Arranged Marriage

To a certain point, you respect tradition. But this wedding is taking place in America(?) so I would try to talk to him about incorporating some American values into the ceremony. I would defer to the religious ceremony, but maybe he would be willing to make his new wife more comfortable at the reception. The new bride may be scared to death, try to befriend her and welcome her to this country.

I couldn't attend this type of wedding, I'm too American. I'm sorry, too me a 37 year old man marrying an 18 year old is SICK, a child molester, my opinion. To me, that's not being "submissive" that is being disrespected, and I couldn't attend something I don't agree with and call it's a celebration.

its hard to accept other's way of life.... and if you were a true friend, you would go celebrate this day with him and let this be HIS day. to him, its all very normal and obvioulsy happens in everyday life.... celebrate with him.. after all its his life, wife and decision.

I am from India, and had an arranged marriage myself. Not a totally blind one, but hubby and I met through parental network, and it was a family-to-family proposal. It clicked, and we OK'ed. The concept might sound very foreign and even disgusting to a lot of population in the Western hemisphere, but that is what we call cultural differences. And as an example myself, I can confidently say I have a beautiful marriage.

Wedding ceremonies and rites of different cultures all have some historic significance and cultural implications. If the bride and groom in question are excited about it, the details are trivial things. What is big, is how the marriage works. And in any culture, a marriage will either work, or fail. Now that, is entirely up to the two individuals in question.

Like someone mentioned below, the wedding will take place with or without you. If this friend is important to you, and if the idea of meeting your other friends and having a reunion interests you, then you should probably go, and try not to make too much out of the customs and rituals. Just participate for the fun of it, and think of it as an experience.

PS: To many of the ladies who've replied below - Wow, ever since I came to the US, I used to wonder at times how people perceive and accept Eastern world traditions and customs and lifestyle. Some of your opinions about having an open mind and accepting differences in cultures made me feel very happy and sort of welcomed all over again. Keep it up mamas!

This is normal for their culture. Think of it this way: In their culture, the women likely find it disgusting that Western women look their husbands in they eye during the ceremony, and sit during the meal.

And I can only imagine how disgusting they find women who have sex before marriage and live with a man outside of wedlock.

(For the record, I am not judging....I WAS one of those disgusting women.)

I think that you should consider it from the bride's perspective. She considers this to be an honorable marriage, and will behave as an honorable wife ought to. Don't show distain for another person's culture. So many things about relationships in our own culture are pretty
disgusting.

Honey, there is a great big world out there and believe it or not, it doesn't revolve around American society and hardly American values.

Do you have any idea how disgusting some American women and wives are viewed to the rest of the world? Do you have any idea how people from other countries and even some Americans themselves look down on what American wives and mothers value and look down on how they behave?

Not sure if its right to say you are making too much out of it...I just think you need to broaden your horizons a bit.

*Wow, lots of geo-centric people on here

It is easy to be open minded about other cultures until their mores come up against a deeply held one of your own. Your friend's bride is from a different world. She may well have grown up dreaming about the day she would stand behind her husband, eyes downcast, on her wedding day, just like American girls dream about dancing with their fathers or walking down the aisle. I know it is hard to set your perspective aside, particularly when you feel that this girl is being victimized. Focus on the fact that she will live in the US. She will have the unique opportunity to choose to follow all of the traditions of her home country, or some of them, or she can set many of those traditions aside and embrace a new culture here in the US. But those will be her choices to make, not yours. Get to know her, learn about her life and hopes and dreams. Give her your phone number so she has someone to call if she ever needs help. But don't assume that she is in fact a victim in this marriage.
After living in Kenya for a while, I had to ask myself a lot of hard questions about my personal cultural biases. Particularly when it comes to issues like FGM. It seems so black and white, but in some cultures the practice is as significant as male circumcision in the Jewish culture. I can't say that I would ever be able to condone the practice, but I had to realize that I didn't truly understand all sides of the issue.

There is no reason for you to be disgusted by this culture. I know many women who are much happier in their arranged marriages than the women who married for love. In fact I don't know any couples from arranged marriages who have divorced, while at least half of my friends who married for love are now divorced. Personally I would try to be a little more open minded, go to the wedding and have a good time.

Can you imagine what people from Bangladesh must think of an American wedding? Dancing, eating, drinking, cutting the cake, tossing a garter!!!

I think it would be awesome to go to a wedding for another culture.

I'd say that if you're disgusted - don't go. Just reply no and make up an excuse. But I think you are missing out on a chance to learning something new. If helps you to learn to tolerate - that would be a good thing. Not everyone does things the way you do. The only way to come to that realization is to put yourself out there with the hope of learning and accepting.

My best friend since Kindergarten is from India. Her family moved here when she was three, but they very much lived their culture here. I LOVED it! Being in their home was so different than mine and it was a privilege to be able to have those experiences. I didn't always understand their traditions (the ENTIRE extended family lived in one house for many many years), nor did I always like them, but you know what... they never asked me! The invited me to join them and it was always my decision whether or not I went.

Same situation here. He's not asking you for your opinion on their traditions, he's inviting you to share in his wedding day. We value different things based on our cultural upbringing. This is their culture. You can either join them to celebrate what they celebrate or don't, but don't go if you will be making negative comments throughout the evening.

I would go, but that's just me. Then again, I wore white on my wedding day... probably not the most accurate portrayal, but it's the tradition in my culture. Oh... and my father "gave me away"... that's pretty archaic, but it was important to him.

huh.
cultural differences must be respected yada yada, but i myself would have to draw the line at attending an event in which the main participant's role is to demonstrate her subservience.
i'd have to pass.
khairete
S.

Go and have a good time. As you are concerned for his young foreign bride, try to be a friend to her if she has some growing pains about living in america, being a wife and becoming a mother.

That would serve her well in the long run. The wedding will be taking place, and in this fashion, whether you attend or choose on principle not to.

Good luck to you and yours,
F. B.

I'd go . . . they'll probably still be married 50 years from now (compared to our culture here in the US).

Now if we were talking some really freaky tradition I might not go, but I see this as more cultural.

I would not have fun while the wife stood, eyes downcast, and not eating or having fun so I would not go. This feels so barbaric to me. I know it's a culture thing but it's a culture thing with which I strongly disagree. For me, attending would be like giving my approval to the way he's treating this woman. It would be like sitting at a table where someone made sexist and/or racist jokes and not saying anything.

Just because a marriage is arranged does not mean that it is without love. My husband's cousin was 45 years old when he agreed to an arranged marriage with a 20 something woman from his native country. His mother searched high and low for the perfect bride, and found her. She is a lovely woman who was an OB in their country, and has 2 lovely daughters with her husband. The husband is a very good man--compassionate, patient, etc. What matters is the 2 individuals entering into the marriage, not how the marriage came to be.

Is your friend a good guy, or a chauvanist? Will he be treating his wife with love and respect? That would determine whether I would go to support the marriage, not the actual ceremony itself. It is difficult for American women to envision that other women can be happy in a subservient role, but the truth is, it is possible, as long as the husband isn't a jerk.

ETA: My husband had a "friend" (I use the term loosely, because the guy wasn't much of a friend--more like a user) from his culture. The friend was very Americanized and ended up marrying an American woman, "for love." He is such a pig--uses prostitutes, etc. Nope, we didn't go to THAT wedding. I couldn't go and show my support for that sham. Poor woman.

OK I will answer without reading any answer. I wouldn't go either, I think if you went to their country and tried to have an American wedding they would be offended and not attend (or worse).
I also cannot wrap my mind around Eastern cultures. My husband has a coworker who also chose his bride from a catalog, completely nuts IMO. but hey what do I know, I just couldn't just stand there at the wedding and pretend to be happy for her; it just goes against my morals so I'm with you on this one.

**eta: WOW can't believe most of the people are tolerant about these kind of things but oh well, I must be getting old.***

The wedding isn't about you. If you can't enjoy yourself because of their culture, then don't go, especially if he's not a close friend, but that's their tradition. My Saudi Arabian friend is in a very happy arranged marriage with loads of happy kids (this after she played the field in Paris and dated an American soldier!), I've been to an arranged wedding in India that was a blast (except for the food poisoning I got from the water pastries...). Now if they were going to abduct this girl against her will, or he didn't want to marry her. Yeah, not cool. But otherwise, people love their customs and they probably think the bridezillas we have here bossing everyone around are silly. I think it's odd when very young couples marry because they need to be virgins in America too for religious reasons. But hey, none of my business.

In your SWH you say you hope you will be able to make friends with the bride. Then go be a gracious guest and make friends with her! They're getting married no matter what!

***Also, she's not standing eyes downcast in shame while people treat her badly at her wedding. She's standing there as part of the custom. The same way the guards at Buckingham Palace don't make eye contact. The same way Victorian ladies had to submit socially in formal settings in many ways. It's a cultural ceremony.

They are both adults and can do what they want. You can either go or don't go. However, with your attitude, it probably would be better if you didn't go. And you haven't been invited so it's a little early to be stressed about it and judging them. Good luck.

Is your friend a good man? Is he a misogynistic pig? The culture may "work" one way, but relationships within that culture are a whole nother matter. And a marriage ceremony that is hundreds of years old, perhaps thousands in tradtion, does NOT equal the marriage that these people will have.

If you respect him, then be a friend and go. Become HER friend.

And just because the culture is one of female deference to the male, remember the scene from Big Fat Greek Wedding: "The man is the head (of the family), but the woman is the neck. And she can turn the head any way she wants.”

It would be "disgusting" if it were against her will; it's just vastly different from our culture.

Re. the age difference. My mother was 22 and my father was 42. So it's not like it doesn't happen here.

Guess you should look at it as how would it have made you feel if one of your friends refused to go to your wedding because you were disrespectful and sat the whole time.

To their culture we are rude, we don't know our place, yet they accept us, they are tolerant, are you?

No way in hell I'd go to this wedding! If I did, then they would see this as me condoning this type of behavior. I don't care if it's someone's culture - this is the 21st century AND AMERICA and women have GOT to be treated better than this in this country!

Now if this wedding was in their own country, then it wouldn't even be up for discussion!! But I would still think the same way - women are NOT second-class citizens and hopefully some day they'll be treated better and with respect!!

Good luck!!

This is, per their culture, "ceremonial" formality and behavior, PER the culture and the event it is.

Then, per regular everyday life... there are other, aspects of their culture which impacts behavior. Their "ethos."
BUT... your friend has been in the USA and in college here. And has been around other women and different cultures/lives. AND he is 37, and has had YEARS of unsuccessful dating. So um, why?

But, do not automatically assume, that their "everyday" life will be the same as their ceremonial, duties. Per the wedding.

But even if they do live, this way, ie: the woman being subservient... well isn't that their business?
Its not like that in the USA. But they are a part of another culture, which we as Americans, may deem not acceptable. Or as you say, "disgusting."

The bride, is 18. She doesn't know anything other than her own culture. Being here will be a big shock and culture clash, and a huge difference.
But, if your friend is very traditional... and sticks to the ethos and mores of his culture, then they way they both live, will reflect that.
Even if he lives in an American society, here.

Lots of women, stay at home with the kids while the Husband is out working. Even here in the USA.
But, the "male" mentality and expectations... upon his Wife.. will vary and/or reflect their cultural mores and ethos, and how they themselves were raised.
This occurs in any, couple.

You can opt, not to go to the wedding.
Or, you can talk to your friend about his feelings on it.
But you cannot, change a culture's ceremonial heritage or customs.

And hopefully, no matter what culture or society a Man is from... hopefully, he is not a jerk nor chauvanistic and is nice... to his Wife.
Right?

But this is their culture and life.

A long time ago, even the high society in America, arranged suitors, for their daughters, or sons.
In many countries/cultures, they did this.
Even long ago in Hawaii, many of the immigrants to America, had arranged marriages. It was not disgusting.

Please don't judge what others are not forcing you to participate in...you are simply a spectator. Going to the wedding does not mean you condone these rituals. This is their culture. This is what they respect...there are worse rituals out in the world that they could be participating in. He couldn't find a women in America willing to live by his cultural norms. He had to go back to his homeland.

Now, that being said, if they were sacrificing animals or doing genital mutilation there on the dance floor then I'd say run the other way and don't look back..except maybe call the police first.

I know...18 vs. 37 is big. But..she is an adult. I am glad he didn't choose a 16 year old or younger :)

I personally would go to the wedding. It would be interesting to see this cultural display. Go enjoy seeing friends from college.

Remember..this 18 year old girl was raised this way. This is her norm. Their culture finds many of our modern,progressive ways disgusting and immoral. She will come to the U.S. and live a better life...she is getting so much more offered to her than the downside of having to stand during a meal and not look at her husband in his eyes.

Go to the wedding..tell us how it goes..this intrigues me.

What irritates me about this scenario is the double standard it allows (he is 37 and I'm sure has had multiple sexual partners), the fact that she is deemed obedient to his gaze and even his family (my idea of "obedient" to my husband is to let him lead the family, not that I can't sit down at the table), the fact that she is half his age and I'm sure not as educated as he is (not only from schooling but in the ways of life, esp in another country).

ALSO** to those of you saying "it is their culture!!" Well FGM - female genital mutilation, is tradition in other cultures but I don't support that what so ever. So do you support FGM? Don't be a hypocrite now...

Are you female?

You may be able to speak with her at the wedding and befriend her.

I lived in a culture very similar to this for 6 years (the Middle East). I fully understand how hard it can be to understand.

I understand the "no eye contact". There will be strage men at the wedding. If she's bold enough to look at strange men in the eye, what else is she bold enough to do with them? Also, this is what she's been taught since she was born, this is all she knows. This is "normal" for her. This "behavior" is a way of showing respect and love for her new husband and his family that is now her family.

It's also all very symbolic, like our ceremonies. Seriously, how many women should really be wearing "white" at their weddings? Even our traditional vows have that line about "honoring and obeying". Why do you think it's there?

I'm not so sure where the "standing and no eating" comes from. Possibly from the idea she is supposed to be serving her husband his meal, being that the wedding is usually paid for by her family. It shows she is humble and willing to step down from being hostess and become a servant for the man she loves.

If I were invited I would go and keep my opinion to myself, it's a opportunity to learn. Talk to people, be open minded and polite, they may help you understand what these symbolic things stand for.

My sister and brother-in-law had a Catholic wedding. i'm not Catholic, not even Christian, and I disagree heartily with many of St. Paul's ideas regarding the nature of marriage and the proper relationship model for husbands and wives. But I was at my sister's wedding. Why? Because I love my sister and it was an important event in her life.
Same goes for my niece and nephew's baptisms and first communions.

huh.
cultural differences must be respected yada yada, but i myself would have to draw the line at attending an event in which the main participant's role is to demonstrate her subservience.
i'd have to pass.
khairete
S.

If you feel this way and might ruin this couple's wedding by saying something to anyone, stay away. Its their wedding and their culture.

Right after WWII, many GI's married Japanese brides because that was the Japanese culture and many of those couples had wonderful marriages until busybodies tried to interfere and "educate" the wives on how they should behave.

BTW, arranged marriages were common 200 years ago. A lot of those marriages found couples in love with one another because they worked together to accomplish the same goals. Read a book about mail order brides. A lot of those couples ended up loving one another and divorces were a lot less common then than now.

You should MYOB and stay away if you can't support them and their cultural traditions.

Good luck to them in their new marriage.

I have friends from Bangladesh. They have two kids a boy and girl. They moved here several years ago. They are devout muslims. She wears a scarf to cover her hair and the traditional clothing. They have 2 kids. A boy and a girl. The girl is 11 and does not yet wear the scarf over her hair.

The wife is a software engineer and works full time. The husband owns a Subway franchise. His hours are more flexible than hers. I often see him at his daughter's soccer games and school events. Many times he has dropped his daughter off at our house for play dates. The mother does attend her kids events sometimes, when she is not working.

They seem very happy and family oriented

I recall a letter written by a young lady from India (I think) that was read to my sociology class. It was her perspective on our culture. She felt so sorry for the ugly girls. The girls who would never be picked for marriage. The ones who would be lonely and sad and would not be able to have a family. She was very happy that her culture values were much deeper than our superficial ones. They care about their daughters' future and looked out that they would have a mate and family (in-laws) that would get along with her family.

Just remember the Western way is not the only way. Some of her understanding of our culture is off, just as I'm sure some of the general stereotypes are off about your friend's culture.

I know plenty of Indian women who party (have a good time) and came from an arranged marriage.

Odds are their marriage will out last many of your other college buddies. (well actually most of my college friends are still married if they waited until after the age of 25).

Well, it certainly does seem foreign to us, since we grew up in a culture where women are somewhat equal to men. However, if the bride and groom are both excited to be married, who are we to judge? There are plenty of Americans who elope to Vegas when they barely know each other, and some of them end up very happy together. It wasn't too long ago that our culture started marrying for love, actually. For most of human history, marriages have been arranged, and have been about land, money, and political power - and yet, women (and men) have managed to feel fulfilled, and many have found love within their arranged marriages. And yes, there were those marriages that were unhappy - but hey, there are plenty of those where the couple knew each other well before marrying, too!

I think you should go to the wedding. If you're able to make friends with the bride, you should do so. It would be interesting to learn more about her culture and get to know her, and it would be good for her to meet an American woman, too. Maybe she could learn more about our culture and how we do things here.

I doubt that this woman is being forced into it. It is her choice. This is her culture. This is her marriage. This is your friend's choice, and his culture, and his marriage.

Even though I see things a little differently than they do, if it was my friend's wedding I would go.

If you don't feel comfortable with it then simply don't go. I agree with you that this kind of thing is outdated and woman should have more power and equality in all cultures, but we don't get to decide that.

From my understanding after one year married she can divorce and possibly still stay in the USA, so if she decides she is not happy she can change things while possibility still being allowed to stay in the US.

I had a friend whose marriage was arranged through his church. I find the idea weird but it was what both he and the bride wanted. I try not to judge, but just because you don't want to judge does not mean you also have to support it by being there. Do what is best for you.

Living overseas I have met many woman who married for reasons other then love. I have met woman who married to get out of their own country and get to the US for hopes of a better life, for a way out of poverty, even as a way out of prostitution. I met a woman, who at the age of 16, was sold by her family to an American man looking for a wife. She holds no ill will towards her family, they needed the money to save their land, and she has had a good life, and as repayment they left her the land in their will. Not knowing about the life this woman is leaving behind to come here it is hard to say what her reasons are for saying yes to this marriage, or even if she had a say, but it really could be the start of something great for her, who knows.

ouch. this is a hard question.

I get it's their culture and that America is a melting pot. But really? I would kinda be uncomfortable to go to a marriage where the W. must be subservient like that. I can't understand a W. WANTING to be subservient. That I got to sit down and enjoy myself instead of standing the whole time.

If he was a closer friend, I would suggest that you talk to him and tell him how uncomfortable it is that IN AMERICA things like this still happen. No, it's not against the law. But it is America, NOT India. Maybe STRONGLY suggest that they incorporate American customs in their marriage?

Bottom line? If you aren't comfortable - don't go. If you can look past the culture difference and have fun - go for it. You need to decide what is best for you.

Would I go? Most likely, yes. I would tell my friend my feelings on it - but that's who I am. it would great to see old friends....only you know what you are willing to go through...

Good luck!

While I understand your concern, I would remind myself: Not my life, Not my business.

IF this person was truly my FRIEND I would respect his culture and his rights to his own beliefs and traditions and I would go with gift in hand and smile on my face!

IF you feel you can not do that, then by all means stay home.

I'd go :). His parents love him, they chose a bride for him through the dictates of their culture. Some countries look at our very free approach to sex as gross. The age would be a little weird here, but she was raised probably to marry, keep a home and raise children so it makes sense she is happy. Now I so get your feelings of having her stand the whole celebration, that is ridiculous to me! But as your friend has shown you it doesn't mean they won't have a great life together. Marriage is mostly about the two people involved being happy about heir life together. Plenty if our marriage ceremonies where the bride is the star of the show end in fights about who gets what and who sees th kids when:(. So I vote go and celebrate with your friend.

I can see why you're torn but I think I'd focus on whether or not your friend is going to be nice to her... It could be a great thing for this bride if he's going to be a good husband. If he's kind of a jerk but you've been friends for years bc he's funny or something, then it might be harder to stomach. Hopefully he's nice and this will work out well!

that is an entire other topic on the way women are treated in other countries and cultures. ITS DISGUSTING and I don't agree with it at all. But he has a right to make his own choices be they morally wrong and degrading, they are his choices. just like you have the right to decide to go or not.If it bothers you that much I would just as soon not go,if I were you.

We are the melting pot of cultures, traditions and religions. They are both honoring their heritage. It doesn't mean you're support subserviance, you're supporting them as a couple. They have different fundamental beliefs, but they're not harming you or anyone else.

If it were me, I would go to support my friend and meet his new wife.

The actual wedding ceremony may not portend what will happen in their marriage here in America per se ... perhaps they will follow the culture's traditions for the ceremony, but live and interact w/ one another more like a modern day American marriage. Who knows. But I would go. It would be great to see old friends again, wouldn't it?

At any rate, they will make their way in their lives together. It will either work, or it won't. Just like any other marriage :)

I am married to an Indian man who never wanted an arranged marriage. His sister had an arranged marriage and was abused for eighteen years. When she finally had the courage to divorce, she and her family received death threats. I know many Indians who do it and many who defend it, saying their marriages are more stable than American marriages. Well, the reason they are more 'stable' is because there is so much social pressure, or worse, keeping even the unhappiest couples together. I am sure a bunch of people will call you culturally insensitive, but I am entirely on your side. I find the whole tradition distasteful. I wouldn't want to attend this wedding, because my righteous indignation would be souring my mood. I assume your friend is not a virgin, and that double standard alone is enough to turn me away. However, I have often thought that the more 'modern' trend in Indian arranged marriages is actually quite sensible, where you make a list of potential matches with or without your parents' help/ approval and meet each other. Like Internet dating, but safer.

You never know.
They might be perfectly happy.
You have a chance to take a look at another culture.
It's not any better or any worse - it's just different from what you are use to.
There are happy Indian marriages and there are unhappy Indian marriages - just like every other culture around the world.
One thing all weddings have in common - everyone has hopes of a bright wonderful future.
What happens after that is anyone's guess.

I worked with someone who went home to India (for 3 months) to marry when his parents told him it was time.
He trusted his mother to pick a perfect girl for him.
There's a section of the papers which are 'Matrimonials' - ads which are for parents to search and find potential spouses for their adult unmarried kids.
There is an interview process - the parents do the interviewing.
And the kids have a right to refuse if either of them feel it's not a good match.
He married a girl who was 2 years younger than he was and they only emailed each other a few times - and they married 2 days after meeting in person for the first time.
They are perfectly happy!
And ALL their parents were very angry when the happy couple decided to put off starting a family for a few years.
In some cultures a marriage is not considered a success until they begin having children.
Regardless - they are happy and living their life as they see best.

it's not really all that uncommon for other cultures to have an arranged marriage. My co worker is sikh religion and she was telling me one day when I asked her how she met her husband that it was arranged. She was 17 years old and her husband is 10 years older than she is. She said that she heard from a friend that this guy needed a wife. So, she said that she would be his wife. They have 2 boys, 1 in high school and 1 in college and from what she says, her husband treats her like a queen. She never said anything negative about him.
When I was a kid we had next door neighbors who were from India. They had an arranged marriage. My mom became good friends with her and asked her one day "so how was it having an arranged marriage?" She told my mom "well, we have 3 kids, so yeah, I guess you can say we worked out well".
I don't think it's for everyone, and I would not like that for myself or my kids, but for some, it can work really well.

It's up to you if you want to go to the wedding or not. I think your friend would be happy if you go. I don't know if I would. I would be sad to see the bride just standing there the whole time. Hopefully they work out and they treat eachother with love and respect.

Here's a question - if he was marrying someone that you more comfortable with (closer in age, someone of his own choosing, someone less subservient), would you go to the wedding? Or, would you still consider him not close enough to go?

If you'd go for a different wife, then you should go. I agree that it certainly sounds like a strange situation if you're not used to it, but this is their culture. The bride may be perfectly happy acting as she is supposed to, even if it seems wrong to you.

You have to be happy and supportive if you decide to go. You can't go to the actual wedding with a negative attitude toward the bride or the situation.

It sounds to me like you aren't that close with him anymore. I think you should just skip it.

I had a similar issue. My sister (now deceased) had a son (now 27) who is dating Anglo women. I am against mixed race marriages and wondered what I would do when he marries.

I decided that I will go and support him.

I am gay. Who am I to judge?

Since your friend has opted for an arranged marriage after failed dating, I would guess that he doesn't plan to have the traditional arranged marriage. He may have a traditional ceremony or he may incorporate some American culture into things.

I wouldn't be thrilled with the age difference either, he's twice her age. With her being just 18, she doesn't know what the world is about and he's a college educated, full blown adult. But, at least she is an adult. Be a friend to both of them.

Tough call and there have been some interesting and persuasive comments on both sides of the issue. I think I would go simply to see all of my college friends. As long as your opinion won't be obvious to the families. I've been to a variety of culturally and religiously different weddings and weddings where I didn't like or approve of one of the partners, but they've been worthwhile to attend for one reason or the other. The age difference actually bothers me more than anything else and it would bother me if they were both USA-born Americans or whatever. I know it happens here too, but simply because I have an almost-17-year-old son 18 seems like a kid to me. I am actually going to a wedding next week where both bride and groom are 23. Even that sounds very young to me and I am concerned about some things I've heard. But the bride's mother is a dear friend and the bride used to babysit for my younger son. I sincerely want to be there despite my opinion re their age and be supportive and help them celebrate.

If you don't want to go, simply decline on the invitation. You don't need to go into all the whys and wherefores and comments on his cultural traditions. People skip weddings all the time. I skipped my uncle's wedding, because I hate his wife. I just checked the "no" box on the RSVP and left it at that. You may need to tell your college friends you'll catch up another time. I think you should just let them go and if they want it to also be a reunion, that is up to them.

As for their culture, you don't have to agree. Some people don't like "honor and obey" which is in a lot of "American" weddings. If they're happy about it, then let them be.

I have several cousins and friends that married men older than they were and they have been very happy. I think that if a couple are the same age they are sort of mismatched. There is usually one that wants to go out all the time or hang with his friends.

So being married to an older guy definitely has it's advantages. As for the arranged marriage part.

I am friends with a woman who was married like this. She divorced her husband and he got everything. He has full custody BUT he hardly ever sees his kids. The girls actually live with my friend. She had to pay her ex child support each month too. She doesn't even call him though because if he says no she is not even allowed to see the kids.

She learned a lot about how to make a difference in her own life.