Help with Possibly Pospartum Depression - Syracuse,NY

Oh hang in there! I wish you lived closer and we could just take a walk so you could unload :-). I promise the colic will pass. I went through it with my daughter and I was resentful, tired and isolated as well.The response from D.B. was right on about colic. It peaks around 6 weeks of age then starts to subside, then around 3 months it's over. So you've already made it half way through this most difficult period. I don't know ya', but I am thinking of you and crossing my fingers for you that it'll pass quickly. :-) And remember to reach out, to anyone that will listen, when questions come up.

Hi T.,

I was exactly the same way with my colicky son. I was miserable and seriously felt like I had made a terrible mistake. I felt guilty, too, because I didn't think I was bonding with him at all. Each evening he would start screaming at 5:00 and it would last for 3 -4 hours, and my husband was always at work. The past 5 weeks, I'm sure, feel like forever. Everyone has already suggested you talk to your doctor, so I won't go into that again, but what I wish I had known was that you can leave a colicky baby in the crib and walk away and he really will be fine.

One thing I did was put him in a stroller and take a walk downtown, where the sounds of the traffic, etc. would cover the sound of his screaming! It also helped me take off the baby weight. I also found that the sound of a hair dryer soothed him, so sometimes we would sit in the rocking chair with the hair dryer blowing. Other babies react to other sounds -- maybe the water faucet or the vaccuum.

One more thing: even though you don't know people in your area, do you have a church or some other group with grandmotherly types of women, who could look after the baby while you take a nap? Through one of my friends I found a mom whose nanny needed some extra work, so I hired her to come 3 days a week for 2 hours to take the baby out of the house so I could take a shower and a nap. Some of my mom friends thought I was crazy to leave the baby with someone else, but it was the best decision I every made and worth every penny I paid her.

Finally, there must be a few other moms around who speak your language. Syracuse has a big university with, I'm sure, many international students. I think you'd feel better if you had someone to meet up with. Or just go to the public library for their baby programs (my library had programs for toddlers but I brought my baby anyway). Perhaps since he is just 5 weeks you are nervous about bringing him out in public, but after another week or two, he'll be fine.

And it's true, as another poster wrote, most colick goes away at about 3 months.

Good luck!

B.

Did you have a post partum visit with your OB yet? It is very important that you schedule one today and let him/her know exactly how you feel...Not all PPD cases are not treated with antidepressants. There are other methods to try before considering medicines.
You can also contact the hospital where you delivered and ask them to refer to you to a group counselor in your area. There are counseling sessions you could attend with or without your baby along with other moms going through the same thing.
Trust me when I say this, this is only temporary and there is no shame or guilt in reaching out for help. You have gone through so much physically and emotionally and your hormones are out of control.
You need to resume some of the things that you used to enjoy - watch some tv while nursing, read some books and the most important thing is to get out of the house - you don't need to drive if you are not up for it but go for a stroll and breathe in that fresh air, call and talk to a friend or a family member. You need to pick yourself up and keeping telling you that if you can overcome pregnancy and delivery you can absolutely have the strength and willpower to take care of this beautiful little life in your life. Your son depends on you and you need to be there for him and you should and must ask for help so that all of you can get through this tough time and enjoy your life. All the Best to you and know that you are not alone!

YOU ARE COMPLETELY NORMAL and this will not last forever!!!!! I had the exact same experiences with my first child! I could not understand why I wasn't happy, why I THOUGHT that I needed to stay away from knives in order to avoid hurting my newborn, why I felt my life as I knew it was over, and why I was so overwhelmingly sad all the time etc. We ALL go through the rollercoaster of emotions upon becoming a new mom- we just experience it at different degrees. I could not imagine ever having another child. I was nursing as well and was not able to eat at all which brought on so much guilt!! I am writing to you today to tell you that this does NOT last!! Today, I am the proud mother of three children. I would NEVER have been able to have more children if it didn't get better. You have to allow yourself time to adjust (mentally and physically). Lower your expectations-trying to be a PERFECT parent only adds more pressure and anxiety to the situation. I found that doing one small thing a day would help, like going for a walk to get air, taking a shower, calling someone/anyone to talk . I called people that I didn't even know (referred by LaLeche League and my dr's office) just to vent my feelings and hear from moms who had made it through the postpardum depression. I kept a journal where I would get out all the "awful" thoughts/feelings I was having. This is a temporary situation that will not last. We have to give ourselves time to heal and adjust to the many changes happening in our lives. Many times we are WAY TOO HARD on ourselves-I know I was!! The lack of sleep alone is enough to make anyone struggle, yet we expect that we will still be at our best. Please take care of yourself and keep in contact, I would love to be able to keep up with you. I do not want you to feel alone, because your not!! There are SO MANY moms out there struggling with these exact same things today. Sincerely, B.

Please reach out to others and not isolate yourself. Your feelings are real and not to be ashamed of. I found LeLeche League to be just what I needed when I lived out of state and had my first baby who sounds like yours. They are a group of nursing moms who will embrace you as one of them and help support you. Everyone needs support when they give birth. They are world-wide and have an 800 #. Please call. God loves you and so do I.

Hi T.
Some of those feelings may be perfectly natural, but since postpartum depression is a real situation that causes real problems, please go back to your doctor. The OB/Gyn who delivered your baby will help you. You probably have an appointment scheduled so while there mention your depression just as you did to us. Don't fool around and then wish someone had said it could be serious-- find out.
God bless you and keep us updated so we can pray for you

You're not alone!! I totally understand...It's going to be okay. Call your doctor and talk about it. But it will get better! This too shall pass!! Hng in there, I know it's hard right now in your situation but things will get better. You are doing a great job taking care of your baby don't take let colick and fussiness get you down on yourself like you're not doing something right. It's not you, it's a normal struggle a lot of babies go through and they will get through it just keep doing the best you can and soon you will begin to feel that bond, that connection, that love and joy. Go for walks, to a park where you can meet other people maybe. Talk to your doctor and ask about PPD to make sure you are doing everything you can for yourself as well. Just remember, you are not alone...My thoughts and prayers are with you!!

You sound EXACTLY like me when my son was born. It was very difficult!!! I was treated for PPD. You need to speak to a health care professional ASAP and as you are coming to realize, you are not alone. YOu need support wherever you can get it right now and that NORMAL! Please don't feel that you should be ashamed, or shouldn't be able to talk about these feelings. I was SHOCKED at how hard and how emotional I was during pregnancy and when my baby was born. I thought I wasn't a good mother b/c everyone made it seem so happy and perfect. Then over time I've come to realize that many more women feel like I did and that it shouldn't be kept quiet. I love my son more than anything in the world. He's 3.5 now and it continued to be hard but being a mom is not easy, especially when you are in a different country, don't speak the language and don't have close family and friends. Can you get someone to come visit ASAP? Talk to your husband! Everyone gives great suggestions. Whatever you do, do not feel alone or ashamed!

There are MANY antidepressants that are safe to take when you are breastfeeding. You have nothing to be ashamed of. Call your MD and get help, okay?

Hugs to you in this challenging time.

Hi T.,
My son had severe colic, and I mean he screamed ALL day long 8 or more hours. The feelings you have are completely normal - I remember feeling hopeless, lost, frustrated, sad, anxious, angry- all rolled into one. I would feel guilty that I felt this way. I would cry in the shower, knowing he was in his crib screaming. Don't be too hard on yourself. It's very difficult. It's hard having a newborn, but colic adds a whole other layer. Don't be afraid that you will be judged. 1 out of 4 babies has colic, but I found that most mothers with colicky infants don't talk about it. Trust me, only a mom that has been through this can relate to what you are doing through. Most babies outgrow colic around 3 months. I know that seems like an eternity, but just take one day at a time.
I found the 5 S's as I was searching desperately for relief and it does work:
http://www.babyslumber.com/happiestbaby.html
You may have to all these techniques together to get him to calm down or just a few. You'll find the combination that works best for your baby.
Also, don't be afraid to but the baby in his crib for a little while and walk outside when you feel frustrated or angry. You need a break from time to time. As my doctor said- no baby has ever been hurt from crying.
The positive side of colic is that colicky babies grow up to be more intelligent, bright, and social than non-colicky babies. My son is now 4 and is all those things and more.
After I stopped breastfeeding my son around 4 mos, his colic subsided quickly. We discovered later that my son has multiple food allergies. I am pretty sure that was the cause of all the screaming during that time since he was getting it through breast milk. You may want to examine your diet and cut out all possible allergens- milk, eggs, nuts, etc. Sometimes the cause of colic is unknown. But this could be a starting place.
I never took medication, but I had a very good support system with family that live close by. You do what you feel is right for you.
Please contact me offline if you just need to vent or have questions. Take care of yourself!

Yes, absolutely, you should call the doctor!

Do NOT feel guilty. You cannot help it; your biochemistry is off balance. You didn't do it and you couldn't have prevented it. You didn't choose it, so no need for guilt.

You are in a tough situation, being alone, but you care enough about yourself and your son to reach out when you feel something is wrong--that makes you a great mom!

I suffered from PPD for similar reasons (biochemistry and isolation among others) and did not succeed in getting help for various reasons. I don't remember the first year of my daughter's life. It's mostly a blur of misery. I wish I could go back now and have the confidence to make sure I got help, but I can't. I will not get that year back--it's worth getting help!

Tell your husband--show him this post if it helps. He can be a huge support to you in researching, backing you up, listening to you and taking you seriously, even giving you a chance to take a five minute walk when he gets home.

There are safe antidepressants for breastfeeding; diet and accupuncture can help, too. Please ask your doctor to have your thyroid checked (TSH, T4, T3 and using the new standards for "normal" TSH)--there are very strong links between PPD and thyroid disorders, often triggered by pregnancy.

If you're overseas with the military or a company, are there any other moms who can just drop by for a chat? Believe me, I would do it in a heartbeat for someone else--we've all been there!

You can do this--you just need the right tools. Hang in there!

Call your ob now. Take lots of vitamin d, you can go up to 200iu daily while bfig. Seriuosly thought call your doctor today

Hang in there. It doesn't last forever. Try to get a support network even if it's someone you can talk to over the phone or even through Mamapedia. I went through the same feelings for over three months. I thought it was never going to end. I loved him, but I felt overwhelmed, depressed and had plenty of anxiety attacks. I lived in a different borough from the rest of my family and my son was born in December so it was cold and I couldn't go out much. I felt very alone and my husband also worked. I felt a little better when he came home at night. I felt as if I was drowning and no one or anything else existed. But with my husband's help and my sister who I talked to daily on the phone, I survived. I felt guilty for having a baby that I felt I didn't deserve and questioned myself all the time why I had him. But it's only temporary. It will go away and you have to take it one day at at time and know that it will go away. It will...I promise. It doesn't seem like it now, but it will. Please reach out to family and friends and maybe if you feel up to it get involved with a "mommy and me" group. It could only help. Best of luck and know that you are a great mom no matter what.

By now you know from all the responses that the first things you need to do is call your doctor. You need to talk this out with someone and get help. PPD is normal for some woman and especially for women living in your situation with no family or friends close by to help when you need it.

All I want to add is this....NEVER under ANY circumstances, pick the baby up unless you can put a smile on your face! I am not saying you will purposely do anything to hurt your baby. But it is always a possibility. Also, the baby can feel your tension and stress and will react to it. This only makes it worse.

Also talk to your baby's doctor about getting the baby some help for the colic. There are things you can do to help the baby feel better also. That would also help you if he isn't crying in pain so much.

Find a female therapist and go and talk it out. Your OB/GYN will help you find one. Talking will help SO MUCH!! I had PPD and used medications (I wan't BFing) but just being able to talk and vent and cry helped so much! You will begin to feel better and better every week. And if you do need meds - talk to your pediatrician and OB/GYN.

This will go away - I promise. But you need to get talking ASAP.

Feel better!!

Please call Your Dr right away! It's healthier for both you and the baby for you to take something to help with the chemical imbalance you're going through right now. I know, been there. You didn't say where you're located, but if you're near you're country's base they may have new mom groups or mom groups for you to make some friends. They may also know of some "grandma" volunteers who would be delighted to pace the floor and give you a break to take a nap. Good Luck!

I wish I had the strength you do to speak up so early! I waited till my health started to suffer. After I lost the weight of baby #1, it kept comming off...at 98 lb. (20 below my ususal weight) I started to seek help to put weight back on and was shocked to be diagnosed with severe depression. I learned that anxiety and depresson treatments are similar and it was more important that I be healthy than to hide from being treated for depression. Trust your instincts, if something is not right you are probably correct. Seek the help you desire even if it is simply someone to talk with who "gets it". Feelings are nothing to be ashamed of and should NEVER be stuffed. NO treatment is far worse than taking medication, that you can control...do the research you may be surprised to find a solution that is more helpful than you thought! I was treated with very low doses (at my request), I stopped them (with medical supervision) when I was ready and I am now back to myself, happier than ever with baby # 2, 4 weeks old and completly symptom free! Get outdoors, go for walks, seek support from the pediatrician, your health care provided, your health insurance company, your the local church, seek a goup online that is local to you...do not give up, your baby needs you and needs you to be healthy! This too shall pass....BIG HUGS for speaking up and reaching out!

Please talk to your OB/GYN. I had very bad postpartum depression, and my doctor prescribed Zoloft. He said it is OK to take while breastfeeding. Do not feel guilty!! This is a very difficult time in your life. Please take care of yourself... you will feel better eventually, and your baby needs you!! I send you lots of love and support. Write again if you need to! Hang in there. :)