are actually considering having 1 more, so that he will have someone ( big sis will be going to college in a couple of years) It hasn't affected our relationship in a negative way at all and when I sensed some jealousy I made a point of giving her a little more attention.... "girl time" As for school, I too love school but haven't taken any classes since she was 2. Reading some of the responses has motivated me to look into taking some business classes on line. I own a salon and do nails part time, I should have gotten my degree in psych. I use it every day! heehee No one can make these difficult decisions for you but just hearing from others can help you to look at different perspectives. Any how, I wish you the best of luck!
G.

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A.C.

answers from Los Angeles on

i think u can have it all. i have 4 boys. i love each one the same. but in different ways. i know what u r thinking..."what?" but trust me they will have their own little styles or attitudes that will just make your love grow.
as long as u have a good support system to help with little details u can do it.
good luck in your decisions.

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