Baby's Last Name...

I do know that you can change the name once the baby is born but it will be an "amended" birth certificate. The actual name given at birth will always remain on the original birth certificate but you can amend it and it will become and amended birth certificate. I gave my son my fiance at the times last name from his mother and father because he took his mothers last name when he was born and always wanted to take his fathers but I will tell you that to this day he told me he was going to change his last name and he never has. Good luck with the new baby! enjoy

D.,
A friend of mine hypenated the last names of her and her
boyfriend (hers was first) when their daughter was born.
The daughter just uses the first one of the two. Then there won't be a need for the name change.
W. M.

It really is funny, the flap that some people make about a man changing his last name. After all, our society expects women to do it all the time, and doesn't really give it a second thought. If the name is actually one that will cause the child grief, why not use the mom's name? A friend of mine did this, and she has never regretted it.

Good Luck,
K.

Legally, you can use any name you want, so long as you're not using it in an attempt to defraud anyone. You don't have to change your name "legally," either, although I know a lot of attorneys who wouldn't tell you that if you went to them for a name change.

I know a couple who made their kids' last names up out of bits of both their names, because her last name was already a hyphenated name, and his was long and bulky. I know another couple who gave their first son the father's last name, and gave the second son the mother's last name.

My husband and I gave our first son his name, although I used my maiden name in my professional life, and I used his name only in my personal life. My husband died when my first son was three, and at that point I changed my name to his, both personally and professionally, to help my son feel more secure. When I adopted a little brother for my son, I gave him our name-- my late husband's name. I always tell both my boys that Daddy would have loved them so much, and would have been so proud of them.

D.,

Your boyfriend's last name is part of him, part of his identity. Even if it is "unpleasant", I wouldn't ask him to change who he is. That is just not fair. Why not hiphenate your last names and be done with it. Your baby can have a part of each of you together. Changing the name after the birth certificate has been made etc is very difficult as someone else said. I wouldn't go that route. Congratulations on your new baby girl!

Molly

I didn't read through all the responses, so I'm sorry if this is a repeat. Anyhow, my mom's best friend married a guy with a horrible last name. Impossible to pronounce or spell. When they married, he took HER last name! (Hers was very easy to spell/pronounce.) It's not hard at all to change your name when you get married - just go down to the DMV with your marriage license, go to Social Security, etc. I don't believe they discriminate whether you're a man or woman changing your name, as long as you were recently married and have a marriage license to prove it. If your guy likes this idea, then why not just give your baby your last name? That makes it easy on everybody, as eventually you'll all have the same last name.

Best of luck with everything!!

Hi D.,

Wow - you sure got an earful! :) Anyway - here is some straightfoward info for you. It is a little tough to ADD another last name but not impossible. Luckily, you really only have to deal with the Social Security Administration on this. Doctor's offices and whatnot are pretty easy when it comes to name changes for their records. Insurance cards usually only require a copy of the new and old social security card. My advice to you would be to NOT get your daughter a Social Security Number until AFTER you add the second last name. This will save you a lot of hassel and paperwork. Simply file for the SS# once you have figured the whole last name thing out. My friend went through the exact same thing. She had to change the last name with the SSA for her older child and it was a bit of a pain in terms of showing documents and whatnot. It took a few trips to the SS Offices to make it happen. It was super easy with her new baby who did not yet have an SS#.

Good Luck to you!

Hey D.,
I have recently been dealing with the same issue...yuck! My daughter was born before my husband and I got married. I gave her my last name and felt really good about it and had no plans to change it. I had read somewhere that more people are naming their daughters after the mother and their sons after their father-in regards to last names and thought it was a great idea. However, after I actually got married I started feeling differently and am now in the process of hyphenating both my daughter's and my name. It is quite a process and does require you to go to court. Either way you choose, it will be fine-maybe just a bit more work for you. I don't know if you know this but you can actually give her any last name you want, even if it is not currently your boyfriends last name. Hope this help and congratulations!!

Wow.
D..
You're not even married to this guy and you want him to change his last name before the baby is born because his last name is "unpleasant".
I'm going to be bluntly honest...
I'm at a complete loss with you over this.
You want HIM to change his OWN birth name so you can have a name you can live with on the baby's birth certificate.
I'm actually trying to restrain my words right now, but do you actually realize what you are asking?
Tell us.
How bad is his last name?
I actually know a complete family of Barff's.
Well known, well respected, successful, and sure...there have been barf jokes, but that was their family name and they never felt the need to change it.
I mean, what level of "unpleasant" are you you talking about? To the extent that the name he's always had needs to be changed before the baby is born?
You've said he always argues and has to be right, but you want him to change his last name. And he's dropped the ball by not doing it.
I don't think you understand how irrational that sounds.
Here's my advice.
Don't think about getting married.
Don't obsess about names.
Give your daughter your last name or pick one out of the phone book that you think you can live with and be over it.
I don't mean to sound insensitive. I know how important names are. My daughter was four days old before she had a name on her birth certificate because her dad and I couldn't agree on her FIRST name. And we'd been together for 8 years. When I re-married, my daughter went by my new last name. It was her choice and never legally changed, that's just what she wanted to be called like me, her step-dad and her little brother. Now she's 22 and goes by her legal and biological father's last name.
(Which didn't exactly have a ring to it OR sound nice with my first name, but she's not ashamed of it).
I just can't conceive of expecting to change their family name for something like this.
Whether things work out with you and dad or not, you daughter has a right to know what her lineage is.
You may want to control a lot of things, but she's going to be here in a couple of months and you cannot control or change the backgrounds of the two people who created her.
I'm telling you right now....
It doesn't matter who is right, who is wrong or what family, friends or anybody on this site does or tells you.....
if you can't relax and you can't let your little girl have her own identity and be free to find her own way, and be happy under which ever circumstances she entered the world, she will not grow up to be happy about herself.
I know you really don't want that.
I still suggest counseling. Start now.
Make it a part of your pre-natal care and something that you do for being healthy and prepared for when your baby arrives. Do it for your baby.

good idea - give her your name! happy & safe delivery!! congratulations! i'm sure you will be a great mom!

You should call Social Security and ask them. I didn't change my last name until I'd been married about 3 years and ended up hyphenating it because I really liked my maiden name and in hubby's culture women don't take the husband's name at all. I also dropped my horrid middle name in the process.
Moms - please don't name your daughters Gay!!! Ugh!

I did get a bit of a lecture from the old lady that answered my call about not changing my last name - but the info was free and accurate.
I coudn't pronounce my hubby's last name - why would I change my name? Tee Hee!

I'm not 100% sure how it works here, but when I lived in Oregon its considered a name change even if you're adding a last name. Anything that is different than the birth certificate requires a legal name change, which means filing a case in the local State court and at least one court appearance. I wanted to change my daughter's middle name as early as a week after giving birth and since the birth certificate had already been filed I would have had to go through the whole name change ordeal, so I just left it. If you know you want her to ultimately have both names, then I would just do it at birth. It will be much easier, especially if she is going to be on any his insurance at all. Good luck! And Congratulations!

I just finished helping another mom out from here in getting her daughter's name changed. It was a very simple process and could help you out too if you were interested.
I am a paralegal and you can look up Jasmine Bradley on Mamasource as a reference.
Currently from what I am hearing when your daughter is born, you tell the hospital staff the name of your child so you can have it hyphenated already or not. If your boyfriend/soon to be husband is changing his name you can possibly do him and your daughter at the same time provided you are married. Or, just leave it and let her decide when she gets older.

If you would like help, let me know.
T.

wow! Heat must be getting to some. So he dropped the ball, who hasn't?

"Let he who is with out sin be the first to cast a stone."
John 8:7

"Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judge, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you." Matthew 7:1-2

My husband has ocassionally dropped the ball, as well as me, and that does not make him or me a bad person. We work hard for the family and enjoy time and will make time to spend with each other. Things happen, but isn't that part of lifes experience? 'Cause we sure have learned a lot throguh them.

Anyway, just wanted to make a suggestion. My husbands great, great grandfather took on the last name of his wife rather than sharing his. I don't know why he did this because his was not a bad last name at all. maybe she just wanted to keep hers, not sure. But the name is still going on.

If your other half is the one suggesting the name change for himself (and the baby), as some didn't get, then you guys decide on something together now. Why go through the mess later. You never know what walls you may run into that you would have rather avoided. I wish the best for you and yours, and hope you can come up with something. In the end love for your child is what truly counts.

God bless.

wow ... some of these people are just rude!!! I am saying sorry for all of the people who past judgment on you. I personally understand being caught with a bad last name. Though mine wasn't all that bad, growing up I hated it. Then married some one with an even worse last name. So I understand your problem. Next time when you post a question try asking for only positive responses. I can't stand people who think they are too good and hide behind a computer. So again im sorry for all the mean comments.

I'd give the baby your name for now, you can't leave the hospital without a name I don't think. You can see that it's a hassle as your boyfriend has to do some legal documents to change his, you will just have to do the same to add his name to her SS card eventually. The birth certificate however will carry the name that you use when you leave the hospital.... you can probably court order that to be changed as well. Make sure on the birth certificate your boyfriend puts the right name in "Fathers Name" section. Maybe he can hyphenate his mother's maiden name along with his current last name.... just so it shows for future reference.

First, I would check with the hospital where you plan to deliver your baby. Some hospitals require that you complete all of the paperwork for the birth certicate and social security card before leaving the hospital. I know this because mine did. Also, my husband and I got married after the birth of our son and he wanted to legally change his last name to his mother's maiden name. We used his mother's last name for my son when he was born (in 2000) and then prior to us getting married in 2002, my husband completed the paperwork with the court to legally change his name to his mother's maiden name. Once we got married I changed my name to my husband's name, so we all have the same last name now. So for awhile the 3 of us had different last names.
I suggest that you and the father decide what name he wants to use and then go from there. Best wishes on for a healthly baby and do what works best for you and your family.

You know, if your boyfriend is sure he wants to change his last name to his mother's maiden name (and not try to take on the original last name of his family that was changed) then I would hyphanate it (sp?). It will make life a lot easier for you later and it will also make things easier when it comes to insurance and such right now and school stuff later. I don't know why it would be that difficult for you to change it later though, it's not that hard for women to change it when they get married.

W0W! It still amazes me how critical others can be! What year are we in??? Hello lots of people do things a little different these days! Anyways as for the name, I have no idea how difficult it is to add a name, but you can always check with County Clerks office before hand to find out. Maybe you can leagally put both names on the certificate, but just sign everything with yours. My friends son hated his fathers last name and as he older (teens) he just used his moms, he just told the teachers ect that he went by BLANK!!! Good luck on your choice and don't get married til you feel like it, there are legal reasons it is more conventional to be married when having a child, but your child doesn't know the difference of the legalities all she will see is the love you and your other half share! (My daughter was 5 months and my son 27 months when their dad and I finally got married! AND as they get older I will not try to hide that from them either.)

If he doesn't like his last name anyway, why not go with the last name that is the nicest? I have always kept my name, 'cause I was militant, but as I mellowed when I became older I would now take whatever name sounds better, or whatever I feel like. There are some last names I would neither take nor give my child under any circumstances, like Gross, or Barff (like Shane mentioned below) or (can't think of any others right now but you get the idea.)

You really don't have to follow tradition, and I don't see why the dad has to change his last name just because his daughter's might be something different. Just make sure whatever you name her, the two of you agree on it.

If you're husband-to-be would like a name from his side of the family why not give your child a hyphenated name with yours and your husband's mother's maiden name. It will inspire your fiance to get going, and if he never does your child will still have a name from your fiance's side of the fam. My brother married a woman from Mexico and they kept with Mexican tradition and their son has her maiden name, while she and my brother have my brother's last name. There are lots of different last name configurations. Personally, my children, husband and I all have the same last name and I find it more convenient than everyone having a different name.

Why not give her the hyphenated name (yours plus your other half's mother's maiden name) now so it won't need to be changed later on. It might be motivating to your partner to go through with changing his name if his child has a different last name. I've heard it's kind of a pain to change names later on but not impossible. I think you need to ask yourself what name you want your baby to have even if your partner never changes his name. Would you still want her to have a name that represents his family (i.e. his mother's maiden name)? If you're not sure he's ever going to change it and you don't care if she has a name from his family then just give her your name. If your partner doesn't like his last name and it's not a very nice name to begin with I agree that avoiding that name is a good idea - why set your child up for teasing unless the name is really important to your partner? As for other people's strong comments I'd say that it is your partner's responsibility to let his feelings be known about the name thing. If he's really upset about it then he should talk to you about it. I don't see why it should be up to you to give your daughter his last name if he doesn't like it either and says he's planning on changing it. Women are expected to change their last names all the time so it's not a big deal unless it's a big deal to him.

I was in the same situation when my daughter was born and we were still unmarried (and I felt NO need to get married just because we were procreating together). After doing my research, I found that it is VERY difficult to CHANGE (wether it be adding to or taking away) a name on a birth certificate after it is already official - you have to have a court hearing before a judge, often with a lawyer, who has to essentially "prove" your reasons as to why you wish the name to be changed. The judge can then reject or deny your request to change the birth certificate based on his/her own judgement, so there is no guarantee. Choose what you want her last name to be before you fill out the birth certificate. She can choose to go by any last name - it does NOT have to be what you put on her birth certificate.

I hyphenated my daughters last name on her birth certificate with my maiden and her fathers last name. Now that my husband and I are married, in school, she goes by just her fathers last name but before we got hitched it was important that she and I shared a last name so that I could make any and all medical decisions without having to "prove" that she is my child. Hyphenating solves the "your last name, my last name" issue.

Looks like you're settled, but one note about a previous post - someone mentioned waiting to get the SSN until the name business is settled. That's fine as long as you get it settled quickly, but you'll need to have gotten her a SSN in order to claim your daughter on your taxes as a dependent..... Congratulations!

adding names isn't tough, you just have to file with the county recorders office I think and fill out paperwork. I wouldn't stress over that, just give the baby your name until you feel the time is right to add the other last name...good luck.

My daughter has my last name. Her dad's last name is one of her 2 middle names. Works for us!

wow....ok well my friend disliked her husband's last name also and worked in the medical field. She got him to change it and his father stopped talking to them. He too took his mother's maiden name. A year after they were married they had a baby boy so it will be a last name he will live with forever. I thought how rude of her. The way I look at it is he lived with it for 35 year if he was going to chagne it on his own he would have done it before her. My other friend has 2 boys and never married her kids father but they live together. She gave the boys their father's last name and wishes she didn't. Last name is not bad. Now they are older and can't reallly change it since they have lived with it. My feeling is, if your not married, I would give my children my last name. No questions. Why does a father think they have a right to give his children his last name if he can't even marry the mother of his children? I went from a common last name to a name I still can't pronounce but its my husband's sr name. It too isn't bad just hard and everyone says and spells ir wrong. you can always keep your maiden name you don't have to change if. When you fill out your baby's forms for their name in the hospital you put whatever you want and that is their name. you can also add both names at birth and then drop one on your own. I never use my real name from what is on my birth certificate and i Hvae no issues. If you both decide to change your name all together, DO IT NOW. Stop dragging your feet and just do it. Much easier before baby is here. If your soon to be husband hasn't done it by now, that tells you something. If he really wanted to do this he would have done it by now. Good luck. Congrats on the upcoming birth of your baby. PIck a date to do this with the recordes office and be done with it.

SAHM, 2 amazing funny boys 3.5yrs and 11 months and running right now.

Hello D.: If your boyfriend was going to change his last name he would have done it long ago. In our family because there were so many that came to Ellis Island at the same time half of the 12 children have a different spelling form the other half which also changed the way it is pronounced. I always laughed at how my Great Aunts and Uncles would fuss over the spelling of their last names.
Since you are not planning to marry then useing your last name is great BUT you need to be aware that if you are expecting him to be financially responsible for your child then his name should be on the birth certificate. I know that in some states you will pay up to $100.00 for a name change on any legal paperwork. In our family when the young lady found that the guy disappeared and she had not put his name on the birth certificate she had a harder time getting him to be responsible and she found that because of the state they were in since the child did not have his name the Father actually had to adopt his own child not just claim him. But she did not think things through and had to get county assistance until she could be independent . But since you are of an age to have all that planned out to support yourself that may not be an issue for you. I find it hard to think of marriage as being any more on your plate than having a child, working to support yourself esp if your are together anyway. Being the mother of 5 and the foster mother of several children I can say that once a child is brought into the picture it is no longer about you but entirely about your litle one.
Enjoy the adventure into parenthood, nana G

I've read a few of your other articles. It sounds like you don't want him involved much. If you care for him, loved him and wanted to be with him then the name wouldn't matter. The baby should have his name don't you think? Although you do mention in past articles you don't consider the baby to be his. If your intention is to be with him I would suggest changing your outlook. Have you talked to him about this? Communication was key for my husband and I during pregnancy.