Babysitting Family Member Kids

I used to ask my sis-in-law to babysit my infant daughter when I was working outside the home, and I guess I just didn't realize how often I was asking until she told me she'd be more than happy to watch her for a certain amount each week (I don't remember what price she told me). At first I was a little offended but got over it quickly since she had her own infant to take care of. Either tell her you've got plans or that she's gonna have to pay.

Dear L.:

YES!!! These people are rude and are taking advantage of you!!! Say no and say it NOW!!

L. F., mom of a 14-year-old daughter

Say NO. I am to busy with my own. NO i am on my way out. NO I am throwing up. Yes for 20$ an hour I will. NO I am leaving on vacation. NO this is my day off to be alone. I can for 2 hours, if your late I will bring them to you. Sorry I need 24 hours notice.
You should only say SURE I will baby sit only if you want to. But you need to speak up. You should tell her when they can stay over. And when they need to be back. If she does not do what you ask. Do not babysit again. Good Luck!

Very taken advantage of! What on earth is this person doing so much without their kids? I would accept if you want with conditions, such as Yes I can watch them but they'll need to be picked up by (set time) because I have somewhere to be...OR you should try saying no for a while. NO I have to study and the kids are going to xyz OR NO I have plans OR NO I wont be home OR DONT ANSWER YOUR PHONE! lol Its ok to say, it actually feels good to say no once ina while. I have an aunt that is similar.

When you do have their kids before you know they are leaving or once their parents get there call all the kids together and tell them they are getting ready to leave and they need to be sure everything is picked up and put away before they go. I do that one all the time and then the parents chime in.

I think what you should do is accept her request when it's convenient for YOU. If it's not, just say you can't.... When you do watch the kids, try to establish a set drop off AND pick up time. Tell her..I can watch them from 5-8 but you've gotta pick them up at 8, or you need to find someone else. She is WAY taking advantage. You've got a LOT on your plate. Don't be a doormat!

Be honest. Tell your family member that you love her kids and enjoy having them on occasion, but that it has become overwhelming and you have other commitments and things you want to do. Tell her that you will not be able to do it as often. Then, have the guts to say "NO" when she calls.

Further, if you trust this person start asking for her to reciprocate and watch your kids on occasion. Family or not, things shouldn't be one sided. HOWEVER, if you do not trust her, then just take her kids on occasion when it is convenient for you.

Watch the kids only when it is convenient for you and you feel you have the energy, do not feel bad about saying no, and make sure it is reciprocal. If you have watched her kids a couple of times, ask her to take yours for the weekend so you can have one on one time with your man or some alone time. It has to be give and take, or it will feel like you are being taken advantage of.

to take a line from the DARE program. Just say no.

I would tell them no I just can not do it any more. I am too busy and need my time. I take it other family members also told them that. Day Cares close on week ends because we need a break too. G. W

I would call them now and ask them to watch your kids next weekend. If for some reason you are uncomfortable with them watching your kids, then the next time they ask you to watch theirs, simply say "sure, just as long as it's at your house". If you watch their kids (along with your own kids) at their house, I doubt they'll be gone long-lol!! If they try to argue, just tell them you won't watch them at your house because too much mess is made so it's got to be at their house or you won't babysit at all.

Speaking as another M. who completed grad school as a working M., here is a piece of advice to add to the other good advice here: Write into your schedule on your calendar actual appointments to do your homework on the weekends, along with any other necessary tasks. Then, when she asks you to watch your kids, you can glance at your calendar and you will know psychologically that you do not have an "empty" weekend. It's probably already TOO FULL!!

"I have a test to study for" is enough of a reason to decline. You CANNOT study effectively with extra people in the house (face it, it's nearly impossible with your own children). However, because people who aren't also in school tend to underestimate what that takes, you can just say, "I have too many other commitments", and don't give the specifics. "Other commitments" can mean "I'm committed to focusing on my own kids and catching up on laundry this weekend".

Because you cannot depend upon her to come back when she promises, you cannot let her drop off her kids anytime you need them to be out of your care within the next 48 hours.

That said, any parents who leave their children for 24-48 hours sound very dysfunctional. Could drugs or another addiction be part of the problem? If so, being able to squeeze the children into your schedule--under your terms--might be good for them.

It sounds like you need to set clear boundries. If she says she'll get them in a few hours, how does it turn into 24 or 48? Are you saying she just doesn't come get them and you can't contact her? Or does she call and say "would you mind keeping them a little longer" and you say "sure, how about if they spend the night?" You really need to make sure that you are not giving her the OK for this unintentionally. That being said, set some clear boundries. If she wants you to watch the kids for a few hours, ask specifically what time she'll be back to get them. Tell her that you have plans, things to do, or just need some rest, so you have no problem watching them until 2:00, but she will need to pick them up by then. If she doesn't come by 2 and etiher calls and asks for an extention, you need to be very specific again. "I'm sorry, I asked that you be back by 2, I really need you to respect that" If she just doesn't come at 2 and instead comes at 4, say the same thing, and the next time she asks simply say "I'm so sorry. I would REALLY need you to be back by 2 and last time you totally ignored that, so I just dont' think I can watch them today. It's going to be hard to confront them, but I think an honest, simple request like "get your kids by 2" should be respected, you are doing them a favor. As for the house being ruined, again, you need to set the boundries with the kids. As they play, make sure they pick up one thing before starting another. Depending on the ages, this may be harder and more hands on work for you than if they are younger, but my kids had friends over and got popcorn all in the garage and took out towels and had them all over, and I just stopped their playing and asked them if they thought how they left that area was acceptable. They all looked at me and went to pick up. They should know better than to get it that way to begin with, but a simple reminder put them back on track.

Good luck. SET BOUNDARIES!

They are definitely taking advantage. Once in awhile is one thing. Often is quite another. Also I really hate it when a few hours turns into 24-48. That's just unbelievable. You can't plan on what's for dinner, how many will be there, what you will do with your kids and sometimes you need time alone.

There are people in this world that care for children 7 days per week, 24 hours per day. I do this and I get tired of losing business to family members that don't really know how to say no. I get calls from family members asking about my services and telling me how tired they are becoming. And yet the parents just keep finding other family and friends to do it. Once and awhile for free is fine. But constantly doing it is rude.

Hi L.
you are being taken advantage of, maybe you should baby sit for them if they are willing to watch your kids the following weekend, give and take, so you can get some time off, get some homework done and relax a little. If they are not willing to baby sit for you than don't do it for them.

By outright telling that you refuse to watch her kids (even if the reasons are legitimate), you'll create family friction. If you try to put limits on it, they will probably keep taking advantage of you - and you'll create family friction. Some people just can't catch a clue. I recommend a more passive-aggressive tactic. When she comes a calling, just be too busy or have something very important to do. That's going to be up to you to stand firm and get this drama out of your house. The other alternative also takes courage and conviction, and that is to become a hard-liner with the kids: enforce the rules, don't let them run the show. I'm not saying to become a total *B* with them, but if it's no fun to stay at your house, they won't want to come over anymore and you'll sove the problem from within the other side.

I would tackle the problem head-on with open communication. Say that you love the kids and would like to get together with them intermittantly, but that watching your kids plus hers has become overwhelming, that you are not getting quality time with your own kids, you are not getting rested and re-energized for work the following week, you are not getting the house reorganized and laundry done for the ensuing week, and that you are sorry to have to say "no" but that you can no longer watch her kids. You hope that she understands, but your decision is firm.

I think you should limit to what you are willing to do. If you are willing to watch them overnight once a month, then mention that ahead of time and make arrangements to return the kids at a certain time/place. If you are willing to watch them for an afternoon then make it clear that you have something you have to do at 6 pm and the kids will need to go back home, etc.

You are under NO obligation to watch other people's kids - especially if they are not appreciative.

I would also start practicing saying NO.

Hey, L.,
I do think you are being taken advantage of.
And, I think there may be something to not waiting for the phone call or the drop off, but calling to say that you need someone to take YOUR kids for the weekend since you've kindly done it for them.
You're busy, you have classes, you're ill...whatever. Just say, "I've helped you in the past and now I need you to watch my kids for a couple of days."
Don't say it expecting them to do it, but more or less realize that they will have a reason not be be available. In which case, you can feel fine with no longer being available either. I've shared watching kids with family and friends and it's always a trade off so no harm done and no bad feelings.
However, I did watch a boy for "a couple of hours" and his mom never even called me or anthing and it was early morning before she came to get him. That part was never agreed to and I never watched her kid again. The kid wasnt a problem other than, "Where's my mom, where's my mom, where's my mom" every 5 minutes and I truthfully didn't know.
So...either say you can't watch the kids anymore or ask to drop your kids off for the same amount of time. Could be 24 or 48 hours...you don't know.
But fair is fair.
My guess is they will say no and it will make it a lot easier for you to say no.

Just my opinion.

Best wishes.