Bedtime for Two, What Am I Doing Wrong???

I know you have had a lot of responses and questions about naps. I only have one child, but my sister has two (5yr old & 3 year old). She is a single mom, so no one to help. She has started putting them to bed one at a time instead of at the same time (she said they seem to gang up on her to stay awake). Now she starts at 7ish for the 3 year old and lets the older one stay up. Then around 8 she gets the older in bed. She still doesn't get much time to herself, but she says it is less stressful.

I also have a 4 year old... (girl) and a 2 year old... (boy). My first question in this situation is are they both still taking naps? and then what time do you get them up in the morning or do they wake up in the morning. Now I am not saying we have it perfect as we are struggling to get our son to sleep later then 6:30 right now after him sleeping from 8-8 for over a year. First we don't do snacks before bed here. We start with going potty, and then getting into our jammies, then we brush teeth and then read a book and off to bed. Some nights if they were good during the day we get a little on the floor playtime/dance time. But only if they were good during the day. Now our kids both still go to sleep with a CD to listen too. Always have and probably will for another few years. Helps them settle down. Some people don't like doing this or feel that it becomes a crutch. But our kids will go to sleep if need be without one. We don't require our kids to get things going on their own and probably wont for another few years. Our daughter does get herself dressed when told/picks out her own jammies now etc. But it is not like she will do the whole routine without prompting. It rarely ever takes us more then a half hour to do our routine. The days that take longer are the days that either my daughter gets a nap (which is rare) or our son takes too long of a nap. This is usually my fault for needing a break during the day. We also take things away at night if they protest for too long. First warning is a swat in the but, second warning is a swat in the but and the loss of their (pillow, blanket or bear: these are the Lovies that they have, not their only pillow, blanket and bear) Third warning is No treats the next day and the loss of one of their lovies for two nights in a row. Now you don't have to add the swat in the but with your kids it just seems to help in our house. We usually don't have to go past the loss of a lovie for one night.

I hear you on the bedtime routine being a SAHM it is the one part of the day I hate the most because I am just DONE by nighttime. We do have a rule (I am not sure if you hubby is around at night to do this) but if I have a day where I an just DONE my hubby takes over and does nighttime without me. It never helps to have the inpatient stress added to the routine.

I hope you can find something that works for your family! Your not alone.

Hi K.,
I know you have alot of suggestions already, but I have a 4 and 2 year old as well. For the past year they have been sharing a room, now they have their own but I've had it both ways. First off, what time are they eating supper that they need a snack? My 2 year old, anytime he eats he gets a boost of energy! I usually feed lunch around 6-6:30pm. Then they can only have water the rest of the night, on occasion juice or plain white milk. Pretty sure they test you, because they know they can. I usually start around 7:30-8 on bedtime 'cool down'. I turn all the lights down low or off, turn tv down (if it's on, but usually not) and we start doing things that calm them. Talk about the day, do a puzzle, color etc. Then we start the routine, get jammies, brush teeth, read book. When it's time for bed I make sure there is a routine in bed. My daughter always has a blanket and I always say sweet dreams i love you. My 2 year old son has 2 pillow, a blanket and a raccoon and I make sure I tell him he needs to kiss me goodnight. My daughter has her routine down now, but my son is still getting into it but it's working. First time he gets out of bed I patiently bring him back get another kiss goodnight and tell him it's time for bed. 2nd, time I just tell him it's time for bed. 3rd and so on, I don't say anything at all, I just bring him back to his bed. I used to take his things away one at a time but this only got him worked up and upset. I tell you it won't work every single night, but keep with the same exact routine! Good luck to you!!

You are not alone! My 2-year-old is the stinker with and internal clock that is NOT in sync with my own. I feel your frustration!!! Sadly, I have not come up with the perfect solution, but theses things help: lots of exercise throughout the day, cut out as much stimulation as possible (TV, radio, bright lights) before dinner, have them get ready for bed immediately after dinner, and make sure they have plenty of Mommy/Daddy quiet time before bed.
One thing we started recently is audiobooks. After the whole routine is done and they are in bed, our boys get to listen to an audiobook that I downloaded from the library onto my iPod. They LOVE it. The rule is they only get to listen if they stay in bed. If they get out or start playing, the iPod leaves the room. Again, it's not perfect, but it helps. Even calming music might work. Good luck!

P.S. My oldest is almost 7 and he still needs reminders for EVERYTHING. I don't think they will outgrow it any time soon. Sorry.

Hi, I don't have two kids yet but my friends who have two or more kids have found that they are less stressed when their significant other does bedtime with them. Each one is assigned a child (or more) and that's the one they are in charge of when it comes to bedtime. I think it started that way because the older ones seemed to need a longer bedtime routine than the younger ones. If they are in the same room, the younger one goes to bed earlier (about 30- mins to 1 hour). If they are in separate rooms, they go to bed at the same time but the bedtime routines are different. The Mom takes the "easier" one because she's usually exhausted by then and can't wait to have "me" time. The other thing is that my mom friends have all joined a gym just so that they can have 2 hour childcare in the middle of the day which gives them a break. They are all part of Lifetime Fitness which has the 2 hour childcare (maximum). Hope this helps! I feel for you. My little one is 4 and use to be fabulous about sticking to his schedule. Then something happened in the middle of the summer and now it's very hard to keep him in his bed. He likes to get up and play with his legos or do "scrapbooking" with his stuff in his room.

Well I hope you are not really wanting them to do it on their own... Meaning start the process themselves. If this is your hopes, you will be disappointed for a long time. I do have to ask if the kids are in the same room? If so, maybe you need to divide the times up and place the 2 year old down first. Maybe have a 7:30 goal for the 2 year old and 8 goal for the 4 year old. SOunds like you have a good routine, so I would not change that. I would make sure the room is conducive for sleep (temerature, appropiate pillows, clear from clutter, no tv or tv off, appropiate pjs, darken shades/blinds and maybe a little lavender with soft music. Calm your house down before bed-time. If they keep getting up, your interaction with them is done. Return them to bed with no conversation, no cuddles, no rewards. Give it 2 weeks with this and let's see how it goes.
Now a little thing we did when my DS was 4. We did a schedule. We placed the times to do erverything. example we place
7:45 with a picture of a tooth brush
7:55 with a picture of a bath tub (we bath at night to settle them down)
8:05 with a picture of PJs
8:10 with a picture of a book
8:15 with a picture of a kid sleeping
(The schedule gave him something to reference and it became a game. It gave him independence (even though we assisted side by side with ALL activities). He enjoyed the looking at the clock comparing the times. My DD then went along with the routine as she got older. Good Luck!

Studies show that TV definitely has an impact on a child's sleep and even adults. I would also recommend checking your local health food store (even a Whole foods) as they will have a section on children. There are many options for herbal or homeopathic remedies that can help children calm down and get to sleep easier.

I am betting it's the afternoon nap. My 3 1/2 daughter at 3 years needed a nap but then was up until after 9-10PM. Today, I struggle keeping her up after 3PM during car rides or while I'm cooking dinner. If she sleeps for just 30 minutes she is up late. So, it's a struggle nap time or early bed time. Also, I really think she needs a nap but long nights are rough for me. It's a toss up; long night or crankie kid.