Babysitting Dealbreaker ~ Beware Kind of Graphic

My kids watch their Dad process deer and hogs and other animals, and don't have any issues. In fact they think it is pretty cool and will sit in the cold just to watch. Maybe they are weird? I don't know. Every child / family is different. Out here where hunting is huge and the norm, as well as cattle ranching, someone probably wouldn't think much of a child seeing a show like that. Most of the kids my kids know have seen in person what you described above.

BUT, my issue would be with them watching the adult show. Why was the TV necessary to begin with? If necessary, why wasn't it on children's shows or educational videos? THAT would be my problem, not the fact that they saw a cow being butchered.

I'd be upset that a babysitter was watching shows that were inappropriate for the age group she was watching (even if it wasn't butchering!).

I have had a home daycare for 17 years and sometimes the tv is on, but never a show like Oprah, I don't see that as ever being appropriate for anyone younger than 13 (and most shows older than that). If I knew that my kids watched it at daycare, I wouldn't be happy and honestly would question what else they watch and do all day.

i see two different issues here. the first is if it's okay to want your child to watch child-appropriate things at the sitters, which of course it is. i do wish your friend would turn off the tv or keep it to child-friendly shows while she's watching other kids. oprah is for adults.
the next issue is your visceral horror at the sight of slaughter, and your feeling that no children should see it. i do not agree. butchery is not pretty, but it's something that kids take in stride IF their parents do. it wasn't very long ago that most kids would be expected to take their .22s with them when they headed out to the swimming hole in case they ran across a rabbit they could bring home for dinner. and they would be expected to field dress it before bringing it to mom. it's still not unusual for families to raise and slaughter their own animals. any child who is in a meat-eating family SHOULD be aware of the sacrifice involved.
but it's not something that a child should come across unprepared.
so i think your friend needs to tighten up her babysitting practices, and you need to loosen up on accepting the realities of life.
khairete
S.

I think that would not be appropriate to show other people's children, but I don't think your reaction as a kid was normal, either. My ag class in middle school came out to our place to watch our steer being butchered and our local butcher was awesome, talking us through the entire process, including what he looks for as a sign of unhealthy meat. (The worst part was that our horse got pretty worked up when he shot the steer--they were buds.) All of our parents knew about the class trip and had given permission and we lived in a farming community. I grew up going deer hunting so the sight of a gutting and cleaning an animal is really not upsetting to me. If the context had been showing some of the animal farms where animals are very poorly cared for and was playing up the squalid living conditions, I would be more upset. I probably would have thought it was pretty cool when I was in second grade, too. But yeah, I would not call that a "dealbreaker," but I would probably not have wanted my 3-year-old to watch that, either, and would just talk to the caregiver about that.

(Oh, and your addition at the end made me smile--I know a lot of people who tell me they love meat but could never eat something they once looked in the eye! That is pretty normal!) =)

Oh, and I also agree with some others--that is not an appropriate show for young children anyway, and that would be more distressing than the butchering to me.

Each to his own when it comes to what age you should watch the slaughter of an animal. With that said, it is not the babysitters position to provide the show for other peoples children.

As a young girl, I watched our rabbits, deer, and goats get slaughtered. Now, I purchase very large cuts of meat and cut them down for our family. I even want my Mother's old grinder so I can make my own hamburger.

I'd be more concerned that the babysitter seems to think it's okay to have on an adult program with adult content when she is supposed to be watching and interacting with the kids. That is what you are paying her for - to take of your children, not decide that she wants to watch her shows instead. That's what DVR is for (if you have it).

I can't say how the kids will be impacted - some may be more so than others, certainly. I also know kids who grew up on farms and butchering animals for meat was routine, though they may not have witnessed in first-hand. They just knew that this was the purpose for which the animal had been raised and it was a fact of life.

If you feel comfortable talking to her, you might want to ask her why she feels it is okay to have Oprah on (regardless of subject matter) when she is supposed to watching over and taking care of young children.

I guess it wouldn't bother me personally, but only because we are honest to a fault with our children. Our oldest (six) knows where her meat comes from, and we live in SpamTown, USA (i.e. Austin MN) where Hormel is centrally located, so the whole town of 30000 people smells like butchered pig on a windy day. She has always been very serious and kind've morbid when it comes to animals...she loves the cute and furry, knows that God put certain animals here for us to eat, and understands how they have to die in order for us to eat them.

However, I'm sure we are not necessarily the norm. Just the fact that they were watching Oprah would be what would set me off...I mean, they talk about all kinds of crass subjects on all the afternoon talk shows. I would get far more upset about that than about the butchering of a cow, which has been a part of life since the dawn of man.

So, I'd probably be upset, but for a different reason. I think maybe you are taking this a little too hard because of your own personal issues...you have to remember (and be thankful) that most people aren't going to have the same reaction.

I grew up on a farm and watched animals being butchered from age 4. I would not expose others' children to this show, though, as it is each parents' decision what to show their children. At some age, I believe we all need to know where our food comes from, and yes it is graphic, so we can all make informed decisions. This is not for me to decide for others and their children. A daycare provider needs to limit exposure to TV as a whole and especially to these types of shows (what on Ophra would ever be approapriate for a young child?)

I also had an eating disorder in my teens and struggled with it on and off since. The eating disorder has nothing to do with seeing animals butchered, as I would eat steak throughout. Eating disorders are a psychological response from a personality that needs to be "in control" and an environment that doesn't allow that, along with a desire to stay a child instead of deal with the changes of puberty and maturity. I delayed my maturation and stopped having periods until I began recovering at age 20.

The graphic nature aside (to me thats a "no duh")...I am a home childcare provider...and the only time the TV is on, its PBS (Sesame Street, Clifford and the like), or maybe Nick. Jr..

Why would someone who is supposed to be caring for and teaching other peoples children (you state she does this for a living, yet I refrain from calling her professional with the info you offer), have Oprah on when children are awake? I know some who DVR it and might watch it at nap time while they are washing dishes and sweeping floors...but never while kids are awake and active...no matter the topic of the day! Unless it was all about Sesame street, no way!

And to the subject matter...that is something for the parents to introduce to their kids...not a care provider. Thats my opinion.

My cousin stopped eating meat as a teenager after watching a disturbing documentory. She developed an eating disorder, and continues to struggle with her health/weight/body image more than a decade later. I don't think the show caused her issues, but it was certainly a factor in her overall anxiety about food.
Shows like that always come with warnings in the beginning about graphic nature and disturbing images - especially daytime programming like Oprah. She should have changed the channel when she had other peoples children in her care. It was not her place to decide whether other peoples children could process that type of show.

I would be upset period if my babysitter let my child, of any age with out my permission, to watch any adult talk show or program.

With butchering... well my great aunt use to have a pig farm and from 5 - 15 I was helping out, of course my parents were there. If you are not ok with butchering that is another issue to be upset about, some this is great education so ever parent will have to make their own dicision on that. A babysitter should not be showing that without first talking to the parents.

Inappropriate material for a child to watch-graphic, gory and disturbing. I'd have a hard time processing that, let alone a child. She needs to set better boundaries and, yes, my kids would be outta her care in a NY minute!

Horror. I can't even imagine that any babysitter would think it okay to watch television instead of educate, entertain, and stimulate the young ones in their care. And to not have any better sense than to let the kids see that???? I wonder if child care licensing checks on that and what criteria they use. Hmmm

In the meantime, be your real self. We are haunted by things that we didn't do more than the things we did do. With that in mind: Go back to your friend's house and bring it up. "I'm concerned for your son and the kids you watch about having to have seen all that butchering." Tell her you know she wants to do a great job with the kids and that she really should keep that tv off because even commercials can be shocking, let alone things on day time television. Kids can't handle this and shouldn't. Ask her to reconsider what she allows the kids to see and tell her she has great opportunities to educate them, show them how to behave like great kids, be creative, expand their little worlds, exercise, etc. If she gets defensive, are you going to protect your friendship or those kids? You don't have to get all mad or anything. Just laugh if she gets defensive and call her on it. That's not logical. You're kidden, right? Come on, you know better. Whatever. I don't know what else to say. I hope the kids do talk to their parents about it and the parents start looking immediatelyf or another sitter. This one has no sense in that way.

There is no way that Oprah should be on at a home daycare period no matter what the topic was, but definitely not that one!!! that's just wrong.

This, personally, would not bother me. But every mother has a right to choose what bothers her, so I agree that YES some parents would have a problem with this. But not me personally.

I grew up watching my uncle's butcher chickens and then we ate them that night. My husband grew up on a cattle farm, so he saw these very things at a young age. Neither of us are scared, or have emotional damage from it. This is the way of the world. I think we are way too over-sensitive these days trying to protect our children from what really goes on in the world. I don't want my child thinking a "beef" fairy magically deliveres steak to our freezer. The truth is a cow is butchered in order for beef to be on our table for dinner.

I do agree that 3 is a bit young for such graphic images. But I think 6 or 7 is not too young for this realization of how the world really works. But like I said, this is just my personal opinion. I do think that a sitter should not be the one to let a child watch this. It should have been the parent that chose weather or not to let their child see this episode. She should not be letting these kids watch Oprah. I completely understand if you or another parent got upset over this.

We watch a lot of Dirty Jobs at our house, and I think that sounds pretty graphic. If my kid was going to watch something like that, I would want it to be at my house, not the babysitters.

The only television station I would allow children to watch would be animated Disney or animated PBS. Even Animal Planet, Discover, and History Channel can get too graphic.
I would pull the kids out of her daycare.

I'd be more upset that the kids were watching tv at all. That said, Oprah in any form is not appropriate for younger children (in my opinion).

I would be extremely upset, and I would take my child out of her care. Children shouldn't be watching much TV anyway, but certainly not Oprah! Adult shows are meant for adults with mature enough brains to handle the material presented. You are not overreacting.

I watched this show also. I had a fast forward through parts of it because it was very graphic. I have a 3 year old. I would never let her watch something like that and I would be upset if someone else did.

I grew up in a community where many of my friends assisted in the slaughter of animals at home. Some of them were upset by it, but most took it in stride.

I don't watch Oprah, so I can't comment on the episode. But I do know that if seeing it put my kids off meat, there is PLENTY of other food I could give them. I can understand that your history puts you in a different place with this, but not eating meat, in and of itself, does not = an eating disorder.

That said, I wouldn't be excited about my kids watching Oprah if I was paying someone to watch them.

I would be very angry. I would seriously consider pulling my child from her care.

Unfortunately, when we allow our children to be in the homes of others, we subject our children to whatever the supervising adults condone, find acceptable, etc. This is a primary reason why I do not allow my children to others homes. Instead, I invite/welcome their friends to my house because they will not be exposed to TV shows other than the ones shown on the Disney channel and even that channel can be questionable so I monitor what my kiddos watch anyway. If it were me, I would tell this "friend" that you are disappointed that she allowed your child to watch that show. And then I would never allow my kid over to her house again.

Dealbreaker. I would not want my kids watching that. When my daughter was younger, I hired a mother of a 3 year old to babysit my daughter. When I picked my daughter up early one day, she had a horror movie on t.v. and she told me that her daughter loved scary movies. Not only was it a scary movie but it was rated R. Apparently, she watched these movies frequently. Needless to say that was the last time she babysat my daughter!

Shows without my permission (regardless of what they were) would be a deal breaker for me, hands down. One never knows with OPK what is or is not appropriate (disney cartoons had my 3yo crying for hours and nightmares for weeks, but Indiana Jones or the zombie pirate things in Pirates of the Caribbean had him just LAUGHING and laughing).