Been in and Out of Hospital for a Little over a Month

oh boy. I bet you hate that when he goes to his dads and gets away with everything and then he comes to ur house and thinks that he rules it. Im not too sure on advice for this

You must be feeling so hurt. After I had surgery to remove my ovaries and two soccer ball sized tumors and more, I came home weighing a meager 78lbs. When my Ex brought my 5 year old daughter home she was afraid to go near me and said I looked like a monster and wanted to go back home with daddy. I was crushed. Your son is going through a very rough time right now, he's probably afraid and unsure. Speak to his father about what things were like when you were gone and how important it is that you keep the same set of rules at both houses beacause your son needs stability especially at a scary time like this. My ex also lets my daughter get away with alot more than I would but after discussing things we were able to work things out. Since I have stage 4 cancer hospital stays can come at any time and I need to know my wishes are being respected as far as her care goes (wether she staying with him or family) and he understands that and does not want to make my life any more stressful than it has to be. I wish you all the luck in the world. God bless you and please feel free to email me. ____@____.com

Dear R.,

I hope you are feeling better. Although, you are probably really hurt right now it may be best to sit down and talk with your son. Tell him that you bug and nag him because you care about him and you are the only one who is going to look out for him. Also he may have said those hurtful things to you as a way to deal with his hurt that you have been in the hospital. My mother is very ill. She spends more time in the hospital than at home. My brother is only 12 years old. He used to tell her he "hated her" and "hoped she would die". Being that my parents are divorced my father would not discipline him. After sitting down and talking with my brother I found out that he "hated" my mother because she wasn't around and he was afraid she was going to die. So if he put up a wall now he could deal with her death. I was very surprised to hear all of the things he told me. Sometimes as adults we forget how hard difficult times can be on a child. They really do not know where to displace their hurt and anger. I hope this helps and I wish you the best!

First, I'm sorry that your son was so honest. It must have hurt your feelings to have your son say that he wishes you were back in the hospital.

I'm glad you survived your blood clots. DVT's and PE's are nothing to sneeze at. Many don't survive them. I'm glad you're around to reach out to us Mamas.

Seven year olds don't have much tact. They kinda tell it like it is, or how they think it is. He's not thinking about you looking death in the eye and coming out the other side. He's thinking about getting his way whenever he wanted it.

In a few years he'll be horrified he said something like that.

Be firm. Remind him that while he's with you he must follow your rules. Give him a day or two to get used to the "Mom's Way" of things again, remind him of what the rules are and stick to them. Consistency is key.

If you are on good terms with Dad, try to talk to him about what your son said and why. Without dictating what he must do in his house, maybe you can compromise on rules so your son can't play you against each other anymore.

Good luck and God bless you.

I bet even though he acts mad he is just overwhelmed. He may have felt like you "left" him even though you were sick and in the hospital. His routine was upheaved and he probably isn't quite old enough to grasp that Mommy was just too sick to be at home. My best guess in dealing with him now is to reassure him you love him, are here for him and then just stick with the rules and be consistent. Don't tell him his feelings are wrong, just stick to love and consistency. He may also be afraid of the hospital, sickness and even death and is reacting to the fear of you getting sick again or dying.

My sister has the same problems with her son. She tells him that when she 'bugs and nags' him, it's because she loves him and cares about him. Maybe you should have a talk with his Dad, and see if he's willing to get on a similar routine to help your son adjust easier when go between homes. I know that it depends on the relationship with the father. My sister also makes sure that she tells him how much that hurt her feelings and that it's not okay to say things like that. Hope some of this helps,