Baby Shower DRAMA- Should I Be Mad at Friend?

I wouldn't be mad at the friend that is going to the concert. She may feel out of place being the only non-family member at the shower. Which would explain why she backed out after the second friend couldn't make it.

I would just enjoy the shower, and then let the friends, if they decide to, have a small friends only luncheon.

M.

Just plan a separate event with the friends that can't make it. No need to be mad.

Blessings....

To me it sounds like the baby shower is a big family one. If you want to have another one for just friends then that sounds like much more fun to me. I had 2, one for family that I had no say in. The colors, decorations, nothing. Not even who was invited. The one with my friends had a much more laid back, low key, atmosphere and I really enjoyed it much more.

I wouldn't be "mad"...she has tickets to an event! She can still celebrate your baby with you--and you're having lots of other people. No O. hosting a shower could possibly pick a date that works for everyone! Forget it. Congrats on the baby & enjoy your shower!

If they have decided that it is too much family for them at this event, or they have other conflicting events, then their decision to throw you ANOTHER shower in addition to the "family" one is a great way for them to solve their 'dilemma'. I don't see why there needs to be any hurt feelings. They care enough to not only attend, but HOST a shower for you/your new baby.
Let them. No hard feelings anywhere!

I don't think you can be mad at your friend.
She paid money for tickets to an event. It's not her fault that your family didn't check with your close friends to see what times works. And she may have come out of guilt if your other friends were bagging on their activities.

I'm guessing if your other two friends are throwing you a separate shower, the friend with tickets won't miss that one.

Maybe your friend would feel awkward being there with only family and you (not like you can devote all of your attention to her that day.) I can understand why she would back out after your other mutual friends realized they could not go. I would do the same (I have some social avoidance issues) if I did not have other people I knew well there.

Betcha anything... when your 'last' friend found out the others weren't coming she rang them up to set up a 'friend shower' for the group of you. As in is trying to do a nice / intimate thing so that you "get" 2 showers and they don't miss out.

A 40 person shower is YUGE, and it sounds like it's mostly family. This way your friends won't get lost in the shuffle and your families get the 'spotlight' without *them* losing out to you paying attention to your close friends.

To ME it sounds win/win.

It's also pretty common to have a family shower and a friends shower... both to keep numbers manageable and "circles" from clashing.

You can't please everyone all of the time! Get used to it & especially w/having children. There will always be someone's nose out of joint b/c they have something going on the day that you plan something. But why did anyone even mention it to you, aren't you supposed to be surprised? Enjoy your shower but most of all your beautiful baby!

I think you may be a bit blinded by a (sometimes false) assumption that a baby shower is a fun place to be. If this is being thrown for you by your family with the majority of guests being family, it may wind up being a very different scene than your friends will have fun at (or you for that matter.) If they want to do a smaller thing for you with a "friends only" list, then the people you care about being involved with be in on choosing a date and you will probably find the event to be a bit more fun than that Family Affair.

Personally, I would have rather gone grocery shopping than any of my Family Showers (wedding or babies) but we do have family obligations. With 40 guests, your friends would just be too outnumbered to make if fun for you. Let them know you are totally interested in doing something with just the four of them. Let them work out the details. Maybe a group spa day? Just communicate hope, but don't get mad. There's no value in it.

Blow it off. They'll get over it or die mad. This is a day for you and your child. Not for them. There is no need to consult them for YOUR shower!!! If they aren't there... Then they're not there.

Your family is the important part.

I would not be hurt. If whomever is throwing the shower starts asking
everyone what date works, you would have a shower when the baby is
5 yo. People have committments. I could not make a couple of showers
this summer due to having show tickets and a family party. I am not sure
what you are upset about.

Maybe she's a bit intimidated to be the only non-family member there. She might feel awkward. And, if they are planning on throwing you another small shower, it would require two gifts for her to go to both. So, in the end, it sounds reasonable to me. I think it is bad form to be mad at anyone over a shower. A shower is not something you should be holding someone hostage over. ;) View anything positive in it as a great blessings. Everything is all gravy, nothing at all should be required of anyone. It's all out of love. And, give your friend a break. Don't be confused, don't be hurt. Just love her and tell her you totally understand. It shouldn't be stressful. Don't make it into a huge drama. Really. Just enjoy your day with your family. Sounds like it will be a huge shower as it is.

Not to be flippant, but it depends on the concert. Someone like U2 or Dave Matthews where it's hard to get tickets? I'd me mad if my friend DIDN'T go to the show. Some lame local cover band? Well that's insulting.

She's probably not going because it will be weird for her to be there with none of your other girlfriends and 40 of your relatives. Just enjoy a smaller get-together with your friends at another time and enjoy the shower with your family. And congrats on your pregnancy!

Your friend already had concert tickets...she should attend the concert unless she really doesn't want to go anyway. Your family was not wrong in picking a date that worked for them and you. Yes, it would have been nice to ask your closest friends but not rude to not ask...what if no date that worked for you worked for your friends...then it would be rude because they asked and KNEW it wouldn't work.

Especially since your friends have legitimate places to be AND are doing something separately, you shouldn't be upset...maybe disappointed they can't make it but not mad or upset with them.

Ughh! This is the last thing you need right now. I'd try to put the drama behind you and start thinking that you are having a "family" shower and then will later have a "friend" shower.

Your family would not have been able to find a date that everyone can go to - a day that worked for your friends may not have worked for your mother n law or grandmother - I dont think your family was wrong not to run the date by everyone.

If your concert friend has been happy for you all along I would forget about the concert thing. Everyone makes an error in judgement once in a while.

Put it in the past and start looking forward to all the fun presents your little baby is going to get!

Maybe it is just my family but showers are planned out so far in advance that no one is consulted on the date. Obviously you don't plan it over another event but that is it. So I think your two friends are wrong in thinking that they should be consulted on a mostly family event.

Your other friend bailing makes sense. I have been to events for friends were I was the only friend and everyone was family. Awkward!!!

Your friends need to grow up. I would call friends and say "hey, I want to have a shower for my sister, is this date okay with you". Really??!

If they can't make it they can't make. No big deal. I don't think there needs to be any stress. Everyone needs to just move one and enjoy their choice.

Well... It's nice that you have a couple close friends coming to an otherwise family-type affair... It's understandable that your friends may have previously existing plans that conflict with the date your mom and sister picked. I can understand all sides of the coin. No reason to be upset over any of it, though.

When I had my first daughter I had a friends only shower- co-ed.
my MIL's bestie hosted a baby shower for me.
and then we had a sip-n-see at our house for all the people who
didn't have a chance to attend either and wanted to see the baby.

If people couldn't make it, I didn't take it personally.

I'm sure you'll have so much family present at your shower that you won't even notice! And if your girlfriends throw you another shower then Yippee, right??

Best wishes!

.

I think your friend probably just doesn't want to feel uncomfortable with all of your family around, and I don't blame her.

Go have a fun and private celebration with the friends later! And try not to get involved in the drama, let all that assuming slide. Lots of people have separate friends vs family baby showers.

Honestly, if an awesome concert was in town that I was looking forward too and it happened to land on one of my close friends baby showers... I would choose the concert too. A concert isn't always going to be around, but she is your friend and is still a great friend even if she doesn't attend your shower, she will be around plenty during your pregnancy and after the baby is born.

It's just drama... let it go! It's one day and you have a lifetime with your new little one. Believe me, you will have to let a lot of things go over the years to come with both friends and family.

Let it go. Enjoy the shower and whoever attends. If your friends throw you another mini one - so be it- if they don't - so be it. Whatever will be, will be, and you will enjoy your shower(s) and your pregnancy if you don't sweat the things you can't control. It's your time to be happy!

T.,

GO to your baby shower and have a great time. Let the friends and family that are there, shower you with love and attention. I wouldn't let any negativity get in your way. I think your friend will end up regretting her decision to go to a concert vs the baby shower for you. GL

M

I can see why the friends are a bit put out. But unless the date is picked by checking with everyone months in advance...some one always has a conflict. Ask if your friends want to have a mini shower with just them at some point. Ignore the drama as best you can.

I was just at a shower this past weekend and the relatives sat on one end of the room and the friends sat in another. A few cousins and long time friends made the rounds. I have known this friend since Jr. high but only see her a few times a year now. She has a huge family so I wouldn't have been put out if it was scheduled at the convenience of the family members (and few friends) who were planning the shower.

I have 2 more not so close friends who are also expecting soon. If I can't make it for a shower or don't get an invite I'd just send a small gift.

I absolutely don't think you should be mad. If you are having 40 family members there you will be busy and not have time for any indepth conversation anyway. If they offered to have a smaller more intamiate shower for you why would you be hurt and why on earth should your family (40 of them) have tried to make a convenient date for 2 friends? your hormones are going your pregnant lol. enjoy your day and you will have fun at both events. congrats on teh baby.

Some people are just insecure and can't go anywhere unless they are garaunteed to have someone to hang with during a party. Sounds like your friends.

If only she knew how many showers I've had to go alone. 20+ over the years. Its called being a grown up and putting a friend's needs over your own.

Weddings and babies seem to bring out either the best or worst in people. You are getting a glimpse of the future b/c the mommy social circle is worse once kids enter the picture. Commitments and committed friends are few and far between.

Forget about them - enjoy the people who came and make them feel like kings and queens for being there for you.

Trust me you will be so overwhelmed with everything and everyone at the shower you may not even notice that your friend isnt there. Congrats on the baby and eat a piece of cake for me!

You should not have to ask them if the date choosen was good for them. That should be up to your sister and your mother NOT THEM!!! I could kind of understand the concert thing since tickets cost money and they are not refundable. Just let it go and enjoy your shower. Don't even think about it and have fun with your family. You have a right to be hurt, but let it go. If they have something for you then you can enjoy that too. Best of luck and congrats on your 1st baby!

Just let it go, and see if you can find a time for you and your friends to have a small celebration later. When she found out she would be alone with 40 strangers she did not know, she probably felt intimidated and decided to attend the concert. I would not be mad at her.

I had a few close friends that couldn't attend my shower, so they ended up giving me a small separate one. It ended up working out great. I hope it works out for you too, although I understand why you feel hurt.

I don't think your friends are being rude at all. They ALL have legitimate prior engagements to attend, and they've decided to throw you their own private, personal shower. Who says that they "have" to attend the huge one being thrown for family? Yes, you're the guest of honor but that doesn't mean that you get to dictate your friends' lives. You're entitled to feel how you feel, so if you're hurt you're hurt... but frankly I think you're wasting your time feeling hurt.

Enjoy the shower your family is throwing and then enjoy the shower your friends throw you. You'll probably have more fun at the small, intimate shower than a huge, stressful, long, tedious shower anyway.