Bad Dream?

You've never been an adult and not been in a relationship.
You've been with one guy or another since you were 15.
If your marriage isn't any good then end it.
Stay away from men for a few years and concentrate on raising your kid(s).

oh girl!! this is your 7 year itch!!

You need to put your energy BACK INTO YOUR MARRIAGE!!!

The grass isn't greener. You won't find a magical happiness with your son's biological father....

Your husband SHOULD be your friend. Stop feeling sorry for yourself and make your marriage work. This is NOT some fairy tale where you get married and it's "happily ever after". No. You have to WORK at your marriage.

You want friends?? Girl you need to BE ONE...go out and do something YOU like...find a hobby - a book club??? Some craft??? And while you are out growing yourself?? You grow your marriage....it's wilted because YOU ALLOWED it to get wilted....plant some seeds, tend your garden...watch it grow!!!

Please...really - just let your son's dad go!! Stop with the "what if" and DEFINITELY STOP believing that he is replacing you...just because the girl he is with has the same first name....GET OVER IT!!! Move past this...this is the 7 year itch...you've been married 7 years...you're young...life would be sooo much better without him....blah blah blah...wake up. put on your big girl panties and MAKE YOUR MARRIAGE WORK!! Focus on YOUR LIFE NOW!!!

These dreams you are having?? It's your subconscious working out issues that you need to address...WITH YOUR HUSBAND....

I don't understand how it's a mistake to keep a child away from a person who physically assaulted you...PAHLEASE!!!

You are 24 years old...you don't have a plan for your life...GET ONE...fix your marriage...the grass is NOT greener....and going back will be just that - GOING BACK....MOVE FORWARD!!!

I am going to assume that this is real but am not taking much time answering in case this isn't real.

First, a guy who would hold you down so his mom could beat you is BAD news. The mom and the guy are awful and it is good that they are not in your sons life.
As for the other, I think it is natural to think about the what could have been if you did things different.
With that in all long term relationships love, and the intesity has its ups and downs. Part of being in a long term relationship is sticking around when the intesity or the feelings of love are not very strong.

your marriage may stink, but if you think life would be better with the abuser you had a child with years ago you're sadly deluded.
i suggest counseling so this cycle doesn't continue throughout your life and then with your kids.
khairete
S.

I've talked about the 7 year itch Tyler and I went through. We were "lucky" we didn't have kids at the time, we married young and waited to have kids.

This is typical in a young marriage. You've really not had a chance to grow up and sow your own oats. You're now wondering "what if".

I can say much what others have told you, join a book club, find a hobby, go back to school. The main thing? Work on the life you have now. Don't go back. Suz T hit the nail on the head, if you go back to the bio-dad and his abusive mother? You are deluded if ANYTHING has changed.

WW said it right too...life is not a fairy tale. You work for what you have.

Find a counselor.
Go to marriage counseling. Learn how to connect with your husband again.
Even if you left your marriage? You're still carrying baggage with you and will make the same mistake(s) again and again until you find yourself and know who and what you are. This isn't a bad dream. This is your brain telling you that you are at a cross-roads, you need to live in fairy-tale land or grow up and deal with the hand you drew and make it a royal flush/full house or ask for a re-deal. I personally wouldn't ask for a re-deal. I'd work to make the Royal Flush.

If I'm following you correctly, you were in a relationship at 15 and had a child, split up, and that father wasn't around. He was abusive and held you down so his abusive mother could beat you up. You're young and in your early 20s, married a much older man, and you're unhappy. You never resolved the first relationship because it was so toxic and you were a child yourself. Without knowing yourself or having much maturity, you married on the rebound to someone who doesn't meet your needs (because you weren't really done with the first relationship emotionally and you were till lacking some maturity). You are now fantasizing about the first man and thinking he must be fantasizing about you because his next relationship is with a woman with the same first name, and you think this a sign that your first love might have a chance. You are alone and have no one to talk to.

You must find someone to talk to. If you are mentally and emotionally strained, your son is being raised by a distracted mother with a poor self-image who is thinking about the "what ifs" in her past.

The way you deal with this is not to go back into an immature relationship with someone your son doesn't really know and whose family was abusive to you (and he participated!) - why would you venture back into that??

Call your doctor for a referral to a counselor who accepts your medical insurance. If that doesn't work because you don't have insurance, call your town's office of family services and ask about low-cost or sliding scale counseling. If you don't know the name of that office, call the town clerk and ask what department would handle it. Or, call a few of the local churches and see if the ministers provide counseling or if there is a pastoral counseling center that all the churches participate in or support for people with limited funds. A lot of clergy associations sponsor something like that.

Do not take any action on your marriage (unless it's abusive and you need to get out) and do not take any action on your son's father until you get your memories, self-image, and emotional history under control. Figure out why you choose men who don't meet your needs.

There ARE people who can help you but you need to be in a face-to-face counseling session so there is real give and take. Good luck.

I suggest you're having these dreams because you are hurting and thinking what if. I suggest you find an activity to distract yourself. Stop thinking about the not pleasant past and find out what you can do to make yourself happy now.

Counseling could be very helpful. If the current husband is abusive get help from a women's shelter. Find a way to make friends. Do you not have any because your husband doesn't want you to leave the house or make friends?

Most of us continue to marry the same kind of person unless we spend time in counseling or with ourselves and friends to know why we married that person and what we can do to make a better choice.

Your child deserves a mom who is emotionally mature. Work on yourself before trying a relationship from that with your husband..I know from years of experience that to continue thinking about a past relationship is destructive. Your dreams are telling you what you would like that relationship to be. They're not real.

you are having "The grass is greener" moment. Your dreams do NOT mean you should be with the guy that treated you wrong years ago. It just means he is in your thoughts.

Focus on your marriage and work on making it better. Marriages go in 'ups and downs' too.

Ignore the dreams. They are not based in anything real. Get marriage counseling with your current husband to see if you can save your marriage.