Burned Out on Being a SAHM

I don't have an answer for you. I just want you to know that I have the same feelings from time to time. It's hard being at home all day with little kids. They are always telling me they are bored...maybe it's because I spend too much time on the computer! I recently told my husband I spend too much time on this website and he said it's because I get to have adult contact even though I don't know any of you on here! I think he's right. The truth is...I'm bored too! There is only so much playing ball, watching them do this or that, and only so many places that are fun to go to without breaking the bank before we are all bored. Hang in there! This too shall pass. I don't think you need to go back to work, but maybe enroll him in pre-school if it fits in the budget!

Do you have any friends with children around the same age? Playdates are great. The kids can occupy each others time while you can relax a bit, engage in actual adult conversation, plus if you have another adult there, you have an extra set of eyes and ears to help keep and eye on things.

you are about to get deluged by earth mamas who will exhort you to appreciate every single second with your cherub.
and of course, you should.
but good for you for recognizing your own frustration and acknowledging it. for some of us, the mommy-clinging phase is pure torture.
you are doing absolutely the right thing by encouraging him to entertain himself. if there's one single thing that will plague the next generation, it's this generation's parents who feel they must fill every second of their children's time for them. boredom is an essential component of creative genius, and i see way too many kids whose parents are terrified of it.
a playgroup sounds like what's called for to save your sanity. if there's not one in the area, start one. the internet is a fantastic networking tool, use it! not only will it take some pressure off you to have other kids taking up his attention for an hour here and there, you will get to know some other moms who will be willing to trade off a little private time occasionally. young mothers of toddlers are generally desperately deprived of solitary time. be aggressive in figuring out ways to take it. your entire family will benefit.
good luck!
khairete
S.

I just want to say, please don't feel bad!
I felt like that from the very beginning with DS. I knew that, so I never even considered staying at home with him. I admire those women than can do it.
I can't. I know that about myself.

So maybe you do need to go back to work. Or maybe you just need a long girl's weekend or break to just yourself. If you do that, and you come back feeling the same way, then I think maybe a job or other outlet might be the answer.
But if that's what happens, please don't feel guilty. You'll be doing him a favor by being a better and more tolerant mom.

He needs a buddy beside you. Find groups where he can play with other kids or change your mindset to just engage in physical interactive play with him for a long time, get him tired and then when he taking his nap, do the housework. Just think he won't be 2 forever, so don't get annoyed having to spend time with him. Your housework will never end, but I understand wanting to get things done!

I feel ya. Anyone who says it's not work to stay home with a toddler is nuts. Honestly, other than waiting for him to grow out of this stage, I would suggest a MDO program a couple days a week. You aren't going to be able to change him or make him mature faster, but you can recover a couple hours and let your mind rest.
If you can't, then try to get out in the evening once a week. Even if it's just to go to the library and read the magazines. Recharge!

Ok--very common. I feel it's WAY harder to be a (good) SAHM than it ever was to work outside the home. (and I worked for 20 years before I had my son.) I work PT 2 days per week now and it's a good fit for me.
I can tell you this, it gets better as they get older but this is a tough age.
Try a timer (30 mins for mommy work and 30 mins for playing) Do the bulk of your work at naptimes. Get out of the house with out the kid(s) once in awhile! Even a cup of coffee and a bagel on a Saturday morning can feel like a week in the Bahamas to a stressed out mom.

I know how you feel.
Up until having my son, who is now 2, I ALWAYS had a job. I've always had like 2 jobs at a time and worked like crazy. When my son was little he would literally scream the ENTIRE time i was gone for work. So to save the sanity of my hubby and son I quit my job. I've been a SAHM ever since.

Some days are great days, others I feel like I'm losing my mind. You could always see if there is a temp or part time job that you can get. Or try having your hubby or family member, friend etc watch your son for a few hours and go have time to yourself.

One thing that I do that helps me stay sane is once my son is in bed I go for a swim, walk, a drive etc by MYSELF. You need to find sometime that you can have totally to yourself, even if it is only for 30min to an hour.

Good Luck, I feel for ya, I really do!

He sounds pretty normal to me. You do too! :D Deep breaths.

What you can say is, "Mommy has to do xyz right now. I cannot play with you until I get it done. I will play with you when it is done. You can do xyz until I am finished. Now, go play." and my personal fav, "The sooner you stop interrutping me, the faster I can play."

Get a sitter for one or two mornings a week - even if it's so you can stay at home and do what you need to do. Mother's Day Out is another idea. Enlist his father. When Dad comes home, it's Daddy Time! Then, mommy can do what she needs to do.

Good luck.

Mommy M.
It sounds like you need a support group (neighbors/friends) to get out with or just have them come over and hang out. I was a SAHM for 17 years and had 4 children 4yrs and younger. Honestly, without my faith and friends--- I WOULD have lost it! See if there is a MOPS group (Google it) in the area--it's for the kids and the moms! Loved it! Looked forward to it every week! It's just temporary. You aren't a bad mom. We all get a little cabin fever here and there! Even just finding moms with kids the same age will help!
Enjoy your time--my "little ones" are in college and high school. Never thought I'd see the day!

Take care!

K.

I knew very early on that being a SAHM was not for me. I had a successful career before kids, and despite having a SAHM growing-up, it wasn't for me.

So, I think it's really a personal decision - we can empathize and share our opinions, but none of us know your passions, your desires, your financial situation, and your ability to deal with it day in and day out.

I personally couldn't do it full time. I need to work for my own personal reasons, and I make a concerted effort to be as present as possible in the time I do have with them. We all have our own stories. Mine includes a diagnosis of cancer 2 years ago right after the birth of baby #2. Being a working mom was a saving grace for us - our kids were in day care where they were being taken care of better than I could have during recovery weeks. I had a major distraction (work) to keep my mind off the severity of it.

It's OK to be a SAHM if you love it, and it's OK to be a working mom if that's the right decision for you. Our kids still drive us crazy at 2 and 4. It's getting a little easier, but now they're fighting, learning that chairs help them access things out of their reach and ask "why?" about everything.

Good luck finding what gives you the peace of mind and fulfillment you need.

Go back to work! Seriously -I did after 4 years. I was about to go nuts! IF you can afford to put him in a half day preschool 3-5 times per week to give yourself a break, then do that, but if not -go back to work. My patience and relationship with my older child is MUCH better now.

I know exactly what you're going through!!! My son turned 2 in June and in just the past month or so he's been driving me insane!! He used to be okay with playing by himself for a while, but now he wants me by his side ALL DAY. He will pull at my hand and say go go and take me to wherever he wants to play and he points to the ground and tells me to sit, and if I tell him I'm busy or I will in a minute he throws a huge fit. Even if I put a show or movie on for him he wants me sitting right there with him. I too dread getting out of bed a lot of mornings and I have even looked into putting him into a daycare a few hours a week just to get him playing with others and to give me a break, which shows how desperate I am because I swore I would never put my child in daycare, but I am losing it!! I'm sorry, I wish I had some advice for you. The only thing that has been keeping me sane lately is having my husband take him out for a few hours on the weekend when he is home, or I go out and do some shopping to give me a break and get me out of the house which does help. I am just hoping this is a phase, I'm sorry and I hope things get better for you!

I am not a SAHM, but we have moved a ton since the boys were born. (My oldest is 3 and he's lived in 6 different places.) They are clingy, and they have every reason to be because there has been so much upheaval in their lives.

That being said, my husband has been home with them every summer and here's the "plan" we laid out: we have a schedule. It is not hard and fast by any means, but it does help to break up the day, and then our sons know what is coming next. That is always the hardest part for them... not knowing for sure what is coming next. So the day goes like this:

Wake up, diaper changes/bathroom, breakfast
Change clothes and play
Chores/errands/playground time
Snack (sometimes during errands if they are out and about)
Read books and play (sometimes by themselves, sometimes with daddy) OR "help" daddy make lunch
Naptime/rest time
Playground/time with friends/library/special events
Snack time (often as they are out and about)
Get supper ready (my husband is great about finding ways they can "help")
Eat supper as a family
Read books/play/special events (music in the park, etc)/take bath as needed
Bedtime routine (change diapers/bathroom, put pajamas on, brush teeth, pray, sing)

The boys knew what to expect next, which made them feel more secure. It helped that they knew what was coming next because they didn't feel the need to cling as much.

I hope this helps!

Ha I just read Brooks response and that is so my kids. I'll get so frustrated and yell out What...and their response just becomes "I love you mommy" ha to cute. I currently have what you are going through with my three year old, plus my 5 year old girl that Does NOT stop talking and my 3 month old that is well needy...it's a part of parenting and some are cut out for it and others are not. I try to keep in mind that this is what is to be done I need to be a SAHM so it's my job like it or not it pays the bill yes I don't actually get a paycheck everyday but in all reality I am saving the family money but staying home with them. I new from the beginning I am not a mom that lives and breaths the raising of my kids but I make it work with being apart of moms groups, clubs, and just knowing that soon this stage in life will be over and we will move on to the next, Which I hear tweens are quit the hassle also...lol it will never end! Ahhh

Hang in there. You are not alone with your frustration. I would suggest in addition to your playgroup meetings, looking for a Mothers Day Out program in your area. Often churches offer these programs a few days a week for 3 hours a day. They are run with a structure similar to pre school with crafts, stories, snacks, playtime. It helps to save your sanity and your child can make some new friends. The one near my home costs $10 a day for 3 hours, starts at age 2 and doesn't require the child to be potty trained. Good luck.

I think most of us have been there.... desperate for a break or 5 minutes of peace.

Do you know other SAHM's through your playgroup? Perhaps you can get with 1 or 2 of them, and take turns watching the kids for each other. Maybe you take all the kids one day a week for a 2 or 3 hours, and another day during the week, the other mom watches all the kiddos?

Or maybe you can hire a middle schooler or teenager to come over and play with him at your house for an hour or two after school. A "mother's helper" is usually cheaper than a babysitter ($5-$7/hour in our area).

Hi mommy I don't know if you will like my answer but it worked for me. When my now 26 year old was a toddler he was every mother's dream child but form some reason everynight when I would braid or curl my hair he would come in the bathroom fussing, and acting up, this was the only time, and I was a SAHM and spent much time playing and teaching him things, anyway I told myn mother who raised 5 kids about this and she told me next time give him one swat and put him in is room. She told me you will probably only have to do it once or twice, I didn't like the idea but i tried it, and I felt horrible because he was sitting in his room crying and rocking a stuffed animal, but I didn'tswat him with the intent to cause pain, but to get his attention in away I never had done before, well the next night the same thing this time I didn't feel so bad, and after the 2 times like my mom said, and problem was solved, from that point on when i was doing something in the bathroom he would come in and just talk to me, bring in a book. What I learned over the years of being a mom, where they were growing up, was they can not be in charge, their behavior can not control the comings and goings. your to do list, or anything else in your home. You didn't mentioned your child's age, but I know for me I had my kids interact with my friends kids, children need more than just adult contact 24/7 they need to play with kids around their own age. Hope this helps. I can only speak for myself, but for me raising 3 children, being a Military wife, taking care of my home, sewing, gardening and home projects, I didn't have time to be bored, I'm reading how mama's are bored, I don't get it, Now I'm home with other peoples children in my daycare, and still I don't have tome to get bored. J.