"Anything Moms Can Do, Dads Can Do - Equally" Blog Post Response?

Thanks for posting this because I was thinking the same thing. This part was interesting: whenever I post anything about taking care of my kids on my own without any help from my wife (i.e. giving her time to herself),

Now as a mom I can't imagine telling people that I took care of my kids on my own without any help from my hubby. When we went on walks, ran errands, or just hung around without my hubby it's just what we did. No reason to add a notation that he wasn't there. Just like when he took a kid or two on errands with him there's no reason to add that he did it all on his own.

I think involved fathers should be the norm not the exception. Adam hits it right on the head that society and moms shouldn't look at him as odd for being involved in the day to day lives of his children however the tone of his blog posting comes across as "LOOK AT ME" while he's typing that we shouldn't be looking at him for being a good involved father.

I disagree with the assumtion that men can parent equally as women.

Please let's understand that while parenting, norturing, and caring comes naturally to most women... it takes a very special male to learn and develop.

As a father of three teenagers I've finally come to terms with the fact that I can only be dad, not mom. My kids tend to go to mom for hugs, kisses and comforting. They tend to come to me when it comes to sports, life situations, etc.

Fathers must do whatever it takes to fulfill their roles as fathers and be present in the life of their children; even when divorced or separated. In very rare instances will another male do the job of the natural one. Keep in mind that the quality of the job with your children will be graded differently by different folks; let your sound judgement and concience dictate how to best work with your kid(s).

Folks do your best to keep in mind that there's a reason for fathers as there is for mothes. We compliment each other, as do our children. In very rare cases can we fulfll the role of the opposite parent.

I also found the tone rather hostile, the author doesn't just want to be a good father, he wants to be acknowledged by all as a good father. Furthermore, he seems to feel that he must push others down (momzillas) in order to raise his own status as a parent. He seeks attention and accolades because without them how would he “know” that he is better than others? He even seeks arguments because then he can use his writing skills to prove his superiority. I also find it interesting that he takes such offence at being called a secondary caregiver; the term was never intended to be offensive; he may as well be offended that he is called a father rather than a mother.

I love what Diane D. wrote about the comment the author made that he would spend time with his children all by himself and give his wife a break; what mother ever says that she is taking the kids anywhere 'all by herself" to give her husband a break? To make a statement like that reinforces the idea that when a father is caring for his children it is to "help" the mother, but when a mother is caring for her children she is only doing her job. This is simply wrong.

When my husband was a stay at home, you would have thought he was made of roses. People made SUCH a big deal around it, "Oh, how good of you," "That's so brave," etc., etc. Many of my male friends (who are stay at homes) get a similar response, though none of my female friends do.

The men I know, are treated like martyr-heros when they are active parents, where as women are treated quite differently.

I understand men receive early socialization and pressure to maintain a "masculine" role, and that *involved* fatherhood is dismissed and dissuaded by society. Absent/negative fatherhood is often excused or seen as normal.

I'm sure the writer has experienced discrimination, and I don't mean to invalidate that. But, I think his perspective lacks an understanding of greater social trends, like how the sexism and misogyny responsible for the discrimination he has received, has been affecting women for centuries.

I think he was attempting sass but it came off dickish. Stating that parenting young children is "pretty easy," is... how shall I say? Ignorant? Often, it is not easy and does diminish what women traditionally have been doing for years. I agree with him on so many other points - mothers criticism of dads, gender bias in magazines, dads do matter, etc. But sprinkled in there is an air of superiority. Parenting doesn't come naturally to all. "Doing what dads should be doing..." Interesting commentary - sounds like he's shaming fathers, while scolding mothers. The fact is, he presents his argument in a way that sounds like, 'everyone should be doing what I do.'

And frankly, I think we all need a pat on the head for parenting. I would like to read a dad with more sass, less snark.

I kinda agree with him. And the part about "feminist, momzilla or insecure ninny" is *bang* on, because those are the women who are critical of hands-on dads. He's not calling ALL moms those things, just the ones that ACT like it :)

It's just like the moms that are all passive-aggressive about natural childbirth or breastfeeding for years and put other moms down for having sections or formula feeding - not ALL mothers have those attitudes, but the ones that DO taint their arguements with spite.

I don't know, until my hubby can breastfeeding, he just can't parent equally to a newborn.

I think men and women have different talents, and as a postfeminist, I believe strongly in respecting our differences.

My hubby is brilliant with a colicky baby. I suck at it and just want to go to sleep.

I read it. I agree with him that men can parent equally to women...I just wish they would. It's very rare in my experience including my household.

I thought it was an excellent post and absolutely agreed with him about the attitude of many many women about men as equal partners in parenting. No problem at all with the tone of the post.

As for the posters below who don't believe in all that 'feminist nonsense' and believe that it is natural for women to nurture and only a special man can do that. Women aren't interested in the hunter gatherer business. Wow. Really? DH and I are equal partners - the only thing that I did that he couldn't was actually give birth and to be honest - that was just not a big deal. The actual parenting is a big deal. My son is as likely to toss a ball around with me as DH and just as likely to go to DH when he needs a band aid and a hug.

If the actual giving birth is the big deal - are we willing to say adoptive moms are not really moms? I for one am not.

I actually saw nothing wrong with his post. Maybe because I'm married to one of those men, who parents equally with me. Heck, my daughter even prefers HIM to change her diapers!

The tone didn't surprise or bother me - to me, it's clearly a "rebuttal" piece to negative feedback that perhaps he or other dad bloggers have received. He's defending his stance, and it sounds like it's one that still needs defending. Good for him!

I agree, it is rare to see a dad as involved as the writer of the blog is.
I understand completely where he is coming from, though. As a parent were excited when our kids have their firsts, disappointed when they are stubborn, worried when thier sick, etc. We want to reach out to others for been there done that advice-or even to brag.
I'm new to this site and read ALOT of negative responses. I see this a lot at the playground after school too. Some of the parents will stand in circles and talk in a negative manner about other parents. I could apply the same tone to those people.

Perhaps I understand a little better because were a blended family. I get ALOT of comments like "you guys have you're hands full", "I wouldnt have taken that on", and so on. idont expect a reward for "taking on" his kids-thank goodness the powers that be had enough sense to give us custody of all four kids. I may want to pull my hair out sometimes, but I find that pretty normal.
My other half can work a 12 hour day and still recognize by the look on my face that he needs to take the kids to the park-and he will. Were a family.

I personally think he is full of himself.

Since when is parenting small children easy!? Parenting in general is quite a task.

This whole "hands-on dad" concept is rather new. He needs to step off his high horse and just live his life.

But I don't buy into feminism and all that non-sense. I just accept the different gender roles. It's not just a stereotype. Women are biologically wired for birthing babies, nursing them, and nurturing their needs. Men on the other hand think more about financial needs and the hunter/gatherer mindset. Different civilizations have done it the opposite way, though, with the exception of birthing and nursing, of course.

Bottom line: A man doesn't have to change diapers to be a "good dad". That's just yet another stereotypical reaction that does damage to our society.

If it works for him, great. And true, women shouldn't be bashing him. I don't understand that at all. But in a sense he is looking for recognition in an area that is expected of him these days. I wonder if he does the same thing to his wife.

Oh, and if his post is really about "equality", why does he state that men can parent better than women? Again, he sounds full of himself.

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I wanted to add that my SIL just had her first child 2 months ago. Since then she has done nothing but complain. Her boyfriend works all the time. She hasn't had a job since before she was pregnant. She is only 22. She's upset that he isn't home to "help" her with the baby. But at the same time she says she can't "trust" him to take care of his own baby!!

At the end of the day, being a parent is an individual experience. No one is "better" than anyone else, in a normal (non-abusive) situation.
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I wrote my response from a socialistic point of view. It seems the relevency was lost on all of you.

The point is that men and women traditionally fill different roles in our society. As someone else pointed out, neither parent can fill ALL roles. So we must all just do what we're good at and leave it at that.

Hello, I give you credit for speaking up and saying something. I think I had the same impression: agreed with the message, but I wish it was written in a more positive light. Not sure the target audience would get the point as I suspect anyone that was threatened by a very capable father may not be open to the message if offended. Maybe that was the objective.