Cafeteria Lady

It would bug me a bit too but you never know the circumstances and translation form a Kindergartener is bound to be spotty.

Bottom line is she needs to be more self sufficient. Practice at home or pack a different snack, problem solved. She will not be so reliant on others, always a good thing while they are growing up.

Even Kinders need to manage handling their own lunches. The cafeteria ladies should not have to go around and opening, twisting, and unwrapping parts of kids' lunches, colds or no colds. Kids should only bring items they can handle independently. I would save the pudding cups for home or teach DD how to open them herself for less mess. It's just pudding. If she isn't able to open it properly, pack alternatives that she can open by herself. If teachers and school aides do everything for the kids, they aren't going to be motivated to learn to do for themselves.

I have to agree with the posters who advised you to calm down and warned you about what's to come and how you're going to handle it. This is so very mild and unimportant compared to other issues you are going to have to deal with. Just take it with a grain of salt and either don't pack pudding anymore or get a container from the dollar store that she can open and put it in that.

I would, however, be very upset with an after school program that only served some goldfish to kids who haven't eaten since 10:30 and who don't go home until after 5:00. That's ridiculous. Hungry kids are usually not very cooperative. I bet they'd have a better/easier time with the kids if they gave them something to eat!

Ummm, from now on send in food that your child can open herself? I think your response is over the top. And yes, they are there to help but if every parent sent in food their child couldn't open, there wouldn't be enough time or people to help. The responsible parent thing to do is send in something your child can handle herself.

And, reading your follow-up, since your child has to get through a long day, sending protein in her lunch, instead of things high in sugar like pudding, will help her get through the day better. Maybe a protein bar for a snack - tastes good, easy to open, and protein instead of sugar.

Girlie, it is good that you are self-aware enough to realize that you do have a temper about these things and it's good that you are taking a breath and asking a question rather than charging down to the school over this.

Keep on taking those deep breaths. I assume your K daughter is your oldest or only child? Because you will find out very quickly to choose your battles, and this is not one to choose. Think ahead: If you are this worked up over this issue, what will your temper make you do and say when your child comes home and says she's been bullied? Or when a teacher tells you that your child did something or said something that has distressed another child, or tells you that your child is doing poorly in some aspect of school? You will need to be calm to handle those much more serious things. So learn early that small things are not worth fighting over.

And remember -- once you get on the teacher/principal/parent radar as being "that mom" who goes ballistic over tiny things, it is VERY difficult to get people to take you seriously later on. If you want to be listened to over more important things, do not go off over small things like this.

And above all, be aware that even the nicest and most honest K child sees things through her own lens and what she says the adult said may not exactly be what she was told. Not saying she's fibbing, just that she may have misunderstood something the adult said. Kids do not have good abilities to catch tone or even listen to all of a statement in the heat of the moment, so if your child was upset at that second about not being able to have her pudding, she may have "heard" what the adult said far differently than what was meant.

wow...its a pudding cup and to go on a covert mission and put one in again knowing your daughter may not be able to eat her snack is crazy.

i mean why are you upset?
you think your daughter was sad she couldnt eat the pudding?
yet you'd risk her feeling that way again so you can flip?

seems a bit backwards

teach her to open her pudding cup or i'm sure someone else at the table can for her in her class. or give her food she can open. unless pudding cups are staples in her diet i dont see the big deal. put the pudding in a container she can open instead.

ETA have you asked if she can eat her leftover lunch if aftercare? my daughter had full day K from 7am-3:30 and then aftercare until 6 and that same snack and they let them eat leftover lunch if they had it. my daughter hardly ever ate anything during lunch. i still vote for putting it in an easier tupperwear container she can open.. thats what i do for my daughter with yogurt. they even have ones where the container has a gel pack around the lid so it will be cold and yummy for her

Please do not go to the woman, the principal, visit during lunch, call Obama or any other such measure.

Cafeteria workers can be the heart of a school and are unsung heroes. They give more than they take from kids. They break up mean groups from bullying, they provide crackers when a child has forgotten lunch, etc. etc.

Lets say your daughter got the story 100% accurate. The cafeteria lady has totally forgotten about it and will help your daughter in another incident. However, if you make a stink--that lady will tell all of the other workers and they will ALL be on the prowl to stay away from your DD--and do not THINK that the principal will let your complaint go anonymous.. big fallacy in the schools!

Move on...

Before you go flying off the handle, relax. This is not a biggie in the scheme of things. Just write her a note. You are getting the story from a five year old. Give the poor woman a chance to explain. If you are this upset over opening a pudding, hang on because you are in for the ride of your life for the next 12 years.

Calm down, Mama. If you're going to fly off the handle about a small issue like this, then God give you strength during these many school years to come.

I think the best advice is to teach her how to open things herself. The lunch moms at my kids' school help open things, but there are only a few of them to oversee a whole lot of kids. With a 20 minute lunch period, they'd never eat anything if they had to wait for help every time.

Pack her a bigger lunch with less sugar and more protein in it. Also, put her pudding into a plastic container she can open, and just have her bring it home in her lunch bag.

Pack extra stuff she can have during her after school camp.

Or, instead of making your daughter dependent on someone who doesn't really want to help her, teach her how to open the thing herself without making a mess.

.. Okay, I am a "Cafeteria Supervisor." Ahem.
It is not brainless work, we have to adhere to ALL school regulations from the Department of Education and the State and the school and even have to know how handle seizures. And we have to, at that same time, keep stats on EACH class and for EACH grade and for all the children and Teachers. We make reports as well. And, we are not all just mean to kids for the heck of it.
We are not just watching the kids. Many times, with SO many kids in the cafeteria at the SAME time, we also... have to deal with kid problems and issues, the kids also tell us their problems or troubles with other kids, and we... have to trouble shoot that too and be a shoulder for them. We are not just standing there opening pudding cups or being babysitters.

Now, if that were me, I DO open things for the kids. Even if they are sick. They raise their hand, and we assist the children. Especially the Kinder kids. MANY times, they TRY to open it themselves, and it FLIES up in the air or slips from their hand and spills all over the child or the floor.
BUT, I will ask the child "did you try to open it yourself?" or I "teach" them how to open it. BUT also tell them, that if after they tried and they still need help, to call me.

Now, also though, I would not get so so mad... at that Cafeteria Lady, that told your daughter that. Maybe she is just a germaphobe. Or maybe she has Asthma or other health concerns... with which a cold would greatly impact her health. Who knows. Or, she could have called over ANOTHER Cafeteria "Lady" to assist your daughter.

There is no reason, to angrily confront the lady or make an argument about it. But in any school, there are MANY MANY MANY kids on any given day, that are sick/sniffling/coughing/sneezing all day at school and in the cafeteria while eating.
Sometimes, I even feel like wearing a medical face mask. Because, I... have... Asthma. And can get seriously sick, if I even catch a cold. For example.
But I wash my hands, after handling a child's things, if they are sick. And I wash my hands, OFTEN, while in the cafeteria. It is simple hygiene.
I even will tell kids (who I notice are sick but still at school) "Johnny... remember to cough or sneeze IN your elbow... not on your hands and not on everyone else..."

Consider putting the pudding in another container. That's what I do for my DD's yogurt. Then she can open the container herself vs wearing the yogurt.

My first instinct in NOT to believe your child's story because the "cafeteria STAFF" MUST wear gloves when serving and preparing food. If your child needed help, the staff member could have opened her pudding cup and changed gloves. In addition, I suspect this staff member was NOT the only adult present who could have assisted your child. Perhaps other/older children with better dexterity could have come to the rescue. To put all this on one person is not reasonable. Personally when I see a child with a runny nose, I'd rather assist them with a tissue and hand gel rather then opening up a pudding cup they have had their hands on.

Have you considered showing your little one how to open a pudding cup?

There are 2 sides to every story and you have heard the 5 yr old version.

Take a breath, calm down.... this is no biggie in the grand scheme of things.

I work with children in the cafeteria when I substitute and we help a lot of K and 1st graders open things. I see a lot of junk in the lunch boxes, no utensils, etc. We gladly open things and get utensils for the children. however, if every child were that needy on a daily basis, the children would not have time to eat because the volunteer parents and teachers would not have time to get to everyone to open every item.

Also, a lot of children go by example and they see the teacher opening food as that child getting attention. I can't tell you how many times I have seen a child open milk, gogurt, etc only to ask me to do it for them the next day.

Teach her how to open things before you send them to school then you have no worries!

yes it's small in the scheme of things but i do understand a) feeling protective of my kids and b) flying off the handle lol

practice opening stuff with her. don't confront the lady! it will only end badly. no point at all whatsoever period.

try and work around it so your baby can open her stuff herself. My 5 yo is very independent, always has been, and she usually opens stuff for her friends. She's a sweetie. So a nice little friend might be another possibility.

talk to your kiddo about ways she can make things happen for herself.

I just got some little rubbermade type containers with screw on lids. Maybe get something like that so your daughter can open it herself? I know that doesn't address the issue with the cafeteria lady, but it would help your daughter to do it on her own. :)

Don't confront the woman. That is way out-of-line considering what your child is describing. The last thing you need to do is get yourself labeled "the crazy mother" this early into your child's education.

Follow the chain of command... ALWAYS... and you will get answers without burning bridges and stepping on toes. Start with the teacher and ask about the policy/procedure for helping in the cafeteria. Let her know what your daughter shared with her. Ask the teacher to look into it and get back to you. If you don't get a response or the response doesn't inform the situation, speak with the principal.

Sorry, I wouldn't open a kids pudding that had a runny nose either. I would show them how to do it so they could be more independent though. That would be something I would work on year round. Your child can learn how to do this. She is in school so she should be plenty old enough to do it herself.

My 5 year old can do it because he's been doing it himself for several years. It just takes practice. Maybe you can work with your child at home to teach them how to do it.

Kids are supposed to be hungry when they get home from school, that's why they should have a substantial snack ready for them when they get there. A good source of protein and some carbohydrates will tide them over until dinner.

It is possible that your child misunderstood whatever the lunchlady told her, just because it sounds kind of weird. My kids would often get the details of the conversation completely wrong when they relayed them to me at that age. I suppose you could ask the school if there is a policy about this.

I totally agree with writing to the principal or even calling and asking for clarification on the policy. Like a "My daughter had a situation the other day and I just wanted to understand the school's policy on this so we can be better prepared." it is possible there is a misunderstanding on someones part and it can be corrected. Keep the focus on you looking for clarification over the lunch lady did something wrong.
I'd also get a pocket sized antibacterial with a little clip on case and maybe a lanyard so the lunch lady can have it readily accessible.
Additionally I would have my ped. supply a note indicating for dietary reasons your daughter will be bringing snacks to eat between 1030 and 2 (that is a big break too) and 2p and 4p. I had to do that when my daughter was in 1st grade and was "not allowed" to bring snacks to school because it was a lower income school and the other kids couldn't even get breakfast and lunch from home let alone a snack. School started at 8:00 so we had to leave by 7:40 so she had breakfast around 7:15 and lunch at 12:15!!!!

It would make me mad too.

I think it's worth it to go to the boss. Call the director of lunch services or whatever it's called and let her know the issue. The kid is in Kindergarten - she needs help and that is what the woman is being paid to do. I think SHE doesn't want a cold.

I'd send a carefully worded email to the principal. (Write it and edit, go away, come back and read it, including OUT LOUD, and edit again.) Make sure that it makes perfect sense and conveys what you want.

She needs to help the kids, snotty noses or not. That's what hand sanitizer is for. Yes, it's her job.

Dawn

First off, it is possible to teach her to open it with out making a mess, it's is also possible to send her several napkins to clean up any mess, and it is also possible to put the pudding in a different container with a flip lid. ALL of those things would solve the problem and would allow dd to eat more of her lunch during the time allotted since waiting for someone to help her takes time.

Second, Is this the first time the lady has refused to open the pudding? Even if it was my job, if there were 30 seconds left of lunch and a kid had tried to use their teeth to open something and then sneezed in my face, I might tell them i wasn't opening their pudding today too. Honestly I think there is more to the story but i also wouldn't expect someone who probabaly oversees hundreds of kids to remember someone sneezing on a pudding cup.

I would inquire actually not with the teacher but with the food service coordinator and ask what policy is for helping when children are sick. I would also review my parent teacher handbook about keeping kids home when they are sick, This seems like much more than a kid sniffing.

If you have the day off, though it sounds like spending an hour or so in a cafeteria would be the perfect thing.

Pack a small handsanatizer in her lunch. If the lady objects to helping, give it to the lady.

It's a small deal in the grand scheme but opening a pudding is too.

I would not confront the lady I would talk to the office and find out who is the best to talk to about this. And let them know your feelings but calmly. I understand though I am one that could easily fly off!!! They have sanitizer in there for that reason like you said.

Teach her at home how to open them without making a mess or just not give her a pudding cup in her lunch.It's ok to ask for help & if it happens again you go to the school & tell the lunch lady what her job is and see what happens maybe it's true she doesn't help like she is suppose to to thiose who have sniffles

I would be upset. Because in a way she's being mean to your daughter and that would really make me mad. I would talk to the principal. And I would also believe my daughter unlike what others are saying. Why would she make that up. It's our job to protect whether its a small thing or a big thing.