Broke up with Fiance - How to Explain to 11 Yr Old Son

I would explain to your son that your marriage plans are off. XYZ has some things to work out for himself: job/family/whatever and you've both decided marriage is not going to work. Tell your son he is free to keep in touch with him if he would like to. Don't make it more complicated than it needs to be. Keep it simple.

Since your son is used to being with this guy off and on for long distance reasons (and because you have different lives in different places) even where you were still in the relationship , I suspect he'll be able to handle his absence for a while. I would tell him that unfortunately he and his son will not be able to come visit anymore and it's because of serious family problems they have where they live. That if your son wants to talk to him or hear from him, you can pick up the phone and call ANYTIME. This way your son can gradually slide into living without this man and not feel like he (your ex) failed him. Also I'd try to have his biological father more present in his life (if you can, I have no idea if possible at all, maybe he's horrible, but if he's not he must definitely be there for him now). Children adapt more easily than we think, but having more love/attention from you, his dad and loved ones in general should definitely help in this hard time. In the end it does sound like merging your life with this man would have made more damage than anything in his life, as it seems you two (you and the ex) have very different lifestyles, needs and probably sets of values. It's good that your son never lived with this guy on a permanent basis...it really sounds it was not going to be a permanently happy relationship for you! I am sure next time you'll choose a man that matches better your personality, your needs and your tastes (even sexually) so that hopefully it will be your last change for your son. Good luck, but he's going to be fine.

i would explain that your fiancee has alot of things going on right now and that it made it hard for you two to see each other. i would also explain to him that you and his son don't always get along and it became a concern with you and your fiancee. that it was nothing that he did. he was absolutely blameless in all of it. also talk to your fiancee about possibly calling once in a while to say hi to him. explain to him that he has a hard time with relationships and getting attached and you don't want to see him hurt. it is very hard on kids when you choose to end a relationship. but kids are more resiliant then we give them credit for.

I agree with Phoenix. Letting your son know that it just wasn't meant to be...it took too much work, long distance thing, etc. should be good enough. I would use it as a good life lesson about how some things work out, and some things don't, Know matter how badly you may want them. I think have the ex say goodbye to him in some way would probably be good. I think ideally, if you and the ex could stay friends and maybe get together for a movie and some pizza would be nice...every once in awhile.

I probably would not share your feelings about his son. Your son does not need to know that part...I do not think it would serve a purpose.

I am sure how ever you choose to say it to your son, it will be a bit hard for him...but kids are resilient and he will bounce back.

~I wanted to add something else....maybe you should consider buying your son a TV and an XBOX...it will not harm him and only give him some other extra ways to connect socially to his peers. Maybe think about it? You can buy a cheap TV and a used game console anywhere....might be a "fun surprise" to lesson the blow of your son loosing his "future step dad"??
I respect your views and your parenting style...just wanted to throw this idea out there...you mentioned being annoyed with the kids trying to be "cool", I get that BUT I would think since your son is already socially awkward you wouldn't want to handicap him even more by not allowing him to watch TV and play video games, like most normal kids.