Burn Out

I totally understand! I have 3 boys, 11, 6 and 4. My first one was a total challenge! He was also colicy. You're not alone girl! Don't give up. And if you're feeling down see a doctor, you may be going into a depression, and we don't want that! Talk to a doctor! Everyone has gone through it. Call a babysitter, nothing is wrong with a babysitter! You don't even have to leave the house, take a shower, do laundry, relax, take a nap, let the babysitter take care of the baby. You take care of yourself. If you're not relaxed the baby will sense it.
Do you have a baby rocker? It was my best friend! Especially they have automatic ones now!

Talk to your ob/gyn immediately. I had similar issues after my second. My dr. directed me in a way that I needed and practically saved my life! I suffered 1 year though before I sought help. Too proud. I wish I had done it sooner. Don't wait.

If you do not seek your Dr.'s help, hire a babysitter, or find a daycare. It will make a world of difference.

A.

It's honestly probably not colic, they usually don't develop that until about 3 mos. I hate to say this, but welcome to the new world of motherhood. Your not in any unusual predicament. You feel like going pee is a privilege. This is how it was for all of us. The only time you can get to yourself is while he naps during the day. With my 2nd child, born this past July, I had my 3 yr old trained so that once he woke in the morning he would come into my room and watch cartoons on my tv so I could sleep in until 8 am (he's up at about 7). I know it doesn't seem it now, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel. Though it may be awhile before you get there. The best advice I can give...Forget the house work, just do the bare minimum. Honestly, it's really not that important. When the baby naps, lay down and rest yourself. And for the napping thing, both my kids didn't sleep unless they were touching me and slept in my bed until they were at least 1 mos for my son and 4 mos for my daughter. Try having the baby sleep with you once you get him settled. He may sleep better because he can still hear your heart beat. Have you tried a sling or front carrier to help free up your arms. Relax and follow the baby's lead. The more anexious you feel, the more the baby will feel that and react anexious. He will tell you what he needs when he needs it, it just may take a while to figure out his language. Both my kids bodies got very rigid and hard when they were tired. They would arch their backs and flail their arms and legs. With my 1st it took me about 4 wks to figure that out. My daughter would get so overtired that she would cry every night from about 6-11. She didn't have colic she was tired. But there were nights when I would just beg her to sleep. It took me 3 hrs just to get her to close her eyes. Then if I even tried to put her down it started all over again, with the screaming and crying. Now at 6 mos we have a routine, she goes to bed at 7, and we're doing much better. Sometimes it is just best to take a step back. Take a breath. And start over. Letting him cry a few minutes isn't going to hurt him. You can do this. You just have to find your groove, and what works. Those things will come. Remember...You don't have to be super mom. You have to remember, you are new at this, it takes practice to be a good mom. He is new to this world and it may take some time for him to get settled in. It's a learning experience for you both. Take the time to learn from each ohter. I promise you, you will eventually look back on these days and laugh.

Check out the MOMS (Moms Offering Moms Support)Club in your area. Try the main MOMS Club website and see if that can lead you to the local chapter. You may also be able to call your town hall, library, etc and see if there are any groups. Also, local hospitals might have that info, too, or at least a bulletin board that you can look on.

If you want, check out the Baby Whisperer book by Tracy Hogg. Great ideas to get you and your baby into a routine- fast. I swear by it.

Have very small goals at first, too: Dressed today? YAY! Dishes done? YAHOO! You know what I mean. . .you have to heal and bond w/ your baby! Don't expect to have everything done and be on top of everything. Good luck!

Hi J.,

First congrats on the birth of your baby. Second, know you are not alone. Every baby is different so it's hard to suggest what might work for you. I would continue trying as many options as you can. My son hated the swing, hated the bouncy chair, hated tummy time. I didn't have time to do much reading b/c he was born early and spent time in the NICU. So for me it was trial and error. Sometimes I've found that reading books by "professionals, doctors, etc" makes me feel there is an actual solution to my son's individual problem. And then I feel like a failure if the book suggestions don't work. I don't have experience with colic but I can tell you that being a mom to a new baby is not easy. I can also say I realize it's hard to not beat yourself up about it. It is no one's fault. Considering all a new mother goes through and what she faces every day I can attest that burnout was my experience as well. My son's pediatrician wouldn't let me drive (always had to ask friends) since I was so out of it and exhausted. It is no easy task to take care of yourself when you have a 24/7 needy baby. I joke with my husband at what a successful day I have when I've had a chance to take a shower. To sum up (always longwinded). Although not in your area and don't have a suggestion for a local support group I just want you to know that you are doing a great thing for you and your son in connecting with others with similar experiences. It always helped me get over feeling like "the worst mom in the world." Days are hard, nights are hard, life is hard. But again, you are not alone. Feel free to message me if you want to chat more about burnout. I know how lonely it can feel being home with baby all day. And I would say you are quite successful if you are in sweats. I've not gotten out of my pj's yet or had anything to eat. Of course my son is dressed, has had a nap, and breakfast. Be easy on yourself.

L.

Just know that you are not alone and there are online forums. I dont know your financial situation, but perhaps you can hire someone to come in and keep the baby for you while you have You time... Shower, catch up on cleaning, go grocery shopping get a hair cut or a manicure.. Anything, sometimes its the little things like window shopping that mean the most, just decompression time. I 15 month old was exactly the same, and he is still difficult and I have no close family either. But hang in there there are those special moments when you realize no matter what it is all worth it.. If I was closer I would volunteer to come and help you out.. Maybe contact a daycare for 1 day per week for 5-6 hours per day... I considered that and it wasnt expensive at all. It isnt easy being a new Mom and it makes it harder when you arent getting help, especially with a colic baby and hormonal fluxuations... I will keep you in my prayers.. Send me an email and let me know how your doing!! ____@____.com

BTW my son was diagnosed with Acid reflux and be is deemed a high needs baby, so perhaps there is an underlying condition that mekes him irritable.. Just a thought.. Not trying to worry you or anything, but trying to help..

Jenn: Take a deep breathe for a minute and I really mean sit down and take deep deep breaths. Please know that you are not alone in these feelings especially with a new born. These overwhelming feelings are normal and the intensity will decrease with time. Many of us are in the same boat with husbands that work 12-13 hours a day and have no family near by. As far as a quick fix, put yourself and the baby in the car and drive the neighborhood for a while. Pj's and hair a mess...who cares! Put some music on and drive. This worked for me...i put the kids to sleep and it at least felt like I got some fresh air. Long term advice...hard to say because your baby changes so much every week. You both will get used to your new lives together and it will all fall into place. Wish I had some better advice. But what you are feeling is very very normal. One more thing....speak to your dr if you feel that your feelings are or can become out of control. Post partum depression may also play a role in this. Don't be afraid to reach out to us mom's here. I have 2 boys and still find comfort here!

Hi J.!
It sounds like you could use some advice!
The Birth Boutique in Denville offers classes (Newborn Care/Happiest Baby on the Block)-that would serve you well!
Amazing "tricks" to sooth baby in minutes, from a trained Registered Nurse, NICU and Happiest Baby on the Block Certificatied Professional. I know Toms River is a hike, but the trip would be worth your time. Call ###-###-#### for the schedule, or visit www.birthboutique.com.
She also goes to homes for private lessons.
Good luck! Alisa is great, she will help you get your life back!

J.,
Times are going to be a little tuff in the beggining, I know I also am very into my carrer 40 - 50 hours +++ a week, so when we had our first, it was extremely difficult for me to ajust, now 3 kids later I still manage to be a full time working woman, mom, and wife. Its all about finding that balance within yourself. Go to bath and body works I am a big fan of aromatherapy, ( it works!!!) they have eculyptus speramint body care and home fragrance. By a candle to keep lit during the day and some sort of body product for yourself (lotin, or wash) it is truely for relaxation and stress relief try it you wont be dissapointed. Also feel free to email me at anytime you can always vent women need that for ourselves. Good luck. ____@____.com