Bedtime Problems for a 2 Year Old

I hate to say this, but your husband created this monster and now he needs to fix it.
You need to set a routine - without rocking - and do it. This is going to take longer than one night. If she cries, you can go in after 10 min. and pat her on the back - do not get her out. Don't talk to her except to say it's bed time.
You'll need to be extremely consistent... There is no magic fix, but it's easier to do it at 2 than it is at 3.
LBC

I did a modified "No Cry Sleep Solution" with my son and it worked (and we never truly co-slept with our son). There is definitely something to having them learn to fall asleep on their own, but if you change the routine drastically, they get creative (like finding a way out of the crib) because they are so unhappy. And I do believe there is a difference with your baby crying while you are near and crying while you are in the other room.

My suggestion would be for your husband to slowly decrease his time he rocks your daughter. First 5 or 10 minutes (you can get a kitchen timer or something that dings so your daughter still has the time to "snuggle" with daddy.) Tell her (or even let her set the timer) that once the timer goes off she has to go lay down in her bed. Then with it dings, say 'snuggle time is over' and then move her to her crib. Then have him stand there touching her somehow (hand on back or hugging her or what have you) then when she falls asleep he can leave. Then after she is okay with the 5 minutes ( I am going to assume that she is going to cry with him standing there for a few days until she adjust to the new routine.) Then shorten the time if your husband doesn't want to rock her at all. So, take baby steps every couple of days to help her learn to fall asleep at night without needing daddy rocking her. You said she can do it for naptime, so she just needs a new routine...I like Heather M.'s post with how she got out of the room slowly. First laying next to the bed, then slowly moving towards the door...baby steps.

GOOD LUCK!!!

We went through a similar situation right around the time my son turned 2. Must be something about that age! Anyways, we always had to stay with him until he fell asleep, and then try to creep out without him hearing. Most of the time he'd hear us and we'd be stuck again. It would take hours to get him to bed. He always wanted us to lie down next to his bed, so what we did was we started moving further away each night. It took a while but eventually we got to a point where we were able to say something like "I have to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back" and we'd leave for a few minutes and come back to check on him. We had to come back or he'd get up and look for us (he's in a toddler bed). Finally now he goes to bed with no issues, and while we still usually do the "be right back" thing he stays in bed and is usually asleep when we come back to check on him. If he's not, we just say goodnight and that's that. I know, it's a rough road and it takes a while but hang in there, it does get better. Oh and we got these ideas from a book called "Sleeping through the night" by Jodi Mindell.

Hi Kelly,

I'm M. Francis with the GoodNites Nite Lite Panel. Goodnites is partnering with Mamapedia, and we get questions like yours a lot. What's more, I can relate! I am also a fan of the No-Cry Sleep Solution and am glad to see so many people mentioning it. But like everyone has said, transitioning a two-year-old to a new way of falling asleep at night will take time.

From your post, I'm not sure if the problem is that your husband no longer wants to rock her to sleep at all, or if he just wants to be able to lay her in the crib without her waking up after she falls asleep? Since you say she sleeps just fine in her crib during the day, she obviously feels comfortable and secure in there. It sounds like the problem is that she dozes off with your husband, then is startled when he puts her in the crib--I would be, too! Since nap time "works", could you try a bedtime routine that's more similar to your nap routine?

Another thought that came to mind--since she falls asleep easily at nap, but not bedtime, I wonder if you are waiting too long to put her to bed. Two-year-olds hit that 'second wind' very easily and they can go from sleepy to wired in a matter of minutes. Try watching her carefully for a few nights to see if you've been missing any signs of sleepiness: rubbing eyes, heavy lids, crankiness, or even just laying around on the sofa--there's your opportunity! It's possible she needs a much earlier bedtime than she's getting right now.

There is a lot of information about bedtime routines and sleep issues at www.GoodNites.com that you might find helpful. Good luck and let us know how things are going now!

I'm thinking that if she fell out of her crib, it may be time for a toddler bed. We put a tension gate across the door frame to keep our kids in the room at night so they wouldn't fall down the stairs in the dark. Anyhow, your daughter need to learn how to fall asleep on her own. Does she nap without being rocked to sleep? Does she have a favorite blankie or stuffed animal she can hold to help her fall asleep? Maybe try putting her in bed and rubbing her back instead of holding and rocking her. That way there is no transition to have to put her in bed. You need to be firm and consistent. You are correct that 2 year olds are strong willed and they learn what they can get away with pretty quick. If she starts crying, wait 5 min before going in and tell her she needs to go back to sleep, without holding her or more back rubs. Wait 10 min before going in the next time, increasing each time by 5 more min. This may take a couple of weeks, but it is worth it. This is the method we used and it worked for us. We don't have stressed out kids and they are very well adjusted, bright, loving kids. I know there are other methods out there. I hope you all get some sleep soon!

IT will take more than one night to solve your problem -- it could take up to 2 weeks! However, that time invested now will be well worth it!
There are several methods for getting kiddos to sleep. Any method will take more time and be a little harder with a 2 yr old compared to a younger child. One reason is that a 2 yr old can physically hold out much longer than a baby -- and as you mentioned, a 2 yr old WILL hold out for a very long time. For this reason you have to be doggedly consistent. If you give an inch, you're back to square one. You mentioned letting her "cry it out." There are actually a few different ways to do this. One I like, and has worked to re-program my kids when we get off track, is "good night, sleep tight." Check it out at http://www.sleeplady.com/ The author used to offer phone consultations.

Oh gosh. I think you have to come at it from a different angle. Look at it from your daughter's point of view...just bear with me. I'm not passing judgment. Just think about why she's acting the way she's acting--they aren't very complicated creatures.

Every night she has this comfortable, warm place to fall asleep, feeling loved and protected. Suddenly she's set down on a hard, cold surface and left alone. Well, that sucks...time to wake up and ask to be warm and cuddly again. Except now no one is responding to her needs. She's freaked out and doesn't understand why she's alone and no one is answering her when she asks for help. For little ones it's a matter of survival.

It's not being strong willed! She wants comfort and safety and now the crib is a place where she feels unsafe and alone. So she wakes up every time because this isn't a good way to feel. Comfort and safety are valid needs, and she is letting you know that she has these needs. If you look up 'crying it out' and cortisone (stress hormone) levels, you will find lots of research that says that little ones left alone to cry have crazy high levels of stress hormones. It's traumatizing. It affects bonding. The stress may start to come out in other areas of her life, affecting her behavior.

Crying it out is hard for parents because we're not supposed to ignore our babies when they need something, even if it's something as tenuous as comfort. Children are learning to regulate their emotions and sometimes they need help. Ignoring them doesn't teach them to be self-sufficient. It teaches them that they are alone and that the crib sucks.

So, as a mom whose children (12, 7 and 3) have had no sleep issues, my best advice is to never let her cry it out. There are lots of sleep solutions out there that have nothing to do with leaving her alone to try to sort through her needs. The No Cry Sleep solution is a place to start. We slept with our babies. Our three year old still sleeps with us. It's sweet and wonderful and the kids love going to bed. We get lots of sleep and we have since she was an infant. Babies don't have to be so hard! Let it be easy. And transitioning out of the parents bed is no big deal if sleep isn't an issue. I promise!

It's fighting nature (hers and yours) to leave her alone--she's just letting you know what her needs are, and you're wanting to respond. I don't think she's trying to manipulate you--she just has a very strong need to be with you, which is the sign of a good strong bond.

Please do a little research into cortisone levels. If you want her to sleep in her crib it has to be a safe place for her. It will probably take some time to rebuild that trust with that space. And as for the post below, I don't think rocking your baby to sleep creates a monster. I think it creates a lasting bond that helps your little girl feel safe and loved. The idea that we have to train babies to sleep is nuts. We just have to help them feel safe, and sleep happens naturally. It feels good to be close. Your husband and you did a really good, natural thing. She's probably a happier girl because of it.

Good luck with it. I hope you find a solution that lets you all get a good night's rest, soon.