Boys vs Girls........ - Portland,OR

Updated on January 06, 2007
J.T. asks from Portland, OR
10 answers

My son will not sit in a cart, stroller, be harnessed, or be held in public. He just wants to run. The kid is GREAT at home, but out in public it is a nightmare. As a result, we really aren't getting out much. Except on nice days, we go to the park. I have not had any luck in finding him an evening playgroup, and he does not go to daycare (I live in SE, want to start a playgroup??). Over the weekend, we got together with some family whom I had never met. There were 5 little girls there, ranging from 17 months old to 7 years old. The little girls were sitting quietly, and playing nicely with one another, while my son ran around like a wild animal. He was so excited that he wouldn't eat or sit still for more then 10 seconds. He ran around in circles, stomping his feet, and growling and squealing. I tell ya, I don't know what to make of this. Everyone kept saying, "he's just a boy." He was acting CRAZY! Is this really the case? Is he "just a boy?" He is a nice and gentle boy, he wasn't trying to take toys away from the girls or anything, but he just wanted to see it all and could not contain himself. Is this normal????? Also, he is not yet talking.

I am currenly pregnant, thank god it is a girl!!!! LOL

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T.C.

answers from Portland on

Does he get the same punishments when you are out in public that he gets at home? It sounds like a classic case of Mom/Dad lets me do this only when we are around other people. Try giving the exact same punishments when out in public. If he gets time outs at home give him time outs when out. It is possible to find quiet areas when out. Do not be worried about what other people are thinking. Would you rather have a few people give you strange looks now or a child that is totaly out of control later. And there is no such thing as he is just being a boy. All children are unique wether they are male or female it is the raising that is different.

Good luck to you
T. C

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T.

answers from Las Vegas on

J.,

He may be a normal little boy or maybe not. My son is exactly the same way you describe and he's a little over 3 now. After years of wondering why other people's kids were so "good" and mine was so "wild" we now know that my son is autistic. Other than him being really out of control (not aggressive, just not able to sit still, we couldn't take him anywhere because he was so active and such a challenge) one of his big symptoms was that he is very language delayed. From my experience and what you describe above, I'd really recommend that you check with Early Intervention Services. If you are in Nevada, they are called Nevada Early Intervention. They will do a full evaluation for free and provide free services if you need them. They may tell you that your son is just a typical boy but if they don't, at least you will have some resources and tools to help him. Early intervention, speech therapy and all of that has made a HUGE difference in my son's quality of life and ours. At the very least since you son isn't talking, you should have them test his hearing for you (they do it for free).

T.

P.S. I'm definitely not saying "your kid is autistic" but I am saying that if you have any doubts at all that he may not be developmentally on track, there are resources to help you find out for sure. I speak from experience when I say that after the initial shock if there is something wrong, life is so much easier when you know what you are dealing with.

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L.W.

answers from Las Vegas on

J.,

My son is 22 months old and I have just come to the conclusion that it is the age and some of it has to do with being a boy. My son is very active and hates sitting still. He wants to run around. He will not sit in a shopping cart and I am lucky if I can get him to sit in his stroller. I have started keeping things in my diaper bag to keep him entertained for 10 to 15 minutes so I can at least do a little big of shopping for things like milk and eggs. I keep fruit snacks with me and that usually works. I hate bribing him, but I do what I have to when I have to take him out to the store. I take my son to a lot of playgroups and activities and I too have noticed that the little girls like to sit and don't run as much. I just think it is a boy thing. Someone told me that it's the age and he's going through the terrible 2's early. I think your son and mine are just being boys. Don't stress too much over it. I know it is hard to handle while being pregnant. It makes things a lot more difficult to deal with.

Congrats to you on your upcoming little girl. I am due with a girl also on Feb 5.

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A.F.

answers from Portland on

J.,
Boys are great...I have two who are 4 and 5 years old and we're due to have boy #3 in 3 weeks. I wouldn't trade them for the world. Yup, you're in a stage that he may or may not out grow, but they will be easier times. Our boys have never given us a moment to be bored and they make all parties we attend fun. Most little girls have a sense of restraint they have learned by watching their mothers. Little boys tend to be more honest and free...in many cases those little girls are wishing they were doing what the boys were. I would suggest some play dates - this will definitely take some pressure off of you. He's not crazy, he just has a lot of energy to burn. Another suggestion is to take him for a walk every day (if you have a safe place to walk). You'll find that even 15 minutes every day will take the edge off when you do go out to parties or other events. He's just so excited to be away from home and the normal things, it's like he explodes. If you can't walk, than maybe there is another activity where he can unleash a little.

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L.J.

answers from Reno on

well i have 2 boys 7 and almost 2 and a girl 12 i have to admit my girl was mellow compared to my 2 year old son my first son was not all over the place but my almost 2 year old he seems more active he gets into alot of stuff he runs from you if you go to get him if i were to let him out of the cart OH BOY! would he be gone he wants to do and go where he wants to hes a good kid i think this is his way of exploring and learning though i have to admitt when my daughter was around 2-3 we were at walmart and she was out of the cart and the next thing i notice i looked she was gone then i heard on the over head we are looking for a missing mommy so i think it is partially the age but have you tried being firm with your son,letting him know that this is not play time youd be surprised just how smart kids are of course youll have to remind him everytime you go to the store but hell get it because if you let him run when he gets older hell keep doing the same thing. or have you tried having a toy or snack that he could much on something that would keep him occupied? like his favorite toy to play with while in the store well my almost 2 year old like looking at pictures in a book or just at pictures hell hold onto it and (the picture will be of someone he knows) and throughout the store hell keep telling me who it is.

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K.O.

answers from Portland on

Hi J.. I have 4 boys and 2 girls. I am here to say, that in my own experience, the boys were much easier to raise. Ahhhh! There seems to be a lot less drama in a boys' life. Girls seem to be 'naturals' at manipulation and such. I hate that. Ha ha.

As far as your son's behavior, as long as he is nice to the other kids and is not being a "bull in a china shop", I do not see what is wrong with letting him run a muck. :) However, you should be able to teach him when to not act like that when you have to go to public places. If it is not an issue with any of the other "Mom's", don't worry about it. If it is, you might want to choose to hang around friends that know what it means for kids to be allowed to be kids.

I am a BIG BELIEVER in AGE APPROPRIATE behavior. It might not be ok for a 7 year old to act like a 2 year old, but a 2 year old should be able to act like a 2 year old. Does that make sense?

It is VERY important that children learn the boundaries of the world. The first thing they have to gain 'control' over is their OWN bodies and choices. It is the hardest thing, that is why it takes so long. :)

Good luck and don't worry too much! Take him out often so he can get to use his "public" voice and "public" behavior.

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

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K.V.

answers from Portland on

beware: your daughter could be as wild! my children are the exact opposite of yours. my son was the mild mannered one, went with the flow, only had a couple of tantrums in his life--basically, easy going. my daughter, who is currently 2 1/2 yrs. has challenged me since the day she was born. she had colic, she walked at 8 1/2 months, got into everything possible, stuck stuff in the dvd/vcr. now her thing is to tell me "no" and run away from me when i go to put her in a time out. she too won't sit in a stroller or shopping cart. i bought a harness/leash and she's okay with it but i'm not comfortable with it. she is so smart and funny that i do forget the bad stuff. but, my husband and i miss going out to dinner with our kids or shopping at the mall as a family. let's hope you are blessed with a docile one this time!

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T.W.

answers from Medford on

My two yr old daughter is just as bad she runs everywhere we have her in gymnastics and she runs more than anyone else there and there are alot of boys in the class my suggestion (something i try to do but can't always) is get him out more not less he is getting so excited to be out that he is prob. getting worse every time you go out. I am in so. oregon and we have a place here call kid zone that is open till 8 & has tunnels and ball pits and lots of are to just run that is great I am sure there are places like this near you as well and who knows you may even meet some more people with kids his age around too. also the gymnastics is great too. just keep your eye out for fun indoor activities for him even if it is just going to Mcdonalds play areas or your local walmart and just letting him run around also if you need to the sell these cute little backpacks that look like teddybears that have tails (leash) my daughter loves hers and even asks to wear it this helps keep them from hurting themselves or getting lost.

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Y.M.

answers from Portland on

He sounds normal to me too. All of my kids are prone to be runners.

My daughter, who is now 16 years old, was an only child for a long time till she was 11 years old. I chased her around all over the place probably because, I had no one else to keep tabs on. She was raised as a free spirit. And by the way, she's a very good girl as a high school student and she does show self control when it's socially appropriate to do so. So, I hope this helps to encourage you if you have any fears about what his temperament will be like as he grows older.

But, I tried to learn something from my experience with her because I wanted to avoid some of those challenges we get into when we do allow for a free spirit. One way I learned a thing or two is that I observed a friend of mine that would not chase after her children (unless it was an emergency). She had 3 babies in a row. So, each one was expected to come to her. She wouldn't chase them down in the house and with that practice, she rarely had to chase them down in the street. They came to her upon her request, they understood outside boundaries (like the edge of the lawn means you stop), and they followed her around in public like ducks in a row. She didn't even turn back to look at them but once in a while. Very rarely with a sturn voice and gentle tug, she'd have to tell them "No running off, you stay with Mommy." And during times of danger, she would give him a swift shocking swat on the diapers, and tell them they must come inside now or come to her now... I was just so impressed by all of this. She was consistant and she didn't get frazzled.

But, when I had my son I forgot all of my good lessons of course. He was a runner. And he too was also like a first child all over again. Only with him, I had a little bit more restraint on my whole "free spirit" attitude. I waited and looked for opportunities to teach him to come to me just to get the practice started. I also raised my expectations of him. I don't think I gave my daughter enough credit for her smarts. So, I raised my expectations to include a belief that he could listen to my words "Stop. Come back." and then, I'd watch him actually stop -he didn't always come back without my assistance. Most of the time I didn't even need to move my body though. But, I was shocked that such an infant could learn to follow these verbal directions. With this new found confidence in his intelligence, I began to raise my level of expectations about all kinds of things. I found myself often trying to appease -a fear- of a behavior that hadn't already begun. So, I just stopped trying so hard and watched what he could do for himself. It was kind of fun.

At 17 months old, though, he went through cancer treatment and was so weak and ill that he couldn't walk anymore. So many typical parenting techniques where just thrown out the window. As he recovered from the chemotherapy and surgeries, he doubled in height and weight and physical ability. He became Superboy. So, in 6 months he was up and running again, only with a big boy body. And we had to start all over again. Only now, I didn't know where I should place my expectations because even still we don't know all of how the chemo has effected him and his brain. He's a very impulsive and physical 3 year old boy. I hear it all the time, "Be grateful that he can run and jump and be rambunctious after all the scary diagnosis we got. He's a miracle. He's been through a lot. Give him extra time to grow out of it. Thank God, that he's just a rough and tumble normal boy."

When our kids are such a miracle and in such good condition we need to keep things in perspective. They are special boys. But, they are not so "special" that we don't expect them to be their best selves and have many non-special mainstream experiences. I was really sad about this one evening that we went to big sisters band concert. A little girl, the same age as Hunter was sitting in front of us, wearing her "fancy" dress. She sat there, listened to the music, and was so sweet. Hunter disrupted everyone with his commotion. I really struggled with wondering if I should expect him to be challenged and struggle through, just sitting there for the duration of his sisters band or if I should just accept that he can't handle it. So, we fussed, faught, left the room, ran around the high school halls and completely missed her solo. I just don't know sometimes. I was sad for him that he had such a tough time and I was sad for me that I missed my daughters solo.

Well, now, I also have Lilly, who is 19 months old. All of the wiggling is very age appropriate for her. As far as she is concerned, for stuffy events, we just don't go. I can't expect her to sit. However, I did see one family in a movie theatre that brought the car seat in so that their little girl could sit and watch the movie like that. The car seat was a cue to her that she must sit still. Perhaps things like that would work in a restaurant. I know for sure, that Hunter would probably complain, but Lilly might actually go for it for a while.

But, Lilly is so sweet and such a joy I don't have to be too firm with her. And with her, I am really enjoying training her and watching her show her self control and her intelligence. Just the other day we were in a crowd a the library, she walked up ahead of me to the doorway and then looked back at me. I said, "Stop, Lilly. Stay with Momma." and she came running back. Hunter followed up with "Stay with your family, Lilly." But, for sit down events like grocery shopping or whatever... food and tippy cups is the length of her attention span. Otherwise, she cuts loose to jump around and climb. I just feel so blessed that on some level I feel like I'm getting it right and it's coming easy.

I hope that some of this helps.

Take what you like and leave the rest.

And although this may sound like something you've heard before... be grateful your son is jumping all around like that, sounds like he's a little miracle and things could have been worst for him with the Marfan's Syndrome. He sounds very high functioning physically.

Oh, and the lack of talking.... I wouldn't worry yet. Boys do tend to talk later than girls. That friend that I was so impressed with that had the duckling children, her middle son didn't talk till he was practically two. He had great physical ability even with putting shoes and coat on and off. Which my 3 year old hasn't even mastered yet. He also comprehended verbal directions easily. He was just more of a listener before he was a talker.

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J.D.

answers from Spokane on

You know, I used to believe the "hes just a boy" BS, but after having a girl, I am here to tell you that although gender does play a small part, its all about how you raise them. People still believe in letting boys be boys and girls being princesses, I dont. My daughter plays with her brothers toys, and vise versa. They both wrestle, they both pick up snow and throw it at you when your not looking and then laugh mischiviously. Both my kids refuse to eat certain things and throw a royal FIT over it. My 3 year old daughter will never be found sitting "nicely" in a room, however, the 7 year old boy may sit for a little while.

Boys, as I am sure you are soon to find out, are actully easier for the most part. I have found this out, and know a lot of people who whole heartedly agree with me. Of course there are always certain cercumstances that change this, but as I said, it is how YOU raise them. And I personaly do not find anything wrong with allowing my children to be children.....whats the point of having them sit???

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