Bonus/Step Mom Messing with My Kid's Head

It is NOT going to damage her in any way to think she has a moon daddy at age 3. Most people are raised to believe a big, fat guy comes down the chimney to deliver presents and a little fairly takes your teeth. A moon daddy is no worse.

If the stepmom is an otherwise good person and treats your daughter well then be happy. Kids are very resilient and smart.

You said "she is going to make my daughter her daughter". . sorry to tell you this, but your daughter IS already her daughter by marriage whether you like it or not. TRY to have an open and honest conversation with the stepmom and your husband, or if you are more comfortable, with just your husband.

If I was the stepmom, I would fee like you were making something out of nothing. When these girls are 8,9, 10 or whatever, they will have asked more questions about family stuff and will know who is who ... for now, if it creates less drama for the two little girls and makes them feel equal in a new home/family then let it be.

my head hurts :)
ok, first things first, wow to you for agreeing to be bonus mom to her daughter (step mom's daughter). i don't think i would have been ok with it. i think, to me at least, they're trying to handle her daughter best they can without really taking under consideration how this will affect you and your daughter.
so put a stop to it. right now. i don't mean go nutty on them, just get them (without kids) both at the same time and say:
i am not ok with it. try find another way to explain to the little girl her situation but keep me and my daughter out of it. it's not fair to you or your daughter.
put a stop to it.

i would defnitely(not sure spelled that right) let her know that you dont appricate her tellin your daughter that is she is your daughter not hers.let them both know if it continues you will have to do something about it.you daughter is young and she dont need to be lied to and i would sit with your daughter i know she is still very young but try to explain to her that is not true and she shouls not say it. i had to do something similar to this but my mother was tellin my daughter her daddy was dead and was never commin back.when is fact we were seperated because of work.but i think you should tell the step to stop tellin your daughter that because in fact it is a lie and will confuse her if you get married..hope this helps

I would talk to a lawyer. If this crazy chick is filling your kid's head with nonsense, you should try to get either full custody, or supervised custody for the dad, so that someone is making sure she isnt filling your kid's head with crazy. Perhaps asking for a child advocate or whatever they're called could get someone more neutral to evaluate so it's not just you who thinks this is craziness?

Kids hear from grownups, other kids, and their own imaginations, so many odd interpretations of reality in their first few years, that this may not be upsetting your daughter – except to the extent that it gets you riled up.

Really, if you simply and calmly counter the claims of Stepmom, however many times it takes, your daughter can and will sort it out as she gets older. It's not your job or your business to sort out Stepmom, except to state clearly what your reasonable limits are, and hope she honors them. If she ever does anything that genuinely puts your daughter at potential risk, then it might be time to take legal steps.

If she wants to know why Stepmom would tell her things that aren't true, just tell your daughter you don't know why anybody would say that, but maybe she just enjoys it. Be careful not to badmouth her or claim that she's crazy. (Even when you feel totally exasperated, because you probably will.) Model the kind of sane, compassionate maturity you want your daughter to emulate.

Good luck. Sounds like your family could be in for some interesting times.

get legal advise, he said she said stuff is sticky! you need to know how to deal with this and what lines you can draw leaglly. I doubt you want to start a fight, but sometimes its nessisary for the sake of the child. If you can get everyone into family couseling, the counsler can here your concerns and voice them in a way the other parents will take it better than if you addressed it personally. Counslers can make sence to hard headed people cause that is what they are trained to do, plus it takes the stress off of you to do it yourself. I agree it's messed up, and I totally hear your concerns, I myself am in a two family situation however I am the step mom and mom-mom is the strange one (thought she was a vampire among other things) and we had to get an attorney to advise cousleing. I really helped us. good luck!