Bedtime/Naptime Routine

It's called separation anxiety, hormonal changes, and for you, Mom, sleep deprivation. It's enough to make us nuts.
But we hang in there; and so will you, dear.

C.,

My son is an GREAT sleeper too...but for some unknown reason he has weeks where he will ask to go potty 3-5 times for the 2 hours after we put him to bed for the night (our son is still in his crib he LOVES it and "they" say if it is not broken don't fix it...lol). Sometimes it drives me nuts!!! But I have been told just like us sometimes they want some more one on one time or they just might not be tired...and this lovely game...will go on for 10 days straight then it will be a month of simple kisses and hugs and off to bed he will happily go. I have been trying to tell him how bed time is going to go "ok now it's time to go potty and brush your teeth..." when he's on the potty I tell him to push it all out because mommy is not going to be able to come back in tonight...and it has been working GREAT...but I know the day I forget to have that conversation will be the beginning of the asking again...lol...sorry I know I was of little help...but i just wanted you to know your not alone...lol

My daughter is about 2 1/2 also and she too was a master procrastinator, eventually learning that the only thing getting her out of bed at bed time was "mommy I gotta potty" and amazingly she had to potty for 30-40 mins.
I eventually started just ingoring her screams and pleads but it got me nowhere. What I ended up doing was just moving her bedtime an hour back. She sleeps in an extra 30-45mins in the morning now but goes to bed an hour later.
Maybe your kid is just not sleepy enough yet?

I have a 2 2/1 year old as well. It sounds to me like their is nothing wrong, but I she is just learning that she can control you. At 2 1/2, or often before, kids start to develop adn realize they can be autonomous (control themselves and others). We've had similar situations with our son - we just nip it in the bud, let him cry a bit if necessary adn he quickly learns that he is not in charge of his bedtime...we are. Good luck

Sounds like normal behavior for the age. It comes out of the middle of no where and leaves the same way. The best advise I can give is not to let her manipulate you - which is what she is doing. Before you go into the bedroom for the "routine", remind her of the routine. We are going to rock and sing 1 song, then mommy will sit in your bed with you for 5 minutes and that's it (or what ever the routine use to be). Make sure she understands (as much as a 2 year old can) that this is all she gets. Give her a kiss and be a strong Mom and walk away. If she cries, she cries. Figure out what your threshold for crying is (mine was no more than 10 min. - it just killed me to hear them cry), after that time go back in, give her another kiss and the reassurance that you are still here (doing whatever) and there is nothing to be afraid of. Keep up this routine so she knows this is the way it is. DON'T keep going back into her room either - her crying will become another manipulation when she sees you keep coming back. At some point you will have to shut the door, turn off the light, etc. (what ever you know will let her know you mean business).

Unfortunately, this is not a quick phase. At least it wasn't for me!!! Be strong and good luck!

She will only be little once. Enjoy your time with her and take advantage of every minute you have. Before you know it she will be off to college or living on her own. When you are spending time with your little one think of all the Mom's that would give anything in the world to have their little girl or boy back that has passed away. You never know what the future holds so take time to be with her. Let the housework go if you need to. It will always be there another day and your daughter may not.

The fact thay she is eventually saying I am ok, says to me she does not have anxiety about her big girl bed. I think she just needs some extra love. Maybe other things have changed to. She is going potty by herself and you use to take her. She is more independant and dresses herself and you use to dress her. She is missing time with you that she used to get and this is how she makes it up. They grow up so fast. And before you know it they won't want you to tell them stories or even go in her room. Enjoy it while you have it. Whatever you used to do with that 30 minutes or so will still be there when she is 14 and she can not be bothered to kiss you good night. I promise it is worth the wait.

My daughter is the same age and went through the same thing recently. I personally think it's a developmental thing, they're just figuring out that if the have one more story, a glass of water, etc... they can get mommy's attention for a few more minutes. That coupled with a slightly reduced need for sleep can really throw them off. What worked for me? 1st, make sure she has everything she needs before starting the bedtime routine (offer a snack, glass of water, whatever she usually asks for once the lights go out). Then, when you've completed the normal routine, hugs and kisses, then leave the room like normal. Don't cave or she'll learn to manipulate the situation, she's not being bad, just trying to figure out a way to have more mommy time. The second thing I did was to slightly rearrange her sleep schedule. I bought her a barbie alarm clock and set it to go off a 1/2 an hour earlier than her normal wake up time, I explained to her that when the music comes on it's time to wake up, she loves it. I also wake her up from her nap is she is sleeping longer than 2 hours. It took about 2 days for the behavior to go away. Hope it helps =)

You really have two options, deal with it, or let her cry. I personally would deal with it. I slept with my mom until I was 13, I just loved being near my mommy. Moms are so comforting. When switching my son from the "mommy daddy bed" to his crib I told my mom it was time for me to have my bed back, and my evenings back. She did not give me a hard time about this, as she is confident in my choices as a parent, however she simply said "you have no idea how much of your bed and your time you will have in a few years, enjoy the time he wants to cuddle." We still moved my son to his crib, but sometimes I sneak in his room and take him out of the crib. My husband works the night shift a a hospital, and I get lonely. My son, although only 2, is a great cuddler! I do miss having him sleep in our bed, but I also understand wanting your "you-time." Maybe you can just deal with the transition and start your bed-time routine earlier, this will allow you to get back to your evening at your normal time... 30 minutes cuddling included. Good luck!

Hi,
I'm in my 60s and still remember getting transfered to the big girl bed- which seemed like a good idea for about 2 days, then I hated it.
Can you believe all this time later I still remember this?
You want your schedule back- from personal experience I say without reservation- give her back her crib.
best, k

I think it's wonderful you love your child enough to be there for her. Children go through different phases in their lives, sometimes more needy than others. You will know if your daughter is just taking advantage and trying not to go to bed vs needing just a little more mommy time. This will pass and you will be back to your routine in no time, in the meatime your daughter is learning she can count on you when she needs you most :)

Children change daily and there is no manual to go along with them. Each child is completely different. There will be lots and lots of changes coming your way.
I know that bedtime was a piece of cake, but go with the flow. Relax. She loves Mommy and Mommy loves her. Life is good.

= )

Maybe she's trying to delay going to bed, some kids fight sleep off, my daughter's very good at this. Maybe she's feeling some insecurity about something, maybe some change in her routine, house, or daycare (if she goes to one) and wants to be held and reassured a bit longer than the usual. Seems like a bit of separation anxiety may be going on as well, something common at that age. As long as she knows you're there for her, then she'll be ok. If she insists that you stay longer, but you're unable to or feel she is manipulating you, tell her "mommy can't, mommy has to clean, you go to sleep, I'll be right outside if you need me".

How about saying NO? Works really well when you set the boundaries. Tell her there is a new rule in your house and if that rule is not followed then she will start to lose her toys, games etc one by one to the poor children. Let her cry, fuss and vomit.....she is NOT getting out of her bed and you are NOT staying with her. Once she understands that YOU are in charge and the manipulations are not working anymore things will change. There should be no leeway with many things, and on the parents part, NO GUILT! Bedtime is the parent's sanctity. Children need their sleep and parents need to reconnect and have time to do the things that are important to them. I'm sorry, but I have always been a stickler on this one....children NEED boundaries and when they don't get them they become anxious and out of control.

Mom of a 20 and 15 yr old
I work with children and their parents on a daily basis.