It's been about 4 months since I've been on here, we moved, husband got a new job, etc. I hope all of you are doing well....
I have a problem and need some advice. I scanned the questions and if I looked over a similar one that has been asked previously, I apologize....
My mother and I are no longer on speaking terms (Iong, drawn out story). My heart is broken, and when I tried to make my concerns and pain known to her, she chastised me, as she has my whole life. She still sends my son gifts for holidays, so I feel obligated to send her something for Mother's Day. I still love her dearly but this wedge between us will never go away. I need ideas that acknowledge her existence as my mother but nothing spectacular that breaks the bank. I was thinking a plant with a card but I still don't want to spend $40 on her. As ugly as that might seem, if I told you the entire story you would totally understand.
Any ideas are appreciated! If you just want to harp on the "She's your mother, you have to love/like her", keep your comments to yourself, please.
Thanks ladies!
Well I am so grateful for the understanding you all have shown. After reading the responses they all seem to be on the same wavelength. I think I'll take a nice picture of my son and put it in a frame along with a nice but not mushy card. My husband and I won't be in the pic since our marriage is one thing she constantly chastises. Thanks for the advice, all!
You can love someone while recognizing that the relationship is flawed. It's okay, necessary even.
A card with a current framed photo of the family would be good. She sends presents to your son, so she probably is interested in seeing how he's grown.
How about a card and a framed picture of your family? You can get a pretty but inexpensive frame for $10 or less, and a couple extra dollars for shipping, and done!
That's what we do for H's mom that I haven't seen in 2 yrs. A card with a photo of the kids. I look long and hard for a card that just says Happy Mother's Day. If it make you want to hurl to give her money, then don't.
I completely understand.
If your child is old enough have him make her a card and Do as Melanie suggested and send her a framed photo of all of you.
I love my mother, have a good enough relationship with her, and I still only send her a card on Mother's Day. In your instance, I believe a card would be all that's warranted. I'm sorry for your situation, and my heart goes out to you.
I would only send a card...
If a card isn't enough in your mind, I think what you've decided on is a good idea.
Is there a song that you know that the lyrics might POSSIBLY touch her heart? If you were the mother instead of the daughter, I'd suggest the words to "In the Living Years". I can't think of the song for your situation, unless "Cat's in the Cradle" works for your situation.
I would love to say that she will get better as she gets older, but I doubt it... so sorry.
oh please. no need to send her a present if your heart isn't in it. know why? because if it's about the present she's STILL in the wrong and doesn't deserve the present anyhow. send a NICE card. a heartfelt one, if you can find one that's appropriate. if she doesn't appreciate it, a present would have been meaningless. if that makes sense?
I think you made a good decision but I wanted to share a bit. My own mother passed two years ago and to say we had a contencious relationship is an understatement.....but...what you don't want is regrets after she is gone - do what you can to clear up the situation then let it go....think of her as grandmother to your child and gift her as such....there are no winners in this kind of thing except your child.....my heart still aches but I know I did all I could and so do my kids.....I will be thinking of you.....
My mother and I also have a very strained relationship, sounds like very similar to yours. I usually send her a VERY generic card (nothing with "you're the best mom" or "you're special") such as "thinking of you on mother's day" and have all of us sign it. Simple.
