My cousin had a child and he is now 3 going to be 4 next month. She abandoned him with me about 2 months ago. He knows who his mommy is and talks about her quite often. I have received custody from the court of him but Recently he has started this thing where he calls me mama and not in a regular voice. Sort of as if he is acting like a baby and wants attention. I am unsure if I should be concerned or If it is acceptable for him to call me mama or if he really even means to. I am just lost in this all.
It sounds like he got lucky he has you. Let him call you mama...as a matter of fact I would refer to myself as mama from now on. He needs and wants a mom and that is you regardless of the circumstances he came to you.
Btw...my aunt had many foster kids over the years. They all called her "mom" by choice. Even kids who came to her as teenagers called her mom.
Please find out of you have foster parent classes available. We took them when we got our grand kids. They were so informative.
I caution you to not let him call you mama until you have adopted him. At any time the biological mother or father could come back, be clean and sober and have a job/home and there be no legal reason he can't live with them. It's only been 2 months and it could go on for years but all in all, you are not his parent and the court can't keep a child from a parent who isn't currently doing anything wrong.
Custody/guardianship is temporary. Adoption is permanent IF both parents are on board and sign the adoption papers. Mom could sign and say dad didn't want to come but then he can come back later and say he never knew or understood that was what was happening and demand his child be returned.
Either one could ask the court to place the child with a closer relative too.
They will take him out of your home and put him back with them. This will be heart wrenching for you and for him if he's identified you as mom.
You can tell him that his mom and dad love him and they're working to do better. You need to protect your heart and remember that he's not your child. Then at some time if he is available to be adopted you will be there for him and he can call you mom.
He needs the reassurance if his tone is changing along with his name for you. I say, let it happen. You didn't require it or instruct him to do it.
I would continue to refer to her as "Mommy" or "your Mommy" and let yourself be Mama. I know lots of kids who have one of each.
You are a wonderful person for taking on this child and trying to find your way through this morass. Get some good family counseling to help you through the bumps and storms to come, and meantime try to give him as much stability as you can.
I don't know your situation, but bless you for taking care of this little guy! Do you have full legal custody vs guardianship? If you truly have custody, you are M. now. He needs a M. and consistency in his life. His calling you M. is perfectly fine. He is using a baby voice because he IS still very much a baby. He's very young and it would not be unusual for him to regress a bit with all the changes going on. Let him talk about mommy and go along with it for his sake. He likely is not going to forget her and will have many questions as he gets older. Be honest and keep her image as good as you can for him. For right now, let him call you M. and love on him as best you can. You can consult child therapists for you to go to and for him to go to and possibly be evaluated for emotional issues as well. Are you a mother already? If not, there is absolutely nothing wrong with going to parenting classes to learn about child development. A good place to start is to ask for referrals from his pediatrician. Good luck to you!
I agree he's lucky to have you. And I know when mine were almost 4, it seemed old! Now that they're preteens, I realize how young they really were at 4,5,6 and even 8. He cannot comprehend what has happened but needs you and calling you mama seems fine. And acting like a baby does as well. He is still a baby in many ways. And don't we all want mommy at times? There's nothing more comforting that saying mommy or daddy and getting hug. I'm glad he can get that from you.
I would let him call you what he's comfortable with and if he's using a baby voice, he'll outgrow this. I wouldn't take anything he does at this point too seriously - because he's adjusting and I would just accept him for who he is. He might be feeling his mother didn't accept him, because she's abandoned him - so if it were me, I'd just be cool with however he's feeling and relating to you.
It's a wonderful thing you're doing - if he sees you as a mom figure, that's perfectly normal. A four year old needs that stability.
My granddaughter does this when she has a sleepover at my house (she is 3.5 yrs old). When she starts missing her mom, she will call me "mama" in a baby voice. I always say "you can call me that - I'm a mama even if I'm not yours, I'm YOUR mama's mama." It seems like a normal reaction to missing his mom. I'd let him do it.
Good luck!
Poor little guy. Until an adoption goes through what about having him call you Mamma M.? When my daughter was born my son was 5 and he suddenly really wanted to be reassured by me and wanted to be "the baby". He pretended he was a baby and I would jokingly and lovingly pretend to swaddle him up and go along with it. I remember even pretending to change an imaginary diaper and rocking him on the rocking chair. He loved this and the extra love and attention. Your cousin's son wants someone to be his mommy...I would reassure him as best you can. Tell him you will love him for always. Tell him how special he is to you. Will you be able to adopt him?
My son went through a stage like that right around that age where he wanted to be "babied/taken care of more like a baby". He wanted me to dress him and feed him hold him and rock him like a baby. So, you know what...I did...and with in a few weeks he was back to his independant self. He just needed that reassurance that I would be there to take care of him.
At the time I thought he was so old to be doing that but looking back he was such a little guy and I am glad I have him extra attention then...I won't be Mommy ever again...I am now, Mom, Moooooom, or MOM!!
I like the Mama M. idea from below. I kept a niece for a bit when she was taken from her home and she called me Auntie. Thank you for being there for him...and we are here for you!! Hugs!!
I second the suggestion to contact social services and see what they have for classes or if there's a therapist you can work with to navigate this. One of my daughters works at a town owned counseling center and they have a lot of resources available.
Personally it sounds pretty normal. To young children its just words and they don't have a deeper meaning. Like when you see an adult man at the park your 3 yr old will say that's a Daddy or Grandpa assuming all men are called that. Same with adult women being called Mommy or Grandma.
If you aren't comfortable with this then by all means tell him what you prefer to be called. I have a friend who's grandson called her Honey because that's what his grandpa always called her (pet name).
